<p>I feel badly for the families of kids with limited choices who come to cc searching for suggestions and come upon “full shut out” threads where the student actually not only has a range of opportunities, but often options that include a decent chunk of aid besides. Is it okay to be disappointed? Of course. But I have to believe that families who have a shot at the caliber of colleges that are often discussed in these types of threads know the meaning of the terms they’re using. I wish they would make more of an effort to use them appropriately.</p>
<p>That’s the thing though… there isn’t enough room for every kid whose qualified to get into the top ten. There is just not enough space period. As much as we hate to think it, none of our kids are quite so rare and unique. This isn’t a slam on you at all. My D got rejected and wait-listed at her top 3 choices and it is very hard to watch a kid whose made good choices and worked hard not get what they want. Actually, it’s hard to watch ANY kid not get what they want when you love them… even if they made some iffy choices and didn’t always work so hard.</p>
<p>Everyone gets an evening to wallow and vent and eat a pint of ice cream (the Ben and Jerry’s Salted Caramel was super delicious in our household!) Then you book the trip to admitted students day to the college they did get into and start getting really excited. In the end, your son doesn’t need a top ten school to be amazing. He’s already amazing and you know he’s going to continue to be amazing at any school he attends.</p>
<p>I just wanted to add that sometimes these really amazing kids suffer from imposter syndrome. They feel like frauds because everyone tells them they are smart. They get good grades and lots of wins but with natural talent and high IQ, they don’t necessarily feel like they are working as hard as people credit them for (even if they actually are.) They don’t get into a tippy top college and they feel like they’ve not only let the world down but proven that, as they suspected, they were never deserving of their accolades. Of course, that is not true but it does happen a lot with super high-achievers. In the end, it can be really good for them to go to their 7th choice of college and see that the world doesn’t crumble and that those around them still love them and still believe in them.</p>
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<p>And his hard work “paid” off because he has some wonderful schools to chose from. Tell him to have a great time at admitted students days, find his people, compare packages and make a decision. Decide if he wants to wait our the wait list, updating the school after graduation. Hopefully he has received a great education from his high school and has a solid foundation to begin college.</p>
<p>although our situation is completely different (scores, non top ten status, etc) i want to express my sympathy for OP. because watching your kid suffer over not getting what they (think) they want is painful. and it’s just as painful for the parent whose kid got into UNC but wanted Princeton as it is for the parent whose kid wanted UNC, but only got into a local regional college. because the kids are sad. thankfully they get it over it eventually. and hopefully we will too.</p>
<p>To the OP:
You mentioned your son was captain of his championship team. Was he in fact, recruited for his sport? If so, that would have been a definite “hook”, and could have nudged his application into the yes pile. </p>
<p>If he was not competitive enough for Division I athletics, or if he chose not to play in college, his sports EC time would have less weight in his app. </p>
<p>Fortunately, your son has many academic talents as well, and will no doubt find great success in his studies. I suspect he can snag an Ivy for grad school if he stays on the same track. </p>
<p>I understand where the OP is coming from - i think he meant to say completely shut out of the ivies. My D got into Berkeley Rice Michigan but not into her favorite school - she is disappointed - but will move on & is very thankful for the opportunities that she has. Let him vent</p>
<p>He was admitted to Vanderbilt, which is just a smidgen below the very tippy top, and there’s cause for complaint? REALLY? In the grand scheme of things, there’s no meaningful difference between Vanderbilt and the Ivies. </p>
<p>I understand the frustration and have no problem with the OP venting. The college process is long and involved and sometimes it’s difficult to really know what some schools are looking for. Clearly the student was qualified for all of the schools to which he applied. </p>
<p>I just wish the title of the thread more accurately reflected the true story. When you are accepted to UVA, Vandy and UNC, by no means should that be considered a full shut out. Oh well, time to move on. Good luck to your son in his bright future!</p>
<p>In the face of ever increasing competition, and ever decreasing admissions rates, I really think we need to reevaluate how we “manage expectations” for college admissions. </p>
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<p>To my mind, if a child’s first 5 or 6 top choices are all schools with less than 10%-15% admissions rates, you have not been successful in managing expectations.</p>
<p>Don’t mean to be “controversial”, but is it just me or does this thread reminds anyone else of the other thread on the highly publicized case where this kid got in all 8 ivies? I’d understand how the news could “rub it in” to OP, and is it possible that her venting here could have something to do with it? </p>
<p>@pizzagirl: I feel your pain. You must feel like talking to a wall sometimes/a lot of times. But if it’s any comforting, many people, like OP, don’t really believe that not being able to attend an Ivy League school would take away their opportunities to be happy or successful in life (hence the notion that they are happy about the choices they have), nonetheless when denied from their top choice or preferred choice of colleges, they are understandably disappointed or upset. You may ask - why do I see it that often that people are coming on here venting about their disappointment over being accepted by multiple Ivies but turned down by Vendi? Well, I suppose that’s the hint for why some schools appeal to more people and therefore more selective than others. I can see you are a tireless fighter on here, and I could understand why you may feel tired if that is the case. 
