Full-ride to school I hate or 30k to school I love?

College Search & Selection
61

And you won’t have the money to go out to eat or the time to go to a museum if you go to the more expensive school and have to work 20 hours per week to make extra money to pay your tuition. You won’t be able to pay to eat off campus when you have already paid for a meal plan.

If you’ve been on a scholarship in high school, you probably know what it is like to have much less than your classmates. My kids went to a private catholic school with kids who drove Jags to school, who flew off to spring break in Spain, who went to The Oscars, who had Sweet 16 parties that were on MTv. Sure they all got the same education, but they weren’t really peers.

One of my kids went to college on a full scholarship. She had some very wealthy friends and she couldn’t do the summers in Italy, didn’t have a car, and scrounged around for textbooks, but she had a few extra dollars for pizza or a concert and she didn’t have to work while in school. It wasn’t her dream school but it worked and she’s thrilled to have a very small student loan (most of which she saved and used to buy a car) after graduation. No spring breaks in Mexico or even Daytona Beach (which was 45 minutes from her school).

My other daughter went to a much lower rank public school which she loved. She didn’t have the scholarships and her student loan is bigger. Yes, there was football and tailgating on Saturdays and those weren’t her thing but she did it a few times and did other things too. There was no mall, very little shopping, museums associated with the college (lots of rocks and cowboy things). She’s not a big drinker or partier, but does spend way too much money at Starbucks. She is really more of a Broadway and MOMA person, but she thrived in Laramie, Wyoming for 4 years.

I don’t think your option is the flagship or the Catholic college @$30k per year, I think your option is the full ride flagship or not going to college this year. Your parents don’t have the money and you can’t borrow $30k. Don’t go to the college and be miserable and ‘literally die.’ Don’t do that. But the Catholic school is off the table because you don’t have money for that. You have the choice of going to the full ride public school or putting off college until you can afford what you want. I think you also have the choice of learning to love the public school.

And your GC is free to pay for your school or help you find ways to afford it, but she shouldn’t give an opinion on where you should go unless she’s willing to pay for it.

62

I am sorry that you feel so down about this school. However, I would recommend that you go and try to find your place there. During your first year try to enjoy everything this school has to offer. Get involved and try to find your place. Work with your adviser to find internships. During your second year, evaluate how you feel and how things are going for you. Then you can look into transferring somewhere else, or maybe do a semester at another school. There is no harm in trying out the full-ride school for a few years. You may end up enjoying it. And if not, you are that much closer to a degree.

63

One of our kids did community college to state flagship to working in WashDC.

The other kid, who went to private HS, thought community college was a dealbreaker. No way. She had several full tuition scholarships and one full ride on the table. Honestly, she did not want to go to any of them. She wanted to go to an unaffordable elite school and feel special and have people gush with admiration over her future university.

It was very hard on her – and a lot of the misery was created by her comparing her options to the options available to her much wealthier classmates from HS. In addition, we are not poor, so she did not get amazing financial offers from some elite privates like a couple of her low income classmates. Comparison is the death of joy.

By time spring rolled around, we said she could take the full tuition scholarship at this OOS public or take the full ride at this other OOS public, or stay home and go to CC. She reluctantly opted for the full ride at the school she hated the least. She said she was embarrassed to tell people where she was going. Adults did not gush, y’know? Instead, she said she got tight polite smiles and quizzical looks. She said, Everyone expects a top student like me will be going to a “good” school, and they aren’t sure what to say when they find out I’m not.

First semester we got phone calls and texts about her wanting to transfer. We said no. She was unhappy at every single break at home and made sure we knew it. We stopped asking her questions about school because all of her replies were negative and snarky.

Then, when freshman year was almost over, the tide seemed to change. She had made friends, who she was going to miss over summer. She had arranged to live off-campus the following year. We agreed to let her take the extra car down to school. She had a lot of independence and we are not on her case about $$ or in her business. She’s adulting!

