<p>Just found out classmate of DS got accepted as transfer to prestigious boarding school for the fall midway though hs. Will probably be getting full ride b/c of low income. Both kids of similar academic skills but DS has much more involvement in ECs, leadership, music, theater, speech, etc. The other student didn't really get involved in school. Feeling a bit of envy. We have different economic situation and would be paying in full for prep school and college. WHen gifted DS started hs, DH husband decided he did not want to spend the college savings on hs and I really didn't want to send my DS away. We come from an area where practically no one goes away to boarding school. Selfish, I know, but I wanted DS as a part of our family and I felt these were important years in which to instill values, give moral support etc. However, sometimes I feel it would be so great if he were surrounded by the challenges of a really stimulating environment like I imagine these schools to be. He tells me he is happy where he is, but I wonder if he will think differently once he hears about this. Wondering if I am short-changing him.</p>
<p>Nope. 
He sounds like he’s got a great family who loves him. How wonderful to hear that he’s happy (and that translates to thriving even if he’s not totally challenged). Gifted kids with resources (like yours) can tend to make their own challenges. What about academic competitions? Finding a mentor? Doing research? Becoming a leader in some way? Getting a job that challenges him?</p>
<p>(PS. My kids are homeschooled)</p>
<p>We live in an area where NO ONE goes to boarding school. I didn’t realize ‘regular’ people did until reading here on CC. The only person I knew who went away before college was my brother-in-law who grew up very wealthy in Chicago. I admit I always had the stereotype of the fairy tale evil stepmother getting rid of the kids by sending them away. I would never consider it. My personal opinion, for my family, is that college is soon enough to send them away for school. If your S is happy where he is, I wouldn’t question your actions. We all wonder if we are doing the right things though. It sounds like he is very involved and happy in his school.</p>
<p>You are not short changing your son. Not one bit. A loving family is priceless. And that is the truth. If future college plans concern you remember this. Boarding school kids get denied from top colleges all the time. Public school kids get into top schools all the time.</p>
<p>Is your school inadequate for your son’s needs? Is there a problem? He sounds engaged and as though he is part of much that matters to him. I don’t think it’s selfish to feel that you want your local parenting days to continue past middle school.
When parenting, you could always do more, provide more options, take more trips, arrange more private coaching and lessons, etc. Is a kid short-changed if they have free time, a loving family, reasonable access to learning opportunities and the tools to navigate their daily routine? What values matter in your house?
As schools, including colleges, seek socio-economic diversity, this may not be the only time seeing others have scholarships or access (without the impact on family resources you would have) could push your buttons. The only remedy I see is to be clear about your direction and its rationale, while enjoying the time with your son. He sounds like a great guy!</p>
<p>I’d do what you are doing if faced wit this situation. FWIW (I know, a sample of one which may be meaningless), I was a ‘gifted student’ in a world where there was no such thing. I went to very ordinary public schools, and hardly anyone went to college. I spent a lot of time at the ‘back of the room’ (where you played when you were done with your homework). I often wondered what ‘might have been’ had I been in a challenging environment. </p>
<p>But I think I did fine so would it have made a difference? Not to boast but just to give an example, I ended up with four degrees, including a PhD at a tippy top school, I’ve won almost every award in my field for my research, etc. Very many of my colleagues (and my spouse) were in very enriched environments and gifted programs as kids…but it all worked out just fine either way it seems.</p>
<p>You can always debate too the ‘big fish in little pond vs. little fish in big pond’ and it doesn’t seem clear which way goes best. Probably depends on a lot of factors, including the child of course. If your son is happy that means a lot. And you might argue staying where he is he gets to feel very efficacious and accomplished in school, has less stress and more time for things other than school work, and the huge benefit of you all being togehter as a family. You only get this time once , it doesn’t come back.</p>
<p>Right now I am trying to find a productive plan for the summer. I’ve read too many books on 4 year plans and passions that my brain hurts. He is a well -rounded kid that likes to try everything. He competed at the very top in a national level contest but he has aged out of that one. His public school is not really knowledgeable about on participating in national type competitions but he is going to state in 2 and maybe 3 statewide contests next month, he has a significant role in the upcoming school play, spring varsity sport etc.<br>
A friend wants him to go to a well known math camp this summer but I think he wants to go in good part because of the friend. I guess this one looks good to colleges. He likes math but 24/7 for 3 weeks? I don’t know. DH thinks the big thing about going to camp is to meet new people and is afraid that he would just hang with his friend.
