I knew a guy in his late 20s who tried to live as a young undergrad. It didn’t look pretty. (Desperate, a little sad, and yes, creepy.) It fooled no one, eventually not even him.
By the way, please believe me when I tell you that the pictures you see on Instagram and online are 90% staged, fake, and entirely not representative of what’s actually going on. As someone who sees exactly what’s going on behind many social media posts that look great, please know that people are NOT having as great a time as it appears. Not that this needs to be the driving force behind your decision, but please don’t buy into the “college are the best years of your life” thing. Some people are having a great time, many more are really, REALLY struggling.
It is never too late to pursue what you want in life, just be sure that this time it will be your passion. Good luck with going back to college!
College-themed movies are big. Someone also mentioned Animal House, but there’s Good Will Hunting, Legally Blonde, Back to School, Revenge of the Nerds, Monsters University, just a name a few. On the face of it, the OP’s desire to go back for a second bachelor’s degree in film makes no sense, but what if his real motivation is research, specifically about frat life? Attend all the parties he missed out on the first time, have all the crazy sex and then write some screenplays about it. Maybe a little cinéma vérité. It’s the stuff of boyish dreams and parents’ nightmares.
I don’t know where my reply went.
Been busy for the last few days, thanks for the input!
I just don’t really understand why that’s strange or creepy. I never got to be a young adult the first time around, so it’s not really doing it “again” per se, except in technical terms. Everyone says that’s the best time of your life and I completely wasted it.
That’s what I wish I could believe, but unless their family was seriously sick/passed away I am fairly certain that their life was infinitely better than my non-experience, since at least they had fun and made friends.
This seems needlessly cynical. I don’t want to look like a sore thumb and have people make jokes at my expense. Bars can’t offer a brotherhood or something bigger than myself to take pride in and strive to make its best.
-I have the same doubts as most posters ITT. Even though I’m pushing back that doesn’t mean I think their points aren’t valid.
-I picked the wrong college, joined a fraternity colony where most of the people didn’t care enough to show up to meetings or pay dues. I transferred to be with my high school friends, but the collapse of the fraternity sent me into depression and they all abandoned me as a result.
-I work in a kitchen while trying to break into the film world.
I haven’t really had any life experiences since high school, but that sounds like a good idea for a movie and I will watch the one you mentioned.
I’m curious why you say this. It’s worth noting that not all (or even close to all) fraternities are full of bro-ed out meatheads.
I don’t really understand why this is strange, particularly the frat part given that people pay thousands a semester for the experience.
I mean I’ve seen it many times. I can’t watch it anymore though because it depresses me.
That’s the problem: I didn’t. Mine was a totally squandered, meaningless void.
So yeah, you had an amazing young adulthood. I wasted my one and only shot so I’m trying to redeem myself/control the damage.
No real purpose? Getting to experience young adulthood and hopefully even join a lifelong brotherhood seems like a purpose to me.
Part of the problem is that in trying to relive your late teens and early twenties you would be squandering your late twenties and early thirties.
I loved my college years. I made some of my closest friends, met my husband, and got to do things that were fun and intellectually stimulating.
Then again, I loved my late twenties. I made some of my closest friends, hung out with my husband and kids and got to do things that were fun and intellectually stimulating, just different thing than I did at 18 or 20.
The question I would pose is “how are you different than you were the first time around?” If the answer is “not at all” I think you need to consider how you’re going to feel if (or in my mind when) your idealized college life doesn’t come to fruition.
As others have tried to point out, it’s unlikely a bunch of kids fresh out of high school are going to want to become “lifelong brothers” with someone 10 years their senior. You may not understand why most of us feel an attempt to masquerade as an 18 year old is creepy, but we do and I suspect your prospective fraternity brothers would too.
I don’t think anyone here thinks there’s anything wrong with going back to school. My sister got her undergrad degree the year her daughter finished grad school and there wasn’t a person who wasn’t proud of her. But she presented herself as what she was-an adult with different experiences than many of her classmates.
There are many ways to enjoy young adulthood. Volunteer somewhere where a lot of people your age (that is, young people) volunteer. Move into a building with a lot of young working adults and make friends with your neighbors. Take extension classes and get to know your classmates. In parallel consider talking to a therapist about why you find moving on so hard. Good luck.
@SeekingHope, does it tell you something that not one responder here thinks that your plan will give you what you want? Not one.
Well, obviously the first two quotes contradict the third. You have had ‘life experiences’ - you just don’t count them as such. You had 2 goes at college, and have since worked to support yourself as an independent adult and are now trying to start a film career.