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<p>Thank you Cup, that’s exactly what I meant. I also want to apologize to all who were offended or confused by the title. I’m a novice and do not understand the protocols. The point is that when a student excels (let’s assume most people would agree with that) at a highest level of academic rigor should the student, not the parent, the parent is only interested in the students happiness, have a right to be hopeful for admittance to one of his top six schools. The pain associated with that is real. It’s not the end of the world and this student understood the level of difficulty to achieve his dream. Those dreams did not become a reality. As I think I stated this student is happy and thankful he has 4 great choices. He appreciates the long odds in getting admission to those excellent state schools. Perhaps more difficult for this out of state student than those Ivies? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I probably shouldnt have even wasted my time with this forum. I thank all of you who empathized with us. But we have it in perspective. To those of you who feel that there’s nothing to complain about, or to feel frustration, or to feel the student was treated unfairly…fine you are entitled to your opinions. Doesn’t matter to me because you can’t possibly know this student. I did not ever think he was entitled or had a guarentee. Just hope that he had a good shot. I feared this would happen, it did happen, and I feel bad for my child because he didn’t get his dream school. thats my only complaint and it’s not much of a complaint because he’ll be off to a great school and get a great education and he will be the same great kid.</p>
<p>To answer some questions above:
Not recruited, good player not national caliber
No financial aid </p>
<p>Someone mentioned capriciousness, and there is a certain element of chance, unpredictability, and subjectivity to this process. I think there is agreement on minimum qualifications: a certain score and GPA might mean that your application won’t be tossed out immediately. I think we can agree that the student who got into all the Ivy’s and the OP’s son certainly met this criteria. Beyond this, it is up to so many factors that the best we can do is guess. The unfortunate reality is that there are many more highly qualified applicants than there are places for.</p>
<p>It is OK to vent, and understandable that the OP’s son is sad and dejected right now. In fact, there are more sad and upset students out there than happy ones, with these schools citing <10% acceptance rates. The press published this young man’s stats which could lead to anger and resentment from qualified applicants who were not so fortunate. This news could have been printed in a less inflammatory way, by only stating that he was among the top students in his class. </p>
<p>It’s OK to be sad, but not hostile. This young man did not take up every Ivy spot, or even 8 for long. He’s going to pick one, and soon there will be seven happy kids selected off the wait list. He is left with one spot, which he earned, and he didn’t take it from anybody.</p>
<p>The Ivy’s will always be prized, and something to strive for if a student wants to. Every one of them who applies takes a risk, and if they get in, then great, but for many more, it is a huge disappointment. Still, I hope for their sake, that their hard work will “pay off” somewhere down the road in other ways. It doesn’t feel like it now for the OP’s son, but with the high number of students not selected, he is likely to be in the company of many other equally qualified students like himself, and hopefully, he will continue to do very well. </p>
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Actually no, most of the selective schools over accept with the aim being not to have to go to the waitlist at all, or only for a very tiny number of students, much, much less than the number of students who turn down their place because they’ve got other choices.</p>
<p>Hugs to the OP. I remember feeling pretty awful when my older son got rejection from many top schools, including his top choice. In the end the place he ended up was perfect for him, he’s graduated working at his dream job.</p>
<p>Commanderz:</p>
<p>Congratulations! Your student will be very happy at any of his/her acceptances.</p>
<p>A very smart man once said to me, “Son, in this world, a piece of inked paper ain’t worth she-et if ain’t green.”</p>
