<p>romanigypsy - there is DEFINITELY an expectation for parents to pay for their kids college. Yes, it’s a choice. Of course. But the cost of college has gone up, and the laws have changed, seemingly to bilk more money out of parents (who supposedly have the means). That’s fine. </p>
<p>The majority of kids have their college costs augmented by their parents - the schools expect and know, and have arranged it this way. They need to listen to the parents’ concerns.</p>
<p>My guess is that the women made a specific case for having a separate bathroom (safety concerns, maybe) and the men did not. When the dorms were built, there were probably only two bathrooms in any given area, so if one is going to be gender neutral, there is only one left. If there were three bathrooms in a given space, they could have one of each.
When my son was at this school, this was the arrangement in his
immediate floor space, but there were many other random bathrooms around the college that were gender specific–even on different floors of the same dorm. (And all showers had doors or curtains.) The only places the students had a say in the bath arrangements were on their own floors. I believe this is still the case.</p>
<p>The school doesn’t have an agenda, but every year is a different crop of kids, and even within a dorm, each floor has it’s own character- so one never knows.</p>
<p>cro, there are only a handful of states that can legally compel a parent to pay. The rest, no. Again, I said legally, not morally or ethically or anything else.</p>
<p>Yes, I understand. But the school must be funded if the child is to attend, no? And the parents income WILL be considered in determining how much - even if the 20 year old has been living on their own for 2 years. This is a sore spot for me. It’s a fairly recent (past 10 years) development as the cost of tuition goes up and up. </p>
<p>I get they’re not LEGALLY responsible. But the truth is that the colleges know where they’re money’s coming from - they should listen to the parents.</p>
<p>A PATTERN of NOT listening to parents may result in parents choosing to enroll kids somewhere else.</p>
<p>cro, if the parent chooses to pull their funding and their student, I’m sure they’d have no problem filling that space in the next transfer cycle.</p>
<p>Fwiw, I’m playing devil’s advocate and giving you the school’s side. I am against not having a private option of some sort.</p>
<p>Agreed. And then they’d have a student body that had no problem with being forced to share a bathroom with strangers of the opposite sex.</p>
<p>I know I sound catty - but I gotta say - if my own kid knew of this situation before their decision - it would be a deal breaker.</p>
<p>And I wouldn’t go for it either.</p>
<p>I’m not necessarily talking about pulling a student that’s already enrolled.</p>
<p>I’m talking about a university that begins to gain a reputation for not listening to all their students fairly, and the parents that are funding the university. That’s why I used the word “pattern”.</p>
<p>moonchild, if there was an all guys bathroom on another floor of his own dorm facility that he had access to, I wouldn’t have a problem. That’s not the way I understood it.</p>
<p>AllenbyTate - I agree.</p>
<p>I will press him to tell me exactly how far away the closest male-only bathroom is. I thought he told me yesterday that he would have to go to another dorm.</p>
<p>There are three bathrooms this hallway is voting on, incidentally. One all-female and two gender-neutral as it currently stands. There are hard feelings in the hallway over the inequalities, and I can certainly understand why. It seems to me an example of “I’ll take what’s mine and I’ll take what’s yours, too!”</p>
<p>I do feel parents should have a say over basic access to facilities, as many are making a huge family sacrifice to pay tuition, room and board. I know we are. I see a lot of political correctness, but not a lot of common sense, in this allotment. If everyone is deserving of respect, then respect everyone. Boys who value their privacy are people too.</p>
<p>We were told at every campus we visited that unless everyone on a dorm floor voted for co-ed bathrooms, it wouldn’t happen. I have no idea how these votes take place and whether there is peer pressure. My son never had a problem on his campus. I was in a co-ed dorm with co-ed bathrooms back in the late 60s. I don’t remember voting about it. Of course, I don’t remember much.</p>
<p>OP–if your son has a problem, has he talked to someone at the college about it? Talking to you won’t help as much.</p>
<p>My feeling is that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. In other words, if the women get single-sex bathrooms, then the men should get them also.</p>
<p>But that’s not just my feeling - it’s also the law. If the school is getting federal funding, then it may NOT discriminate against male students in this way. Really, can you imagine any public facility having bathrooms for women only, and not for men?</p>
<p>So, there are two ways to approach this. Your son could speak up and say that the ALL bathrooms should be gender-neutral. Such a solution would, after all, be politically correct and would presumably in keeping with the student body’s progressive agenda. And I’m guessing that it wouldn’t fly with the girls . . . but then it would be their fault, and not your son’s. Either ALL the bathrooms go co-ed, or both men and women get separate facilities. Equality, after all.</p>
<p>The other approach would be for you to speak up about it. It is, after all, a form of gender discrimination for which the school could potentially be legally liable. Quietly mentioning that to a senior administrator might result in a quick fix to a situation that never needed to occur in the first place. There’s nothing wrong with gender-neutral bathrooms (if the students really want them) - but if the girls get a choice, then so should the boys.</p>
<p>By the way, I’d suspect that a lot of boys are uncomfortable with gender-neutral bathrooms, at least at first . . . but are just embarrassed to speak up about it. I’m sure your son isn’t alone.</p>
<p>bethievt, the unanimity requirement seems perfectly reasonable to me. My son says, in his dorm, the simple majority vote wins.</p>
<p>I think my son realizes the PC environment does not allow him to object, as his friend was shouted down yesterday for trying to voice again his preference for one bathroom that would allow the boys some privacy. The boys feel that, as they cannot constitute the majority, they have no voice in this situation – a fact they resent – and tensions are running high. Ideally, at this point in the year, hallmates would not be screaming at each other about the history of racial and sexual oppression dictating there can be no dissenting opinions about bathroom designations. Kind of casts a pall over the free exchange of ideas. My son was hoping college would be a bit more free from rigid ideologies. It is downright disappointing to be told that, because of your skin color, gender or sexual orientation, your voice doesn’t count.</p>
<p>I can see both sides of the issue.
