Grade/Review SAT Essay

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1

Here is the assignment and my essay(including spelling and grammar mistakes).
Please grade my essay from a score of 2-12 and a brief critique would be appreciated.

Assignment:

What is your view of the claim that the opinion of majority is not always right? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples), from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own personal experience or observation.

ESSAY:

The opinion of the majority is not always right. In The Giver, by Lois Lowrey, the laws which were made by the people allow infanticide, although it is considered unethical and wrong. In the infamous supreme court case of Plessy v. Ferguson, the majority of the Justices ruled in favor of segregation even though it is unequal and unfair.

In The Giver by Lois Lowrey, Jonas lives in a society where due to the laws of the people, infanticide is allowed. Jonas realizes how wrong this idea is when a small child name Gabrielle is set to be killed. Jonas is the minority in his thinking, but the majority of his people support this wrong idea. This shows tha the majority is not always correct.

In the Supreme Court case of Plessy v. Ferguson, Homer Plessy refuses to ride in a Jim Crow bus which leads him to go to court. In the Supreme Court case, the Justices side with Ferguson, seven to one. They also state that segregation is “seperate but equal” and lawful. Even though almost all the Justices agreed for segregation, it does not mean that it is correct. Seperate does not mean equal and in this case the majority was wrong.

The opinion of the majority is not always right. In Jonas’s world his people enforce infanticide although it is wrong the majority of the people support it. In the supreme court case of Plessy v. Ferguson, segregation is declared lawful and equal, although the majority agreed on it, segregation is unfair treatment and therefore unequal. Based on the above lines, it is easy to conclude that the majority of the opinion is not always right.

2

anyone?

3

*Lowry.

Introduction isn’t strong. You basically give away the important points of your essay right there. Do a little broadening first.

In the infamous supreme court case
*Supreme Court

a small child name Gabrielle
*named
*Gabriel

This shows tha the majority is not always correct.
*that
And really? The ONLY thing wrong with that society is that they support euthanization? They also take pills to get rid of sexuality, assign certain females to be Birthmothers (and Birthmothers only), kill the elderly, and have made apologizing into an automatic act.

refuses to ride
*refused

In the Supreme Court case, the Justices side with Ferguson,
*sided
This all happened in the past.

“seperate but equal”
*separate

Seperate does not mean equal
*Separate

The opinion of the majority is not always right.
You’ve said this multiple times. It’s boring.

In Jonas’s world his people enforce infanticide although it is wrong the majority of the people support it.
Run-on sentence.

In the supreme court case of Plessy v. Ferguson, segregation is declared lawful and equal, although the majority agreed on it, segregation is unfair treatment and therefore unequal.
Run-on sentence.

Based on the above lines, it is easy to conclude
You say that as if you’ve convinced me beyond a doubt.

The main problem here is that you barely explain your examples at all. It’s like you think they should speak for themselves or something. Well, they don’t, or they shouldn’t, if you’re going to write an essay about them. Why is infanticide wrong? Your opinion on it doesn’t make it so. Why is segregation wrong? Ditto. “It’s wrong” is not a fact. That’s YOUR belief, which doesn’t prove anything.

Furthermore, due to the lack of explanation, your intro and conclusion are exactly the same as your body paragraphs. You state a thing. Then you state the thing again. Finally, you remind us that the stated thing is still true.

4

Thanks for the input. Not sure how I can explain why segregation is wrong in a 25 minute essay. Same goes for infanticide. I left the grammar and spelling mistakes in there by purpose.

It’s obvious that Jonas’s community faces issues more serious than infanticide, but what use would it be to list the things that the community does? It will lead to an off topic essay.

5

It just feels like you’re ignoring the bigger picture for the details to me, that’s all.

And that is true, but explaining even a little bit why it’s wrong is better than not explaining at all, I think. This is an essay. You’re supposed to prove something, not just make a statement several times.

(Also why does you leaving the spelling mistakes in change things? If you knew they were wrong, would you have made them in the first place??)

6

I understand the point you’re trying to make: I need to add more details in support of my statements. I’m glad you were able to read my essay and give feedback.

Also, I left the errors to get a better idea of how I did. I’m pretty sure spelling mistakes count toward the essay grade.