Grade my essay! meep

<p>First SAT essay ever written.. </p>

<p>"Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?"</p>

<p>It's important to challenge the decisions of those in authority when one can greatly benefit and improve their situation. Multiple examples from history and literature prove that one must follow their own ideas and challenge the authority when it is crucial to them.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by the American Revolution, one needs to stand up for themselves and what they believe when facing oppression from an authority in order to succeed. In the late 18th century, the United States felt as if it was being deprived of its freedom. Several laws and acts passed by the British rulers, such as the Stamp Act, forced many Americans to give up their valued freedom to a higher authority. Eventually, Americans decided to fight against its oppresors in order to improve their predicament. The United States succeeded in war and became an independent nation. Thus, a resistence to authority was necessary in order to aleviate the country's tough predicament. Ultimately, the United States was able to triump in their fight for their true beliefs.</p>

<p>Rosa Park's strong demeanor and determination to uphold her true beliefs allowed her to change for the better by challenging authority. In the 1950's, life was extremely difficult for the average African American. The U.S. government had many draconian laws that forced the African Americans to relinquish their basic rights. Undaunted by the serious consequences, Rosa Parks stood up against authority and essentially galvanized the movement for the reform of African American lifestyle. Ultimately, she achieved success when Congress passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that granted multiple rights to her and others. Consequently, Rosa Park's insipid challenge to authority led to a gradual change that improved and ameliorated her situation.</p>

<p>In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, Jane constantly challenges authority in order to mitigate her life. An orphan at a young age, Jane is forced to live with distant family. She is constantly harassed by her cousins and has practically no freedom. Her aunt rarely lets Jane eat with everyone at dinner or play with others. Eventually, Jane decides to stand up for herself and fight back against her cousin. By severely injuring him, Jane manages to convince her aunt to send her away for school, where she succeeds immensely. Thus, one can find a better life by simply challenging authority.</p>

<p>Ultimately, Jane Eyre, Rosa Parks, and the American Revolution show how challenging authority is necessary for a better place and situation. If one allowed themselves to be taken advantage of, they would lose freedom.</p>

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<p>Meh, I give it around an 8 only because it filled 2 pages.
What do you guys think? I'm looking for opinions on staying on topic and answering the question clearly.. I don't think I did that very well, those are always my biggest problems.</p>

<p>Bump! :slight_smile: woooo</p>

<p>I don’t know if this really matters THAT much, but try to use less cliche examples. Rosa Parks and Jane Eyre are really overused and the American Rev is a bit better. Personally if I was an essay grader after seeing dozens of essays with the same examples as yours I’d think to myself “oh, its this essay AGAIN”.</p>

<p>Also try not to attempt to use big vocab just for the heck of it. Like in your third example, I’m not sure if “mitigate” really fits. You should of just used “improve” as it would have gotten the point across without any confusion. Also your third example is pretty weak, you describe Jane’s actions that get her sent away, but is that really questioning authority? Sounds more like just being rebellious to prove a point. You also change the prompt by saying “challenging authority” instead of “questioning authority”. That’s not far enough off to get you a 0 for writing irrelevant content, but be careful with your wording.</p>

<p>The other two examples are solid. Overall, it was an okay essay. You clearly demonstrated that you had some understanding of the prompt and backed up your claim with substantial examples. I’d personally give it a (4/6)/(8/12).</p>

<ol>
<li>11 on a good day and maybe even a 12 . always mention the examples you’re going to use in the thesis.</li>
</ol>

<p>while yankeesfanatic advice is sound, it doesn’t matter if you use examples that are cliche. </p>

<p>best of luck.</p>

<p>(i received a 12 on the essay).</p>

<p>Thanks A LOT for the advice guys!</p>