Grade My Essay

<p>Since the invention of television, the medium has had its ups and downs. At first, television watching was a communal affair; the first television set owners in a neighborhood would proudly invite neighbors in to view the marvelous box. In time, however, television came to have an isolating effect on viewers; as the painter Andy Warhol said, "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships."</p>

<p>What are your thoughts on the idea that television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing people together? Compose an essay in which you express your views on the topic...</p>

<p>My Essay:
The television is an invention that has changed society. It allows the transmission of information and ideas to a broad range of views effectively. However, There has been a dispute over the televisions effects on society. Many argue whether television isolates it's viewers, or brings them together. Television in fact, does isolate and separate it's viewers.</p>

<p>In the novel Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury, the television divides the main characters in the book. Television, as it exists in the novel, is almost a room where all of the walls can be television screens. Mildred Montag uses this to create a virtual reality. She sits in this room for extended periods of time instead of being with her husband, Guy Montag. In the novel, Mildred has attempted suicide multiple times. She goes into the television parlor to avoid reality. Instead of confronting her issues, she watches television with her friends and amuses herself with the television. She gets so involved with television, that she often refers to t.v show characters as "her family." She has no relationship with her husband, but she can have a relationship with television characters. She is so isolated and emotionally detached from her husband that she even betrays him while he is considered a fugitive of the law.</p>

<p>In the novella Anthem , by Ayn Rand, the futuristic society is nothing like society now. Despite being in the future, this society has none of the gadgets we have now, including the television. Through the rejection of technological advances, a collective society, in which the love of everyone is promoted, has been achieved. Everyone has been brought together. Despite being a transgression, the main character Equality has closer relationships with specific characters. This has been achieved by working for the betterment of society, and interacting with other people. Even when Equality and Liberty run away from this collective society, they are still with out modern technology. They are allowed to focus on each other, and develop a deep relationship.</p>

<p>On the topic of relationships, Andy Warhol once said "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships." If Andy Warhol said that years ago, imagine how it is today. Now, most households have more than one television. One's household could have one television for each bedroom, the family/living room and sometimes, even the kitchen. Instead of watching television in one room, people go and retire to there own spaces and watch television. The number of channel options does not help the situation either. Some cable t.v plans gives access to thousands of television channels, with access to programming twenty-four hours a day. With so many options, and with multiple television sets, multiple people can each watch something different. Instead of coming together and watching a program together, people are divided apart, watching their own program.</p>

<p>As marvelous as the invention may seem, the television divides people apart. Andy Warhol, Ayn Rand, and Ray Bradbury have observed the negative effect television has on society. The invention of the television will continue to cause change in our society. What that change is, will be a subject for debate for years to come.</p>

<p>I think it's a good solid essay. You might use a few more transition words to link one paragraph to another. "Similarly" "in the same vein" Also (first paragraph) "it's" is short for it is you want "its" here. I'd guess this would get at least a 10.</p>

<p>Probably a 8-11. Definitely some technical problems. Work on your writing ability. There was a lot of redundancy. Nice examples, though. 2nd one needed more to connect it to thesis. I've bolded changes and italicized things that need to be omitted. I know a grader wouldn't go into this much detail, but it's always helpful. :)</p>

<p>The television is an invention that has changed society. It ** effectively*allows the transmission of information and ideas to a broad range of **viewers. However, there has been a dispute over **the effects of television* on society ; many argue whether television isolates it's viewers, or brings them together. Television, in fact, does isolate and separate it's viewers.</p>

<p>In the novel Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury, the television divides the main characters in the book (remove this, redundant). Television, as it exists in the novel, is almost a room where all of the walls can be television (remove) screens. Mildred Montag uses this to create a virtual reality. She sits in this room for extended periods of time instead of being with her husband, Guy Montag. In the novel (it's already apparent that you're talking about the novel) ** In the past, Mildred has attempted suicide multiple times **, so she goes into the television parlor to avoid reality. Instead of confronting her issues, she watches television with her friends and amuses herself with the television (using that word too much! I would avoid using it more than once per sentence, when possible). She gets so involved with television, that she often refers to t.v show characters as "her family." She can have no relationship with her husband, but she can have a relationship with television characters. Her isolationism and emotional detachment ultimately leads her to betray her husband, while he is considered a fugitive of the law.</p>

<p>In the novel A Anthem <a href="no%20comma">i</a>* by Ayn Rand, the depicted futuristic society is nothing like ours. Despite being in the future, this society has none of the gadgets we have now, including the television. Through the rejection of technological advances, a collective society, in which the love of everyone is promoted, has been achieved. Everyone has been brought together. <a href="This%20sentence%20is%20repeating%20the%20definition%20you%20gave%20in%20the%20last%20one;%20cross%20one%20of%20the%20two.">i</a> * Despite being a transgression, the main character Equality has closer relationships with specific characters. This has been achieved by working for the betterment of society and interacting with other people. Even when Equality and Liberty*, another character,* run away from this collective society, they are still without modern technology. Through the lack of technology, they are allowed to focus on each other, and develop a deep relationship. </p>

<p>On the topic of relationships, Andy Warhol once said "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships." If Andy Warhol said this many years ago, imagine the situation today Now, most households have a great number of televisions. One's household could have one televisions (get rid of this) for each bedroom, for the family/living room (choose one, you'll be understood either way) and sometimes*even one for* the kitchen. Instead of watching television in one room, people now feel the need to constantly have one near them (this sentence was extremely confusing) ** The number of channel options does not help the situation either; some** cable t.v plans gives access to thousands of television (cross it!) *channels, with access to programming twenty-four hours a day. With so many options, (no comma needed)* and with multiple television sets, multiple people can each watch something different. Instead of coming together and watching a program together (redundant), people are divided apart (redundant), **each **watching their own program.</p>

<p>As marvelous as this invention may seem, the television divides people apart (redundant). Ray Bradbury, Ayn Rand, and Andy Warhol (Always in order!!) **have **each observed the negative effects television has on society. The invention of the television will continue to cause change in our society*; what* that change is, is a subject that is yet to be seen.</p>

<p>^^ I know i use some words like "television" a lot, but Im trying to avoid dangling modifiers etc...</p>

<p>thanks for grading tho! this will help.</p>