I’m graduating this year and planning on goi g to a college 2hrs away to do their 4yr homeland security program but I’m scared because I have never been away from ho.e for more than a week and I have a boyfriend that has been my only friend d for 2 years I really want to go to this college and every time something goes wrong at home or with him or when I talk to people about it I get so excited and just ready to leave but when I think about it by myself it’s just so scary and I have trouble making friends I pushed all mone away to keep my grades up and be able to graduate a year early like I am right now and my boyfriend is constantly making me feel bad about going and leaving him. Is there anyone here in a similar situation or who is I’m college that could help me be a little more confident about going?
Hey @Knichole . Don’t ever let somebody tell you that you can’t do something. All right?
You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.
Thank you so much! I’m mostly scared of leaving my family and having no friends where I’m going and leaving my boyfriend behind amd he’s making my decision so hard he says he supports me but then complains I’m leaving him behind I’m so frustrated with myself. Lol I think I need to venture out though and give myself some responsibility thank you for your comment it was very helpful!
Hey, I’m a senior and also stressing about what it’ll be like in college. We’re all in the same boat 
Please don’t let your boyfriend discourage you. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t respect your decisions.
@Knichole…alarm bells are ringing all over this thread! No relationship is going to be a good one based on guilt, control, insecurity! Believe me!
Pay attention to what your boyfriend DOES…not what he says he does (i.e. support you. These are hollow words.)
I rarely give rigid rules about how people should be (my motto tends to be "there are many good ways to be human) but no young woman should ever give up an opportunity to develop skills or follow a realistic dream to stay home for/ follow a man. Sure, follow a man or start a family out of love someday if you choose…but from a position of strength and independence and free choice, not out of guilt or pity. That NEVER ends well. Don’t follow a man before you have hard, bankable skills for earning a living, and not before you’ve learned how to make other friends, keep a job you like, and built confidence in your own worth.
At best, your boyfriend is insecure and immature and willing to cut your wings out of his own fear (even if he believes with all his heart that he loves you…he’s just not ready for that kind of love yet.) At worse, a pattern of abuse can begin when one person encourages the other to cut off the world, stay dependent and accept control. You don’t want that to happen. Sounds like you have worked hard at school…you deserve to go out in the world and become yourself.
I’m wondering (just a little) whether you are truly ready for college…you are young…and whether you would benefit from a gap year to work and make friends while living at home. But if that choice were to keep you too tethered in a relationship where you have little breathing room, I’m not sure that would be a good idea.
Both of you need a chance to grow up with some space between you. That’s true for him too (whatever his age.) Right now, you focus on you!
You’ve worked hard for your goal and now it’s within reach.
You may not remember, but there must have been a point in 8th grade when you vacillated between fear and excitement about high school. And now you’re almost done with high school - you made it, even if at times it was hard, and you’re about to reach your next goal. It’s a big step, one that’ll take you to adulthood. You’ll build your own life and if your boyfriend and parents want what’s best for you, they want you grown, independent, doing what you love, achieving, reaching your goal.
It’s normal to feel fear at the unknown. But ultimately, thousands and thousands of freshmen make the same move. They survive . They make friends. Because they’re all in the same boat - away from home for the first time, figuring things out at college, learning how to become independent. It’s part of what growing up is.
So, accept it’s going to feel scary, until you’re actually at college and swept up in everything there.
This is YOUR future not his. Boyfriends come and go. This is your time to grow and learn to become independent. You’ll be fine and learn lots
If your boyfriend is saying rude things or acting in an immature way then it really sounds like you should ignore his opinion and put yourself first.
It sounds to me like you have something very special with your BF if he has been there for you these past 2 years. You need to follow your heart and think long and hard before you let this go. You would hate to have to live with regret or wondering what might have been. It sounds like he is your best friend and that is what everyone searches a lifetime for. You may be lucky enough to have found yours already. Just remember that life is a journey and there is no single path. But why choose between the two? Do you live so remote there are no schools closer that you can get accepted to? You will succeed in school much better if you are grounded and well adjusted. That might be difficult in a strange new place.
Good luck.