Luckily for everyone, she has bloomed where she was planted. The school she vowed to never like, has grown on her and it’s now home. She stays down there for summers, has a job related to her field of study, is active on campus, and gets out and explores the surrounding area. She is happy! …and we are all debt free and in a better position for grad school in 2021.

This will all be in the rear view mirror before you know it. LOTS and LOTS of kids cannot afford to go schools that accepted them. Unfortunately, not many talk about that openly.

Good luck. A full ride is an amazing opportunity. If grad school or professional school is in your future, you are going to be doing the happy dance about the lack of debt!

64

OP: If you received a full ride scholarship to your state university, then you were admitted to that school’s honors college. Attending a large state university’s honors college on a full ride scholarship is likely to be a very different experience than your partying friends are having.

If you truly want meaningful advice, just shar the name of the state school. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised to find out what lies ahead. For example, honors college students often live in a separate dorm & enjoy access to many events & resources reserved for honors students.

P.S. Without revealing the name of the university from which you received your full ride scholarship offer, it is almost like you are sabotaging your own thread by limiting advice to broad generalities when specifics are what you need to consider.

65

I respectfully disagree with this. No one should feel pressed to give more personal information then he is comfortable with. For all we know, revealing the school could reveal his identity to peers or family. This is an anonymous forum and he has every right to remain as anonymous as he would like. He has been given excellent advice and has taken it well. I think he will be fine.

66

I’m also sorry that your life is going sideways. It sounds as if your parents are struggling with their own situations right now and won’t be able to give you much financial support. Sounds like you have to be self-supporting next year. That’s tough.

There are some instances in which it’s fine to graduate with student loans, such as there is no other option, you have financial backup, or your major has plentiful high paying jobs. I don’t think you fall into these categories. I’m under the impression that, like a lot of biology majors, it is hard to get a good paying job in neuroscience with just an undergraduate degree, and if you were to take on substantial student loans it would have a significant adverse impact on your lifestyle for the next 10 - 20 years.

My best advice is to do what @techmom99 did. Keep your eye on the prize. College is a tool to get you where you want to go with your career and how you want to live your life once you’ve joined the work force.

Look to how you can make your time at the free school as good as possible. Does it have an honors college? If so, there will be other kids like you who are smart and motivated but had to make this financial decision. Once you get on campus, you can try to make connections with your professors and take your education beyond the classroom by helping them with their research or otherwise getting involved with the field. I’m sure your professors will have some ideas, and schools really like to promote their superstars who want to achieve. If you’re cynical, just think about how it’s in their best interest to be able to proclaim what one of their students achieved. Also, there are research positions that you should look into during the summers, such as at the NIH.

Given your parents’ financial situation, I’d worry more about you taking a gap year where you’d be self-supporting, than going to a college that you don’t like.

Allow yourself to grieve your dream of going to a particular school and your situation with needing to be self-supporting. But then turn yourself fully to the option that is available to you. You can get more out of that situation than you realize right now.

Just so you know, I’m someone who went to a school that was a bad fit. Like @techmom99, I kept my eye on the prize of grad school. I also used my AP credits and took an extra class or two each semester so I graduated college in 3 years. I also studied abroad so I cut down my time at the college to two and a half years. My time there wasn’t bad, though, because I spent a lot of time in a department that it didn’t matter how your classmates did. You got out of it what you put into it. The location surrounding my college was also irrelevant because with the extra classes and being involved with ECs associated with my major, there wasn’t much free time to go off campus.

Best of luck to you with your decisions.