He is being recruited to work in a resort town in a summer music revue. He would have to stay home all summer. Thinking that is not a great option for this summer. Meanwhile, DH wants to plan our first family trip to Europe (Italy). Sounds ambitious, but I keep wondering what is going to look best on a college application. Help!?</p>
<p>I’d never say, don’t go to Italy, but it might be nice to schedule it so that your son can also do something productive over the summer.</p>
<p>My parents were more than willing to pay for our kids to go to boarding school. Our oldest was probably less challenged by high school than he could have been, but there were enough AP and post AP classes to give him a reasonable challenge. He was part of a pretty successful Science Olympiad team (made states all four years). He had a lot of extra time to pursue his real passion computer programming. From seeing the effect of boarding school on my brothers I think he might have ended up a bit more well rounded, but it’s only a might - he’s pretty stubborn. Your kid sounds happy and successful where he is - I wouldn’t worry about it. My youngest, in particular, feels that we gave him a real gift in letting him go to public schools where he could be friends with such a diverse crowd.</p>
<p>How about picking what seems most valuable for your son as a person, right now?</p>
<p>I’ve never picked up a book on four year plans and passions. As new Americans my family was completely unaware of the whole culture around college applications in the US. (There’s nothing like this where we moved from). However, I am quite certain I don’t regret not having spent the last four years grooming our daughter for college applications. I’d rather look to my own values than try to aim at that ill-defined target.</p>
<p>I can’t see how you would be short changing him at all by not sending him to boarding school. The overwhelming majority of “gifted” kids do not go to boarding school and most are doing quite fine.</p>
<p>Why the heck would anyone send a child to boarding school? Aren’t we already growing up fast enough?</p>
<p>Furthermore: how would year-round school advantage a gifted child? High school wastes enough time already. High school 24 hours a day sounds like a prison on the mind.</p>
<p>It really depends on what the current school is like.</p>
<p>If the current school offers a good college-prep curriculum (perhaps including key APs like the English and calculus ones) and sends students to reasonably rigorous colleges (e.g. most state flagships, or ABET accredited engineering degree programs anywhere), where such students are successful and do not require remedial courses in college, then it is unlikely that “upgrading” the high school will be of much value, unless the student is so advanced that s/he will exhaust the high school’s highest level offerings before senior year and will not be able to take college courses at a local college after that (due to scheduling or other reasons). But then the boarding school would need to be a very elite one in terms of academics to be worth paying for.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the high school is of poor quality, such that students who go to college tend to flunk out or need extensive remedial course work, or scores on SAT Subject and AP tests are usually poor after taking the preparatory course in the high school, then it is well worth looking for an “upgrade”, although this may not necessarily mean a boarding school (e.g. local private school, local different public or charter school, home school).</p>
<p>He sounds like a very smart, engaged wonderful kid. Why not let him pick what he wants to do for the summer. I just read Tina Fey’s autobiography; she spent several summers over high school doing summer theater. If she’s any example, he could turn it into a Harvard-worthy essay.</p>
<p>There are literally hundreds of threads on CC about kids who were pushed into what “looks good” who didn’t get into that coveted school and feel cheated out of four years. It’s really not the experience itself that colleges care about (barring a few exceptions) it’s what the kid gets out of the experience that matters.</p>
<p>I treasure every minute I can spend with my children and use it to try to instill good values in them. I cannot imagine giving up four (or more) years of close contact with them. When I went to college I basically never came home. To think of my children leaving 4 or more years earlier? I would never want that to happen. Of course our public high school is consistently in the top 100 in the country so that makes the decision that much easier.</p>
<p>I have two very high achieving kids. I tend not to use the word, “gifted,” but yeah, many would consider them to be just that. We have no gifted programs where we live in the schools. We live in a rural area. My kids went to public school K-12. Would my kids have benefited and thrived at boarding schools and had a different experience? Sure. But I don’t regret for one second that this is NOT what they did growing up. </p>
<p>For one thing, like you, I would never consider sending my kids away for high school, though I don’t knock those who make such a choice. It is not for me. We wanted them to grow up at home. Further, I could never have even afforded private high school on top of all the years I will be paying off for their higher education. </p>
