Grade my essay?

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1

<p>Please grade my essay and offer some constructive criticism. Thank you!!!!</p>

<p>"Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge --- even if they are experts or leaders in their fields --- makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.
ASSIGNMENT: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>........ Though it is no doubt necessary to have respect for authority, I strongly believe it is healthy to challenge their wrong doing. We can see this through examples of history and through happenings in books.
......... A few hundred years ago, we were not under out own rule. The British unfairly controlled our land, and passed many laws which hurt the Settlers of America. For example, the Stamp Act was passed, which required to give room and board to all British soldiers. The British also had the right to search anybodys home without any search warrant. These laws, and others, took away basic rights of individuals. Had the people of that generation not taken a stand, there is a possibility that we would be under these harsh rules today. Had the people then decided against challenging authority, all the freedoms we take for granted today would not be available to us.
........... In the book the Hunger Games, Katniss and her family live under the rule of the "Capital". Most people live in great poverty, and it is not unusual for a person to die of hunger. As if that isn't enough, each year twelve boys and girls between the ages of twelve and eighteen are drafted and placed in an enormous arena. In the arena, they are given an array of weapons, and informed of one rule: the last one standing is the winner. The fight to the death is captured via video cameras and is broadcasted for the entire Capital to see. When Katniss and her boyfriend are drafted, they are both horrified. In the arena they both part ways, and each are met with their own challenges. Days after being placed in the arena, they realize everybody has been killed besides the two of them. In an act of great defiance, they refuse to try to kill one another. Although they realize they may very well be tortured to death by the cruel Capital, they are steadfast in their decision. This act of defiance encourages everybody under the rule of the Capital to revolt, and eventually the Capital regime is crumbled.
........ Had it not been for the above actions that challenged those in authority, peoples basic rights would be violated. Therefore I firmly believe that it is important to challenge those in authority.</p>

2

<p>I’d give this a 10. You’re pretty clear of grammar errors (although not completely…I’d avoid using “they” to replace “authority,” which is singular). Your arguments are pretty strong. You’re not quite into 11-12 territory with your writing style, though:</p>

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<p>I’d avoid saying “we” here…nobody from colonial America is alive today, and the country we live in now is very different from the colonies then. Also, you don’t need to capitalize “settlers.”</p>

<p>In general, I like to see a bit more reinforcement of the thesis in every body paragraph, and I like to see each body paragraph begin with a mini-thesis that refers back to the main thesis. I’d have started your 2nd paragraph with something like “In the book The Hunger Games, a single act of defiance sparks a movement that topples a brutal regime.” </p>

<p>You’re doing pretty well here…a bit of fine-tuning and you could be writing 11’s and 12’s.</p>

3

<p>Thank you for your input!</p>

4

<p>Mmm I think you’re misrepresenting the American Revolution. The British did not unfairly control your land, because it was British land - the fact of the matter is colonialists were British, indeed many of the signatories of the Declaration of Independence continued to call themselves British well after the revolution had ended.</p>

5

<p>I would give it a 9 or 10</p>

<p>A few hundred years ago, we were not under out own rule. </p>

<p>I dont like the use of we here at all</p>

<ul>
<li>I actually think your 2nd example was the best, just try to tie it into your thesis better when you close off the paragraph.</li>
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