67

OP, many kids don’t realize the value of working Summers ( hard, I mean 2-3 jobs and from when school ends until it starts and working during the school year part time). I’d bet this would give you at least 10K and if you apply it to school you would be only 20K short. That said, think long and hard what you want to be when you grow up. If you are ambitious and think you will go into a field that pays well, that’s one direction. If you want to study something for which there are limited opportunities that is another thing. You mentioned above STEM fields. Ask yourself honestly, are you a real go getter or just someone who wants to work and then go home. The reason is, kids who are really hard working can pay off the debt. Some kids just never can. They don’t have a plan and they have no career direction or take an esoteric major which doesn’t pay well. Debt can be awful. But for some it’s the way up and out.
I personally would go the second route. ( I worked 2-3 jobs all year round in college and graduate school though)

68

Please provide

  • your stats: act/sat, GPA
  • home state
  • state school*
  • parents’ budget (if any)

Right now it sounds like you really need a gap year. Is the community where/near where you work expensive? Could you find roommates?

With stats we can provide alternatives.

  • Because there's a huge difference between Boise State and Appalachian State, between Chadron State and Michigan State.
69

Good on @Happytimes2001 for working 2-3 jobs and getting out of it what they needed to. Really. My only comment to OP about that is that if you go to a school that costs you nothing, you retain the ability to be an intern at a non-paying job or a low paying job that might give you some great opportunities. Everything is always about choices.

70

OP. I know it doesn’t feel great for you. And that’s ok. Make sure you watch your mental health. You have a lot going on.

But just to give you something that might cheer you up…,

Two categories checked for fun.

  1. I looked up the colleges attended by the current CEOs of the Fortune 100.
  • In the top 5, including ties, you will find 4 state schools. And only “one” is the highest ranked public in their state. FYI. 4 in the top 5!!!

-Texas A and M & Michigan -#1. w/4
-Penn State and Michigan State #2 w/2
-Tied with Harvard and Wharton. FYI.
-The entire Ivy League in total has only 14. -The rest of the top 100 are only one per school. Meaning Stanford and Cal and Duke. Etc.

  1. Not sure exactly what you want to study so I also went to the Harvard wesbsite and looked up the English deptartment.

Sample of the state schools and Canadian state type, and an Indian school at Harvard English dept. —

University of Dallas
U Pitt
UW-Milwaukee
Kalamazoo College
Concordia College
University of British Columbia
Konstanz College
University of Bombay
Trent College
University of Alberta

Indiana State
UConn.

Don’t believe the hype. Any school can help you achieve your goals and dreams based on your talent and tenacity.

71

OP, you have likely either recently become a legal adult or will be one soon. IMO, this is the time for kids to become adults in that they begin to understand the pressures and stresses that parents are bearing, especially the ones concerning the new adult. College is a big deal thing in many ways. Cost is a big factor for most of us. If your parents are going to have to come up with the money to pay for your extra costs, whether through liquidating saved accounts, taking on extra jobs or going on an extreme austerity regiment sacrificing important expenses, or taking out loans, this is time for you to step up as a responsible adult and spare them this ordeal.

72

@hedgehog77 neuroscience and biology are close enough for med school and graduate school, that it wouldn’t really hold you back; particularly if you seek out extra neuroscience relevant work or classes…

73

OP. Sorry I forgot you are looking at neuroscience.

So I dropped back on line and cruised the Yale department of neuroscience to look at their scholars and their undergrad backgrounds. Some I could find and others where grad only. But still great news for students who think otherwise regarding schools. And you being able to find some peers. They are out there.

Just in a quick look some of the great a few of the schools attended which are state schools or not top 30 type.

U Denver
Iowa State
UCSD
University of Utah
UCB
UC San Francisco
UNC
University of Illinois - Chicago
Millan College
University of Belgrade
Zagreb University
Multiple in Asia

Only a couple of ivies undergrad.

74

@hedgehog77. Seems like we are bombarding you with advice.

Now that I know more about you and your parent’s and you can’t stay at eithers home, then taking a gap year and working but having to get an apartment and live on your own or with a roommate is not going to solve anything at all. Your are stressed due to your schools choices and your parents situation. That’s a lot for a young adult. Working and trying to make ends meet next year is not positive either. Being around your home life might be more toxic then you think.

