<p>The first year wasn't too bad. There were a lot of phone calls back and forth. After a month or so, we went for a visit, listened to her play in a concert and did some sightseeing. Soon it was Thanksgiving and then winter break. The second semester followed the same pattern. The second year pattern was about the same. Now that my D is starting her 3rd year, we a really feeling like empty nesters. Visiting is started to seem less exciting. D already has plans to visits friends and will be spending much less time at home over breaks. Now that she has an apartment, she has announced that next summer she will be staying in the college city for work or internships. She has tried her wings a few times but comes back to the nest. Soon she will just fly where her interests and the air currents take her.</p>
<p>For many years our vacations seemed to revolve around taking D to summer camps, or college tours or interviews/auditions, and then back and forth from college. In a couple of weeks we will be taking a real vacation. We can even go in the Fall when the crowds have thinned and the temperatures are milder. Sometimes the parents need to leave the nest and also soar in the air currents.</p>
<p>i'm in my second year of empty nest. i haven't decided if it gets easier or not.....in some ways, i'm more comfortable with the quiet, empty house. in other ways, the sophomore year usually means that they really come into their own. they are so excited to go back....and that means they can forget about you pretty darn quick. in addition, i know that the next summer will be really lonely as neither son will be coming home for summer term. </p>
<p>i guess one secret is "don't look too far ahead" and just take everything one day--maybe even an hour at a time.</p>
<p>oh, and really consider the pet thing....i finally adopted a dog this summer. everyone really likes him and he's a lot of fun to have around. i never thought walking a dog would be so therapeutic--and everyone wants to stop to talk and pat his little head!</p>
<p>Oh - one option I totally forgot to mention - there are so many programs now at various colleges for adults who want to continue their education for career purposes or just for enrichment. Many of them have very flexible hours, reduced cost per credit hour, and easy enrollment (reduced red tape). It seems like this can be a perfect option for the empty nester who has always wanted to learn a new language, refine a skill, take a few classes, etc. I think it's also possible that if one takes enough credit hours, it could help somewhat on the subsequent year's FAFSA.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone, for your replies! I think the hard part is that my daughter is doing a pre-orientation, and then 4 days later is the "real" goodbye. She's going to school in Boston, and we're from the midwest, so I rented a place at the cape for a week. Sounded fun at first but then I got sick, was overtired, etc. I hunkered down, bawled like a baby, and luckily she didn't know it. She and I are dealing w/a twist in this whole thing - she's recovering from a 2 1/2 yr illness that almost took her life. I feel so incredibly blessed that she's able to even go to school, let alone the one of her dreams! When I mentioned in the earlier post she was having it rough - it was based on her illness. She didn't sound the least bit sad. She's met some cool kids already and as long as her physical ailments don't hold her back, she'll be fine. At first I felt guilty for laying around in this rental crying and not enjoying the beach. Last night I went to dinner and met some fun people and today I am going whale watching. I dread Wednesday. Two good byes are rough. And, I wish I would've just decided to go home after Wed. Oh, well. I am honestly excited about the freedom. I just need to know she's healed/recovered enough to fly from our nest. Had he doctor not let her try, though, would've taken away her hope for being back to being well. </p>
<p>I've set an appt to talk about starting my PhD. I already volunteer w/CASA, so have that "kid" connection, and may even become an emergency foster care mom. I'd love to make 7 figures in my salary. :) When I get gome, I am getting large poster boards and actually plot long-term and short-term goals for myself for a variety of areas. And, I am going to take a pottery class because I've been fascinated with potter's wheels since I was a little kid!</p>
<p>Again, thanks everyone! Logically I know I will be just fine, and so will she! Emotionally, I wish I was in my own bed when I cry, so I could hug my dog. </p>
<p>As with everything else in life, this too shall pass and we all just take it one day at a time. (I hate trite cliches, but sometimes they're true.) Best wishes to everyone dealing with this! :)</p>
<p>Thanks to each of you for your replies. I really like the Big Brothers and Big Sisters idea. I am definitely going to pursue that option. </p>
<p>Once my DH's stents are done, I might even consider going back to school part-time to get my DrPH.</p>
<p>I also agree that we should keep the pain of separation to ourselves and not bog our kids down with any guilt.</p>
<p>I left my home and my DMum in Asia 25 years ago in pursuit of Grad education in the US in an era when there was no Internet, no cellphones available, no cheaptickets.com either. My M used to write an aerogram every week to me and had no option of coming over to see me even once a year. Travel was incredibly expensive for them to afford and for me as me to take on as a student.......She got over the empty nest syndrome. </p>
<p>Compared to her, I am in a much better situation. My Mom's life revolved around us kids then. At least I have a career, a DH, and a pet dog. I think the glass is half full.</p>
<p>Dropped our last one off last week. I expected to be sobbing all the way - but felt an odd sense of relief. She is where she should be, and happy. We can step back from monitoring her daily life ("what's your work schedule this week?", "Did you send in your ______", "No, you can't go out until you clean your bathroom.") Let's see if that keeps... but for now, it was easier than I feared.
