Would love advice. My son (HS class of 22) has two schools he really loves- one is extremely selective (less than 10% acceptance rate) and one has a 75%+ acceptance rate. He has said they are tied for him in appeal. I have been stressing to him to focus on fit, not prestige. I must say I agree that both of these schools had good feel when we visited. I could see him at either.
He has good grades, so-so SAT (we would likely not submit it to the more selective one). He is a very unique interesting kid and a great writer when he puts his mind to it so his essays if done well could make him really stand out.
I truly believe that he’s in the running for the selective school if he (a) writes fantastic essays, and (b) keeps his grades up this year (he has six APs).
Problem is: He believes he has “no chance” at the selective school, so why bother. And the other one he considers a sure thing.
So, he’s unmotivated. Not putting in time on the essays. And his grades so far this year are not stellar- he’s overdosing on social life now that his school is back after being remote for all of COVID.
His mental health is important. These kids missed so much social time. Leave him be. It’s his life. Fantastic essays won’t move dial on <10% selectivity rate. Don’t pressure him. Social growth, maturity will develop one day at a time. Take time to appreciate today. He’ll be gone before you know it. Don’t nag him, respect his choices.
Sounds like he’s found his match and is happy. So what’s the problem? My D20 did the same thing and had her acceptance in hand by December with a huge scholarship to boot.
He’s already picked a college that he believes will work for him. He’s the one who will be going, taking courses, living on campus, talking to peers, professors, grad assistants.
Making him go on a prestige hunt for your benefit won’t work.
If his grades aren’t stellar he might be right about not getting into a very selective school, especially without great test scores, which is FINE. My kids with great stats are going to less competitive schools because they needed merit, and they are living where they are. One of my college freshmen phoned it in last year, I knew he’d end up at our flagship regardless.
Does his safety have an honors college he would like to attend? Honors college often comes with early registration and other benefits. Have him also check the core/major requirements and see if any of his current APs could be applied towards that.
That may motivated him to keep up with his AP work and keep his grades high enough.
Does he know what he wants to major in? Is the selective school better for his major if so? How much better?
Have you looked at the Common App to see if the selective school requires a Mid-Year Report? Most of the colleges (not selective) on my D22’s list don’t. They all do want a final report and I guess if she really blew it then they could conceivably rescind their offers. Not to say that I want my D22 to slack off this year, but what be will be at this point. If the your son’s Selective School doesn’t require a Mid-Year Report then they will be looking at GPA through 11th, course rigor, and test scores, plus the essays, and any letters of recommendation, etc.
I don’t think you have a problem. Let the reach school go if he’s not motivated. He doesn’t need it and there is no reason to pressure him into applying. That said, he does need to apply to more than one school so I hope there are a few other match and safety schools on his list, just in case.
Finally , he does need to keep up his grades. If senior year is below the rest of his grades, it could cause a rejection.
After pushing my DD to get applications done, essays written, etc., I took a step back and re-evaluated. If she needs me to do this, she is not “ready” for a “more selective” school. She will be competing with kids who are working their tails off to get everything completed and completed well. Those are the kids that should be going to that school. They have the drive and passion to make it happen and it is important to them. (Coincidentally, these are also the type of kids my daughter tends to avoid as she is turned off by their competitiveness over grades and class rank)
Her alternative school (the one she truly wants to go to anyway) will be a great match for her and what she ultimately wants to do despite being very easy to get into. Their application is not as time consuming and ED/ EA doesn’t play into their acceptance stats. Their pass rates on the exams she will need to pass to practice in her chosen profession are the exact same as every other school that offers her major. Internship and job placement stats are similar. Perhaps she’s the smart one and not me. Why have a stressed-out senior year applying to
more schools when she can be enjoying herself and learning for the sake of learning rather than test scores?
Also, undergrad is not the end of your child’s growth process. Perhaps he’s not ready now, but I’m assuming grad school is going to be a possibility.
Really happy to read these sane responses to this question. So often CC gets crazy about getting into “the top schools”. I told my D22 not to look at CC at all for that reason and I parse the info for her. Don’t need to add to her stress load. She is looking at less selective schools and I am fine with that as long as they are schools where she can stretch herself a little. If they are just too easy and don’t have her major then maybe not, but she is finding good ones so far.
How is the adjacent major? Do you and he think he could be really happy with that?
Gosh, I know of so many kids from our school district, including my son, who went off to selective schools or programs and who were back in Maine for their second year. I would rather a kid start out at a less elective school if it means they will stay there. There’s just too much pressure on kids these days.
It sounds like your kid is realistic rather than unmotivated. I would add a couple more schools to his list of one. Or have him apply EA to his fav school so he knows he’s in before regular decision apps are due. Good luck!
Really liking a safety school is ideal. In some regards, it’s the holy grail. Apply to one school, be done with all the nonsense and go on with your life. Success is about what students do while they’re at school far more than where they go to school. Don’t believe me? Look up where all the NASA facility directors went to undergrad. Then look up the undergraduate schools of Fortune 500 CEOs. You will see many, random backwater names in both lists. Congrats on having one in the bag that excites him!
I agree let your son relax and his grades may actually go up! My son only applied to safety schools (well one was more a match due to cost). They were excellent in his major and offered great merit, travel abroad and honors colleges. He has been thrilled with his choice and his friends have all done well and gotten into great grad schools or have excellent jobs. He is in his second year of vet school and at the top of his class! Safety schools can be awesome!
I’m in agreement with others in thinking I don’t see a problem.
My own son attends his safety and he loves it. He was offered a transfer option to a highly ranked university if he maintained high grades as a freshman. He chose to join a frat (unbeknownst to me, lol.) He wasn’t interested enough in the highly ranked uni to sacrifice his social life for grades. That’s the choice he made. We are fine with it. Saves us money!
Our kids make decisions. Your son is making his right now. He loves the safety, so let him go.