Can you get a Master’s degree? Can you get involved in greek life if you are a graduate student?
is there a way to get the experience of fraternity life in some other way? Are there other social groups that would feel similar?
@MaineLonghorn The difference being that your future husband wasn’t pretending to be something he wasn’t. The OP, presumably, would be misrepresenting himself in order to rush a fraternity. I think this is the part that’s creeping people out a little.
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To me, this is both sad and borderline creepy.
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I mean having wasted the opportunities that most of the world never gets is sad, which is why I’m trying to repair it.
Also, the term “creepy” has a connotation for not respecting someone’s boundaries. How you got that out of my post is beyond me.
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No. That is a myth, and you are too old to be believing everything you read on TFM, or the heavily staged pictures you see on Instagram.
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This seems to imply that people recruit others for fake photographs, which I doubt happens with any frequency. Not to mention that I saw all the people having an amazing time around me, especially since I lived by the pool. Just about every person I have talked to absolutely loved college except me. It seems impossible that society all decided to make this up.
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But it’s like the current raisin commercial that asks “remember childhood?” to a background of beautiful sunny days and soft focus happy families: no bullies, no bad teachers, no divorcing parents, no promises that get broken- none of the darker side of childhood. The troubles of the past almost always seem easier than our current troubles.
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Looking back at my childhood I remember a great time and having dreams for the future. Looking back at my 20s (and even saying that phrase hurts) I see an empty, wasted life. All I did was trudge through to get a degree in something I have no passion for, just to say I have one, hoping things would improve. The years went by and they didn’t.
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You would be writing the checks to pay for the adventure, it would be stuff that you paid for that gets wrecked at the frat party, you will remember just how obnoxious drunken 21 year olds can be (and how much energy they have), the sting of rejection by someone you fancy will be just as real.
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Isn’t the ridiculousness of that all part of the experience? Plus that last part has nothing at all to do with age.
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which imo is really unlikely, you would still be nearly 30, with all the experience that you have accumulated. You can’t ‘unknow’ what you have learned in the last decade- it has been part of shaping you into who you are now.
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That’s the main problem and a huge part of why I’m considering this, I haven’t really accumulated any experience or learned much of anything outside of school. I really haven’t done anything meaningful on a personal level in 8 years. It’s all a big empty hole full of wasted opportunity. I don’t feel like much of a different person than I was when I was 20, just a listless zombie.
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And- not irrelevantly- colleges still expect you do to homework-and exams still suck. Big time.
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Well yeah, but this time I’m going to major in something I’m passionate about. Everything isn’t going to be all fun all the time, to expect otherwise would be ridiculous. Anything worth having takes effort.
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Know that college is not, for most people, what you imagine it was. Know that there are amazing parts of life still to come.
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I want to believe this is true. Beyond all comprehension I do. But why do most people seem to disagree?
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- My husband's fraternity has grad chapters for grown men. You don't hang or pledge with the kids and you get the benefit of the brotherhood that you are seeking. Better parties, no foolishness, great career connections.
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I’ve never heard of this, interesting. But jumping straight into a graduate film degree when I majored in Business seems unlikely.
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@MaineLonghorn The difference being that your future husband wasn’t pretending to be something he wasn’t. The OP, presumably, would be misrepresenting himself in order to rush a fraternity. I think this is the part that’s creeping people out a little.
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Nowhere did I indicate that I would do that. If they asked my age I would tell the truth.
You are not volunteering your age. This is different from the @MaineLonghorn example. From your OP:
I have to say that I don’t think the OP’s age is a problem. My lab partner my sophomore year of college was 29. He was in the military first.
That said, OP, I would explore grad school. I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t study film after majoring in business.
It’s hard to have a total re-set and I have a feeling that your undergraduate experience probably won’t be what you are dreaming of.
I think it is the sssumption that you can just jump into the social and frat scene when you will be 10 years older than most of the students that comes across as a little creepy. Or that you’d even want to.
What makes you think anything will change?
Going to a college again to try to recoup that “amazing time of your life”, may not give you what you are expecting this time around…
When my daughters and sons are with their college buddies, they speak another language and could fill each other’s sentences. My good friends-for-life were made when I was between 18-20 with other 18 -20 year olds. We lived, ate, dated, interviewed, laundry-duty’ed, applied to grad school together,-turned 21 together. We suffered though a number of relationships together. It really was an AGE thing. There are things that you learn at 18, that you can’t go back to relearn because you’ve already done it by the time you are 28.
So you are expecting a bunch of 18-20 year olds to entertain you and become your friends for life?
What makes you think it will be very different this time around?
There are no time machines. You can’t go back to being 18-19-20-21. And I agree that not volunteering that you are 28 when you are indeed 28 is deception. And creepy!
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What makes you think anything will change?
Going to a college again to try to recoup that “amazing time of your life”, may not give you what you are expecting this time around…
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Nothing’s for certain. But I can either resign myself to having squandered my shot at life and just keep rotting away, or man up and do what I can make things right. It’s a cliche, I know, but “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. I know exactly why and how I threw it away the first time and what pitfalls to avoid. I’m full of flaws, but being a quitter is not one of them.
