What are the right reasons for sending a kid to boarding school? The wrong ones?
Some thoughts to get the discussion started:
GOOD REASONS
Prepare them for success in college by sending them to a school where the small class sizes and rigorous curriculum will ensure they learn how to study, manage their time, think critically, and write well
Help them develop an identity that is truly their own and not based on who their parents or siblings are, where they grew up, or what they did in middle school
Teach them what it means to be an engaged member of a community and get along with others
Surround them with wise adults who can guide them at an age when they are starting to tune out the specific frequency of their parents’ voices
Encourage their independence by eliminating the possibility that you’ll “slip” by doing their laundry or delivering a forgotten paper “just this once”
Reduce the time wasted traveling between school and extra-curricular activities
Expose them to sports, art forms, ideas, subjects, and people from backgrounds they might not have been exposed to at home
To lean on the expert guidance of a college admissions counselor who has more wisdom and experience
Because your kid really wants to go!
BAD REASONS
1.To make sure they get into an Ivy League college, or perhaps MIT or Stanford
Because it is a family tradition. End of discussion.
For the bragging rights of saying your kid goes to an elite boarding school
Because parenting a teen is exhausting and you’d rather outsource the job
As punishment
To reduce their exposure to drugs, alcohol, and sex
Because you wish you could go yourself (who can blame you?)
I think a good reason would be if parents (or a single parent) has to travel for extended amounts of time for work, and cannot look after their child. Another good reason is to send them to a boarding school in another country so they can learn another language fluently. Another reason would be if they were recruited and offered a full ride scholarship to attend a prestigious boarding school. Another would be if the boarding school had special programs that fit the child’s interests that were not available in the home area of the child. Another would be because you want them to build connections and socialize with a certain peer group that is not available in your home area.
(When looking at the schools that may be considered “hidden gems” or “not top tier”) “Average students” or students with learning differences can receive academic support that either doesn’t exist or is only lip service at their LPS.
Bad reasons: (at least to me)
They are experiencing disciplinary problems at their current school
I fully agree with Bad Reason Number 1. I think this is more common than parents admit. Take a good look at the matriculation at the top boarding schools. A lot of these kids are going to very average colleges. Places that most kids on the low honor roll at their public school could get into. Also, while I cannot prove it, I have a feeling that probably half of those kids going to the ivies would be going anyway, because of legacy, money, or friends in important places at the college, even if they graduated from their local public school.
Sad and sobering reason why some kids are sent to boarding school: Safety. Just over 40 years ago, I attended a BS in Europe. I became fiends with a girl from a South American country well known at the time for a certain type of business that made it a very dangerous place. BTW, Europe had its safety problems also in the 1970’s-- but we were safe compared to other places. . When I first met her, I asked her why she came all the way to Europe for school from her country so far away? I thought she would say something like " for the academic challenge", “for the adventure”. " it’s a family tradition", " preparing for university ", etc. Instead, she boldly stated the facts that her homeland was too dangerous. A few years later I met girls in college who had escaped violence in the Midfle East-- one girl was sent to a Boston area BS from Iran. It is sad for me to think that after 4 decades the world is still a dangerous place for so many children.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the reality is that fully half of the class in any boarding school will be in the bottom 50%. While one can argue whether the golden ticket to HYPMS exists for anyone anymore, attendance at a BS certainly is not like fairy dust.
^^This is a common (and good) reason. Not sure if its still the case, but when i was in school, NMH was filled with foreign service kids who were thrilled to be able to do all 4 high school years in one place.
To be clear, this sub quote was not part of the original quote by a different user, so that gives it a whole different context. If this was her intention, then yes, I can see this as being valid.
Our D would have attended three high schools in three states due to planned work moves out of our control. That prompted the discussion. It’s not enough by itself but it’s a valid reason to consider a boarding school when other things line up as well. It was D’s decision and there were growing pains the first year but it worked out well in the end.
We didn’t “send” our kids to BS, they 100% led the process and decision to attend. We agreed that we wouldn’t stand in their way from the moment they chose to apply. Their choices led our family on an amazing journey we never anticipated or desired. It has been an incredible ourney for all of us!
Because your academic options at home are no good.This is a huge reason I see here on CC. Some very bright students live in rural areas or areas with very weak high schools and have no other options to be challenged
Help them develop an identity that is truly their own and not based on who their parents or siblings are, where they grew up, or what they did in middle school
Teach them what it means to be an engaged member of a community and get along with others
Because your kid really wants to go!
BAD REASONS
Because parenting a teen is exhausting and you’d rather outsource the job
This was our story. The kid’s main reasons for going were #6 and #7 in the original post, especially #7–kiddo was ready for a big change from the familiar scene at home. We eventually supported the decision when we realized all the other good reasons listed above. But it’s still hard to have the kid away from home.
I recall attending a TSAO event, where one of the AOs said that parents should think about it in terms of “allowing” one’s kid(s) to attend BS, as opposed to “sending” them to BS. That resonated with us. BS was not even remotely on our radar until our child expressed an interest in attending. Frankly, DC’s interest came as a bit of a shock to us, though in retrospect, it probably should not have.
Over on the Gender Inclusive Housing thread @skieurope said this:
That’s another good reason for a kid to go to boarding school: to be with other kids and adults who share similar interests and identities, especially if the community at home is not as robust and/or supportive.
We parents don’t make our important decisions without input of dd, as an important family member. So there is no shame in giving all the input I want to give to her, as long as the decision is her call.
