D is a freshman at Mudd. She has had a difficult time finding friends. Has been feeling lonely and isolated. I am looking for suggestions and resources to help her. She participates in some clubs, and enjoys them immensely but has not had any luck forming friendships there. She is not shy, but is not interested in partying or drinking. She is also concerned about room-mate choices for next year. How does it work if you don’t have a room-mate preference at Mudd? She would very much like to avoid the “party dorms.” Any help would be much appreciated.
Many colleges have set up specific activities for students who do not want to drink. I suggest she join such a group and make friends with like minded individuals.
My S tells me that there is a waiting list for those without roommates, and that quads are usually easy to get into.
@Gopink , what dorm is your DD in? I read that two of the dorms, West is one, can’t remember the other, are really heavy into partying and drinking. There are other dorms that each have their own personality and are not known for that level of partying. I wonder if your DD is in West?
I also read that the kids have the same freshman schedules so they are encouraged to work together. Does your DD have a group of students to do homework with? They joke that misery loves company and the faculty tells them that they really need to do it together because it’s to much for any one person to complete on their own.
Does your DD have a job on campus? Does she volunteer? They have some very good groups that do things like “online homework help” for high school students, for example, and a lot of the non-party kids seem to make friends through these groups. There are a lot of clubs, some just for HMC students and then there is a wide range of clubs open to all 5 colleges students. She should try some of those and see if she can find like-minded kids. For example, does she like Drama? Would she want to be a tour guide? Does she like outdoor activities? Would she want to write for the student newspaper? Student gov? Sports? They have club fair the first Friday of each semester, I wonder if she went and signed up for some things. If not, it’s not too late for her to reach out and join some things to make new friends. I hope she can find a group or two that interest her and get her through the next 3 years.
Good luck to her!
The dorm room selection process at Mudd is based on a random draw procedure, but becomes complicated with various rules about how students with low numbers can select dorms, rooms, and room- and suite-mates (who have higher numbers). The process is student-run, so DD should talk to some dorm officers to learn about the process.
Your DD may want to consult with the office of health and wellness and/or some of the students working with the Dean of Students. They are very concerned about the well-being of all the students.
Best wishes.
Linde is probably not the dorm for her next year (not sure where she is now). My kid is a non-drinker at Mudd who didn’t care for her frosh roommate (who left for academic reasons after her first year). My D made major friend group changes every year at Mudd (if that is any consolation). So students always don’t lock into one group, and your D definitely can still make friends.
My kid has been on campus researching every summer, and met different people that way. Also, lot of a Mudder’s time is spent studying. I know my kid spent a lot of time in common areas with other frosh, all wrestling with the same homework.
HI all - Thanks for your feedback. @fidoprincess - she is not in any of the party dorms, so that has not been an issue. She does participate in 3 clubs, and has tried to do homework with others (or so she tells me) . She says she struggles with converting relationships thru the clubs and homework to friendships… @Miles Perrrara - we have been telling her to reach out to the Office of Health and Wellness. She hasn’t so far, but hopefully she will soon…@intparent - it is definitely a consolation to hear that your D has cycled thru friendships over her time at Mudd. I was hopeful that when she went back after Winter Break, she would have an easier time due to changes in classes and meeting a different set of kids, but things haven’t improved yet. I can only keep hoping…Any other insights into the dorm draw or avenues to meet people and feel supported at Mudd would be helpful. I can keep passing the suggestions along to her.
Living in a suite was helpful for my D, but not sure how easy that is to accomplish in room draw (or maybe she lives in one now?)
Hi. My son is waiting to hear if he’s gotten in but I also worry about him finding friends. He is also not a partier and doesn’t reach out easily to make contacts. Plus I’ve heard that academically, the workload is impossible. Any comments on either?
My kid bonded through the workload, honestly. You can’t make it alone at Mudd – you have to go to the sponsored tutoring session, study with your dorm mates, ask your lab partners for help, etc. I think of it as a little like a team trying to get through an obstacle course. They help each other over the high walls. My kid was really good a mechanics in physics, and helped her classmates. They helped her learn to write a good lab report, and with her nemesis, differential equations. Often when I texted her freshman year, she was in the Common Room or some other student’s suite working on problem sets. She also hates the taste of alcohol and thinks that drunk people are obnoxious. She found friends. (I did tell her about this thread, and she reiterated that researching on campus the summer after freshman year is a great way to make additional friends).
I don’t know about OP’s daughter, but a lot of young people went to school with the same kids most of their lives. So, you have whatever friends you have, and then every year you might pick up more from the friends you had. Friendship opportunities are exponential. But zero times zero is still zero. 
It is so much harder. I’m worried for my son who started (a new) high school with about a 100 friends, his football teammates, and it grew from there. College, without football, won’t provide that.
Here are my initial thoughts, though, thinking back on my college years. I think making friends has to be a lot more intentional…like dating is. When your club meeting is coming to an end, you say, “Hey, we should go into town and grab some coffee one day.” Or, “Do you like to walk? Wanna walk with me some morning?” Or go sit with and strike up conversations with people that you see all the time, but haven’t had the opportunity to meet, and suggest meeting up again. I really think you just have to be more aggressive than in high school. And then, when you make a friend or two, that exponential thing can kick in.
Good luck to your daughter.
My kid also said at Mudd it is not that odd to sit at a table in the cafeteria with people you don’t know. I think because Mudd is really small, this isn’t as unusual as it seems. And my kid is pretty introverted --but she does it sometimes.