Hi everyone, as someone who is wrapping up the year, I was wondering if anybody has been disillusioned by their college so far. College was imprinted upon me by adults as going to be amazing and a place where I would grow intellectually, but it still seems the same pettiness from high school is here, and the classes are really awful. But for me, it seems like there isn’t a fix for the problems I see at the school I am attending.
What do other people think?
I’m certainly learning a lot. But what I have also learned is that the whole “best four years of your life” thing is patently false – or at least I hope it is, because if this is the best my life is gonna get, I’m screwed.
College is a special place, and it is a place intended to provide an opportunity to learn and grow, it it a level of education that is a choice, and for most it is a tremendous privilege and opportunity. College was never intended to be the be all end all experience in people’s lives, just one of many experiences that some people get the chance to have during the course of life. Is it the “best four years” of some people’s lives? Maybe, but if you think about it, that is kind of sad that some believe it was the best four years of their lives and that these best experiences in life all happen before the age of 22. What you are facing is reality. College comes with highs and lows, fun and stress, and a way of life you will unlikely ever live again after you graduate. It is a stepping stone to the next thing you will do in life, no matter what that is.
We adults tend to oversell the college experience because like many things it’s better in retrospect. We learn most from those things which make us uncomfortable and stretch our capabilities. College does that in so many ways, academically, socially, and just overall. What do we adults remember about college? We were young, idealistic, we had tons of people like us around and our job was to learn. What we often forget is that we were awkward, stressed, lonely, scared, and sometimes barely in control.
I love to backpack. My friends and I will reminisce about the amazing experiences we have had. Nearly all of the trips we remember were those that challenged us. The trip up Mt. Laconte where we changed our route and hiked up 4 thousand ft. in a foot of snow. It was zero that night and we melted snow for water and the sleeping bag wasn’t up to keeping me warm at zero degrees. The beauty of hoar frost, the misery of hiking in the weather that made it, the bear encounter and having to cut the trip short because he took our food bag. In retrospect these were amazing experiences at the time we were miserable. College, actually life, is kind of like that. You forget the mundane and the misery and remember good things and the struggles that made you better.
^That backpacking analogy is spot on 
According to your posting history you are a student at Harvard.
I believe the problem is you and not the college.
Amen to that.
I do wonder what it is like for this generation, which has so much access to constant stimulation.
When I was 18-19, you had to leave for college or you would die from boredom. 
It’s different today.
Don’t hang around with petty people. (Admittedly, I didn’t find this to be the case).
Take challenging courses. If it’s not challenging you enough see if you can find research opportunities and internships.
No, this wasn’t my experience. I loved college and still do… probably why I went straight from undergrad to my master’s to a PhD program.
Thanks for the wisdom everybody!
@TomSrOfBoston. I suppose you can’t take my question at face value, can’t someone have an experience independent of what you think to be true?
@dancelance If you are disillusioned with Harvard you entered college with totally unreasonable expectations or are a person who cannot adapt and find the positive in a situation.
It’s possible to go with the best intentions and be disappointed, initially. What have you done to avoid the petty people, find a better group? And many kids are dissatisfied with their first classes, only get revved up when they’re deeper into their own majors. We don’t know if you’re really at H. But they would have looked for your resilience and problem solving skills. Try to tap into that.
@TomSrOfBoston - personally I don’t understand your logic here. Why can’t the issue be with the school. Because it is Harvard?
Harvard is not a monolith of absolute perfection. Having a low acceptance rate doesn’t guarantee a universally pleasing school culture–in fact, the competition and stress could be more likely to detract from the experience.
@ClarinetDad16 Yes because it is Harvard.
@theoriginalclone There is a difference between not being perfect and being “severely disillusioned” as the OP claims. If competition and stress are the issue the OP may have been happier at a state flagship. If it is the size of Harvard then the OP may have been happier at an elite LAC. Or perhaps the OP had unrealistic expectations that no school could possibly satisfy.
@TomSrOfBoston - maybe being from or in Boston you view Harvard as a mystical and magical place?
And in reality for some students like the OP it might fail them? It might not support low income students. The intro classes might be too large. There may be little access to professors. Maybe the assistants don’t speak English well? Perhaps the social life is difficult if one was surrounded by super wealthy kids.
There are a wealth of reasons why Harvard could be a school where students are disillusioned. And maybe because the expectations were set too high coming in…
And severely disillusioned isn’t giving up.
@TomSrOfBoston in essence the attitude that you have probably perpetuate the problems that students and I are having with their college experience. You realize that? It is clear that you haven’t gone here, so I don’t understand why you are so knowledgable.
Anyways, as I wrote this post I was unfortunately waiting for that one person to slide through my posting history, which is unfortunately because I knew it would instantly derail the essence of my question. Clearly evident.
This question wasn’t about the I attend school, and I hoped that I could just talk about how it feels to have classes where nobody really talks, the isolation, etc. And I was hoping that I could write this in such a way where other people with similar experience could relate.
I’m actually not that worried with grades and competition. I’m a pretty type B person, and so far that hasn’t been daunting for me and I’ve been doing quite well this semester. It’s more that I feel more older than a lot of my classmates (by virtue of my upbringing I guess), and I’m just craving some people who are willing to do something crazy and fun with me instead of saying they have work to do, or just binge drinking each weekend.
It’s less about what my institution is/isn’t providing, it’s more I haven’t been able to create a satisfying narrative about my college experience. I don’t feel enveloped in the school/the experience, more like observant.
@dancelance I suggest that you visit the Harvard student counselling office to help you sort out your issues.
You also come across as a person who feels superior to your classmates. That may be part of you problem in having a good college experience.
Just give it time, see if you can find ways to connect with a broader range, maybe thru some activities. I don’t sense superiority. There have been posts, over time, of early disconnect or uncertainties, even at top schools. Most of us here are saying it doesn’t always happen as fast as we’d like. Make good use if your summer.
My father was in your shoes. In contrast, his brother never really left. It happens.
@dancelance - Frankly I wouldn’t even engage in a conversation with someone that is clearly a gold medalist in leaping to conclusions. Just let those comments slide by you.
Maybe Harvard is just a bad fit for you, but I doubt that. There are all kinds of people and opportunities there and in Boston. You are not confined to Harvard, of course. Or maybe you are so Type B that you are growing distressed at the prospect that 4 years of school will go by and you won’t have had a good experience at all, much less the “best 4 years of your life”. There is no shame in going to a Harvard counselor and saying exactly what you said here, that you are having trouble reaching out to the right type of person to hang with. But it also seems to me that if you are
then there have to be specific clubs or activities like whitewater rafting or skydiving or something that fits your taste. Then, presumably, you will be meeting other people with similar taste in activities and get to know them, and spontaneously do other things on the weekends together as well. Maybe a couple of talks with someone about your hesitations so far will be all you need to get things in gear. Doesn’t hurt to try.