<p>To all Mothers out there who have gone through the empty nest syndrome before-</p>
<p>Dropped my darling child off to school on Thursday. I was happy and excited until the very last moment when I gave him a goodbye hug and got teary eyed and all choked up.</p>
<p>Driving home, I realized that my child will no longer be home when I come home from work. The excited and effervescent chatter of his friends visiting our home will be gone until December holidays. I will be coming home from work every evening to an empty and cold house.</p>
<p>No more "What's for dinner Mom?"....... No more parents coming to pick up their kids and extended communication with parents..... no more back to school parents night and the comforting Parents Partenership Organization.</p>
<p>I seem to be left with a such a void. </p>
<p>If you have already gone through this experience and gotten over it, please post what helped you get over the empty nest syndrome.</p>
<p>well, eternaloptimist, I went through this last year and thought I was over it...until 3 AM today when my DD and DH climbed in her VW Beetle and started the drive back to her college. I've been wandering about the house this morning...and had to catch myself from thinking "Oh, this is a great story in the paper, I'll show it to DD tonight when she gets home." And she already told us that she probably won't come home next summer.</p>
<p>But it DOES get better, trust me. The key is to keep yourself as busy as possible. Go to the cooking class you've always wanted to go to but have been too busy. Throw yourself into your house, your job, your volunteering activity...whatever! Do something new. Do something old. Take your spouse out for a movie! Then you'll have things to talk about with your DC when he/she calls!</p>
<p>Hugs from someone who has been through it and is going through it again!</p>
<p>I bought two pet rabbits last year, a year before my youngest was off to college. It's nice not coming home to an empty house.</p>
<p>Rabbits aren't for everyone in that they don't like to be cuddled. However, they're really good at running to their food dish and begging for food. They also are fun to watch play.</p>
<p>So, my advice is to get a pet.</p>
<p>It also can help to do volunteer work with kids, something that I also get a lot of gratification from as well as socializing with friends. Yes, this is a good time to deepen old friendships and make new ones.</p>
<p>Definitely stay busy! ... Empty nest probably won't be a big problem for me. Our oldest daughter left for college out-of-state last fall; our youngest leaves next week for a school even farther away. While my husband and I will certainly miss our dear girls, I think nature has a way of softening the blow. Both (especially the youngest) have become so independent in the past couple of years, it seemed we were seeing less of them with each passing week. Both also became increasingly opinionated, argumentative, and easily offended. Plus, I worried about them every time they walked out the door and got into a car. ... In some ways I'll be sad to see them off to college; in other ways, I'll be relieved! I can live in my own fool's paradise and assume that all is well and good with them--unless I hear otherwise.</p>
<p>I came across a book on empty nest syndrome. It is called "The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love, and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop" edited by Karen Stabiner. It is quite insightful. </p>
<p>I will have an empty nest in less than a week when both DS & DD leave for college. I am planning to keep myself busy with scrapbooking & home video projects. I will also focus on spending more time walking my dog (we both could use the exercise) and playing more tennis with DH. Hopefully, these activities will help me cope with the empty nest years.</p>
<p>I'm on the computer because he just left for his senior year and I miss him. Husband and I will leave in a hour to help him unpack-my SUV has most of his stuff. It does get better, you will eventually enjoy that they are happy and you are free. Trying new things, visiting new local places helped us. The dog got more attention-but he was still lonely.</p>
<p>It does get easier, but it is still difficult every time he comes home for awhile and then leaves again. I can plan on a day of feeling down and not accomplishing much. It does help that younger son calls a lot. Just yesterday he called twice to get my advice on a meal he was cooking--fixing a big meal for 7 roommates and friends. Cell phones were a wonderful invention!</p>
<p>One thing I did was volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters. I got paired with a sweet 8 year old girl (now 9) that I get together with about once a week. This gives me a chance to have a kid around, an excuse to bake cookies (and someone to bake them with), and a feeling that I am still making an impact upon a young life.</p>