<p>We gave our kids lots of opportunities. Was their high school as good as a prep or boarding school? Surely not. But they did not suffer. We had a LOT of accommodations for them such as acceleration, independent studies, long distance college level courses, and a ton of enrichment extracurriculars both in and outside of school. My kids also went away every summer to pursue their interests (these were non-academic programs, such as theater and travel programs). We found ways to make sure they were challenged (they crave challenge). They got to grow up with kids from many socio-economic levels. I’m glad they had this experience. It wasn’t perfect in terms of education but they made the most of it and then some as they went above and beyond and were able to find ways to do that through advocating for educational accommodations (also one of my kids graduated HS a year early). </p>
<p>This had no affect on their college choices. They both got into their favorite schools and in fact, highly competitive schools such as Ivies for one kid and top BFA in musical theater programs for the other kid (these are very competitive odds, worse than Ivies). Older kid went onto top graduate schools too. A few kids from our area go to boarding school and didn’t fare any better in college admissions (or even went to the same Ivy). </p>
<p>Once in college, my kids finally did get to be in an educational atmosphere where there were many more kids like them who are very bright, driven and self motivated. So, they thrived and enjoyed that once they went away to college. But they were OK going to our local public high school. In college, they eventually had many peers who did go to boarding schools and private day schools (and in the case of D2, kids who went to performing arts high schools). My kids still excelled in college, winning top awards at their colleges and were more than adequately prepared. I think my kids are proud of their public school background and rural upbringing. They mix well with all types, but have enjoyed the challenging colleges and grad schools they eventually attended and where they got to mix with a very different crowd of kids, many other talented and high achieving types like themselves. But they were fine not having that type of thing in high school as they created their own challenges and were motivated to pursue beyond what the high school offered. My kids were big fishes in a small pond growing up here and in public school. However, they honestly were still big fishes in the big pond at their competitive colleges and grad schools too. I think no matter where you go to school, a particular kid is a certain type of kid.</p>
<p>I only know of one case where the parents needed to send their D to boarding school. In seventh grade she had taken all local high school math classes and scored highest on the twelfth grade math test. She beat the senior class valedictorian, a friends son accepted and planning to attend Brown.</p>
<p>I used to be of the mind that I could never understand why parents would send their kids to BS. Then my S in private middle school was competing in sports against some kids in some BS’s. I started talking to parents of those kids and realized that it really is an individual decision. Some families had one kid in BS, one in public and another in private. It really varies from one kid to another. Now I have a 12yo who is in private who I would consider a great candidate for BS. She is very mature socially and always pushing the envelope. She probably will not ask to go to BS, he current school foes through grade 12, but if she asked I would consider it.</p>
<p>I will chime in with my experience of one as well. My daughter is very bright. We figured it out some time in grade school. Our schools do not test nor do they offer anything for gifted kids. We made the decision early on that she would stay in public school and we would supplement with lots of reading and summer academic programs of her choosing. During her first year of high school, our very average public school system made some crazy decisions and I panicked and decided that DD needed to be in a more rigorous program.</p>
<p>We called a couple of schools and DD went though the application process and was accepted. It was a good prep school with fabulous teachers. DD got a very fine education. She hated it for the most part. She was and is an introvert and really struggles to make friends. The school was an hour commute each way and most of the girls there lived closer to the school. She was very lonely. Many of the girls had been together since kindergarten…some even longer.</p>
<p>So my advice? If your son is happy where he is, be content that he is happy and well adjusted. We still wonder whether the move was the right thing. She would have learned and excelled wherever she was, but she probably would have enjoyed it more had she stayed in the public school. As it was, she never dated nor did she attend some of the really fun activities of high school, like prom.</p>
<p>OP, your son will do well. Do not feel as though he will miss out because he is not going to boarding school, and you will enjoy all the time you have with him over the next couple of years.</p>
<p>The school is very small (160, 9th-12th) and mostly white-collar socio. Offers only a handful of APs, yet the honors courses tend to be much more rigorous than the APs at other local schools. (This has been reported by kids who have taken the classes at both schools.) I hear over and over again that even if the grads got B’s at our school they feel very well-prepared for college and are identified and sought out at the colleges as lab assistants and tutors. School has highest ACTs in state for the last few years. DS will finish math at the school this year but will be able to take classes at local 2 yr state campus. He has lots of homework and with lots of ECs, he is always busy. He will probably end up taking a number of college courses in senior year.</p>