I don’t want to be cynical but I think it’s more who can pay and who can get a job or into grad school after graduation is what’s appealing to a college.
In the end, they are businesses and it’s about them.
They either need revenue. Or if not - at least a student so outstanding stat wise that it improves their admissions statistics.
The likelihood of a job placement or grad school also helps statistics wise.
I know a businessperson on a college board of directors trying to help them dig their way out financially.
These are businesses. Their product and services offered are noble. But they are first and foremost looking out for themselves and not for you.
If you can provide them what they need, then yes they will be glad to have you.
But because one is a gifted underachiever - unless they bring $$ or something else to the table, they probably wouldn’t be desired.
We used Genomind. It looks from their website like the current amount is $399 if you have insurance, but I’m not sure if the guarantee we were given back then (in 2018) is still in place.
I agree that schools absolutely care about the students’ ability to get a good job or get into a good grad school, not to mention being able to successfully complete college. That is why often a large disparity between test scores and GPA is a red flag for schools. They think smart kid, but doesn’t apply themselves. But, as I mentioned, a way to mitigate this red flag is to apply to schools where there aren’t a ton of core requirements (so the student can choose what interests them) and show that the kid does apply themselves when they get to choose the area of focus.
I was not suggesting that somehow a gifted underachiever is some kind of hook - not remotely. Schools want gifted, high-achievers! Preferably full-pay! But, if your child happens to be a gifted underachiever, it does not mean there aren’t schools out there that will want them.
(Fwiw, in my experience, the underachieving part is often not a choice, at least not for the kids trying to work their way through the challenges of ADHD. The hope is that with the right college, perhaps the right meds, and some experience about learning how to play to their strengths, they stop presenting as underachievers.)
My son has great grades (3.9 uw) and is enrolled full time in college courses as a dual high school student. He finally got on an IEP for his ASD due to difficulties primarily with executive function skills, communication, etc. He’s done well due to the supports of family and tutoring/mentor he’s paid for out of pocket. This last quarter the school kept saying “give us a chance…” so I did. He’s flunking with 39%-60% ALL his college courses. He’s never done this before. To succeed I would work with him about an hour a day on planning/organizing, responding to emails, etc. (and he was becoming better at it) and prompt/cue/redirect him 8-10 times per day when he would get stuck on a preferred activity, get distracted, etc. He hasn’t been successful yet in consistently reaching out to professors and using their office hours or the tutoring center yet because he doesn’t recognize he needs help until it is too late and he struggles with articulating how/why he needs help. Yet, he is brilliant. The US State Department of Educ has been VERY CLEAR that you cannot make a decision based upon good grades solely. Look at what is called the “extended curriculum” I guess I’m passionate about this becuase I have a daughter with ASD that graduated high school with 4.54 W GPA. She went off to college and fell off a cliff… including psych ward, huge increase in health issues, constant threat of homelessness, and loss of full scholarships. I think the real issue is few know how to help these kids and they don’t understand 2e (twice exceptional…gifted with a disablity) kids.
He’s paying for his tutoring? Is the dual enrollment too much for him? Is he on medication? Just because someone is very bright doesn’t mean they can overcome a disability, but learn how to live with them. My son managed his ADD pretty well with just medication until about junior year in high school when his executive function difficulties really kicked in. Once I figured out the culprit, we got help (which it looks like you are doing). He graduated with an uw 3.4, which was fine, because he set his sight on a public in state college that he could handle and get support.
Thank you for sharing your reality. There is little info out there on how to support our over 18, not ready “to adult” children who are struggling in these ways.
Colleges need to be more transparent about how they communicate with/inform professors at the beginning of each semester about students they have with approved accommodations and what the responsibilities are of the students to communicate initially and if they are in a crisis during the semester. Students could then make informed decisions about where they enroll.