Please go to the full ride school or call /email and talk with the honors chair. Also talk with a professor or two in your chosen field and let them know what your thinking. You might be very surprised about what you hear. Sometimes it’s better to be the rock star at a school and stand out then just one of the regular students. Opportunities will open up for you that you can’t even imagine at this moment. Also at college there is counseling if you ever need it and it’s included in your tuition costs. Like tutors, I tell my kids in college to take advantage of everything the school has to offer you.

You will find your peps, trust me on this. You might have to look a bit harder but they are there looking for you also. Take the advise of us wise parents who have been through this with our own kids.

Most colleges have a lot going on, on campus that you might think you will go off campus all the time and in reality you just won’t. Join clubs /activities etc with your classes and studying there not that much time left.

Since your going to a “free” college maybe you can save some of your work study and use that for one of your breaks. Go to New York or where ever and have some fun. This is your reward. This is “exactly” what my daughter did at a school that had not much going on in the area. She went with a friend. The planning and enjoyment of getting away was really something to look forward to.

Your school counsler is not giving you solid advise and I question her /his ability at their job in general.

Life is about overcoming challenges and obstacles. Making the most of the opportunities that are given to you and that you worked hard for. Leverage that!

There are many threads here of students that can’t afford any college or got shut out completely to colleges with great stats. Many of us are on those threads. It’s heart breaking. You are being given the best gift of all. An education and a way to pay for it. You are very lucky and just might not see that at this point. I would not entertain military if you were not planning to do that. That is a complete different mind set and would not benefit you since you still have to pay for 4 years of college.

Again, meet with the school personal as I suggested, not just tour the grounds. There are most likely brilliant people there that you have just not met with yet.

I wish you the best of luck.

75

Another great thing to help you get excited about your school is read about the school’s notable alumni. I don’t know the name of your school, but I would bet anything it has a bunch of graduates out in the world doing exciting things. Its very motivating to see what others can accomplish with your school as a jumping off point.

76

@hedgehog77 I think you are misreading many of the replies. I don’t think you are coming off as entitled, babied, or ignorant, but rather misinformed and a bit short sighted. You seem to be romanticizing your dream schools and catastrophizing your full ride school. Perhaps counseling and space will help you put your choices into perspective.

You are smart and hardworking. You are driven and have found success. You indicate that you have worked for years. You have been provided a subsidized high school education that has provided you with the opportunities that you have now. You are not an anomaly nor is your situation an outlier. There are many thousands of hard working, smart, driven, focused, and successful students who have had to turn down their dream for financial reasons. The only thing that makes this situation at all different from the tens of thousands of other hard working, smart students is that you have a full ride offer that makes your career goals attainable. To imply that you are superior to ALL of the students at the state school is shortsighted and likely just false. The state schools that offer a value education are filled with amazing, talented, hard working, and successful students just like you. For all of the low and marginal stat students that are provided the opportunity to learn and grow at the state supported schools, there are also perfect scorers with perfect GPAs there as well. There are many reasons why they may have chosen the school but no question, they are there. Imagine each of them saying and thinking exactly what you are - that they are superior to you and can not even imagine having to be forced to attend school with the likes of you. That would be crazy. You are smart, hardworking, driven, focused, and successful. So are they. Without your stats we have no way of knowing how much more advanced you are than the typical honors student at state u.

I understand wanted to remain anonymous but by not disclosing the schools, you are allowing the drama to crowd out reason. You have choices. You can take the full ride, take the chance at getting an average education, and start your successful life with little or no debt. It may also surprise you. You can channel those hard working successful traits into a top notch experience at the free state school.

Or, you can try to secure the loans for your dream school. You could successful secure cosigners and credit for all 8 semesters and graduate with an amazing degree along with crippling debt. This is not a small amount of debt to bridge the gap or short term debt that your parents can easily pay off. This is debt that could prohibit you from graduate or medical school. Debt that could tether your dreams and prevent you from future opportunities. You run the risk of completing some of your degree before running out of available credit and dropping out with massive debt and no degree at all. You could amass the debt and realize that your dream schools are filled with immature people who drink, people who slack off, and people who think they are better than you. You could amass this debt and realize that the dream school is just another good school but you are saddled with a nightmare of debt.

