This has always been something that I’ve struggled with. I know that for the college application process, teacher recommendations play a big role (at least in prestigious universities). However, I have a hard time creating bonds and forming relationships with my teachers. I feel weird and inferior talking to them in class, and feel even more so when I talk to them outside of school. I’m really bad at talking to adults in general, and I have NEVER acted like “myself” around teachers. How can I create better bonds with teachers and adults within my school?
The thing is, the best bonds with teachers come naturally and aren’t forced. The best way to develop close ties with adults in general from my experience is to shake off any insecurities and realize they are people too. Demonstrate respect for their higher title, but it’s more than okay to joke with them, talk about their subject, and just relax in general. If you continue to get hung up on the idea that they’re hopelessly above you and out of your reach, you’d struggle to establish a personal connection with them.
It’s partially natural human connection and partially some faking done. I have some behavioral/attitude issues that only come out in times of extreme emotion (anger, sheer happiness, frustration, etc.) but I cover that up in school until I get home. I’m on my best behavior in class, and ask for help if I need it. I’ll also visit a teacher occasionally if I sense they take a liking to me, just to strengthen the bond. But yeah, some people can’t help but hate you or feel neutral to you: I’ve had a lot of teachers love me, be it from being in the class a long time or just being a good and/or attentive student, but I’ve also had a good amount of teachers just not react to me or just hate me, and no matter what I do, they just won’t change. So rules of thumb for forming basic/better connections with teachers:
Basic (so they don’t have a death wish)
- Pay attention in class and work hard.
- Try and improve from where you currently are, if that’s possible.
- Be respectful of class rules (punctuality, late policies, etc.)
- Respect everyone in the classroom (peers, student teachers, visitors, etc.). You don’t have to like them. Just respect them.
Stronger (good relationships, almost friendly outside of class)
- Find out ways to show that you care about the class (fake it a little if you must) outside of class time. This means visits during “tutorial” like schedules, bringing cards at the end of the year, and asking inquisitive and insightful questions.
- Start caring more (if it’s possible) about your performance in the class/subject. But DON’T BE OVERBEARING ABOUT IT.
- Bring them cards and/or gifts before holiday/summer break.
- TRY to engage in friendly conversation. Some teachers don’t like this. You have to read them before you can.
All in all, good relationships form from the foundations set by the first list, and everything in the second comes naturally once you’re able to form basic relationships. Again, don’t be overbearing with favoritism, be moderate. Hopefully this helps.
The teachers will like you if they see you as outgoing. Raise your hand when possible and stay after-school for help when needed. It is VERY important yo get at least 2 or 3 teachers that you bond with for recommendation letters!