<p>It's not just Moms that are affected by the Empty Nest Syndrome. My wife and I just dropped our youngest child/daughter off at school in California - I went on to do some work in the Northwest for a few days and just got home to New Jersey last night. Today is awful - house feels empty, no noise, no kid(s). My wife is fine but I'm a mess.</p>
<p>Northstarmom hit the nail on the head. When our second left and friends asked what it is like "without kids", I just tell then it like "before kids", DH, me and the dog. Since no one was going to be around last Thanksgiving, the three of us went camping. Doing volunteer work with kids is another great idea. Try going back to your kid's high school and "adopt" another kid or two who aren't getting the college prep help they need. After all, we're "pros" now, right? :D</p>
<p>Ahh, the empty nest. However, don't forget the boomerangs. We dropped off our youngest but then one of the boys came back. So still no empty nest. This is the third one that has swung back while trying to get established. I tell them I am being deprived of my syndrome but they aren't listening :)</p>
<p>Is anyone out there a single mom who dropped off their one and only? I have no one to come home to - no other kids, no husband. I do have pets. I will give them all extra kisses when I get back home.</p>
<p>I just wonder if it's harder for the single mom/only kid combo. DD is having it rough, too. We are very close...</p>
<p>Agree that single moms have it tough--and dads too. My DH 'adopted' the three fatherless boys across the street to keep his sanity. One in particular has developed a very strong bond with our family.</p>
<p>But I don't want to get over Empty Nest. I love my boys to bits but I put 1000% of myself into their upbringing and I am more than pleased to have some of that energy for other pursuits. </p>
<p>I look forward to the visits but when they are home, it is like having a typhoon blow through our lives. Yesterday we had a 2 to 6 pm open house for 35 and then an impromptu 9:30 pm Sunday lamb dinner for 9--four of whom were Irish travelling friends of S2's who happened to arrive for the open house--plus one extra guest of S2's.</p>
<p>The house is jammed with loud music and gigantic young men--and beautiful girls--all of whom like to hang around and have a laugh until 2 or 3 am.</p>
<p>Come Thursday, I'll be ready to resume my Empty Nest life again.</p>
<p>Floating, I am such a person. That was five years ago and my daughter has since graduated, but, I can tell you that being single is very liberating. I immediately began traveling extensively for my business, and working in ways that I could not work before, because I needed to be home to be a parent. I also did a remodeling project, began competing heavily in a sport, and started dating. I have been very, very happy, and my business is thriving. I have quadrupled my income in five years and will be close to gross annual pay of seven figures by 2009 at this rate of growth. </p>
<p>I missed her so much, I cried for five straight hours on the drive home from freshman drop-off - cried so much I had to pull off the interstate to get Tylenol to clear the headache, so I could finish the drive home. As I gulped the pills in the convenience store parking lot, I decided I would do that exactly once, and then no more. </p>
<p>The key is to get busy, immediately, doing all of those things that you have been unable to do for the past 18 years. You will get used to - and thrive on - your newfound freedom very quickly. </p>
<p>My daughter and I are also very close, and my sense is that my personal growth has been key to keeping the relationship at the same level of closeness. I don't have any formal statics or authorities to quote but my sense that if one person goes away, and learns, grows, matures, develops etc., but the other person just sits home and does the same old thing, and does not also grow and change, the relationship may begin to deteriorate.</p>
<p>Floating--How far from home did your daughter go? I agree with Susantm, who suggested getting involved with a program like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or with a local school. Something like that might help with your "empy nest" feelings, at least a bit. As for your daughter, hopefully once she gets into the swing of life away at college, she'll be fine. It's almost scary how quickly many of these kids adapt to being far from home and hearth! My oldest daughter (of two) was a true homebody during her formative years. She never went away to camp, never really wanted to go anywhere on her own prior to college, etc. We were concerned when she chose a school out-of-state school that she'd be so homesick she'd want to come home. Not so. After a couple of rough, lonely weeks, she became Miss Independence, made a number of friends, and got involved at school--which is truly a wonderful gift to a worrying parent. ... With you being a single mom, I'm sure it's even harder than it was for me. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Late to school, you're an inspiration. I'm hoping I can keep your level of resolve in this process. It is different for those of us who are single. My emotions vary between feeling quite bereft, with no family for thousands of miles aside from one daughter in a school an hour away. Her twin is in S America, my son arriving in China in a few hours for a year. All my energy has centered on raising them, financial efforts have been concentrated in their direction. What is left? Driving the hours home from my extra summer job last night, I cried at various intervals. </p>
