@carachel2 >>>
True love puts boundaries on rewards. Giving our kids everything at the sacrifice of parental financial security does nothing for the kid. One day he WILL be disappointed in something. What is going to happen then? He will work for days and weeks and nights and he will not get that promotion or raise he thought he deserved for his hard work. What happens then? A truly smart kid can run those numbers and see it is financial suicide for the family. He may very well end up supporting you both if even one thing goes wrong healthwise. You are walking a huge tightrope.
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Carachel2 You are so right. Parents who “do everything” for their kids are not doing one important thing…teaching them limits, which will help them adjust to the real world later on.
If peers are that prestige conscious, I would wear the tee-shirt that’s make the biggest splash. Depending on the kid there could be value in seeing a well regarded student not enrolling at a brand name, but I understand that depending on the kid and the school atmosphere, wearing the brand name tee shirt would be preferable to losing face.
my nephew attends one of those Calif tech high schools. These are high schools that often needed an injection of more students, so they turn half of the campus into a Tech school…and then suddenly every smartie-pants middle schooler wants to go there. It’s a win/win for the school…more warm bodies and more high stats warm bodies. The tech kids are in their own little world on campus with their higher level classes…all with ivies, MIT, and Stanford on the brain.
The pressure to go to a name brand college is extremely intense. Currently my nephew holds the #1 ranking, and a near perfect SAT (perfect 2400 superscored) and a 1600 M+CR single sitting. The lunch table talk is incredible.
I would totally get a shirt that says “Podunk State U” on the front and “#NoDebt” on the back and wear that, just for laughs. :> But then again, I wear Crocs, which went out of style years ago, so I’m not in tune with the pressures of society, I guess. :))
Why are parents and students so surprised that an OOS public (rarely) gives aid to cover need…particularly when stats are average, but even when stats are quite good?? They understand that they don’t pay taxes there. They understand that the school charges an OOS rate. What do they think the point of an OOS rate if a school is just going to cover it with need based aid?
Yes, some publics give merit to OOS students, but those scholarships are for stats, not because of need. The school is giving to benefit itself.
“Why are parents and students so surprised that an OOS public (rarely) gives aid to cover need…”
I dont think that parents often investigate which U’s are private Vrs public . At least until someone points it out. And then there is so much “magical” and/ or or naive thinking that seems to blind parents from the realities of college costs these days.
Every year, someone always thinks that USC is part of the UC system.
Its sometimes hard to remember how it was way back when , when we CC veterans were newbies and knew NOTHING.
Honestly, I think a lot of parents just let their kids apply to a bunch of schools with no knowledge whatsoever if it’s public or private (and how they’re ENTIRELY different animals, especially with regard to in-state vs. OOS) and just assume that all “smart” kids (as defined by the local HS) will be awarded with “scholarships.”
I suspect there is also a not-insignificant contingent who never went to a selective college (or any college) themselves and have no idea how these things work.
It’s a classic case of not knowing what you don’t know until it’s too late!
I just spent a leisurely brunch catching up on this tread, and I’m so glad I did. It was like reading a self-help book where you already know all the principles, but it is good to hear again and from different voices. Thank you so much to all the wise and gracious voices here.
One of my favorite mentions up-stream on this thread was being one of the “poorest” students just so you can attend a high-prestige college. If D choices a school where our contribution will not be enough and she needs to go into debt, that translates to no disposable income – no study abroad, no weekend trips, no latest technology gadgets, no celebratory cute new boots when she aces a final, heck it could even mean no study groups at Starbucks because she can’t afford a latte. Plus, D won’t have time because she will be working a part-time job that is required to make ends meet. I will be reminding her it is not just the college but what she can afford to do while at that college that makes it a great “fit.”
I am also compelled to re-post the links to the excellent college loan calculators provided earlier because they are so helpful:
I can imagine a very few scenarios where we would co-sign for loans beyond the Stafford that would be D’s responsibility to pay back, but if that happens she absolutely needs to see how it will limit her choices after graduation and continue to make her standard of living well below her hopes for the future.
I regret how moving to Hawaii when D was in 3rd grade has effected our finances, especially college financial aid. Our salaries are possible at places in the country with a dramatically lower cost of living, freeing more money for college. That’s my regret, but I can’t add to it by not being willing to say “no” often and firmly in these next few months. Thanks for the reminder, gang.
Thank you for sharing that article. My stomach hurts for that young man. That was a very powerful read because that could be my kid if I don’t stop this madness. I was/am as naive as his parents and I take responsibility. I almost want to start a nonprofit to educate parents and kids about all the misconceptions about financial aid, merit & scholarships… I really burns me up…
@ucbalumnus not really but it is the second cheapest on his list… TCNJ is the cheapest. I can’t imagine he won’t get in but who knows… Yes, I now realize there is a strategy to applying to schools that work in your favor for aid and I woke up way too late… We had a talk with him today after all the wonderful comments and support I received from everyone and unless we are lucky and he gets unexpected money, TCNJ it is…
TCNJ seems to have a reasonably good selection of CS courses (but no security and cryptography specific courses), although many of the advanced ones are offered once every two years (i.e. he may have only one chance during his time there to take each such course).
$50k per year for OOS UMaryland? Was any merit offered? If not, this doesn’t sound like a great option if the parents will have to take out loans.
Can the student, at least, consider a school where he’d get decent merit for the first two years, and then transfer to UMaryland for those last two years?? A school that has a good program in his major and that would give him free tuition for the first two years, would save you about $70k overall…That’s significant!
I would suggest applying now to UAH and attending there for at least the first two years. Sounds like he’d get at least free tuition. Remaining costs would be about $15k per year or less.
One of my brothers got a masters degree at UAH (physics) while his job had him stationed in Alabama. He felt it was a very good school. That’s a great deal, free tuition.
To tell the truth I don’t understand why the kid who wants to work for the government in cyber security did not look at FREE military academies, government service scholarships, and ROTC scholarships and started applying to PRESTIGIOUS colleges
I figured out you are from NJ.
In the CyberCorps Scholarship For Service list there is only one NJ college, a private one, and deadline has passed. http://www.stevens.edu/ses/undergrad/cybersecurity.html (the program looks really good)
If you are thinking about TCNJ, can I suggest to contact this person and ask if they have any money for future cyber security government employees and what has to be done to get the money? http://rotc.tcnj.edu/contacts/
But then again, I wear Crocs, which went out of style years ago, so I’m not in tune with the pressures of society, I guess. :))