Plus if it doesn’t work out at least I’d still learn more about my craft than I ever could on my own and get some connections into the film world. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a filmmaker either, but there’s only one way to find out.
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I think it is the sssumption that you can just jump into the social and frat scene when you will be 10 years older than most of the students that comes across as a little creepy. Or that you’d even want to.
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That’s what perplexes me. When I think of someone who’s “creepy”, I think of a guy who (for example) preys on drunk and/or underage women or touches them without consent. Equating a person like that with me, who merely wants to make a worthwhile life for myself, just seems bizarre.
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When my daughters and sons are with their college buddies, they speak another language and could fill each other’s sentences. My good friends-for-life were made when I was between 18-20 with other 18 -20 year olds. We lived, ate, dated, interviewed, laundry-duty’ed, applied to grad school together,-turned 21 together. We suffered though a number of relationships together. It really was an AGE thing. There are things that you learn at 18, that you can’t go back to relearn because you’ve already done it by the time you are 28.
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It’s good that you and your children lived your lives to the fullest, but since I can’t go back in time and warn myself to do that it seems like the right thing to do to at least make an effort to fix my life. I owe it to my younger self, my current self and my parents. Imagining my younger self, or my parents back in 1992 with all the hopes and ambitions in the world for my future being able to see how badly I tanked it all just makes it seem wrong to throw in the towel now.
As I mentioned, since I didn’t have an actual young adult experience I can’t really ascertain what I’m supposed to know now that I didn’t then.
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So you are expecting a bunch of 18-20 year olds to entertain you and become your friends for life?
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My friends at work range from 21 to 38. We have no problem going to the bar or baseball games together. But having friends for life is better than not having them.
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There are no time machines. You can’t go back to being 18-19-20-21. And I agree that not volunteering that you are 28 when you are indeed 28 is deception. And creepy!
You are not volunteering your age. This is different from the @MaineLonghorn example. From your OP:
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What I meant to imply (perhaps not clearly enough) is that I won’t stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t think random people are necessarily entitled to know every detail about me, but nevertheless I’ll honestly answer simple ones such as this when prompted. Going around blurting out my age just seems awkward. None of my coworkers knew my age until they asked me – not because I was hiding it or anything, just because it didn’t come up.
I can understand wanting to recoup some experiences that you missed. But there are more appropriate ways to do this. I imagine that graduate film school would be filled with creative people with plenty of youthfulness left in them. But most/all of them would be well out of their teens. Which is a good thing. Some experiences you feel you’ve missed out on (that may be more idealized than you think) you may never get to experience. Grieve THAT loss so that you can live fully what life can offer you NOW! Go to counseling if you need help grieving that loss. It’s a fact that no one gets to live every life possibility. We all miss out on some important things, but if we focus on that, we’ll also miss out on what’s amazing in the present. If you could suddenly become 19 again…guess what? You’d miss out on being 29, and honestly, I think 29 is at least as good. Better.
I went back to graduate school in my late thirties (single at the time). There were young adults just out of college, people in their late twenties, and a large scattering of people in their thirties and forties in my full-time program. We worked hard and had fun…often together. A very small number lived in dorms just for grad students. Most had apartments near campus. Some people were married, with children, commuted and rarely attended evening social outings but these people very much belonged in class discussions and study sessions. There were cohesive social groups just as there were in undergrad, just more age-appropriate, but some of these groups had a wide range of ages. As a grad student in a fun and interesting city there were opportunities to go out, have fun and socialize in some of the ways college students do but minus the extremes of stupid behavior. I enjoyed grad school and the related socializing much more than I enjoyed college, where frankly, I was a bit lost, shy and clueless.
I think lots of people go for master’s degrees in subjects not related to their undergraduate degree. I think you could spend a few months preparing to apply for film school by taking some undergraduate classes part time related to film, which might help with admissions.
No one is telling you NOT to return to school. Go for it! Learn something new.
I think what everyone is telling you is that your desire to be a frat boy is just strange and appears to be “creepy” in the sense that you want to be 17 again. When you are 17-20, Mom and Dad tend to pick up the bill. When you are 28, with an established degree, that cost is absorbed by you. If you have to work to pay your tuition, you’ll be busy at work.
My kids went to undergrad with non-degreed people returning to school in their late 20’s, 30’s 40’s; the difference was that these people had their own lives. They were involved in the study groups, but wanting to party like a teen, no. Occasional social school events, dinners, yes. Frats-no.
I think you’ll feel awkward a LOT if you try to pledge a frat or try to find your “amazing” life.
Ages 21 to 38 is not the same as being an 18 year old. Most of the frat boys are 18 and 19.
You are stuck on the idea that the only way to move forward is to go backward to some idealized version of what you interpreted as everybody else having the time of their lives. I am absolutely sure that if you could get those people that you watched playing in the pool outside your window and ask them now ‘wasn’t college the best time ever?!’ you would get a much bigger range of answers than you imagine. You don’t know the private side of their lives- just the public show.
