Freshman Spending Gone Wild

Parents Forum
41

@tuscangal With all my college kids, for college years they have a debit card from the bank and their individual accounts all show up with our main account. I fund their accounts as needed, usually keeping balance a few hundred bucks, and they use it as they need. When it drops, I add money. Now of course this all works because they don’t spend crazily. I see everything they spend, whether it is a $1.50 vending machine purchase, an uber, or Target run. Since our money, their privacy is not my concern.

For stuff they need we keep our cc on Amazon and they order what they need using our Prime account. Over spending has never been an issue and we see what they are ordering, but I don’t pay close attention. If they ripped through 2K in a month, ya, I would be on it.

I would lose the cc card and go to a debit card. You can limit that so easily.

Kids are using Venmo and Square money transfers so much nowadays and there are emails for each transfer - you could tell him you want to receive those emails to see what’s coming in and going out. It’s your money afterall. You just need to limit funds and get more accountability of his spending to fix this.

42

I too would be concerned with the attitude. It sounds as though this is unusual for him. What does the credit card show for the expenses? Restaurants, shops, cash advances? This could give you some direction. And if it were my son, I would plan a trip for this weekend, prearranged with him, not a surprise attack. It would give everyone the opportunity to have a respectful conversation with a goal of solutions going forward. Seeing him face to face can help ease your mind as well. I would first want to ensure all is okay and then second set hard ground rules.

43

I’m not sure how much was talked about to be budgeted?

I know our soon to be freshman is getting insurance/car note paid and 200/mo (meal plan is included in room/board) I feel like that is a good amount. If she wants extra she can get a job.

Best of luck!!

44

My college freshman has a Fidelity debit card which is a joint account (with me) that I set up this past summer. I transferred a reasonable amount to cover books, occasional meals out, incidentals, etc for several months. His HS gift money is there along with some UTMA funds. I check the balance about once a week since can see it when I log into my other linked accounts. Every now and then, I look at his transactions just to see what he’s up to - mostly cheap take out meals or small purchases at CVS. A few larger purchases that look like clothing bought at the bookstore. I really did not know how he’d behave with the card, since he was cash only in HS. So far he’s ok - maybe too much spent on Uber - but if I see anything excessive, I can quickly limit the amount of funds available to him.

This age group is very conditioned NOT to treat one another to meals, so my guess is that he’s paying with the card and collecting the cash. Maybe it’s hard for him to get cash advances from the card? Still, I’d look at the transaction history and want an accounting of all of his large purchases.

45

@tuscangal

Immediately take away the credit card.

This was the Thumper family plan. Our kids had to earn their own spending money on college. We gave them some gifts on occasion…but they had jobs. The discretionary spending money came from those jobs. Every student should be able to work about 10 hours a week. And the money earned should be plenty to do discretionary things, it’s called learning to budget and live within your means.

It’s a.so good to have a work history on the resume.

46

So the credit card expenses were mostly junk food - Caesar’s pizza, Dutch Bros Coffee, Taco Bell with a few Blizzard Entertainment and a couple of Venmo transactions sprinkled in.

He is in a safe place with a meal plan so I had cancelled the credit card and his monthly pocket money. He will need to pay me back out of his savings before I pay for his second trimester of tuition.

I am meeting him in person on Friday to discuss what’s going on, as well as set expectations in a non-threatening way. Hell, he needs to learn the hard lesson of “yes, you can do whatever you want but you will have to foot the bill for that”.

At the end of the day, he has to take responsibility for his actions.

47

That’s a lot of junk food! Good idea to see him in person and have a discussion about your expectations.

48

Best wishes to you! Once back home, take some long walks or nice glass of wine…or both!!

49

deleted

50

Good luck, OP. Hopefully this is a good wake-up call.

Going to see him in person is a good idea. IF (and that’s a big if) there is anything going on, you’ll probably be able to better assess it in person than via the phone.

51

@tuscangal - Post #45… Unfortunately, it is very real. DD, a freshman, told me one of girls in her dorm always offered to buy food for others even they all have meal plans. The students use UberEats.
If possible, you may want him to work on a budget, to know where his money goes.

52

Agree with getting a debit card. You can also add money to his Orange Rewards which will allow him to eat outside of the dining halls but still on campus.

When you visit him on campus you should take his friends out to eat. College students love free meals and you will get to know what kind of kids he is surrounding himself with (and sending money via Venmo).

Hoping things get better!

53

OK, @tuscangal , it sounds as though he’s just got a bad case of freshman-itis. Going to see him sounds like the best plan–you can assess things so much better in person.

This parenting thing is absolutely NOT for the weak of heart!

I hope Friday goes well.

54

“it would be unusual for a bunch of kids to always let one pay”

I had one friend who did this constantly and wouldn’t accept reimbursement. But he was richer than God and it was his money, not his mom’s.

One of my fondest memories from law school was this guy dropping by my apartment unannounced, the week before finals, with a giant bag of Indian takeout for me and my roommate. Two miserable studiers in our pajamas with unwashed hair were dancing like preschoolers on Christmas morning. God bless us, every one.