<p>I've cried many times over the years. Living with split custody, I had many sad Friday nights as they left my house for a week, uprooting everyone's life. And then chafed at the restriction for a short time as they came back again a week later. Transitions are always hard, and not my forte. </p>
<p>Today, as many days, I am quite happy. The silence is blessed, interrupted by calls from friends. The house is getting cleaner and cleaner, mine alone to organize and keep in control. I email the D on exchange, talk with the S in an airport on the way to Asia. </p>
<p>I vary between thinking, I do this every week, what is the big deal? And, looking at the unwashed high window my son cleans every year, and think I'm IT now, how in the world? Hold friends close, find other ways to nurture. My mom called, and I'm planning a long overdue visit to help her. I've held a disabled friend at arm's length due to busyness. Lots of need for mothering in the world and finally, for myself as well.</p>
<p>Great Lakes Mom, being sad, crying, is a CHOICE. You can choose to not be sad and you can choose that you will not cry, or, if you do, that you will do so selectively. You can choose instead to be happy, productive, active, busy, engaged, and you can choose to take new risks, try new things, change old habits and begin new ones, etc. You can even choose to decide that that window you cannot reach can just stone cold stay dirty - is someone keeping score? </p>
<p>The way cool, exciting thing is, your life is like a brand new clean white canvas right now. You know where the paint store is, and you can buy the paints and brushes, and you can paint that canvas any scene your mind can dream up and with any colors you want. </p>
<p>The real hard part about this empty nest thing is choosing from all of the fantastic, incredible, endless options available...there are really too many to chose from and not enough years to do them all...what are we waiting for??? better hurry, the clock is ticking, and time is not a renewable resource... :)</p>
<p>I was reading another Empty Nest thread a while ago, and a mom said that she had an "Empty Nest Dinner" about 2 weeks after the kids left for school, she invited over several couples/parents whose kids had all just left for school. I think that's a great idea.</p>
<p>Yes, I'm planning the dinner for the numerous couples I know who are in that position. All married, as are most of my friends. We've shared many phases, as we continue the process. </p>
<p>Been thinking about that topic of single parents being different, though, and the capacity for at home intimacy that is lost when kids move out. Obnoxious or not, they're part of us, and it is a fulfilling piece of human existence, like nothing else. If married, there is that left, if on another level. Single, I have other ways to find all sorts of levels of companionship, but it ain't family. </p>
<p>latetoschool, sometimes tears come when deeply affected, obviously for more than just me. It's ok to cry on occasion. Time of transition, it will pass. I will hold your appealing image of a bright clean shiny canvas on which to paint a new life. I've always been good at making things colorful and interesting, and that won't change.</p>
<p>My Mom was a single parent. I remember it being very hard on her when I left for college. I remember hearing her cry alone in her room the night before I left for move-in day freshman year. I was so excited to go to college but at the same time felt an overwhelming guilt. How could I be happy when the reason for my happiness was obviously making my Mom so sad ? I felt terrible about it and mad that my older brother and sister had long flown the nest leaving me to feel responsible for her misery. She never really came out and said she was going to be miserable and lonely but I knew it. I left home more worried about my Mom than a freshman should have to be.</p>
<p>So my advice is it's ok to let your kids know that you'll miss them but try not to let them see that their leaving has made you a miserable weepy wreck!</p>
<p>I have that empty nest looming. My college sophomore is off to school -- and my high school sophomore leaves for FRANCE for his year abroad in three days. </p>
<p>Right now I am concentrating on his bon voyage party -- and trying to remember what life was like 20 years ago!</p>