<p>Ok, I'm a Freshman here at UW, and to say the least, I'm miserable. Academically I love this place and I've done outstanding so far. However, outside of class I just feel completely and utterly 100% alone. Everyone hangs out with their high school friends and it seems like the only way to make friends is to go to parties and get drunk. </p>
<p>Being OOS, so far, has pretty much made it impossible to make "good" friends. The kids in my hall all like me and hang out with me (and me with them) but it's nothing more than the fact that I'm part of the party crew. Nobody here just likes to hang out and relax, talk about interesting things, etc. </p>
<p>Basically, I'm thinking of transferring. I feel like a loser to give up this early, but I just feel so completely alienated that I don't really know what to do but go home to ASU where at least I'll have friends and family and a way to just cut loose after a long day. </p>
<p>I don't mean this to be a knock on UW, which is everything academically that I had hoped it would be. Socially, however, I am essentially adrift, and the actual town of Madison isn't very helpful either. Rather depressing place when compared to the town in Arizona I come from (bums are famous around here and it's ok to have prostitutes solicit sex at 4:30 in the afternoon in taco bell from a 70 year old man?)</p>
<p>I'd love to stay here, but I feel like I'm the only person in the universe who I can talk to. Who would I tell these things to here? I can think of nobody who would care to listen. Hopefully somebody has some wisdom they can impart on me, but I have to say, that acceptance of my transfer to ASU looks more appealing every day.</p>
<p>Have you tried joining any clubs, etc? Not to press religion on you, but maybe if you joined some Christian organizations, did community service, etc., you would find kids who are interested in more than just partying, people more like yourself. I kindof question your reasoning in transferring to ASU though. I know a ton of people who go there, and they say it's a huge party school. And it doesn't quite have the academic rep of Wisconsin, so you may only be digging yourself into a deeper hole. That's just my opinion though. Hope I helped, and best of luck!</p>
<p>I'm sorry, I don;t really have an advice for you. but I do have one question.
I'm am currently a senior at High school, and considering appying to Wisconsin. I'm from North Carolina. So the question is--Is the social scene really bad at Wisconsin? Do you have to be at the party all the times and get drunk to make friends at Wisconsin?</p>
<p>Many people meet at the Union or one of the many coffeeshops just off campus. Get cuted up and wait. Somebody will talk to you. Go to some art openings and free concerts.</p>
<p>NO to the party scene. Plenty of regular people who don't get noticed because they aren't partying. Consider all the other facets of campus- it is big enough to accomodate many varieties of lifestyles.</p>
<p>Based on my eons ago experience you make your best friends in your field of interest- such as your major. Do not worry if religion isn't your thing, either. Consider spending some of your free time exploring on campus events (last I heard Taco Bell is off campus, no need to hang out off campus). During the daytime consider walking to other dorm areas of campus, eat at the other dining places, walk the paths out to Picnic Point, the Union ... Attend various activities offered through the Union. Nothing wrong with being an intellectual even if the people in your dorm do not seem to be. There's music, theater, politics, environment, sports (get some excercise)... Check out books for pleasure from a library. Go out on a limb and talk to people in your classes, not every encounter will yield further interaction but there will be others waiting for someone to talk with also. Try to get together to study/do problem sets/discuss required reading with classmates. Remember, they also chose the course you did and may not know how to "break the ice". Also consider that not everyone in your dorm area will have friends- keep your eyes open and ask to join them at the table for meals (except breakfast, most people are in a hurry then!). It takes a bit of courage to do this, but- you have nothing to lose, this isn't the captive HS audience, those with groups will either welcome you in or forget you as they do their own thing. </p>
<p>PM me if you want another mother to unload to. It is hard to leave all the familiar friends and places behind. You can find your niche, but it takes more than one month, so be patient. Enjoy your classes, that is the main reason you came, the other will fall into place, however gradually.</p>
<p>Addenda- curious about where you live, what your (proposed) major is, but regardless of the answers the above advice is valid so keep any details, share any. I do not recommend going off campus given your previous experience, try exploring the campus to become part of it first. You may find the people more like you in the opposite dorm situation-southeast/lakeshore so change your routines.</p>
<p>OMG, fndrplayer8, I feel so terrible after reading your post... I thought you were having a blast in Madison.</p>
<p>OK. I am pretty sure that you are not alone in this. It usually takes one a while to find his/her own inner circle of friends. I was a clear introvert (as indicated by Myers-Briggs) but still managed to find mime (albeit over a decade ago) through various student orgs. </p>
