This makes me think of…me. I had a BF at a different college my first semester and went there a LOT on weekends, burning through my own money and my student account to pay for the bus trips and taxis to station, etc. It kept me from making many friends on my own campus and I began missing classes too (staying over through Monday,leaving on Thursday, etc). In retrospect I’d have appreciated some intervention from my parents.
Hugs to you as you navigate this.
Someone remind me…what is the deal with kids getting their own credit cards? Back in my day they were easily available.
They aren’t so easily available these days, and rightly so IMO.
My kids use a debit card during college with zero issues. No need for a credit card.
^it’s quite possible the “boyfriend” story above applies here too… Since OP hasn’t mentioned her son is gay/bi, she may have to prepare mentally and emotionally for a coming out story, too. (And for a response where the overspending is clearly separated from sexual orientation!)
@eandesmom: I can’t wrap my mind around entitled jerks using such a slur because a classmate won’t bankroll their expenses. 
@tuscangal - Is there a financial education program avaiable on his campus? I do know that some universities have programs that include all sorts of student-friendly workshops about budgeting for life in college and afterwards as well as individual financial counseling.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I edited out the word only because the OP agreed, not because I agree or disagree with its use in this context. I have also edited or deleted some posts about whether or not it was appropriate, as I think that really detracts from the main discussion.
@TempeMom creditors are required by law to limit the credit lines today for students under 21. https://www.forbes.com/sites/moneybuilder/2011/03/10/picking-a-college-students-first-credit-card/#36241b5871dd
When I was in school you pay for a year’s tuition and books on a credit card - imagine what that would equate to today! Now kids can’t even book a flight with limits imposed on jobless full time students - it is part of why they all use debit cards. My D’s credit card was worthless to her, so she just kept using ours.
I am so glad you are going to see him. We can all speculate until the cows come home - or the funds are repaid. - but we are even more removed than you are!
It sounds like you are clear on how to manage his spending going forward. I would listen very, very carefully – he could be getting bullied, he could be in the manic phase of bipolar disorder, he could have substance abuse issues, or he could just be making really poor, irresponsible, clueless choices. It’s even possible that he wants your help and this is how he has summoned you.
I will be sending good thoughts your way. I hope you get clarity on what’s going on and that you both agree on a path forward.
I have a completely different take here. No credit card for our children and I actually discourage debit cards. Freshman year We told my son he could take his debit card to school and be responsible for all of his extracurricular expenses. We told him that if he would leave his debit card at home we would give him $100 a month allowance by depositing in his bank account.
Our reasoning was there is no thought to spending money with a debit card. It’s too easy. If he needed money he had to go to the bank and make a withdrawal so he had to really think about it. He also could withdraw money and load it on his ID but again he had to actually think about it and decide if it was worth it. He was smart enough to choose to leave the debit card at home and get the allowance.
We did this all of freshman year and it made him much more responsible with his money. He now has his debit card at school for online purchases and emergencies but he doesn’t abuse it.
@TempeMom my D recently applied and got a Capital One Journey card specifically for students. The statement is mailed to my house for me to look over (they offered online only but I wanted to keep an eye on things for a bit). Her credit line is $500. At 18 years old I got a Sears card. I still have credit above 750+. I think its a good idea for kids to have a credit card and learn how IRL interest, over credit line and late payments work. They are far less inclined to ask for parental assistance if they are graduated and supposedly launched.
Kids can pay 50% less or more if they buy their books or rent them over the internet. It isn’t trivial, and is a main reason kids benefit from having a card.
Both of my kids had their own debit cards and my credit cards for approved purchases and emergencies. I gave them my credit cards when they were in high school and they used those cards to shop for me sometimes. I didn’t have any problem with them using my cards. Some of those cards gave additional benefits and protections. I also gave my kids monthly allowance with a stipulation of them having a part time job while in school. They never asked me for additional money.
Learning to use a credit card responsibly is an important adult task. I’ve had my credit card company go to bat for me to get a refund on a “change date” charge made by an airline, avoid paying for an extended warranty on a high cost item, and get a refund on something that broke three months and one day after purchase (one day after the retailer accepted returns… and they basically refused to deal with me. But the credit card company refunded the purchase in full).
