<p>Prompt: Is it always best to determine one's own views of right and wrong or can we benefit from following the crowd?</p>
<p>Humans find safety in numbers and this explains the so called “herd mentality”. This herd mentality while very protective stifles the individuals voice, creativity and personal issues. The needs of the many are greater than the needs of the few. The Hunger Games, Abraham Lincoln and Rosa parks are examples that show that it was beneficial to determine one’s own views of right and wrong.</p>
<pre><code>In the Hunger Games, a young girl Katniss is picked to fight against 23 other kids in a gladiator battle. The event is televised and is viewed by all the citizens. The fact of killing innocent children and having people enjoy this is messed up to Katniss. When there are only two people including her left alive, she chooses to not kill him and instead defy the crowd. She knows it is wrong and ultimately this small action saves her as a person. She can be who she wants because she defied society
Abraham Lincoln chose to free the slaves. He was a white male that could have followed the crowd mentality of “African Americans are inferior”. Instead he realized that holding people against their will was morally injust and changed the laws. He helped countless innocent people by not following the crowd
Rosa Parks was a catalyst of the civil rights movement when she did not more to the back of the bus. She didn’t follow the crowd mentality of “be quiet and obey the White Americans”. Rosa Parks could not benefit from the crowd and instead took a stand which benefitted many people.
These examples show that while it was difficult to defy the crowd there is a greater benefit derived from determining one’s own view.
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<p>It’s good you used 3 examples, but try to add some bulk to those paragraphs… It’s sometimes better to use 2 examples with a lot of depth than 3 weak examples. Also, toss some good vocab words in there. </p>
<p>I don’t know how the SAT essay graders factor in grammar (it basically says don’t have any glaring mistakes), but for me it’s very annoying when people mess up the comma placement in quotes. You also used some colloquialisms that you should just basically completely avoid when you’re writing.</p>
<p>“and having people enjoy this is messed up to Katniss.”</p>
<p>There are a lot of better ways to write something like this. You didn’t really get to what she was feeling and just kind of plopped a really weak verb in there. Also, “injust” is technically not a word. “Unjust” is though. I agree that more development would be great. You have 25 minutes. If you really are unsure of what you should write about, just pick the first thing that pops in your head. Try to develop those ideas more thoroughly and add in some possible counter-arguments to your essay. If you pick two examples and a counter-argument, you can easily get a long essay that you didn’t really need much time to think about.</p>
<p>So in summary: Focus on better development, less colloquialisms, stronger verbs, and maybe a little longer and more focused. Try to give ~5-8 lines per body paragraph and you’ll be on the right track. Good luck with the SAT, hope this helps.</p>
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<li>There is very little development. For the historical paragraphs, give the situation (during the bloody Civil War…, during the racial tensions of the 1960s, etc), talk about how the people were opposed, and talk about the direct and indirect consequences. </li>
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<p>Your essay gives the impression that you don’t know much about your examples and chose the most obvious ones. Also, there are no transitions and this essay is very formulaic.</p>
<p>Sorry if I’m harsh, and I think you have the potential to improve by a lot.</p>