Actually, no. The ‘self’ that matters is your future self.
You have a subject that you say you are passionate about- what are you actually doing about that? You can switch from one subject to another between undergrad and grad (says somebody who did it) - and you do it by getting some experience in the field. So, you go take some classes in film at your local community college and while you are doing that you research masters programs, and apply to them. Bonus: a masters will cost a lot less money than another 4 years of undergrad, and grad school is more fun than undergrad (says somebody who went back twice, first for a masters and later for a PhD. Exams still suck but the classes are more fun and they mostly treat you as a peer).
Nobody here is saying to throw in the towel. But pretty much every poster has said some variant of ‘the past is a foreign country’ and you can’t go there / change it now. Look forward. Parents watch their kids take all kinds of detours as they find their path in life. I am pretty sure that yours would rather that you take concrete steps to go forward than to say ‘do-over!’ and go backwards.
@SeekingHope, To quote someone, do the following but remove the # sign:
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Copy text here.
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I think you should ask yourself what advantage you hope to gain by people assuming you’re ~20. Professors don’t care about the age of their students, and students don’t care about the ages of the people in their classes either. You don’t need to join a frat to drink. You can do that at your local bar. You don’t need to join a frat to hang out with the guys and have fun either. You can do that with people you know now. The only difference looking 20 makes is if you intend to date college women. Letting people assume you’re 20 and only admitting to your age “if asked” is dodgey at best. You don’t need to live in a dorm and join a frat to pursue the degree you want. You do need to if you want to pursue college women.
There’s truth to the saying that you can’t go back. Don’t lose out on the adult experiences of your late 20’s and early 30’s by trying to redo your 18-22 years. It’s not worth your time or money.
Why not live a new dream? Honestly, I think it’s very strange that you want to relive your teens and early twenties, and as a frat boy no less. Did you watch Animal House or something? Many people do not experience the idealized version of “four great years” of college. I didn’t, and it didn’t matter. I enjoyed my youth fully. Instead of living in dorms, I travelled the world. I worked with fun people and did midnight trips to Vegas. Sure, it would have been nice to have lived on campus and had the traditional college experience, but I see no point in trying to go back and recreate something for no real purpose.
I sense your social life is lacking and you are trying to find a way to revitalize it. Going back to hang out with people who are seven to ten years younger than you seems an odd way of going about it. Find a job working with people you like. Sign up for hiking groups, or the gym, or a movie club, or something that mature twenty somethings do. Personally, unless you plan to conceal your age, I’d be creeped out by meeting someone at a college frat party who was 28.
@SeekingHope You have some doubts about the viability of your plan, which is why you posted here seeking input. What are your doubts?
You report making a mess of the last decade, but the reason behind that outcome remains vague.
What are you currently doing with your adult life?
Yesterday is dead
Tomorrow is yet to be born
Only today exists
Kill your regrets
Live now
Your future self will thank you
You know, if you are looking for camaraderie, a sense of involvement - consider joining some kind of travel mission,or some other adventure. Heck, try out for a game show or a reality show - Greatest Race, Survivor, whatever. Even if you don’t make it through, the process could be fun.
You can totally go to grad school in a different field. There may be some basic courses you need to take but as advised above, you can make a switch. You just can’t go back. You changed. Even if you don’t see it.
I would expect that your life experience since your undergrad years would give you a basis for a film. How does it feel to want to go back and have everyone tell you that you can’t? It brings to mind emotions explored in the movie “Falling Down”, minus the violence.
I can’t speak from personal experience, but this semester I befriended a 30 year old in one of my classes who had returned to school after serving in the military. He was extremely frustrated and expressed intense dislike for the social scene at college and was eager to graduate and move on to the next phase of life. I think that’s the key here and that’s what you should be focusing on: moving on to the next phase of your life. Not going back in time and trying to gain experiences that won’t be the same as if you had lived them in real-time anyway. I understand you have some regrets, but I think you’d benefit much more from trying a grad program, a study abroad program, or some other type of volunteer/service program where you can travel and make the kinds of friends you’re looking for. I guarantee you will not be satisfied being friends with a bunch of 18-22 year old frat boys.
That being said, it sounds like you’ve made up your mind to go back to undergrad and have talked yourself out of every point previous posters have brought up, so I wish you good luck on your journey wherever it takes you!
I think you should go pursue another degree. I think more and more people are going to college later in their lives. I will be due to health issues making me take longer to graduate high school. I certainly hope I can still make friends if I’m a couple years older. However, I am planning to live in a freshman dorm, and will hopefully have more in common with them even with a slight age difference. I think you should be trying to make friends with people your own age. You most likely won’t fit in with the people fresh out of high school. And I think maybe joining a service fraternity or a group like that would probably be a more welcoming option then the party fraternities. It would be a bit odd for a 28 year old to be partying with significantly younger men and women.