<p>I agree eastcoast, but the OP said the son then sabotaged a visit because he didn’t want to deal with the GF. He is 16 (or maybe 17?) so not entirely rational. I agree that the parents should just say no, but the stakes are too high to simply let the son avoid all the unofficial visits. For some 16yos, even in the fall of junior year, college seems really far away. </p>
<p>As a parent, I would talk to the HS coach and ask him to talk to the son. If that is not possible, perhaps a kid that went through the process a few years ago. Let them tell him this is a bad idea. </p>
<p>If all else fails, perhaps pick one trip the GF could go on (a school he doesn’t really want to play for) and say she can go on that one only. The trip would also give the parents (who may be with the GF while the son is with the team) the opportunity to point out that no other GFs are around. </p>
<p>I would also sit down with son and make sure he really wants to play in college. Maybe he is not really not sure he wants to play. </p>
<p>“Coach said ‘no’” always served my son well when he was that age and was concerned about maintaining his macho, jock image with his friends. I think because it sounded a lot more manly than “Mom won’t let me.” </p>
<p>So if the son sabotages his trips, that is HIS problem. He can attend the local community college, and work full time. He is trying to blackmail his parents into believing that the girlfriend MUST come on recruiting visits.</p>
<p>This is an easy situation. Tell him she is welcome on all the visits if she is his fiancee.</p>
<p>If that scares the crap out of him,hopefully he’ll cave.</p>
<p>If not, you need to convince him that he <em>will</em> get laid again if he dumps this manipulative beech. And maybe his next girlfriend will treat him as an equal partner in their relationship.</p>
<p>This is not a recruiting issue. The OP’s son has a serious relationship problem bordering on abuse. I think people would see that right away if the genders were reversed.</p>
<p>I am with oldfort over what is the big hoopla is all about. Most of this comes down to who is the parent and who is the child. When it comes to your child, if you are taking your son on the visit, he travels in your car. You get to decide who rides in your car; she cannot ride with you. IF she insists on driving herself, she pays for her own hotel (you put your son in an adjoining room with you or if you really feel, that you cannot handle your son, then you stay in the room with him and have your wife in the adjoining room). </p>
<p>If you are looking for him to be a recruit to help defray the cost of college, let him know in no uncertain terms that if he blow his opportunity for funding college, he will send himself, working paying his own way while not living in your home.</p>
<p>I don’t like the threats. They might drive the son to consider it a matter of principle, when it doesn’t appear to be a disciplinary issue at all. The girlfriend does not belong on the preliminary college visits. That’s all. She probably isn’t invited to travel on the team bus to away games, either. If she wants to make her own arrangements to travel to these campuses, and attend the games, she is free to do so, but she isn’t invited to accompany the boy and his family for recruitment activities. If she can’t understand that her presence could harm her boyfriend (coaches probably look askance on “encumbrances”), and the boyfriend chooses to pass on visits without her, there isn’t anything parents can do. Revoking all privileges would encourage him to see his girlfriend as more supportive than his parents, and could backfire in disastrous ways.</p>
<p>I’m also in the lay down the law camp. I respect the sensitivity of these relationships between young people but there comes a point in which you just have to tell it like it is.
Do you want to play football in college?
Do you want a college education?
Do you want no student loans or minimal student loans?
To lose opportunities because of botched visits is not acceptable. It really sounds like a very direct conversation needs to be had.
If this girl creates this kind of stress and anxiety she needs to go.
If your son would benefit from counseling help him find someone. It is not a punishment to receive counseling, it doesn’t demonstrate weakness. Why is it people can relate to physical injuries or illness but don’t understand emotional or mental health issues?</p>
<p>"I don’t like the threats. " But the BF is caving into the GF’s threats. Heck, this time is as good as any to have the Alamo moment. I’d pull in all sets of parents, and both spoiled brats and have it out. Cut the tail off once, not in multiple nubbins.</p>
<p>What you perceive as a threat, I see a fact (and teachable moment): if you (son) screw up the visits, you don’t earn a college scholarship to that college. Your choice.</p>
<p>An unofficial visit by an athletic recruit is one of the best tools an athletic recruit can use to show interest in a program. I am not convinced at this stage that the OP son is commented to playing college football. If he is not committed to this process it may be wise to delay going on an unofficial visits until the spring. At that point the happy couple may have broken up. In addition summer football camps are a good recruitment opportunity as well.</p>
<p>NCAA rules comment about who should receive the complementary tickets. The following is from the D1 NCAA manual:</p>
<p>“During an unofficial visit, the institution may not pay any expenses or provide any entertainment except a maximum of three complimentary admissions (issued only through a pass list) to a home athletics event at any facility within a 30-mile radius of a member institution’s main campus in which the institution’s intercollegiate team practices or competes. Such complimentary admissions are for the exclusive use of the prospective student-athlete and those persons accompanying the prospective student-athlete on the visit and must be issued on an individual-game basis. Such admissions may provide seating only in the general seating area of the facility used for conducting the event. Providing seating during the conduct of the event (including intermission) for the prospective student-athlete or the prospective student-athlete’s parents (or legal guardians) or spouse in the facility’s press box, special seating box(es) or bench area is specifically prohibited.”</p>
<p>The tickets should go to the parents in this situation. If the GF wants to go to the game then her parents should go with her and they have to buy their own tickets (I don’t recommend this).</p>
<p>Would he take his GF on a job interview? This is how he should be looking at this recruiting trip; he is an applicant, and they will be an employer where his compensation will be in the form of scholarship money. Also remind your son that the school is not at a loss for candidates as there will be others vying for the same position who will not be dragging along demanding girlfriends.</p>
<p>I’mm only on page 2, but have you considered talking directly to the GF and/or her parents yourself? Saying that your sorry, but although you appreciate that they have included him in the past, she simply cannot come on these trips: it is not the norm, there are strict NCAA rules involved, and S’s first priority on these trips is to be recruited?</p>
<p>Missed the editing deadline, but I’m with the just say no crowd. And I think you should say it to the GF and your S together, matter-of-factly, pleasantly, and firmly. (Of course, who knows what she might say to her parents, but you can cross that bridge when you come it.)</p>
<p>Since it has been universally decided that this is a bad idea, and since OP has not been around since 10/31, it’s time to move on. Closing thread. </p>
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