<p>Hi guys, I'm going to a four year college which means that I'm going to be living in a dorm. I am a private person and I like to keep my things to myself. Now I'm going to live with three strangers which is daunting task for me. I have heard a multitude of horror stories from other friends about living in dorms (roommates who always come home drunk, roommates stealing stuff, roommates playing excruciatingly loud music) and I'm extremely nervous. Can anyone deliver advice of how one can live with three strangers? </p>
<p>In the event that you do have a disrespectful roommate who you cannot trust, you need patience and maturity. You must be willing to let small grievances go to maintain your sanity. You need to develop good judgment skills and the ability to distance yourself from your emotions when dealing with “situations”. </p>
<p>This past year, I had a tough living situation. It was stressful. It was miserable at time. And pretty darn frustrating. But, you must keep your head on and muster through what’s given to you if you decide not to switch rooms. </p>
<p>@Niquii77 </p>
<p>Thank you for your advice, but I am not exactly the thoughtful type. Sometimes, I let my emotions rule my head and get very angry when something very small goes wrong. It is a fault I am trying to fix but I am nervous that it will grow worse when opened to three strangers. I am sorry to hear about your situation, but I don’t know if I would be able to have your tolerance if something really frustrating happened.</p>
<p>In addition to ^^, as soon as you guys move in, plan a meeting for just the 3 of you, where you discuss your background, pet peeves, and set some attainable ground rules where you all can abide with.
It snot going to be a breezy first term, but coping skills will be helpful and as time goes on you will be fine.
Statistically, these usually turn out to be your best friends in school, even if you change rooms in subsequent years.
In all, patience will come in very handy here.
Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Hey, I’m like that, too! I’m a thinker. I think, think, and think or events that just happened until it makes me sick. What I’ve found that is best is to either step aside and remove yourself from the situation until you calmed down or write down your feelings about what happened. Like really…write everything down just exactly how it makes you feel. (Don’t show it to anybody.) It will make you feel better and going through the events will allow you to see the situation for what it is worth. </p>
<p>It’s all in the past now. I wouldn’t have imagined a year ago that i had the tolerance for such a situation either, but I’ve learned effective communication is key. Be direct. Say what you want. Say how you think it can be fixed. When you don’t say these things, assumptions are made on information that hasn’t been provided. </p>
<p>I wish you the best this year. <em>raises glass</em> To a year of enjoyable roommates!</p>
<p>Wow, so you were put in a quad, huh? That is kind of the raw end of the deal. I’m an incoming freshman too, so I’ve been mulling over the whole dorming thing as well. </p>
<p>For a quad you’ll be sharing a room (and maybe a common room and bathroom) with your roommates. To regain some semblance of your own space, you might want to loft your bed and put your desk somewhat underneath it, and place your dresser nearby, essentially creating your own bunker in the middle of the dorm. Some guy on CC mentioned this strategy as a joke, but for a quad it kind of makes sense, haha. You should also consider contacting your roommates ahead of time as well, not only to get to know them but to also agree on some ground rules for the place. Set guest policies and boundaries AHEAD of time so that conflicts don’t needlessly arise. </p>
<p>Best of luck! Hopefully our first year of dorm life will go super smoothly 
</p>
<p>@ccco2018 </p>
<p>Thank you! I have been thinking about doing this but I’m afraid if those people will find it weird or too serious. I’m not really good with people to tell you the truth and I am afraid if I mess things up it will mess with my school life. The four year I’m going to is going to be challenging (and expensive!) and I don’t want any serious problems that could effect my school work.</p>
<p>@Niquii77 </p>
<p>Thanks again for your response. I think I will take up writing my feelings. I’m not sure that I can take up your second advice though. When I say what I think I usually alienate the people around me because they usually don’t like what I say. I lost a couple of friends because I did so. But feelings, writing down & deleting it. Yes, this is what I will do. Cheers to you for a better and new year! (:</p>
<p>@Coriander23 </p>
<p>A small bunker sounds awesome! I hope I get one of those beds! My bro (went to the same four year) had bunk beds so I do believe that I have a possibility of getting one too. And yeah, quad sucks but I’ll be getting a kitchen so that is not so bad. As long as no one steals my stuff or bothers me, I will be happy. I have an iPad and I would be very upset if someone fiddled with it without my permission. Then again, compromises is a good thing too. I am definitely going to talk it out with my soon-to-be roommates. Best of luck, to the both of us! </p>
<p>OP… fear is not an option anymore.
You are going to meet with some that are go-getter, spoiled to the core, lazy, too serious etc. Some will stumble upon you to get there, and others with the “by all means necessary” attitude…etc.
So you have to own your own, stand on your convictions with humility and respect, and you will be fine.
So, speak you mind, respect all, but trust few. Be nice, but do not let anyone take advantage of you.
Best of luck.</p>
<p>@ccco2018 </p>
<p>Wise words, I will keep these in mind. I am still very nervous but I will hopefully pull through. Life is all about taking risks and these are small. I have the tendency to be honest to a fault and I hope that living with people will mellow that part of me. </p>
<p>Things to keep in mind:</p>
<p>“Start as you mean to go on”. So if Roommate 1 wants to party all night, stop it the first time. Don’t leave and hope they will stop. “Dude, its 1:00am. You need to take this party somewhere else. I have an 8;00 class.” But if it is 3:00pm on a Saturday and they are having friends over, then go study in the library. Be reasonable but don’t put up with ridiculous behavior.</p>
<p>Or if they want loud music “Could you put on your headphones?”
For your stuff, lock it up. if they say anything, indicate it isn’t them but other people who might walk by.</p>
<p>The idea about going over ground rules is good…sometimes RAs have you do that in the beginning of school.</p>
<p>If you are having further problems, talk to your RA and say “I am having a problem with my suitemate and I was wondering if you had advice. They keep having people over until 2:00am playing video games. I have asked them to keep it down after midnight, but they aren’t. What else could I do?”</p>
<p>You might want to start in with a counselor at the school right off the bat so you’ll can share your feelings about this experience and discuss before anything blooms out of control. Once you feel secure and stable in the dorm, you can stop seeing the counselor. I bet some will not approve of this tack, but you might want to check it out. </p>
<p>Just found out that my three roommates are friends. Maybe it’s just paranoia or whatever, but I feel a bit intimidated by this fact. It’s not bad that they are friends but I don’t know what kind of people they are. I’m a transfer student and these three people are continuing students so they know the ins and outs of this school much better than I do. It’s a new school, a new living arrangement, and I’m going to be living with strangers who are good friends with one another. God, it sounds like the premise for some terrible television comedy series. </p>
<p>@bopper
Thanks for your input. You put up some good points. It’s difficult to make boundaries because I usually like to avoid trouble wherever I can, especially when it involves a long term relationship with people. </p>
<p>@dyiu13
This is a pretty good idea. However, I think my problems are pretty small in the scheme of things. My brother says that I’m just having pre-college nerves and it would be a waste of time to talk to a counselor. </p>
<p>I think it is a good thing that they are friends–it will mean more harmony and less adjusting if everyone is new. And it is great for you if they know all the ins and outs so you have a resource in them.</p>
<p>I found that other people’s messes always bother a person more than their own mess.</p>
<p>There is a difference between “avoiding trouble” and “setting boundaries.” If you set reasonable boundaries you will usually get more respect than if you just agree to stuff you don’t like.</p>