Homesick

<p>Experienced Elon parents, 4 weeks into Freshman year and DD is homesick and not happy. All was well until now. She loves her classes and the school but is having trouble making friends. To make things worse, her roommate already wants to trf. I suggested she actively seek out a club or two so she can meet people with common interests. After the "organization fair" she signed up for a couple, but never heard back. Any suggestions or active clubs you would recommend?</p>

<p>Sorry to hear this. Moving to college can be a hard transition for some. I am not an Elon parent but my daughter, hs senior, is seriously considering this school as her 1st choice. We have done a lot of research on Elon but I guess you never know if the fit is right until you actually get there. I remember reading about the Elon 101 class. Are there any students in this group that she has connected with? If you don’t mind me asking…what dorm is she in? I know that some dorms are more social than others. Is transferring rooms an option?</p>

<p>I have two in college, one is a junior and the other is a freshman. Every kid I know that has gone to college, gets a bit homesick after the first month when the newness wears off. As the semester goes on, the kids begin to feel more comfortable and acquaintances begin to become friends. Even though they have kids to hang out with now, it takes time and shared experiences to build friendships so there is still some uncertainty and awkwardness as kids began to branch out. It seems as if Elon is “on” six days per week and Sundays is the day everything is closed.</p>

<p>Sorry to hear this. From both my personal experiences and from working at a hs, it seems like roommate issues are the biggest challenge and one of the biggest factors for a good freshman year. The roommate who is considering transfering may completely change her mind in a few weeks, but I understand that her negative outlook impacts your D.</p>

<p>Would your D be interested in a religious club/ organization? I suggest that only because they seem very active and welcoming, and you don’t have to be particularly religious.</p>

<p>Has she spoken to her RA? Having an older friend take you under her wing can be so helpful.</p>

<p>What about geting involved in intermural sports or an exercise program at the gym - yoga, Pilates, etc. Physical activity might make her feel better, besides providing opportunities to meet people.</p>

<p>My best advice to you is not to panic. She may feel much better in a short time.</p>

<p>That is so hard! I’m not exactly an “experienced” Elon parent – my daughter is a freshman there now, but I have had many friends send children to college who absolutely hated it their first semester, and then found their stride second semester. When you first arrive at college you meet people on your floor or in your Elon 101 class, and that’s great at first. But after a while you start to find people you have more in common with, and those will end up being the long-term friends anyway. </p>

<p>The best thing is to find an activity that she really likes because then she’ll meet people with common interests. My daughter is loving her service clubs (Habitat and Boys and Girls club), and she’s trying out both Intervarsity and Young Life to see which she likes better. Intramural sports are great too. Her roommate is doing some communications type clubs like FrestTV – my D says she’s never around any more but that she loves them. All of those have been very welcoming. If there’s one she hasn’t heard back from, she should contact them and find out when meetings are. It’s possible she missed and email or they’re just slow to start up.</p>

<p>Having a roommate who is unhappy makes it much worse because it focuses attention on the negative. If she can find anyone to hang out with who is happy there, that will probably help a ton.</p>

<p>But really, don’t worry. I had a friend who was helping her daughter look for a transfer college and filling out applications over Christmas last year – then when her daughter went back second semester she found a niche and now absolutely loves it. </p>

<p>Hang in there – I know it’s probably harder for you than it is for her. :(</p>

<p>Thanks for the feedback. Rockvillemom: I pretty much suggested exactly what you said. Once she gets engaged in activities she should meet other kids with similar interests and friendships will develop. She’s a pretty social person and living in a social dorm so I’m hopeful this is a very temporary feeling. It’s really unfortunate that the roommate is unhappy and already wanting to leave.</p>

<p>Will you be visiting for family weekend? Encourage your daughter to look beyond the confines of her room and her unhappy roommate. There must be a lot of negativity there if she is already considering a transfer after just 4 weeks.</p>

<p>I’ve been amazed at the things my normally shy daughter has done in her first 4 weeks at Elon. Has your daughter joined any clubs? Encourage her to explore a bit and step out of her comfort zone. My daughter went hiking with the Sierra club on sunday and helped clean up a hiking trail. She had a great time in the outdoors on a beautiful day.</p>

<p>Does your daughter play any sports? Many club sports have started. Mine is playing tennis 4 days a week now. Intramural sports should also be starting up if she wants a less rigorous schedule.</p>

