Freaking out & breaking down- do I even want this?

Applying to College
1

I am a junior who’s been aiming for admission to an elite university.

Necessary stats:

95 GPA on my transcript from freshman and sophomore year; currently have a 94 for this year according to my midyear report card

1 AP sophomore year (3/5 on exam), 2 this year; One College Now course this year

1430/1600 SAT- taking again in April (school offers it for free) and probably October; SAT Subject Tests (U.S. & Lit) in June

Extracurriculars: Literary magazine, bowling team, musical theater (this is pending because it’s a messy student-run club), book club, volunteer work at senior center

So far I have 38 hours of community service out of the 60 I need for promotion and Honor Society requirements. If I keep working at the senior center until the end of the spring, I’ll have 100+.

Awards: freshman year- Presidential Award of Honor (for 90+ GPA); sophomore year- Presidential Award of Honor, Earth Science award; junior year- History Fair (2nd place in documentary category)

Pending: debate team (haven’t been since last year, but planning to go back this month), Students Speak, 4 AP classes next year, National Honor Society, facilitating a writing class at the senior center, National Youth Leadership Forum in Digital Media, Film & Journalism this summer

The problem with all of this is, just like the way it looks, it’s extremely messy. I have yet to do anything astoundingly amazing like most of the students I see posting their stats here, and I don’t know what dizzying achievement I could accomplish in the time I have left. I have serious doubts about my chances at my top choices (Columbia,Yale, and possibly UPenn).

More importantly, I’ve realized that this isn’t just about getting into a top institution- if I’m admitted, I’ll actually go there and be surrounded by wealthy prep school graduates with off-the-charts GPAs and cures for cancer. I’m a lower-middle class African-American girl from Queens. I’ve been living in a single-parent household for the past two years. I have a little brother with autism. And you see my accomplishments- “good”, maybe, but not extraordinary. I’m concerned that my lifestyle has not prepared me for the climate or the workload at an Ivy League school.

I recently read an article about seven students who killed themselves at Columbia this year, and everyone in the comments was talking about how hostile and competitive it is there. I don’t know how I’ll thrive in an environment like that when I can barely keep it together now. Especially this year, I have procrastination and organization problems, I’m late for my 7 AM class almost every day, I have crying jags, panic attacks, I’m sick and miss school about once a month, etc. Many of those around me say it’s because I’m stressing myself out so much, but if I stop stressing out, I won’t stay on track and my chances of going to an Ivy League will drop from slim to zero.

I know I should retake the SAT, but after everything I went through in the fall to get the score I got, I really, really don’t want to. I feel the same way about finding even more things to do with my time. I could, feasibly, do better- I’m just concerned that I’m going to lose my mind before I’ve even gotten to senior year.

So, what do you all think? (Thanks for reading this impossibly long and complicated story, by the way.)

2

Why are you so stuck on Ivy League? Why don’t you start visiting some local schools and see where is a good fit. And what do you want to go into? Ivy probably isn’t going to happen so you need to get that out of your head. You can still try - but you are being unrealistic.

3

“Why don’t you start visiting some local schools”

[-( [-( [-(

No. No. No no. I am not risking being anywhere near anyone from my middle/high school. You would have to know my entire life story from sixth grade on to fully understand why I do not want to stay here. ESPECIALLY if I am living at home. There is not enough no in the world.

Honest question: why do you think the Ivy League is an unrealistic goal? Is it because of my stats/situation/seeming lack of aptitude, or because the Ivy League is an unrealistic goal for 99% of students? (I know I portrayed myself to be kind of a mess, but I am sitting here at noon on a Tuesday home sick for the third time in three months, sooo it’s pretty accurate.)

4

First, take a deep breath. The reason for visiting colleges in your area is to get a better idea what type of college you like. That’s where I’d start. Find out what you want in a school. Urban or suburban? Large or small? Specific gen ed requirements or a more open curriculum?

The next thing to consider is finances. How much can your parents pay per year without borrowing? Will your noncustodial parent fill out the CSS profile if schools require it for financial aid? There’s a list of schools that offer guaranteed merit pinned to the top of the financial aid forum. Look into them and try to find a couple of financial safeties. Then you can broaden your search to add matches and reaches. Good luck.

5

Yes.

You’re going to need safeties and matches anyway, because getting into very selective schools is neither assured nor even likely. They don’t have to be literally in your hometown, but you might have to compromise on occasionally breathing the same air as someone you once met in high school. Don’t limit yourself so strictly before you figure out your options.

6

Irrespective of your odds of acceptance, you may want to consider which quartile of the entering class you would feel most comfortable in statistically. This site offers excellent, current data for this purpose:

http://www.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/college-profiles-new-sat/

7

The Ivies and Ivy-equivalents are not an unrealistic goal for you, but the unfortunate reality is that they have a limited number of spots and many more qualified people are rejected than accepted every year. That’s why they are called reaches: you can’t count on getting in - pretty much no one can. So you will need matches and safeties, just like everyone else.