What I do feel most strongly is that this is the time in our son’s and daughter’s lives that we need to have a bit of restraint, actually a lot of restraint, in how and when we involve ourselves in their college world.
Yes, we are paying, I get that. But this is their space.
However we may feel about whatever rule or a policy that affects our young adults at their college, it’s important to respect that this is their school and their life now. If they have issues with policies, give them a chance to come up with a solution on their own. I have two graduates of two very fine colleges that I did not always agree with, but not once did I complain to these schools or step in on behalf of either of my kids. I made suggestions to them if they complained to me and tried to guide them to solutions, but unless we’re talking about dangers to their health or safety (and I never encountered either of those) I let them figure it out themselves. They would have HATED my direct interference, no matter how much they may have agreed with me on the issue, lol!<br>
I have a lot of faith in healthy 18 year old men and women’s abilities to handle situations in their lives without parental interference, and I’m quite convinced that they grow a lot when we let them.</p>
<p>Good points, dodgersmom. I’m assuming private colleges do receive federal funding through research grants, NIH funding, etc? Are you thinking of different categories of funding?</p>
<p>When my Ds applied to college, we had no idea there was an issue with bathrooms. We parents did not have gender-neutral bathrooms in college, they don’t exist in high schools, and they are infrequent in public and private places. It just never crossed our minds that such arrangements existed in colleges. So we never asked or paid attention.</p>
<p>D1 did not have an issue, because her dorm suite had its own bathroom all 4 years. D2 did not have an issue until Senior year, during which she now shares a hall bathroom with men and women. Personally, the idea creeped me out, but D assured me it would be all right. I said, “well maybe for you, but what am I going to do if I need to use the bathroom when I’m visiting your dorm room??” lol.</p>
<p>The only comment I’ve heard from her about it so far is that she is grossed out that the guys leave pee on the floor around the toilets.</p>
<p>Adding, I don’t really understand the need for gender-neutral bathrooms. Are there non-heterosexual students who cannot use the same gender bathrooms they’ve always used? If they are transgender, I don’t think anyone would object to them choosing whichever one feels best. But to force everyone else to share seems like overkill.</p>
<p>Bay, co ed bathrooms were around long before this rise in transsexual rights.</p>
<p>The issue here seems to be that your son is being harrassed by his floormates in the shared bathroom. That’s not acceptable and should be addressed.</p>
<p>Many dorms manage to have gender-neutral, shared bath situations where no one gets harrassed. I lived on halls with gender-neutral baths for three years of college, and there was no behavior of the type you describe. People treated their floormates as they might treat a sibling. And we wore robes.</p>
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<p>What was the purpose for them?</p>
<p>Adding: Nevermind, I think I remember it is because they integrated the dorm halls, so they had to share bathrooms, too.</p>
<p>Well… if your son feels strongly about this, maybe he can get the other kid who was shouted down to go with him to see the RA. They can explain that they feel marginalized, but are not comfortable with the current situation. See what the RA can/will do.</p>
<p>Really, this is not a hill that I as a parent would want to go to battle for with the college. But if it is important to your son, and he feels he is not being heard by his hallmates, he has options. He really is the one who ought to pursue them, though. I am all for parental intervention when safety is at stake. But this is not a safety issue. So let him take a stand if he thinks it is worth it.</p>