Addition: She called Sunday night "MOM, I LOVE COLLEGE!!!"... I reminded her that since she hasn't gone to any classes yet, she's at a very expensive summer camp full of hot boys. What's not to like?</p>
<p>We're about to begin our fourth year of being emptynesters. Lots of plusses, some minuses. So a couple of months ago, I asked TheMom what about having another child now? She said to take it up with my second wife.</p>
<p>Half an hour later, I'm at the dining table, making some notes on a legal pad and she asks what I'm doing. "Drafting an audition notice," sez I. "Audition for what?" "For what I'm looking for in a second wife." I tell you, there's no pleasing the woman.</p>
<p>TheDad, too funny!
Just back from dropping my youngest child off at school in another country, and reading these posts, I'm thankful I never let him know how much I was dreading his leaving -- he is so thrilled with his situation and he worked so hard to get there.<br>
And to the many concerned friends who've been asking me, whatever will you do with yourself now that he's gone, my response has been, Relax and sit back and enjoy a job well done. I did it! Time to exhale!</p>
<p>THeDad - doesn't your local paper have the "Child of the Week"? I would think you can find a bunch of kids right there. I always have to slap my hand to not call....</p>
<p>Well, I had been meaning to sit down and post to the empty nest thread since we dropped our younger son off at college a couple weeks ago. Once my husband and I got through the first couple days of alternatingly getting choked up over the sight of his empty (and now NEAT) bedroom, we started to realize that our dynamic toward each other was shifting somewhat- it was easier to remember how life was for us between our marriage 27 years ago and the birth of our older son 21 years ago. We actually ate out at our favorite Indian restaurant this past Friday night rather than run there to pick up an order (our younger son was always hanging around waiting to be fed!). More talking going on between us that did not involve the boys! We were even talking about taking a long weekend at the Cape in September. Imagine! </p>
<p>But then, before I got to write this, our empty nest evaporated....A dreaded call came in to me at work yesterday. Older son's lease ran out in Boston and he and his friends did not come up with a new arrangement. Everyone was dispersing and most were moving home to live with their parents in our hometown ("until we figure things out and save up some money") Older son ended up moving home yesterday "just for now". Husband and I have reluctantly allowed it with all sorts of conditions but to be honest, I miss that empty nest thing we were only just starting to experience. I have decided it is only delayed a bit and will keep my hand firmly on older son's back to secure new quarters. I mean, I was starting to see the nice side of this!!!!</p>
<p>I've surprised myself by doing fine so far--granted it's just been a few days. My dear son just seemed so happy and the college so wonderful. I'm purely happy for him. I'll check in later if I fall apart.</p>
<p>I went to the grocery store..wandered around with a pathetic 3 bananas, 4 apples, half-gallon of milk, one loaf of bread....still trying to figure out this "groceries for two light eaters" deal. A week later, the fridge still looks the way it did after I bought groceries. I realize that I must not buy any fresh groceries unless I actively plan to eat them. There's only DH and me (He's many inches over 6', and only 155 lbs, so you know how much he eats....) ;)</p>
<p>I remember reading someone writing in one of these threads that the first week she is usually fine, but the second week is worse. Well, I couldn't get over how well I handled the first week. I knew DS was ready to go, excited to go, and was at a college that was a good fit for him. I was happy for him, and busy with the one left at home. Today we finally had our first long, chatty phone call. Now that the phone call is over, I suddenly miss him so! Why is that? Did I forget how much I enjoyed chatting with him? Maybe it's the "second week syndrome" kicking in. Or maybe just the reality that this isn't like when he went to camp for a week. sigh.</p>
<p>We both work long, hard hours and figured paying for weekly housekeeping was a justifiable expense. I've realized that without D and all her friends around all the time, we really could get by with every other week or just do it ourselves, but I feel an obligation to the cleaning lady so we'll keep it up. The house certainly is much tidier these days, but I loved the years with all the kids hanging out.</p>