<p>@dokisame</p>
<p>I would give it a 7-8, mainly because it isnt quite outstanding, and it would be good if you expanded on the conclusion. Also, your second example on your sister i think isnt that well thought out. It does show some good vocabulary. These are just my opinions to help you improve 
not trying to be mean</p>
<p>@collegecapsâ
I would give it a 9. You state your thesis clearly and you examples are good and they complement each other. Iâd add one more sentence to the intro for depth and maybe one more sentence to the conclusion too but thatâs it</p>
<p>@collegecaps Also did you read the How to Score a 12 Essay in 10 Days thread? The advice given there about template and stuff mirror your essays style and format. The âAs demonstrated byâ, "Several examples, âIn the novel/film⊠byâŠâ, and âAfter a careful analysisâ. I used that thread too and it totally helped go from 8s to 9-10s!</p>
<p>@AGDC18 Yea!!! i didnt read it but i watched a youtube video on it and it totally helped:) Great to hear that your score raised!!! im aiming for a 10 because i got back to back 8 on my previous ones. 2 days left so scared:( but all i can do is keep doing practice essays and hope for the best</p>
<p>Also what would you recommend for the extra sentenes? i litterly couldnt think of anything else</p>
<p>@collegecaps Right now, I canât seem to think of anything either. But 3 sentences would be ideal for an intro and conclusion. The hardest thing about the essay is breaking the 4 barrier because I swear; the graders love 4s! Getting even one 5 bodes well for future essays IMO.</p>