Grade my essay? (2-12)

<p>(There are a lot of factual errors, but that's okay right? :) )</p>

<p>Topic: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of those in positions of authority?</p>

<p>Throughout history, society has regarded authoritative figures with great admiration and respect. However, when trust is placed in the hands of the wrong individuals, the results can be drastically detrimental. As seen with Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong Il, and Joseph Stalin, questioning authority can be crucial to the advancement of society. Several examples from history clearly demonstrate that humanity must occasionally turn against the ideas and decisions of its leaders.</p>

<p>In the fifteenth century, Galileo Galilei made a significant contribution to science that would not have been possible without his defiance of authority. Besides his law of falling bodies and invention of the telescope, Galileo formulated the geocentric view of the solar system. However, the Catholic Church condoned him for his deviation from its more traditional, heliocentric view. Regardless, Galileo eventually released his discovery, causing a controversy that ultimately expanded humanity's knowledge of the universe. Although Galileo was eventually placed under house arrest, without his questioning of authority, important discoveries would have been left unmade.</p>

<p>Centuries later, the Milgram Experiment further revealed the dangers of obedience. Stanley Milgram asked 40 participants to electrocute another individual at increasing intensities. Although the subjects were only pretending to be shocked, 65% of the participants delivered the maximum shock. Most participants did express some level of frustration or outrage, but the power of authority eventually took precedence over human conscience. In the end, the Milgram Experiment revealed the potential dangers of humanity's fear of questioning authority. Without revealing the faults in our leadership, society can experience a similar moral degradation that stymies human learning and improvement.</p>

<p>Throughout the Holocaust, Hitler was able to carry out heinous, inhumane crimes due to his country's aversion to questioning his decisions. The Nazi's persecution and mass murder of Jews led to the death of 6 million Jews -- of which 1.1 million were infants and small children. Under Hitler's rule, two thirds of Europe's Jewish population was eradicated. Many spent their lives in concentration camps, left powerless and unable to protect their families and friends from the notorious cruelty of Nazi gas chambers. It was not until surrounding European countries and the U.S. waged war against Germany that the Holocaust and its cruelty was terminated. Foreign intervention and the questioning of Hitler's authority allowed Germany to move forward from a state of economic, physical, and ethical chaos.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of Galileo Galileo, the Milgram Experiment, and the Holocaust, questioning authority is undoubtedly key to the progression of society. Without such disagreement and disobedience, humanity may find itself in a state of moral and intellectual deterioration.</p>

<p>Bump ?</p>

<p>Hey I’ll grade it if u grade mine?</p>

<p>I’m hardly good authority to grade essays, but I did have a couple of comments:

  • After mentioning Hitler and Stalin, when you go to Galileo it sort of throws the reader off, because one expects that you’d elaborate on the things mentioned previously. Their names are just completely random otherwise.</p>

<ul>
<li>With Milgram’s study you focused more on the findings. I would think it would be more relevant to the topic if you mentioned that people are likely to obey authority, and they can dictate doing bad things, so it is important to question them. (that chain is what I mean). And if you like and are familiar with it, you could mention Hofling too…</li>
</ul>

<p>Overall, however, think you’ve done a great job! </p>

<p>(also, is this coming too late?)</p>

<p>Agree with the poster above. </p>

<p>Also some of the transitions could have been better. </p>

<p>I would say 10.</p>

<p>I think 8 or 9 :)</p>

<p>7/8 is too low his/her examples were way to developed to get a 7/8, 7 basically means he/she got a 4 (above conclusion threshold) and a 3 (just about on conclusion threshold) there is no need for his/her score to be that low.</p>

<p>Three well developed examples. Good conclusion good thesis, but the essay lacked the grammatical structure (more enticing transitions and language) to get a 12.</p>