<p>Pick a few that interests you and check them out by going to an event or two in the next couple of weeks. Chances are you will meet someone who just "like you" and is eager to be found. I am going on a limb here ... if this still doesn't work out by the end of the semester, PM me and I will go help you move back to ASU. :)</p>
<p>fndrplayer...Was in your same shoes many years ago. Chose a school far away from home and was a 99% commuter campus (stupid idea, I know). I wanted to jump ship very early on, but what I did do was to go out and extend myself. Took a fun craft class at the student union, got involved with a couple of kids in a lower division theatre class (required group work= meeting people), grabbed a couple of people from the dorm and went to a football game or two. After moving home (for a year off) I turned right around and went back...this time went through "rush"...wow, instant friends...and I didn't have to do the hard partying if I didn't want to. </p>
<p>You will make connections with people in your major, but I'm guessing you are busy getting lower division requirements done. You do have to put yourself out there...extend a hand and introduce yourself...I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be fascinated to learn why you chose to come all the way to Wisconsin for school. Compliment others around you..."I really liked the point you made to the professor about XYZ" flattery opens doors. Again, attend lectures, college theatre productions, senior recitals, volleyball matches, football games, religious group gatherings like Newman Center, comedy shows...anything that your school has planned. Volunteer in the student life office. Ask a group from the dorms if you can tag along when they hit the next campus concert. Keep your chin up, and try to stick it out through the first semester. I know it's hard but you will be glad that you did.</p>
<p>My daughter is currently a freshman at UW too. Out of state, far from home, not interested in the partying/drinking scene and for the first two weeks, she said many of the things you said, except she loves State street and all it has to offer. Loves the campus and her classes.</p>
<p>The above suggestions are very good ones. But my 2 cents is...I would suggest you give it a full year instead of one semester. I don't think a semester is a long enough time for this kind of decision.
I'm guessing from your post you have already applied for and have been accepted at ASU? </p>
<p>I'll tell you what I told my daughter...I applaud you for taking the risk of leaving your home, friends, family and venturing out. Going out of your comfort zone and attending a school where you know no one. What an amazing step! You should be proud!</p>
<p>I know it has only been about 4 weeks, but I have already seen my daughter mature and grow in ways that I believe, had she been with all her friends, would not have happened as quickly. She is making friends and has a good core group now. </p>
<p>And also, what is to say ASU won't be the same?</p>
<p>I can see where you would get that idea but my boyfriend goes to UW Madison and does not drink or party. There are people out there just like him you could meet. Do you have a facebook? You could try making a group on facebook for all the UW Madison students who don't drink? Or just add some people and find ones who don't drink? Maybe ask some classmates what they did over the weekend and find ones who didn't say they got wasted?</p>
<p>Just reread your post. You are doing fine- you are spending time with the people in your dorm, this will be superficial this soon into the college experience, it takes time to sort out which interests people have in common. Those hanging out with HS friends haven't yet discarded their security blanket like you had to (returning home you would discover old friends will have changed, you can't go back to the way things were). Patience is required. It is hard to start over with a blank slate, but you are succeeding. Everyone is in the same boat you are- that is why some cling to their past in the first few weeks. A big plus, and the reason to not transfer, is the success you are having in your classes- you would be very disappointed in ASU and regret giving up UW. Rethink things in the middle of next spring, you will have had time to adjust and become a part of things as well as been home to contrast your choice with old friends'.</p>
<p>Over the years there have been several street people who became well know. Snowball, Art the Window Washer, and Scanner Dan are some I knew about. Most big college towns have something like that.</p>
<p>"The documentary next examines the social context that led to the construction of State Street as we know it today. In the 1960s and early 1970s, Vietnam War protests and the suburbanization on Madison's east and west sides both worked to corrode State Street and the downtown. In the wake of departing anchor stores and firebombs, a new plan for the street would forever change the character and life of Madison. That plan was to make State Street a street without cars, a pivotal decision that has allowed State Street to thrive. The focus of the narrative becomes the contemporary activity engendered through this anything-but-ordinary pedestrian urban experiment. Through vignettes exploring State Street's unique shops, street musicians, cafes, and parades, the street is brought to life. Through interviews with State Street's numerous colorful characters, ranging from the former mayor Paul Soglin to the ever-present Scanner Dan, the documentary chronicles the day and night life of a lively, theatrical urban space that fosters a palpable sense of community."