We are encouraging our son to take a medical leave now as a junior in college. Having our constant support and redirection while online and at home during covid kept him afloat, but now that he is back at school things are going from bad to worse. He is fully capable (gifted, perfect SATs, loves to learn), but as soon as he has to work independently he struggles. He is also intimidated by office hours, study groups, reaching out. He has imposter syndrome. Tried a executive function coach in the fall, and he would agree on what “had” to be done, but it didn’t help him do the work after the meeting was over. An increase in ADD med helped for a bit, but there is a bigger underlying issue. I think that the whole idea of being a “success” and independent terrifies him. If anything does go well, it is sabotaged shortly after. Stays up stressing for nights at a time waiting for the switch to happen so he can do work, then sleeps for 24 hours missing class and tests (tests he is beyond equipped to take) He recently admitted to me that he lacks motivation to get better. We both likened it to an animal that constantly suffers from abuse and is caged it’s whole life, is afraid to leave that cage when it is finally opened. The fear of change is debilitating to such a degree, that it is easier for him to put up with the pain of constant struggle, than to try new things (even maybe a new direction of study). I wish we knew how to step by step help him through this. Open to ideas.
We are dealing with a similar issue with our oldest, who is in his freshman year now. We didn’t see it in high school. He managed well. No longer managing! So he is starting ADD meds (he has inattentive type) but it is really almost too much trying to manage meds (not yet working) and trying to get through the semester. We are thinking he needs to take some time off to get this under control and then go back when he feels ready. If I had known I would have done things differently… small school, probably keep him close to home to start. Dealing with this from 1000 miles away is so tough! He is looking into medical withdrawal now but I am not sure how easy that is to get.
One thing is for sure- we are reminded by the multiple at WPI and of the Stanford athlete that just passed - mental health and / or suicide or desire to harm oneself is real.
And if there’s even any possibility of something like that happening - obviously much better to not be in school, not struggle academically, and figure out the rest later.
While the prospect of going to college is so joyful and it shouldn’t be easy once there - at some point, if it’s not right, as parents, we have to make our best guesses and act appropriately so that the unthinkable can be avoided.
Yes! And resources, while available at his large school, are hard to access. Up to 60 day wait for ADHD counseling. I’m realizing you have to be on top of this stuff before they start. I wish we had known sooner but we’ll just have to work with what we have!
One of my freshman is on a medical withdrawal, it couldn’t have been easier (we are 45 minutes from the college which helped with move about). He will probably unenroll and go local in the fall.
My oldest graduated from my son’s college, so we asked about the mental health services. She recommended we go elsewhere based on the experiences her friends had. Supposedly they weren’t great even after finally getting in. Our insurance kicks in a bit after the $7000 mark, and our son requested a neuropsychological evaluation as well, we should be hitting that number easily.
My son’s school has therapy available, but it is only for “quick fix” issues and available for 10 weeks at a time. They recommend going outside the school for ongoing therapy, which we have done. But in my son’s case, I think he needs more. We are always trying to fix the current problem (ie. How to focus on work, how to practice good screen time/sleep habits) and he hasn’t been able to make any changes. But he loves being at school, and loves his roommates. He loves learning in class. I think a leave of absence (withdrawal) is necessary at this point. I just don’t know how to proceed. He is not ready for a new school unless it is 100% structured. He fears working. Do we shove him in a direction, or proceed slowly? A weekly therapy program? A more intense program? I feel like I need a professional to take over and tell me how to support him. And I agree with you all…there is always that fear of what too much pressure can do. I am tired of people that say “let them fail”. I think that unless you are living it you don’t understand what it is like to have a twice exceptional child, ASD, ADD, etc. A traditional thinker’s rock bottom may be failing, then finally realizing that they need help, and then asking for it. Another thinker’s rock bottom might be living under a bridge because they may not think they are worthy of help, or that they cant be helped and that is where they must belong. And of course there are worse things that can happen. Sorry for all this venting! I’m not trying to be a downer…just had an incredibly frustrating time with this recently.
I was just at a gathering with a friend who’s daughter had to also take a medical withdrawal (ended up admitted to the hospital a few times for self harm issues as well as others). She’s in a few groups, and said that this is a marathon, not a sprint, two steps forward, one step back. I’d suggest setting up an appointment with the advisor (ours was virtual). When it came to college, we never got involved (had no access to portals). In this case, I strongly suggest a meeting with the school, student, and yourself. This is new to you, it’s not at all new to them. I think we talked for a solid hour and then there were follow up emails.
