New here-question about unmotivated bright son

College Search & Selection
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Hi! I think this might be my first post ever, although i’ve lurked for a while. My son is in 9th grade now, and is homeschooled. We live in Florida. He is a strong student, getting almost all A’s and one B. He is taking the majority of his classes through a rigorous online provider. He did so-so on his PSAT (qualified to take them early in 9th grade–need to dig out the score) but tends to be a perfectionist–he wants to take a study course to learn how to move more quickly.

He is advanced in Math, currently taking Pre-Calc in 9th and getting an A, and enrolled in an online AP Calc A/B course next semester. He is also great at Physics.

Here’s my issue, if it really is one. He’s a laidback guy. He loves and expects to do well, but doesn’t always put in the hours needed to do so. He is not, for lack of a better word, driven. Both parents went to Ivy Leagues and we don’t expect him to go to one (cost!!) but i think he must feel that pressure, somehow.

He doesn’t have a ton of outside interests, no matter what is on offer. He loves traveling, and does a lot with my husband (since he’s homeschooled, and DH is self-employed and travels the world for work, my son can go with him many times). He loves adventure and is always up for something new. But he rarely takes the initiative to pursue an interest. He doesn’t like reading that much, and I am concerned as next year he will be taking a challenging Classics course.

He almost always rises to meet the challenge, I have to say. But is this lack of iniatitive fairly typical in 9th? I guess I am just the concerned mom LOL.

He is looking at New College of Florida since it would be very inexpensive for us, and he definitely does better in a smaller, more collegial and less competitive atmosphere. He does martial arts, but otherwise prefers recreational sports. He is not a partier, likes to hang with just a few friends, and prefers an urban environment (we moved from NYC and he’s dying to return)

Any other colleges that might be a fit? Our homeschool college adviser thought of Macalester, Grinnell, Earlham, Carleton…but he is unwilling to take on a ton of debt and we can only help so much.

He doesn’t know what he wants to major in. He enjoys Math a lot, but he is not sure that’s what he wants to focus on. He enjoys politics, but again, not sure.

Am i thinking about this too early on in the process?

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I also want to add (don’t know how to edit my post) that he loves the idea of a collegial, friendly college, and would NOT thrive at a huge school, i don’t think. He is attracted by the independent study of New College-as a homeschooler, he has had a LOT of flexibility in the classes he takes, how fast he moves, rabbit trails to investigate academically, etc. So the school appeals to him. He dislikes Florida, however, but he might just have to suck it up if he gets in.

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“Am i thinking about this too early on in the process?”

Honestly, I’d say yes. There is a lot of personal growth, especially with males between 9th and 11th/12th grade.

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I personally relate with your son. (But I can see clearly from this post that he is far smarter than me, and actually had a lot more motivation than I had in 9th grade.)

My parents as well wanted me to do a lot of activities, and I wanted to pursue them but I also personally didn’t really take the initiative to sign up for stuff, or step up to do activities outside of school.

My advice for you is this: wait.

It may be because he is homeschooled (Which is quite frankly a good thing in my opinion, public schools’ educational values aren’t as strong as homeschools) which is why he isn’t particularly competitive, because there aren’t other students around him that are getting really good grades and doing a lot of extracurriculars.

However, don’t put him in public school or a private school for this reason. I believe that even homeschooled students can grow up to be motivated and be really strong in the workforce when they grow up.

Regarding colleges that might be a fit for him, I’m not entirely sure because all the colleges I applied to were in California, and they are all relatively competitive schools.

I believe that he may not be driven because he doesn’t have a dream yet. He doesn’t really know what he wants to major in, and he doesn’t really want to know what job to pursue. One thing you can do is bring him to job fairs, or science fairs, or maybe even museums. I discovered that I wanted to be a Radio Broadcaster when I somehow went and visited a radio station once for a school trip. It’s through these interactive learning experiences that I feel like students figure out what they want to do.

Also, he’s in 9th grade. In my opinion, it’s far too early. I think you should really be worried if he’s a junior/senior and he doesn’t wish to go to college, or do anything with his life. But clearly, he still wants to go to college and learn stuff.