<p>Oh I feel your pain. My daughter is an Elon sophomore and had a tough time of it during first semester last year, mostly because of a roommate situation. She moved second semester and everything turned around. I don’t have much advice to offer that hasn’t already been mentioned. I think sometimes the kids just have to keep on trying different things until something clicks. It’s very hard on the Mom though!! Good luck to you and your daughter. Let us know how it goes.</p>

<p>Another suggestion (I have a S at Elon)… would your daughter be interested in joining a sorority?<br>
I also want to add that often the first group of friends that a freshman meets do not end up being their long-term circle of friends. So the first month or two the kids are “trying so hard” to meet friends and have a social life that it’s almost “pressure” to do so… eventually the dust will settle and it will happen naturally.
Oh, and one more comment regarding your D’s roommate talking about transferring. It is like office morale, when someone complains it can become contagious. If possible, maybe your D can try to talk to her roommate about “giving Elon a chance”… even if one or both of them decide to transfer, I just believe that it is too soon to start talking about it - because the more they talk about it, the less chance they are giving themselves to see if Elon may be right for them. Just my thoughts - hope it helps.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses and suggestions! We will be at Family Weekend so I’ll get a better idea of what’s going on.</p>

<p>Which dorm is she in? Has she spoken to her RA about her concerns and issues?</p>

<p>We’re all excited about family weekend. I hope you have a positive experience and can turn things in the right direction for your daughter.</p>

<p>Not just an Elon problem (obviously). My D has called us daily for first two weeks complaining of homesickness. Its weird because she had gone to sleep away camp for 6 or so years and did 3 college programs for the summer and never had one problem. It seems the finality of leaving the nest was too much. Its seems at this point (about 4 week) we’re not getting the homesick complaint but getting the “college isn’t fun” and “I have way too much work” (2 advanced freshman science classes with 4 hour labs each and mandatory discussion sections (with quizes and homework) way different than when I went to college (same school) discussion was for help with classwork. My D is a bit of a homebody and did have bunch of close friends in highschool but thinks she is not an initiator and is waiting to be invited to do things not going out on a limb and inviting friend to go and explore the city.
Hoping things get better by parents weekend.</p>

<p>masondixonline, I am sorry to hear your daughter isn’t loving Elon. There is still time to join some activities, which is a great way to meet people. (I am surprised your daughter didn’t hear back from the campus organizations she signed up for at the activities fair: mine signed up for too much and is getting emails regularly from them all.) Does your daughter like to cook? Campus Kitchen is a really cool organization that brings kids together to use leftover food from the dining halls and restaurants (not leftover food that as served, but left over ingredients) to cook/bake meals for people in the community struggling to make ends meet. Cooking with other nice kids is a great way to get to know them. My daughter is not involved in that group, but we also have it at the university at which I work, so I know the kids have a good time. Habitat for Humanity is another good one, as you well know. My daughter is enjoying being part of DEEP: Diversity Emerging Education Program, which plans diversity education stuff on campus, and they are a very welcoming group. Last night, she also went to a meeting for a group called Family Abuse Services, and will be involved with them working with children in the community who have had abusive situations in the home. (As you can tell, my kid is a human services studies major.) I think it is very common for kids not to be absolutely in love with their new schools at this point, so don’t despair. If she can get out and get involved in stuff, friends will emerge naturally. Hope to see you at family weekend!</p>

<p>After parents weekend, I can tell you that my S is doing well (not amazing - but well). He expressed concern that 5 of his new friends are seriously considering transferring. I asked him how he feels about this, and he is concerned because this is his new group of friends. None of these 5 kids hate it at Elon, they just do not love it, and are seeking alternatives. I suggested that maybe they are just “talking”, but they seem to be serious, and have started making plans. He said he seems to hear people talk about having applied to Elon as ED, because they acceptance rate is so high, and a lot of seniors just want to get the process out of the way early, knowing how likely it is to be accepted. (Of course they liked the idea of going to Elon, understanding the commitment of ED, but they did this knowing that they planned to try it out for one year, and then decide…) I guess this is a drawback for Elon of their high ED acceptance. I never thought that kids would go to a school with the intention of transferring but he said he’s hearing this a great deal.</p>