Yet, despite multiple people trying to shift the focus to the positive goal of how you could get your film career underway- and, by the way, put you in with a group of fellow students with whom you have a lot in common, can socialize and build as a peer group, your responses have not shown even a tiny spark of interest. Instead, you remain completely focused on having missed your chance to live the Animal House dream - so much so that watching that movie- which is fiction, was never very true and is even less true now- is too ‘depressing’. for you. And btw, if you are seeing that as a model for how people treat each other (esp with regard to male → female dynamics and bullying) you are in for a nasty shock.
This. The past is the past: pining for what might have been is keeping you from looking to what can be. Somebody way upthread recommended counseling, and given your conviction that a ‘do-over’ of the past is going to fix something in your present and future I am thinking they had a good point. And if you are actually suffering from depression, sorting that out should be the first order of business.
People pay thousands to join frats when they are 19 through maybe 22. People also pay thousands to take trips to Disneyland for their children. Adults go to Disneyland too, but they don’t ride Dumbo the Flying Elephant on their own.
It’s time for you to move on and not try relive a part of your life that you can’t get back. You didn’t enjoy your youth, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy being an adult. There are plenty of people who have unhappy childhoods, or worse, and go on to live fulfilling, happy lives. Be one of those people.
My siblings and I joined the greek system, at the right age, and this “brotherhood” you desperately seek, seems to be active during the first few years, and then, towards retirement age. WHY? People have lives: they get married (around the age of 28), they pay mortgages, have kids, they have family, they have travel and work commitments. They see their sisters/brothers occasionally, at games or school reunions, but for most, their family needs come first.
The internet seems to have changed our method of communication. People don’t have time to be pal’ing around with college friends because the priorities and technology has changed. This is what you don’t seem to get. You “missed the boat”. You can always return to college, but you can’t return to your youth.
In the dorms, if I remember correctly, a lot of our conversations, were about similarities within ourselves: our high school life. You will stick out AWKWARDLY like a sore thumb if ANY college attempts to put you in a freshman dorm, which is where almost all of the recruits come from for RUSH week. It’s not just the posters who think this is a creepy idea. Any housing officer would wonder if you were a safety risk. Times have changed, but apparently you are stuck in a time warp.
I don’t think you’ve thought this through. I’m thinking of all of the stuff where you will NOT fit in.
Did you think about how fast information travels on a IPhone? Here’s the harsh reality, the minute someone finds out that you are a REDO, that information will fly instantly to young people as, the old guy or the age’d out “LOSER”. Kids now are taught about terrorists and men/women on the prowl.
On campus, taking classes, there wouldn’t be any issues; people don’t care about your age in class. Your living situation, however, will be a major issue.
You seem to be lacking a sense of family, this is where a good counselor can work with you because it seems that you will never be satisfied with your life: shoulda, woulda, coulda. None of the advice we’ve given you seems to have enlightened you, so:
- You go and attempt to get admitted into a school and pay $60-70K per year for tuition and fees. A second degree entitles you to loans, maybe, if you qualify.
- Brush up on your gaming because you'll be doing a LOT of that in the dorms, when you're not at work trying to pay your frat fees, film equipment, and lab fees.
- Learn to deal with girls (I do mean "girls") who are underage and can't drink yet. They have been given Mace by their parents on Move In Day. When the arresting officer finds out you were contributing to the delinquency of a young lady, who is underage and still under curfew, and you will soon be 30, I hope you have a good lawyer.
Sorry, but that is an absolutely horrible idea.
I’m sorry you didn’t have the “time of your life” at undergrad, but I really think you might be comparing your real world experience to others projected experience or even a fantasy movie type experience. For most of us, it was meh. Either way, you can’t go back to being 19, and you really wouldn’t like it if you could.
27-28 is a time of great stress. (Just look at the long, long list of rock stars who died about that age for context). You’re approaching the “end of adolescence” and a time of real “mid-life crisis” for many, many people. It’s not as easy as some make it look. I had a real rough time about then, and many many do.
It sounds like you need someone to talk to, and not just on an internet forum. Maybe start with your alma mater and discuss with them how you feel lost and unsure of yourself post grad. Maybe find a good therapist to talk things through with.
Hopefully a plan will start to emerge for a career that will utilize your talents and dreams. If grad school is necessary, fine, but either way, make a realistic plan so you have some direction that excites you at least a little.
After that, If you’re in the mood for some good old fashioned fun before you “get too old”, go to Europe and travel hostel to hostel for a summer. Way cheaper than redoing undergrad and a TON more fun. (Very educational too!). You’ll get whatever FOMO you have out of your system (and/or find you need need rehab).
Good luck. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Life is a loooooong climb. Avoid fatal obstacles and just keep climbing. Try to enjoy the scenery.
