There are two different issues here. If the school doesn’t offer what the student needs, it doesn’t matter that its inexpensive. Its pretty much useless. If a student desperately wants research and the school has no research available, its a waste of time. On the other hand, if the school does have the resources and opportunities the student needs, chances are they will be able to find some friends among the thousands of other students attending.
If you hate your affordable choice so much then turn it down and work for a year. Pay your own car and car insurance. Pay rent. Pay for your health insurance and your food. Pay for you own clothes and entertainment. Next put aside all your extra money to save for your college of choice. Aim for an amount higher than your monthly loan payment on $120,000 would be. See how easy that is to accomplish. When you have no idea of the value of money you lose sight of how fortunate you are. I imagine after working at a low skill job for a year you will realize the value of a dollar and how hard it is just to get by. You will reaLize how hard it is to have any extra to save and how much of a burden a huge debt will be.
I have nothing to add advice wise but wanted to pop in to say I’m so sorry this is the case for you. If you were smart enough to get a full ride anywhere than you’ve obviously worked very hard the past 4 years. It just stinks that finances have to play a role in you going to the school you really want to attend. I see so many kids in your position. Good luck with your journey
I can see where everyone is coming from. I am coming off as immature but that is because I don’t want to be surrounded by the immature people that I know at the state school. I go to a private high school on a full ride scholarship, where everyone is expected to go off to college right away. My school counselor agrees that I should do everything in my power to avoid going to the state school.
I would like to point out that I do understand money. I currently work 5 days a week to support myself. I pay my own car, phone, food, gas, toiletries, basically everything besides car insurance. I’m not mad at my parents I 100% understand where they are coming from, I just wish that I didn’t hate the school so much. If I could start the process over again, I dont know what I would do differently. I applied to private schools and out-of-state state schools and every one came out to 20-30k.
I apologize for being all over the place but I’ve visited 4 times and I just truly dislike the atmosphere so much. I understand how privileged and immature I sound but I really think it will mess with my mental health. I cannot see how I will be able to do it. The other problem is that with a gap year I would have to get my own place to live so I wouldn’t even be able to save up any money, same would go for a community college.
I guess mainly at this point I just need to convince myself that I won’t literally die if I go there.
I’m not really sure how to reply to someone but, #41, bamamom, thank you for your input, but please see my response above. I worked 20-30 hours a week sophomore year through now. I have paid for basically everything myself since then. I have worked very hard. I am not babied, I am not ignorant.
I’m sorry if my post or others have come off as harsh. You have a right to be disappointed. It truly isn’t fair that some kids get to choose among all the wonderful places that “fit” them because their parents have funds and others don’t. It must be hard watching the wealthy kids at your private school getting all excited about where they will be next year, wearing their school T-shirts and celebrating on instagram. The problem is that there are many things in life that are unfair. Its OK to be upset about it as long as you gather yourself together and keep moving forward.
Yup. Sadly, I think this is what you are going to have to do. Hopefully, it won’t be as bad as you fear. Hopefully, although there may be many kids you don’t fit in with, there will be some, like you, who are bright, studious, ambitious kids who are there because the school is affordable. Find them. You will have friends.
Be proud of yourself. Not everyone can earn a full ride to college. In fact, very few can do it. Be proud of yourself for walking into a difficult situation in a place you are uncomfortable and giving it your best shot. I know it sounds hollow now, but the ability to do that will serve you well in the future. All this may end up preparing you better for life then all those other kids who simply get to have what they want because their parents can pay.
@hedgehog77 - it does kind of sound like you need to resolve yourself to going there. You should be very proud of your accomplishments thus far, and, like @gallentjill has stated, this is going to prepare you for life. I also agree - you’re going to be able to find bright ambitious kids at state school. It will be OK. You’ll make it work.
Can you get any additional loans, scholarships, through the Catholic church or Knights of Columbus, etc? Have you asked the school you love if there are any on campus work opportunities that might bring the tuition down further?
If you can’t find a way to love the one who loves you, it will eat at you. The magic words are full-ride. You earned the right to strut all over that campus. You have a car, how far is the drive to something of interest? Your success up to this point reflects someone who knows how to get things started and how to lead. Start what you want on the state campus.
As a parent who is 0-for-two on anything close to a full-ride, Congratulations and please work on mindset. Free is a gift to your future. Your parents could have money left to help you with grad school and beyond.
I think many people on CC automatically assume that free education is better than being in debt in all cases. I would respectfully disagree. While this is often true, it’s a very personal decision. I can see student debt being a huge problem if a student can’t find any decently paid job for years after graduation, but this is a whole different problem in itself. Otherwise, there is a lot of research showing people are happier spending money on experiences than on things. While I don’t have a personal experience with student debt, I had times with very limited income and times with larger income, and I had experiences and friendships in college that were priceless. If I could have a comparable experience now at the cost of a few years living very frugally, I’d do it in a jiffy. Again, I’m not advocating always going to your first choice school regardless of cost - as I said, it’s a very personal decision and depends on many factors, including characteristics of the schools in question, planned career, family financial situation, but also the potential impact on OP’s mental health and happiness.
“I applied to private schools and out-of-state state schools and every one came out to 20-30k.”
This means that you didn’t have appropriate help in identifying places where you would get significant merit money and/or places that used financial aid formulas that would be friendlier for your family. That alone would be reason enough to take a gap year and start over with a new list. That your counselor thinks you should be able to attend college right after high school like your classmates is immaterial. Your counselor knows that you are on full scholarship there, and should have had better ideas about where you could find the money that you need for college.
“The other problem is that with a gap year I would have to get my own place to live so I wouldn’t even be able to save up any money, same would go for a community college.”
Why would you need to find your own place to live? Why can’t you keep on living with your family and continue to work at your current job but maybe with more hours?