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<p>Then there's "Tunnel Bob," famous for the time he has spend underground in the utility tunnels. The University hired him a while back to change light bulbs underground. He has control issues and ran into some problems last year with the University because of his behavior.</p>
<p>I spent lots of time in grad school, but until I arrived in Madison in 2004, I had forgotten how many truly strange people hang around colleges. Although living in the DC area for 30 years should have prepared me for being around large numbers of odd people, and that didn't even include the politicians.</p>
<p>But there are a few places... 3 I can think of off hand... that help the homeless and other people in need either right on campus or very close to campus. So I'm not surprised when I see them hanging out.</p>
<p>fndrplayer, I'm reading this board because my younger son has applied to University of WI, Madison, but I have an older son at Indiana University who felt the same way about IU his first semester. By spring he didn't want to come home for summer (although he did). He had the same complaint - he'd go to a party and find people passed out on the floor and girls slurring their words because they were so drunk, which is a total turnoff for him.</p>
<p>The problem is, you're going to find this at any school. What you have to do is keep searching for a group of people that are more like you - and in a school that size - they ARE THERE. He joined a couple of clubs and a board and approached people in his classes to see if they wanted to study. He also left his dorm room open when he got home, which the others on his floor started doing, too, as a way to signal he was open for visits. If nobody came in his room, he'd go down the hallway and chat with others on his floor. Regardless of how shy a person is, I would recommend these things as a way to meet new people. He really expanded his network so he had several groups of kids he could hang out with on the weekends. </p>
<p>First semester is hard for most students because it's a huge adjustment. You've lost your room, your bed, your family unit, your friends, your school, your teachers, etc. All at once you've been taken out of your comfort zone in every arena. Please understand that everyone goes through this period and know that you'll get out of it, too. Just give it time and jump into activities and push yourself to ask kids if they want to get together to study, etc., and you'll be FINE.</p>
<p>eons ago as well, I found my close friends on a ski trip right after winter break. I had never skiied, signed up with people I didn't know and went up to the UP of Michigan. Why not try an activity that you've never done?
Did you rush? that's where a friend's daughter found a group this year.
My d is a sophmore at a totally different college and she went through a lot last year trying to find friends and all the people drink, etc. It took her until this fall to really feel at home.</p>
<p>I am a freshman at the UW who came here from CT this year. I didn't know anyone here, and at first I felt left out because it seemed like almost everyone else had a few good friends here. But the more I hung out with people on my floor and their friends, the better I felt. </p>
<p>You have to reach out and be aggressive socially because otherwise, you'll be left behind. I do like to party and I've met some friends that way also, but clubs and organizations can serve that purpose as well. </p>
<p>Right now, I'm having a great time and have met many great people. Some of them I have met completely randomly- I just started talking to a girl next to me in economics class and now I play on her flag football team!</p>