However, I promise you that if you do get in, you CAN handle the workload. Not every student there is a rich genius who already has cured cancer. I know plenty of kids at such schools - they are smart and hard working, but they are just kids.

If you are concerned about needing extra support at college, have you considered applying to the elite liberal arts colleges, places like Amherst, Williams, Wellesley, Pomona, Middlebury etc? Those schools provide Ivy level education and plenty of prestige and terrific financial aid, but in a much smaller and more supportive environment. Be aware that a few of them are as hard to get into as an Ivy, but not all. It would broaden your pool of potential places to go to, and maybe be a better atmosphere for you.

8

@missacademy2018

if you don’t want to stay local you can look at other instate options. SUNY Buffalo for example.

you are wise for recognizing the potential pitfalls of attending an elite university. it’s not an automatic golden ticket. many students accepted from a similar background to yours succeed tremendously at an elite school, but sadly there are many who struggle mightily to adjust to such an unfamiliar atmosphere. which category do you fall into? none of us can say. can you get accepted? perhaps, but it’s a longshot really for anyone.

but since it is such a longshot for any student, you need to spend a LOT of time researching and identifying other affordable options, instate and OOS.

however, if you have procrastination and organization problems now, going to an Ivy is not going to go well unless you get that under control.

9

If you’re really stressed out and this is making you ill then seriously find some help - honestly, you’ll be amazed at how much brighter everything seems when your view isn’t clouded by constant stress and pressure and the illness that comes with it. It’s much better to try and sort yourself out before you leave home to go off to college, which could very easily make things more stressful.

As someone else said, look into LACs.

10

OK, I’ll try to calm down a bit.

“Urban or suburban?” I’ve lived in both kinds of areas. I’ve gotten accustomed to being in “the center of the action” over the past five years. I’m cool with a smaller city, but not the middle of nowhere. (FWIW, I’ve already visited a few college campuses- York, Columbia and Rutgers- and I’m going to URochester in two weeks, so I’m not pulling these judgments out of the air.)

“Large or small?” Mid-size- somewhere where I can have a close group of friends, but there’s enough people to choose from so that one problematic person won’t ruin my entire social life (hello, high school).

“Specific gen ed requirements or a more open curriculum?” I’d like to avoid being obligated to sit in a lecture hall with 100 other people, if I can. Not entirely sure about this one yet.

“The next thing to consider is finances” Can I have a clear idea of how much I will actually pay out of pocket before I’ve gotten any financial aid offers? Is there some way to find out?

“Will your noncustodial parent fill out the CSS profile” No. She’s deceased. I didn’t make that clear.

“You’re going to need safeties and matches anyway” All of the schools on my list are reaches (Ivies, BU) or matches (Howard, Rutgers, Syracuse). Could you recommend some good safeties for me with my location and stats?

I’m not opposed to occasionally running into someone I know from middle/high school, and I know that will probably happen, but if that’s the case I’d like to attend a college large enough so that they aren’t a fixture in my life because I know their presence will trigger bad memories and put me in a mindset that will hinder me making friends in college.

11

Take a look at the top colleges and universities that report a higher number of students on Pell grants. I do believe that can mitigate the social spending and attitudes of a college because everyone will have a friend who is sticking to tight budgets.
http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-liberal-arts-colleges/economic-diversity-among-top-ranked-schools
There is a tab to toggle over to universities.

You can google for a list of all colleges and their Pell recipients.

Take a good look at Smith College.

12

You need to talk to your parents about how much they can pay for school. Lower Middle Class from Queens doesn’t really tell us anything. To get a clear idea of how much you might pay at different schools google each school’s Net Price Calculator and run that with your parent’s info. A safety must be affordable. I would imagine the CUNYs would be for you

13

First of all, don’t stress about getting into the National Honor Society. People make a big deal about it at some high schools, but college admissions committees don’t care. Just do the community service you want to do and keep your grades up.

Don’t focus on the Ivies. There are a ton of other good schools that would be lucky to have you and where you won’t sit in a massive lecture hall with 100 kids.

Definitely look at Smith and Mount Holyoke. Yes, they’re women’s colleges, but they’re not convents. They are very cooperative, supportive environments where you will find mentors. Ditto for some of the other women’s colleges.

Figure out what you want, not what you think you should want. If you don’t want to go to school near the kids you grew up with, I get it. I was the same way. So look for good safety schools (a true safety is a school where someone with your stats is highly likely to be admitted, and one that you can afford to attend) in areas far from your home. You’ll have to budget for travel if the school is very far away, so find out what your parents can afford before you get your heart set on any particular school.

14

I think you first need to ask your parents how much they can spend on your education. It is quite possible you cannot afford the schools you wish to get into. Cost is the greatest barrier to entry. Most kids have the grades to get into a school they want. It is the cost that keeps them out.

Your grades/SAT/EC are only average for the Ivy’s. They will not be lavishing you with Merit aid.