<p>What was it about those schools that made them his number 1,2,3 choice etc? Why was it so important that he matriculate to one of those schools. I am sure he is dissappointed but I think it would be good to understand why? If it’s because 4 universities who had probably a combined 120,000 (I would guess at least a third of them are among the top 1-2% of all college applicants) plus applications for about 8000 slots did not find him exceptional then it is time to take a deep breath, be proud of what you have accomplished, make an informed decision concerning where you want to attend college and then continue to show the world what you’ve got. </p>
<p>OP, I think the only problem was your thread title. To me, “Full shut out!!!” conveyed the image of a kid who hadn’t gotten in ANYWHERE and was scrambling to avoid community college as his only option in the fall. Now, I assume he was rejected by Harvard, Yale, Princeton, either Columbia or Wharton, depending upon interest, Stanford and Duke. He got into Vandy, Emory, UNC–presumably UNC-CH and UVa. </p>
<p>That’s NOT a “Full shut out!!!” </p>
<p>Hey, I’m sure it still hurts–but I think you would have gotten more sympathetic treatment if your OP had been less misleading. JMO. </p>
<p>Mathmom, Did you read the poster’s info about CMU’s SCS? 50 men only accepted into that program. I’m glad my son hedged his bets by also applying to their school of science, as well as CS.</p>
<p>I was naive when son applied. Son was a little better. He went with a friend to state level math/science competitions, and wasn’t a winner. His friend scored higher in his field, but still not top 3. That friend got into MIT & Caltech. My son came away realizing how many brilliant people there were out there. </p>
<p>OP, in my neck of the woods, Emory and Vandy are many people dream schools. They don’t want to go too far from the SE. Congrats to your DS.</p>
<p>You have a right to be hopeful. The pain is real. Those are absolute truths.</p>
<p>But they need to be countered with the reality that there just aren’t enough spaces in these handfuls of schools to admit all the deserving students, and you have to look acceptance rates of < 15% or below in the face, and assume that they apply to you.</p>
<p>I have a little theory that a lot of people seem to forget that the applicant pools are drawn from the tip-top ranks, and so they see a 10% acceptance rate and figure - my kid’s in the top 10% of his class - heck, he’s in the top 1%! - that should be a slam-dunk. They forget that the applicant pool is “better” than the pool of all the kids in the high school that he is competing with.</p>
<p>OP - since you are new to CC you may not realize there will be many people on here who will try to convince you that all schools are created equal. Ivies, top ten, top 50, community college. It’s all the same! They know nothing about your child’s interests, approach to learning, why certain schools resonated so strongly with him. But they will react poorly to any indication from you that your top stats kid is disappointed with his choices. And immediately draw the conclusion that he/you suffer from entitlement issues and a misdirected sense that indeed, some schools are better than others. If you indicate any preference for Ivies, to some people, you are simply following the silly, status-driven masses. Over on the financial aid board of CC, you will learn that you are elitist for anticipating your high stats kid will actually attend school in a “sleep away” capacity.</p>
<p>Rather than being simply entitled, you are entitled to your feelings of disappointment for your kiddo. As the person who knows him best, you have your own ideas about why those other schools were such a great match. To me, there is a huge difference between Vanderbilt and Stanford. I’m sure each of them would provide something that meets a certain need of your son (and that’s why he applied to them), but it makes perfect sense to me why you would feel disappointed that Stanford/top Ivies are off the table. You’re allowed that. And then you move on to embrace the opportunities he’s been offered. He sounds like a great kid with an amazing future. Good luck to him!</p>
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<p>I give people more credit than that. I think the people who consider 10% acceptance rate schools as slam dunks for any student are in a tiny minority.</p>
<p>Title of the thread was unfortunate, but I can hold two thoughts–that selective schools are not slam dunks, and that people who get rejected from selective schools can feel disappointment–at the same time.</p>