@MassDaD68, she is only going two hours away! How, exactly is going to school two hours away— in order to get higher education and training— “letting this go?” The girl is graduating early, so she may only be sixteen or seventeen years old. She needs the opportunity to grow up before making any kind of commitment to a boy or to a man. It is obvious that she lacks confidence and life skills…staying inside of a bubble, dependent on a single friend/boyfriend, is not a likely path for her to develop herself.
By saying the boyfriend/relationship must be special because he has stayed with her for two years kind of implies she’s not likely to find anyone else who would stay that long. Lots of kids date for a few years, for any number of reasons, but it doesn’t mean they are yet ready to commit, or are the best adult life partners. Something can be special but not meant to be permanent.
Would you also advise a sixteen or seventeen year old boy to “think long and hard” about leaving home… to encourage him to forego his chosen college/educational/occupational path because a girl is trying to make him feel guilty about going? If this (young?) man does love her, and if he is sincere; if he has the maturity and decency for a committed relationship, HE will cheer her on consistently, HE will wait, and HE will applaud her obtaining skills and confidence that can only benefit their lives. If so motivated, HE can move closer to her and find work or schooling. And if he, himself, is too dependent on his parents to move, or is committed to his own schooling or employment where he is and won’t/can’t be flexible, why should she be encouraged to think it is HER responsibility to adapt to his constraints.
She has no dependents yet. Someday she might, and will not be so free to develop her wings. This is her time. She needs to feel the wind under those wings, not increasing dependency on the opinion of one significant other. She’s a young girl, for heaven’s sake. @MassDaD68, you may mean well, and you may be feeling sentimental about young love. But I think your words are highly irresponsible to this young woman. The world is not an easy place and young women need skills…not young men cajoling them to stay inside their pumpkin shells. Maybe you need to talk to a few single women raising children on low-skilled jobs and visit a few women’s shelter’s to listen to the stories before you dole out this kind of advice. I would hope, even if OP stays with her boyfriend these would not be her stories. But the stories are more common stories than you might know, and she needs every opportunity to ascertain they they won’t become hers.
I know this is a lecture, but I feel a lot is at stake here.
@Knichole, Here’s a happy love story:
My nephew married his high school sweetheart two years ago. I saw them last weekend and they are truly best friends. They dated for TEN years before they married. She had a dream of becoming a medical researcher because her mother died of cancer when she was a child. I know she and my nephew were at least an hour or two away from each other while they pursued their undergraduate degrees in different schools. He then got a job fairly near her while she did her PhD. So, it can happen if you two are compatible, but your guy needs to applaud your choices or he’s not the forever-person for you.
It’s OK if you leave home and make some mistakes, have setbacks and homesickness. Those things are not signs that you’re on the wrong path or are inadequate, but that you’re growing! As hard as these experiences can be, you will learn from everything that happens! And, you might be surprised to find that you DO make friends…some people find it happens more easily on a college campus than in high school. Not always, but often! A lot of shuffling of social roles happens in college. What makes it hard for you to make friends, do you think?
I’m assuming you picked this particular school for a reason…that it’s the best school you could get into for the price you can afford, or that it has the program of study that most fits you. If there’s a geographically closer school that has every one of these advantages AND you want to stay closer to home, then go for it…otherwise, pick your future, without guilt, according to what’s best for you. You could also some day ask “what if” about the career you might have had, if you give your path up for your boyfriend.
Let us know how it goes!
You’re only going to be 2 hours away. You’re not relocating to an outer rim planet or to Mongolia. It’s going to be ok. Relationship jitters are pretty normal whenever there’s a huge change like this…and it appears that the relationship jitters are coming from your boyfriend.
If you & boyfriend are meant to be together forever and ever, then it will work out. He will be supportive of this exciting new part of your life and he will want to be a part of it. If he is insecure and wants to hold you down, then he will not be supportive.
Sure, moving away from home is scary. It’s NORMAL to feel a little apprehensive about it. But it’s also exciting. You’re probably feeling a mixture of both emotions. It’s ** totally normal ** to feel this way.
It’s very possible that your boyfriend might be feeling a little jealous of your new adventure, of going away to college & all that. He’s probably afraid that you’ll make new friends & meet another guy who you’ll fall in love with.