It’s true that funding for second undergraduate degrees is limited. On the plus side, as an adult over the age of 24, you can establish residency in any state you choose. If you really want to be an undergrad again (leaving aside the pros and cons), I would look closely at public universities that would make this affordable, and invest a year in establishing residency if your current state doesn’t offer what you’re looking for.
FWIW, Portland State U in Oregon has a pretty cool undergrad film program https://www.pdx.edu/film/ , and an older-than-average undergraduate student population - nearly 50% of undergrads there are 25+. Maybe a program like this would strike a balance between recapturing the undergrad experience, and yet not being an outlier in terms of your stage of life.
That said, I do think there are entry-level grad programs that you might qualify for. I have a relative who went to grad school for film at his state flagship, and his undergrad degree had nothing to do with film or the creative arts at all. It seemed like a great experience for him, with a close-knit group of students. An undergraduate do-over may not be the only path, or the best one - don’t underestimate how tiresome aspects of jumping through the same hoops all over again could become.
Great adult advice above, but…
If you really need this, I would just apply to the crappiest party
schools and live that life for a year, then go back to your normal life.
Go in as a freshmen with no credits. Take all intro 100 classes and be stupid.
Big state school in Cali, Florida, Texas, etc for sun and fun. Wake up naked with puke
all over your face. I would work out like a beast and get beach body ripped.
Smoke pot, take E, go raving, whatever. Gap year as an adult. 
When you get it out of your system, go get your MBA and write the essay on
opportunity costs of living your dream. Probably can turn it into a movie or a book.
Nerdy book worm guy turns into party animal, then get his MBA and writes a book.
There is your entry way into film or producing.
Better trying to find yourself now rather than when you are 50+ years old, driving
a sports car with extensive hair plugs chasing after co-eds.
Sometimes, you gotta scratch that itch.
Good luck.
p.s. We had an older guy ex-military join our fraternity maybe 25ish.
Straight from hs to military guy. Cool guy. He tried to do some stupid stuff with us,
but after a while, he started to hang out grad students and ex-military folks.
He left after a year after he meet his grad student gf.
Have you ever spent time around fraternities and their members? Like seriously, spent a lot of time getting to know them (not just surface level friendships or meetings). Fraternities are great for boys who are looking to party and make friends in college, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The keyword here is boy, and the problem is that at 28 you should be striving to be a man, not a boy.
^ This is extremely important. Listen to this. Take it to heart.
Why are you pushing back on what everyone is trying to tell you? Everyone here knows it’s not a good idea, and you asked for advice. If you simply can’t move forward, then by all means, head back in time ten years. No need to get approval from strangers on the internet. I do really highly recommend you speak to a therapist or perhaps an older family member/relative who can give you some real-life advice as someone who knows you.
Maybe I’m in the bargaining stage of grief, who knows. I grew up hearing my dad’s experiences (he was the rush chair of the largest and most popular house on campus) and my younger self never would have guessed that I’d permanently ruin my life so easily. If I never had a chance it would be one thing, but I had all the opportunity in the world and threw it away.
When you got to have real, amazing, worthwhile lives it’s easy to move on to other things in the natural progression. Not so much for me.
Well yeah, it’s not like I didn’t know this was a long shot. I’ve just never been a quitter. In high school one of my teachers told me in front of the class that I wasn’t smart enough to take Calc BC as a junior, and I went on to prove her wrong. Accepting that I wasted my one and only chance just gets spit out by my brain as too painful.
There’s not much a counselor can do unless they invent a time machine. Also isn’t the main idea of depression feeling depressed for no legitimate reason? That doesn’t apply in my case. Nevertheless, I appreciate the suggestion.
Sitting in class or at work doesn’t seem like life experience IMO, since there’s no personal growth, enjoyment or satisfaction involved. I’m trying to start a film career, but trying isn’t really an experience. But even if I become the next Scorsese I’ll never make up for what I lost.
We’re never 100% in agreement out here - but there does seem to be 100% agreement that trying to go back and experience glory days as a frat boy at the age of 28 (older by the time you get there) is silly and unwise.
For any incoming or current college students reading this, please let me serve as a cautionary tale. If I can prevent even one of you from becoming like me I can at least be satisfied with that.
Feel free to message me or reply to this thread if you want any more details on how to do things differently – you do not want to be almost a decade down the road desperately scrambling to do damage control after totally wasting it all. It’s an awful, awful feeling that I wouldn’t wish on any of you.
I’m not really seeing how you ruined your life. You sound pretty unhappy in general, not just about your college experience, so I think it would help to speak to a counselor. You can still switch careers. Many people do. Take classes at a cc or go to grad school. But speak with someone to help you sort out your goals. You don’t have to be so unhappy.