No point in applying to Ivy if all you can afford is CUNY.

Based on your budget will help you narrow your choice down. Also remember that you will receive the most merit money from schools lower down the prestige ladder. Your 4.0 GPA will stick out when the average student has a 3.0. Those schools will give you a top scholarship. You want to be a big fish in a small pond to get the best money.

15

OP, sweetie. There are more than 3,000 universities and colleges in this country. HUNDREDS of them are truly excellent. Do you not see how irrational it is to focus on just 8 schools? How provincial that is? You’ve got to get yourself out of this silly, typically northeastern bubble. When you do, you will be a lot happier, I promise you.

16

“The next thing to consider is finances” Can I have a clear idea of how much I will actually pay out of pocket before I’ve gotten any financial aid offers? Is there some way to find out?"

Go to one of the schools you are interested in - say, Syracuse - and search for the Net Price Calculator. There, you will enter your father’s financial information. (I assume you live with your father.) When all of the requested data is entered, you will get what is called your EFC or Expected Family Contribution. That is how much (roughly, assuming finances are straight-forward, your father doesn’t own his own business, etc.) you will be expected to pay out of pocket at that particular school. Do the same thing at all of the schools you are interested in. Some (schools that “meet full need” like Princeton, for example) will be much more generous than others.

17

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Try not to stress. You have good grades and an excellent test score.

Go to college websites as Suzy100 suggested and run the Net Price Calculator. That will give you an idea what that college will cost.

Also run the FAFSA4caster. If you’re low income, you may qualify for a federal Pell grant of up to ~$5k/year. You can use that anywhere. You can also qualify for a NYS Tuition Assistance (TAP) grant (also ~$5k/year), but that has to be used in NYS. If you fill out the FAFSA when you apply to college you can take the federal student loan (~$5500/year).

I’d check through the list of schools with guaranteed merit to see which offer full tuition scholarships. @mom2collegekids, would this student’s profile (1430 SAT and 95 GPA) qualify for merit at Bama?

18

@missacademy2018

if I’m admitted, I’ll actually go there and be surrounded by wealthy prep school graduates

  • Not true. The most elite universities actually do the best job of creating a diverse class and environment, as they have the resources to do so.

I’m concerned that my lifestyle has not prepared me for the climate or the workload at an Ivy League school.

  • this really has more to do with your school and your course rigor than it does with your 'lifestyle'. You do have good grades and a solid SAT, but colleges will also look at the types of classes you have taken to help the determine whether you can be successful in their school. A 94 GPA from 5 different high schools, can mean 5 different things to admissions directors.

I recently read an article about seven students who killed themselves at Columbia this year, and everyone in the comments was talking about how hostile and competitive it is there. I don’t know how I’ll thrive in an environment like that

-important observation - and the answer for you is not to go to the highest ranked college you can get into, but to go to the college that is the best’fit’, where you can thrive and be happy

19

Not true. Ivies only offer need-based aid, not merit. The elite schools are very good targets for low-income families due to their policy of meeting full need. Of course, one has to get in. But if you do, the financial aid can make it affordable. As others have said, run the EFC calculators to find out.

20

You’re getting a lot of good advice. Some additional schools to look into:

Vassar has a reputation for being cooperative rather than competitive, although you may find the setting a little too middle of nowhere.

American, GW and Georgetown are all good schools in DC, so you might like the setting. I don’t know if any of them are the right atmosphere.

Tufts and Brandeis are excellent schools in the Boston suburbs. Again, check on atmosphere.

There are lots of excellent schools with student bodies that are more cooperative than competitive and that have kids from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds.

I skimmed some of the responses, so forgive me if I’m repeating something already said, but the Fiske Guide is an excellent resource for learning about the character and environment of a school, for getting a sense of fit.

On the running into people you know problem, I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling my son, who is at a tiny Westchester high school and is tired of the same 135 people he’s been in school with since kindergarten and is saying he wants a big school. I went to Wesleyan at a time when there were about 600 people in a class, so not the tiniest of LAC’s, but not even close to being a big school. There were 3 of us from my high school class who went to Wesleyan. One lived in a dorm not too far from mine freshman year, so I think I ran into her maybe 3 times freshman year and maybe once or twice after that. I don’t know if I ever ran into the other person. There was a person in my class who was famous. I knew what he looked like from the news, so I would definitely have noticed if I had even seen him on campus. I think I saw him on the street once. Even a small school is bigger than you think, lots of buildings spread out over a whole campus makes a difference. Obviously if someone you know happens to be in your major or involved in the same activities, you might see them more, but college isn’t high school all over again. Of course, if you and 47 other people from your class all go to Queens College, that might be different. But knowing 2 or 3 out of a 1500 or 2000 students or more really won’t feel like high school following you around.

They won’t let you in if you can’t do the work. You’ll have earned your spot as much as anyone else and will have done it without the cushions and resources of some of the wealthy kids. You can absolutely do this.