So learning to use a card is a good thing. But baby steps…
My kids never had access to our credit cards. We had an Amazon Prime account and if they needed books, they put them in the basket. We didn’t provide spending $$ – they both had jobs that would cover that. Neither was a big fan of meal plans, and with S2, he did the lowest meal plan and cooked his own food. (He’s a really good cook and preferred to do it himself.) He got a grocery allowance, but it was much less than the cost of the meal plan. He’s much more frugal when it’s his money.
Both of my kids applied for credit card with USAA when they turned 21. S2’s limit was $300, so not enough to get a plane ticket or get into trouble, but enough to cover small emergencies or where cash wasn’t suitable.
I went a little crazy with spending money my freshman year. I was working 20 hrs/week (at $2.65 minimum wage, so I was rolling in $$!) and had never owned a pair of jeans or clothes that I had chosen. I’m glad I didn’t have a credit card. OTOH, paying the long-distance bill and the occasional bounced check fee was an education in itself!
I started college after the credit act of 08? 09? Can’t remember. Everyone who opened a checking account at the school’s credit union could get a CC in their name with a very low limit. I think it was like 300 or 500? They would raise the limit as you used it responsibly.
I think credit cards can be a learning experience and they are helpful when you leave college. I bought my house at 24 (2 years ago- not the ancient past) in part because I had a nearly-decade long credit history (I got my first CC before the credit card act).
But that doesn’t mean you have to give them your credit card.
I used credit cards all through college. Never had cash on me and debit cards were too insecure for my tastes. But, I paid it off every month.
I’m glad it seems to be working out for OP and she is getting clarity. I feel like a couple of other posters kind of jumped on me negatively, and just wanted to clarify that no, I was not saying that OP’s son was involved with the mob or dealing drugs at all. What I was saying is that it is good to get to the bottom of an issue now, and I thought it was great that OP is being open to any and all possibilities. It’s easy to be in denial. I’ll still stand by my example where a kid got involved with drugs quickly and was hooked, and when his parents cut him off financially he started to deal to support his habit. I’m very happy that this is not OP’s issue, and I did not mean to scare her, but this could happen to any one of us, and some drugs are so addictive that this could happen quickly. And good for her for not being afraid to look at this. For my other example of the kid whose parents had to mortgage their house to save their child’s life in connection with gambling debts, yes, that was an extreme situation, but the kid started gambling at some point. How much better it would have been for that family if they realized it when it first started. Addiction of any kind is a real problem, and when your kid is acting in a way that is so unlike them, I think it’s important to look at all the possibilities and ask hard questions. And even though this money was credit card debt, at college it’s easy to buy things for other people in exchange for them giving you cash.
It’s just that OP is only just now in the awareness phase and headed into the investigation. In my mind, it’s one thing to say, “No head in the sand.” Another to freak her out. CC gets threads on this (money and school focus) every fall and some posters immediately start talking drugs and, sometimes, mental issues. It’s too soon.
But this problem or some variant is not uncommon. Kids can have maturity issues, be less savvy than we thought, when they were living at home, pretty much living the lives we set for them.
Let’s hope OP identifies this and can have some effect.
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My kids ago both had small amount credit cards with their student Bank of America accounts. Both opened prior to 2006. The credit limit was $500 which was just about enough for a plane ticket at the time…for an emergency.
TBH, the best time to get a credit card is when you have a JOB. Otherwise, you are using someone else’s money to pay your bills anyway.
We expected our kids to have jobs during college.
To the OP, is there any reason your kid couldn’t get a job?? College students should be able to work 8-10 hours a week. There is research to show that kids with jobs actually do BETTER in college…and it helps them budget their out of class time better.
My kids ago both had small amount credit cards with their student Bank of America accounts. Both opened prior to 2006. The credit limit was $500 which was just about enough for a plane ticket at the time…for an emergency.
TBH, the best time to get a credit card is when you have a JOB. Otherwise, you are using someone else’s money to pay your bills anyway.
We expected our kids to have jobs during college.
To the OP, is there any reason your kid couldn’t get a job?? College students should be able to work 8-10 hours a week. There is research to show that kids with jobs actually do BETTER in college…and it helps them budget their out of class time better.