<p>I think it’s very common for students to feel unsettled during the first semester. It’s a new experience and out of their comfort zone for one thing. Also, you have all these expectations from the admissions process, and you find out that every professor isn’t the most engaging, or that the food isn’t exactly as good as you imagined, or that it’s harder to make friends than you thought, or just simply that you didn’t expect to be this tired! Maybe a little feeling of buyer’s remorse too? I think social media plays another role in this because they see their friends’ photos of what a great time they are having at their school, whether it be a big SEC football game, or a trip into the local city or whatever Elon doesn’t have that their friends do. In the first semester you aren’t “dug in” yet; the friendships aren’t close and you don’t feel a connection. I’ve read other threads here on CC fron Elon and from other universities that this is not unusual.</p>

<p>Elon’s retention rate is 90% so most of these students will change their minds.</p>

<p>I’m fascinated by what you said about ED. It would be really interesting to see how many ED students actually end up transferring. I suppose it’s all about playing the game. My daughter was ED because she knew she wanted to go to Elon and wanted the perks of first choice of housing and classes (which worked out really well by the way). She absolutely loves Elon.</p>

<p>Did any of them say what it is that they aren’t thrilled with about Elon?</p>

<p>Yes, Elon has a 90% retention rate. The 10% who do not return are composed of a mixture of students with various issues (social, financial, academic, etc…). I am amazed at students who would contemplate transfer after just 5 weeks. I only hope those parents encourage their children to stick it out and have a positive attitude. The grass isn’t always greener, and many students have a tough time fitting in as a sophomore transfer in their new schools.</p>

<p>My freshman daughter seemed good this weekend. She “likes” Elon and was surprised she was not more homesick. She has done a good job of staying very active (Hillel, club tennis, club soccer and Sierra club) which has helped quite a bit.</p>

<p>5 weeks is way too early to be contemplating transferring, unless the kid came in having second thoughts to begin with (possibly because they committed too early through ED), or they were lazy enough in their search that they didn’t do their homework and understand what Elon is all about. </p>

<p>Hockeymom, I can tell you that my now very happy sophomore son is not hanging with ANY of the kids he was friends with 1st semester last year, especially those that he was going to meals and social events with the first few weeks. If your S gets involved, he will meet his peeps - those that are happy at Elon and that share his interests. Freshman year was up and down for my S - but this year he’s flying high because he’s found his niche(s). A lot of it was just making the mental and emotional switch from being connected to his HS and his community, to being connected at his college. Most of that happened over the summer, when his high school friendships felt different than they did before, and he began to miss his college friends. Now Elon is his home base. I do think social media makes it much tougher for kids to accept being where they are - too much pull back to the old crowd; too much insight into what other kids are doing at their respective schools and what is happening in the hometown. We didn’t have that distraction 30 years ago. I also wonder if some of those thinking of transferring so soon aren’t being pulled by a long distance relationship that they are finding tough to navigate?? Just another speculation as to why kids would be making transfer plans so soon into freshman year…</p>

<p>Very, very true^.</p>

<p>One observation I made with older son - attended Wake Forest - was the number of students who thought about transferring to a large rah-rah university. They saw on social media all their friends st Penn State, Wisconsin, Indiana etc. going to hugely crowded football games, etc., and started to feel they were missing out by being at a smaller school. One friend was accepted as a transfer to Wisconsin, but then when he visited, and saw all the huge lecture hall classes, he decided to stay at Wake. I’m just guessing, but I think the transfer chatter at Elon may be of the same genre.</p>

<p>I asked my S to ask his friends to specify what exactly they do not like, and he says he will follow-up, but from what he’s hearing it sounds like the kids feel that all you need to be accepted is to apply ED which has created an atmosphere of non-academic students. He thinks they feel that the school’s reputation is not competitive and they want to attend a slightly more competitive/rigorous school. (I do not know these kids’ grades or anything about their academic background). I asked why they chose Elon if they feel this way, and it sounds like the common answer is the simplicity, ease of getting the process over with early last year. I guess they did not think it through, because now they have to go through the process again. I do understand, though, how Elon’s high ED acceptance rate could “backfire” in terms of kids applying ED just to get the process “over with”.</p>

<p>I have to say that I dislike the whole ED “thing”. It forces students to play a game with admissions. But, it’s advantageous for the schools on rankings and, given that it was there, both our kids used it to their advantage. It’s all such a game and I don’t think it’s in the best interest of students overall. </p>

<p>But in all honesty I think it’s probably mostly what rockvillemom said.</p>