Regarding college decisions, I recommend you to encourage your son to look up colleges himself. I did this in the summer of junior year all by myself, and I found the colleges that I wanted to visit and what strong majors a lot of colleges had.

And you guys can slowly start visiting colleges, getting in touch with the college counselors and getting to know what your son excels at and what he wants to do.

Anyways, this is really long? If you have any other questions you can ask me? I’m not sure if I’m qualified to answer this question because I’m only a graduating senior and don’t have any kids, but I can try to help you out.

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First let me say you’re not weird, or wrong, for being concerned. You’re the parent. That’s your job.

Second, let me say, he is a freshman in high school. It is not weird, or wrong, for him to be, for lack of a better word, lazy. In fact, if he were as mega-motivated as an exam week college student, I would be worried of a burn out before he ended high school, let alone college.

I am more than confident based on the information provided that he will find a match, and more than succeed in college and life. He’s got some time to figure things out, and it looks like he has a good mentor in his parents.

Just remember - he’s a kid! :slight_smile:

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Thanks. I figured as much. DH went to Columbia at 15, and I told him HE was the unusual one, but I guess we both are bit unsure—feeling maybe he should be a bit more focused. Thanks.

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Thank you! Yes, I really want him to ‘be a kid’ but I also want to make sure he is expanding his horizons, maturing appropriately in terms of study skills, etc, and I neither want to push too hard NOR let him slack. It’s a tough balance given my tendency as a student was to simply study all the time LOL. He is NOT like that, and values his down time. Which is good–I know there are a lot of kids out there who are stressed beyond belief in high school.

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Because you mentioned New College of Florida, you might want to look at Bard College of Simon’s Rock (in Massachusetts). It’s an early college program – usually starts after 10th grade. A lot of students who attend there sound somewhat similar to your son. And it’s very small.

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Thank you. I know of Bard, but didn’t realize they had an early college program–interesting!

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I can relate. I have a laidback son as well but I can tell you there was a lot of change between 9th grade and him being a junior now. I think you are pretty early in the process and to have him be focused at this point might be unrealistic. They change so much in 2 or 3 years. 9th grade he was unfocused but 10th and 11th he is laser focused on his studies taking AP courses and doing great. You might also be surprised by the money available to students depending on the school. A less competitive but still good school may give more merit aid for top students. While my son has not yet picked a school, we have visited several and are starting to drill down into what he truly wants in a school.

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My son has become much more focused in 11th grade. A little late for him to get a super high GPA, as so many on this site seem to be able to achieve, but I don’t mind that he has spent some time to smell the flowers a bit along the way. I would call it normal for a 14-5 yo to not be " laser focused" on his studies. I shudder a bit when I see some of my son’s buddies who’s parents have limited their social interaction, activities, and sports in order to keep them at home chasing after that 4.0 GPA.

Chase some girls, make some mistakes, try out something new, have unrealistic dreams! Just don’t play video games for hours on end when you should be studying( ok, not everything is perfect here in Camelot, but we’re working on it).

If the kids feel loved, then they will make the right choices when it’s time( not before).

Grinnell and Carleton are really good schools, but sure aren’t urban. Very rural. Macalester might be just about perfect. It’s urban, but not gritty inner city Philly type urban. Pretty benign.

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As applying time comes, he’ll be more driven.

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I don’t see him as an early college candidate at all. Seems like a pretty normal 9th grade boy on track to go to college after high school.

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Your S sounds terrific. I like the way you manage his education. However, I wouldn’t worry so much about college just yet. You need to let him be a kid and allow him to find out for himself who the person he wants to be is.

As for college planning, the finances are huge for you. You need to decide if the financial aid indicated by EFC calculations are sufficient, or if he needs to get merit scholarships to attend. The application strategy can be mutually exclusive for each. He doesn’t need to worry about this yet, but you do.

Not all debt is bad, but you certainly have to help him do the calculation of how much it will impact his life and what the alternatives are. Sometimes there are no alternatives but taking on some meaningful debt.