Or finally, you can take a year off. Work. Pay your way. Save money. Live in the real world away from your expensive private school. Reapply to a better mix of schools next year. There are no guarantees that the results will be different but you will at least have a chance.

You have choices. Choices that so many people who are just as smart, hard working, successful, and deserving would love to have. You have already realized that life is hard. People let you down. Situations out of your control put obstacles in your way. Others may have it easier. Or they may not. At times it doesn’t seem fair but it is the reality of everyone out here. You have also been the beneficiary of many gifts. The gift of a solid high school education that was subsidized. The gift of a free college education. The gifts of health and family and unlimited potential. You have also been given the gift of objective advice from a huge community of strangers that are not judging by the name on your degree or bumper sticker on your car. Strangers with life experiences, bills to pay, debts to juggle, and many with children just as amazing and special as you.

77

@hedgehog With the information you shared about your family situation, I echo the other wonderful , detailed advice you have gotten here. I am a professor at a regional university and in my experience, family money issues are one of the biggest reasons for students dropping out. So the free ride seems like the best deal.

At least look at the bio department’s website . Bio is a field where most universities will have excellent faculty. Perhaps visit the department? Make an appointment with the chair? You seem like an excellent student who can take advantage of what they have to offer.

It is unfortunate you were not given good advice by your gc. Surely they knew you were a scholarship student and finances would be an issue. It looks like your parents have issues of their own and may not be able to help out even a bit financially. Please take time to reflect on the advice given on this thread by so many people with a lot of experience.

78

@hedgehog77, your options are colleges, not Siberian prison camps. Enough with the visceral hatred of one; even there, I promise, there are interesting bright kids with whom you have much in common and who find fun ways to spend their free time surrounded by other young people. Your primary goal is to acquire an affordable education, and you have options for that. You are lucky.

79

@myos1634, I don’t think a gap year will work for this student. It sounds like the parents are divorcing and won’t have room in their 1BR apartments for him next year.

OP, if you’re on a full scholarship to high school I suspect you’re low income. From your posts it sounds like the main reason you don’t want to go to the state school is that people you know will be there, and now that you’re in a private school it would be a let down to have to attend the public school with them. I get it. The kids in your private school are likely going to name brand colleges. But that kind of fit is a luxury that’s generally only available to people when finances aren’t an issue. If you have to borrow $30k/year, finances are an issue.

What your private high school has done for you is to position you for a free college education. That’s huge. Unless your guidance counselor is paying for your college they have zero business telling you that you should “do everything in your power” to avoid the state school. Going to the state school doesn’t benefit your GC because it doesn’t boost the image of the private school. It’s unconscionable for them to encourage you to take on life crippling debt.

You have the opportunity to get a college education. When parents can’t/won’t pay, sometimes the option is a college education or not. If your parents want you to take the full ride they won’t be cosigning $120k worth of loans, so it’s not a choice between school A with debt or school B. Since you haven’t responded to the multiple people who asked if your parents can/will pay anything I gather the answer is no. If that’s true, your real options are the full ride or working your way through college (probably by starting at a community college). Without stats, home state, EFC, and how much parents can pay nobody here can say a gap year will lead to an affordable school. So this is a gamble. Take the full ride or try to win one next year at a school you like better. But full rides are rare. It’s not a gamble I’d take.

80

@hedgehog77 I gave some advice regarding academics a couple of posts upthread, but tagged the wrong hedgehog. Also, Post #78 lays it all out for you.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, please don’t underestimate the value of the free ride. It’s not that common. Your Gc should be celebrating with you, not discouraging you. Luckily, you have found real grownups here on this thread.