Looking at this from an outsider’s point of view, I think that you really need to do this. Stick to your original plans (going away to college). Don’t throw the plans down the drain because your boyfriend is upset. You NEED a larger circle of friends than just your boyfriend. That is too isolating. It also puts you in a vulnerable situation relationship-wise, when your boyfriend is your ONLY source of social outlet. In a HEALTHY relationship that’s based on mutual respect and mutual trust, a boyfriend or girlfriend would not feel threatened by the significant other having friends or of wanting to go and further his/her education.
Your excitement about going to college is a really good thing. Your gut is telling you that you need to do this. You need to do it for more reasons than just getting a good education. You need to do it because it’s awfully hard to spread your wings if your wings are held down. You’ll never know what you are capable of if you never try anything new.
@tucsonmom All of this. OP, I know it feels like you and your guy will be together forever. However, if it’s meant to be, it will weather this separation. You are making an investment in yourself. Boyfriends come and go - the knowledge you will gain is something that you will always have. All of the feelings you are experiencing are totally normal - the future can be scary, but also very exciting. Do not let this opportunity get away from you. Acknowledge your boyfriend’s feelings of jealousy/abandonment, but do not let his insecurities drive your life.
My D has a friend who’s a freshman dorming at a school less than 1 hour away from home. She leaves every weekend to be with her HS senior boyfriend. She’s got a major lack of emotional support from her family, so I understand her clinging to him. However, she is never going to feel connected to the school or make new friends if she doesn’t allow herself to spend some down time at school. Putting so many of her emotional eggs in one basket is super risky at this age. She is a lovely, bright girl who will probably not end up with this guy long term (who knows where he’ll wind up next year?) and will have missed out on a lot of what college has to offer.
Then there is another friend of D’s who’s HS boyfriend is going to colleges half a country apart from each other. They broke up very early on in the school year, then got back together. Whatever they do to make it work, at least they are experiencing some of what each of their schools has to offer and are making connections. Don’t know if the long-distance thing will last - no crystal ball.
OP, the two of you are hunkered down in the lifeboat that is your relationship because of fear of the unknown. It’s time to jump into the water and do a little solo swimming. If your relationship is strong enough, that boat will still be there, and when you get tired, you can cling to the sides to rest before the next plunge.
Thank you so much that means a lot and all of what you said is correct and I think I made the right decision I broke things off because he could not live in the moments we had and consistently discouraged me he dropped out if highschool after being expelled got his ged and does not plan to go to school that does not bother me but what does is he does not like to work and is always complaining how life is unfair and has no goals in life. Now finally having that weight lifted from me I feel great and I’m so excited for college I visited campus and talked to someone who is currently in the program I’m going for they love it and I love the campus! I am still nervous but like you said I need to fly I need this independence and responsibility boys come and go and if one don’t fit me then there is always enough company with animals!
This school is very affordable with my 21st scholarship and my fasfa Pell grant and it has the program I want! Thank you for sharing your story that is very sweet!
Good job. Don’t worry, it’s normal to be scared but it’s great to be excited about the whole wide future ahead of you. Everything’s possible - make it happen.
Hi @Knichole, Thanks for getting back to us! I’m so glad that you’re feeling relieved about your decision and excited about your future That’s great that your school is affordable and has the program you want without going too far.
I wasn’t trying to discourage you about relationships…just that they have to be in sinc with your heart AND brain to work out well. It sounds as if you and your ex-boyfriend are two very different people. If you tried to hold yourself back for him you would be miserable. He would be too, knowing deep down that you feel that way. He may have some good qualities and I hope he grows and changes over time but someone who tends to blame everyone else for his problems is just not a good prospect for the future. He will have a rough ride in life unless he does change.
You, on the other hand, sound as if you are ready to make your own luck by trying your best and having new adventures. And you’re right…animals can make the best companions when there’s no one better around and sometimes when there is 
(I don’t think I could live without a couple of dogs and cats.) Though you may have to do without an animal friend at college but I hear some schools have dog-petting days (professor’s dogs) during exam weeks to help student de-stress.
College Confidential can be a great place to get some support, info, and different opinions of things…hope you keep us posted on how you’re doing!
Just go with your dream and pursue your goal in life. Yes, at first you may be scared but everything will become smooth afterwards.