I agree with you, but this isn’t about student debt; its about parent’s debt. OP hasn’t said whether or not his family could pay for his favorite school or any amount they are willing to pay. I have no problem with student’s taking out the federal loan limit or with parents taking on some small debt to make up the difference. I don’t think either of these things is available to this student.
@hedgehog77 You really do need to name the school. Because under the circumstances, you don’t have many options. A gap year isn’t going to change the fact that you need a full ride. You won’t be competitive for many full rides after a gap year, as most are limited to applying seniors. So I think you need to find things to like about the school. I find it hard to believe that any flagship or major state school will not have a community you can at least tolerate for 4 years. My D goes to a “party school” (most schools are). Yet she and her friends find lots to do in addition to or instead of partying - outdoors activities, working out, unlimited lectures and panels, arts and culture events, intramurals, sporting events, movies, school sponsored social events, game nights, book discussions, volunteering, joining a band, orchestra, or ensemble, and lots of non-Greek clubs that plan fun activities that don’t revolve around partying. They stay very busy and engaged. They also have plenty of deep discussions outside of class. Anyone who wants research can find it. Maybe you just need to dig into the school’s offerings. At a big school, there is something for everyone and you can find your tribe if you make an effort. You don’t need to love it to make it work for you.
@happymomof1 my parents are both planning on living in one bedroom apartments next year. It is a complicated situation but I wouldn’t be able to live with them
Start looking at professors in the fields you like (on their web site). When you get to the school, make a point to get to know your professors and any other you found of interest. Spend extra time in the labs. Look around for clubs that interest you. Give the school a chance with an open mind. You don’t have to be friends with everyone there, but you could very well find a peer group and get extra advantages that could give you great memories and contacts for your future.
I fully agree that life isn’t fair when it comes to who gets what for college choices, but TBH? Some of the best adults are those who took something less than ideal in life and made the best of it - college or otherwise. All isn’t “lost” just because you’re in the boonies for four years. Many students opt to go to college in places they wouldn’t actually want to settle in. It’s a decent learning experience in itself.
If you go there determined you aren’t going to like it, you won’t. You’ll find every little negative there is to find and you’ll be miserable. Why do that to yourself? Look for the positive instead and keep an eye on your future. A positive outlook in itself is a desirable one to have in any field.
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@hedgehog77 - OK that is complicated.
Can your parents pay anything for your college education? If they can’t, then your options are the full-ride university, or a gap year (or two) where you can make enough to live on and/or housing is included such as AmeriCorps, enlisting in the military, etc. Not what you want to hear, I know.
@hedgehog77, I was very impressed to read your follow-up reply in which you acknowledged and apologized for how you may have come across, patiently responded to concerns expressed by those responding to your post, and offered further detail as to your situation. With personal qualities and communication skills like these, it’s obvious that you are going to be a success in life. This is a frustrating and painful situation, but it will soon be just a blip on the long and wonderful path of your life. And, as many have said, you have received full rides to both high school and college – that’s incredibly impressive and speaks to your intellect and effort. Congratulations on all of this success.
I am deeply concerned by part of your post, though, and want to check in with you. You wrote, “I really think it will mess with my mental health. I cannot see how I will be able to do it… I just need to convince myself that I won’t literally die if I go there.”
Are you saying that you believe you may be in danger of committing suicide while attending this school? I’m asking this very genuinely. If so, please immediately get in touch with a mental health counselor now, regardless of where you end up going to college. People reach out for help in all kinds of ways, and perhaps that is what is happening in your post. Most likely, you didn’t mean this literally. However, I feel it’s critical to highlight and ask about these statements.
The pressure on young people today is outrageously high. We don’t know you here on CC, but we DO care, and your life and mental health are a much higher priority than any question of college choice.
Sounds like they are divorcing, which probably means that they will have less money and borrowing capacity, likely making the $30k per year schools neither affordable nor possible even with unwise amounts of debt.
So it sounds as if you parents are splitting up and there isn’t any money. It would be more helpful to us if you would clarify if there is any money for you to go to the expensive school. By the sounds of it, there isn’t.
Life isn’t always going to be exactly how you want it. There are many people who get their college degrees and do not enjoy their college experience. I was one of those people. I strongly suggest you resign yourself to going to the full ride college. There are going to be people who are like you. There will be clubs you can join. You will meet people if you get a campus job. You can volunteer and meet people, or get involved in a religious group on campus. You are going to find yourself in a much better place if you start finding things you do like about your college.
I certainly do not advocate going to the least costly school. I didn’t live that either. However, it is difficult to overstate the long term problems a student can create by going to a school that is not affordable without putting self and family into financial difficulty.
It’s one thing if your parents are willing and able to make somewhat of a stretch to pay for college. Cut out the vacations, not redecorate the house, stop eating out as much, no more shopping sprees, book buying, Amazon, Etsy, Ebay surfing. Keep the older cars, etc etc You get the general idea. But if we are talking about cutting into the real meat of life–dad taking a second job when he’s already over worked, not replacing a true junker car, neglecting medical treatments, taking out loans that put their futures into precarious standing, it’s selfish and wrong to push them into paying for a truly unaffordable school.
You, the student, are limited in the loans you can take in your own name. If it’s a matter of taking the Direct loans which are the main ones available to you, that’s one thing. You can borrow $5500 freshman year that goes up to $7500 senior year. If that’s the gap, that’s not a horrible stretch. A lot of students take that loan burden. But if it come down to having parents cosign or otherwise have to take on the loan, which is pretty much the only loan option beyond the Direct Loan, you are putting the onus and burden on them. Their credit, security and stress levels are what are on the line. What kind of kid wants to do that to their parents? Sadly many do. Bully the parents to take on a financial burden, they should not be taking.