55

The original post reminded me of my older son’s first few months in college. He had a college issued card (which I would occasionally re-load online) that could be used on campus and in many stores in the small town where he went to school. Early on, he was draining the card at an astonishing rate. I posted on CC, wondering what was going on, and several posters suggested that he was probably using the card to purchase alcohol. While that certainly could have been the case, it turned out he was using the card to buy Gatorade and snacks. It seemed that he stopped at every vending machine he walked by and bought a Gatorade. It was a learning opportunity - he had no idea how much he was spending, and we spoke about loading up at the grocery store once a week or so instead.

56

This really isn’t that difficult of problem to solve.

  1. Give him 150/mon deposited into his acct every month.
  2. No credit card. If he needs anything from Amazon, let him create a shopping cart and you could pay for it if you want.
  3. Let him know what’s your expectations for him to stay in school: minimum GPA, number of years you will pay for, minimum hrs of part time work (10 for my kids)

I would make him pay back 2000.
Not sure why OP would get the school involved. They are not the student’s babysitter.

57

If poor money management is the problem–(it’s a WHOLE 'nother beast to be on your own without mom making meals etc).

A budget is a great idea–write down where the money goes in a log (or keep memos on the phone). Figure out how much is appropriate. That is a habit. The hard part is making the budget. (Dave Ramsey has several good systems for money management).

Go to strictly cash–it’s MUCH harder to part with actual money vs using a card (of any type–credit or debit).

Meal plans are only good if they are actually used. Hard to use if you’d rather visit friends who are NOT on the plan. I totally understand this. Eating is truly a social activity.
There are probably options to the dining hall which might fit him better. I have never met a kid who used the meal plan to any financial benefit. Unless it is required, they are best avoided in my experience.

Fast food cost adds up extremely fast. Even the cheapest meal runs 6 bucks. 20 bucks a day, and then add occasional coffee–5 bucks. Get a 10 buck pizza and add tip–12 bucks. You’re already at 500 bucks a month.
6K a year without breaking a sweat. Do it only 50% --still 3K a year.
Far cry from making your own breakfast and lunch at least. I don’t know the lure of coffee but it adds up fast!–say 2 dollars (cheap) x 5 days is 10 bucks a week-times 30 weeks (being conservative for a lot of people) is still 300 bucks.

(short side story–After starting budgets (Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover”)-- the MAJOR readjustment at the start was “eat at home” --my D’s roommates are actually able to afford the things they REALLY want–rent money, car insurance etc.–and some savings to boot.)

58

You are obviously on top of it now and have a plan. A couple of things I might add to the conversation (may have already been posted, I did skim a bit).

You mentioned you’d never bankrolled him before and he’s had a job since sophomore year in HS. I might suggest that these are not new spending habits but that you didn’t have visibility to them before since he was bankrolling himself. The junk food, the uber rides, it adds up FAST and add in travel on top of it and it spirals.

My S17 has worked since junior year and has saved little to none, bankrolling the same type of activities. All social outings, not drugs or mob or whatever. And yes, treating others. His money, his choice. But my money is a different story.

I did not give him a CC as I didn’t want him to be tempted. I suspect the no remorse may be resentment about not being able to bankroll himself and if (like I am) he’s been told no job freshman year or first semester this may be a passive aggressive way to maintain what he perceives as a needed lifestyle. If he is known as the bank, he may be reluctant to give that spot up if it aids him socially.

What I’ve done, and may or may not work for you is that I have access to both his debit and savings and his spending money is in the form of a weekly allowance. He’s not capable of budgeting unless he really really wants to save for a specific thing and will spend in the spur of the moment. Rationing the funds helps him stay on track. He knows this.

He has made some poor spending choices over these first few months and has been “broke” and unable to attend certain things or buy food, and has been called out for being cheap by some at his OOS school. My position is while that’s unfortunate, it is how he will ultimately (hopefully) learn how to budget. He is acclimating. And plans to work 2nd semester lol.

The spending, in and of itself, does NOT mean, in my book, that there is necessarily an academic issue. What are the grades like? Can you see? I might make that a requirement for continued funding if you cannot. It’s a requirement for me, not because I am worried per say but as the person paying the big bill, I want to keep tabs just in case. He knows and that helps. Then again, his scholarship gpa requirement helps as well.

I’d be more concerned about the trips to Eugene, that’s not establishing his own life. Once a month? Maybe. I get missing friends but every weekend is too much and it was too easy to do. Forcing him to connect locally is a good thing in every way. The good news is if he is known as the bank at U of O, it may be less of an issue at OSU (socially) for him to change that dynamic.

59

Eandesmom- you could post that your son has been called cheap without quoting the exact anti-semitic slur used by his friends. Moderator- perhaps you could delete?

60

@blossom good point, it was a big issue at the time and I would NOT call the kids who said it friends. It’s been a learning experience for him to be sure. If the mods need to delete I understand but at the same point, that minimizes the actual slur and that attitude is out there and real. If we rename things, doesn’t that normalize the behaviour? It’s not ok. He called them out on it immediately, my point was that there may be more at play here.