<p>Well, we received the good news and our oldest son will be attending his dream school in the fall. The question is how do we pay for it. Simple sounding question but it is a little complex for us:</p>
<p>For too many reasons to explain here, we haven't been able to save for college for our children - we also just started our retirement savings 6 years ago. Fortunately, we have 4 academically gifted children that will probably get some sort of scholarship. When our oldest starts college in the fall, we will have at least one in college for the next 9 years. If we take out loans to pay for the expected family contribution (10,000 a year) and take the full 14 years to pay, we'll be 64 when we are done with the loans. This is not very appealing.</p>
<p>So the question is how do we allocate our small resources amongst our children to be fair to all of them? </p>
<p>Assuming all four get similar grant/aid packages, the best solution we came up was for all of them to borrow money to attend college. This seemed fair enough until my son noticed that he'll have to borrow 20,000 for his first two years of college. Once our daughter joins him in college, she'll only have to borrow 5,000 the first year. When our second daughter joins them, she will only have to borrow around 3,300. Our youngest son, will be in college by himself so he'll have to borrow $20,000 for his last two years in college.</p>
<p>Then we thought that we pool all the loans and divide them by 4 and all pay a fourth. We also found problems with this too.</p>
<p>Would parents with multiple children attending please share their successfull strategies with us?</p>
<p>Work study programs. Summer jobs and internships. There is nothing wrong with the kids working part time and contributing. Most colleges have such jobs for the kids; you just have to apply. My daughter likes people and likes living in the dorm. She got a position as a resident advisor. (Dorm Mommy) for her floor. They give her free Room and Board as payment. Plus a small $75 a month paycheck as token.</p>
<p>With all these options, there's no reason that the kids shouldn't be able to graduate with small student loans totally no more than $20,000. They have plenty of EARNING years ahead of them to pay that off. You SHOULDN'T go into debt for them. If you do, it not only hurts your retirement years, but it potentially affects your kids if they have to "Help You" down the road.</p>
<p>If the kids don't like this plan, then tell them to find a less expensive school. Again; it's not your responsibility to go into debt for their college education. Figure out what you can afford and have the kids make up the difference.</p>
<p>"f we take out loans to pay for the expected family contribution (10,000 a year) and take the full 14 years to pay, we'll be 64 when we are done with the loans. This is not very appealing."</p>
<p>Consider yourself lucky. Many of us had kids in our 30s or even 40s, so would be in our 70s paying off loans if we were in your situation.</p>
<p>You may wish to consider having your students apply only to colleges that you'd find affordable due to merit aid or low costs. To do this, it helps to set the guideline from the beginning and not consider or look at colleges that wouldn't meet your financial criteria. That way, all of the dream schools would be affordable.</p>
<p>It also would seem fair to me to expect all of your kids to have to borrow the same amount. $17k-$20k is typical for what students borrow to pay for their college educations, so why not expect each of your kids to borrow that amount? Doesn't seem right to expect some of your kids to take out $3,000 for college while others have to take out $20,000.</p>
<p>They also can be expected to work summers and the school year to help pay for college.</p>
<p>The 10k we expect in family contribution is considers them working, etc. Our first instinct is to want to pay for all their educations but we can't. Feeling guilty then we want to be 'fair' to each of them and have them share the same burden. We found problems there as well - what if one of them gets a full ride? What if one goes to a more expensive college? Should the ones that go to a less expensive one subsidize this?</p>
<p>Our oldest stated that if we spent less $ on our daughter's club sport, he wouldn't need to borrow, but the club sport promises to bring athletic scholarships for them (they are both all-state). </p>
<p>"The 10k we expect in family contribution is considers them working, etc. Our first instinct is to want to pay for all their educations but we can't. Feeling guilty then we want to be 'fair' to each of them and have them share the same burden. We found problems there as well - what if one of them gets a full ride? What if one goes to a more expensive college? Should the ones that go to a less expensive one subsidize this?"</p>
<p>Offer each of them the same amount of money to pay for their college.</p>
<p>Your kids may then choose to select only colleges that would allow them to go with only your contribution or they may wish to get merit aid, work, etc. to go to a different school. </p>
<p>With gifted kids and the thousands of college in the U.S., each of your kids should be able to find a dream school with the contribution you're willing to make.</p>
<p>You are the parent, so no reason to get into arguments with your kids about how you spend your money on their h.s. ECs. When it comes to things like ECs, fair doesn't mean treating your kids equally since they have different talents and interests. I do think, though, that when it comes to college, fair can be treating the kids equally since each is gifted, so you don't have, for instance, an LD kid whom you have to worry about finding a specialized college for that kid to have the best chances of succeeding.</p>
<p>No reason to pay for all of their educations. I think that students appreciate more what they have to contribute to, and they also are more likely to make thoughtful decisions about their colleges if part of the cost comes from their loans or work. Speaking as someone who did work and take out loans to pay for my dream school.</p>
<p>Basically the fair thing to do is to offer each child the same amount for college (you might want to adjust the number for inflation by the way). Be up front about it. If a child gets an athletic scholarship, or chooses to go to a less expensive university, or finds merit money, or get gets an outside scholarship - more power to them. They can use the excess money to go to grad school, or if you choose to help fund a first mortgage.</p>
<p>We told both daughters we would contribute EFC using College Board calculator.</p>
<p>D1 was in similar position as your oldest child. She was accepted at what she thought was dream school, but even with scholarships and some FA would have graduated with significant debt. She opted instead to go to flagship state u, and has never looked back. She graduated debt-free, has completed grad school, has a job she loves, travels a lot, etc. Debt would have changed her options. </p>
<p>D2 - admitted to school of dreams, offered significant FA, so we are paying less for her than for D1. We have that money earmarked for any additional expenses for study abroad or she can put towards grad school. We have not told her that - she is not entitled to that money - but it will be there if we want to gift her in that way.</p>
<p>ljrd, congratulations for beginning a retirement savings plan. You are now one step ahead of the game.</p>
<p>Now for my advice. For your eldest who is mulling over acceptances, both you and he do need to consider his other siblings imho. And that may mean accepting some sacrifices on his part now and theirs in the near future. If your eldest realizes that his decision may have a significant impact, for better or worse, on his younger brothers and sisters it is likely that he will be more than willing to accept some compromises for their benefit and do what is in best interest for the entire family.</p>
<p>For larger families it is often a delicate balancing act to treat every child fairly. And a good start w/re to colleges is to guide them to reassess what a "dream" college in fact is. For larger families the ideal choice is likely to be the one which will give them an excellent education while minimizing student loans that could handicap them financially for years to come.</p>
<p>If your eldest decides that the choice is to attend the college at the top of his list then it should be made clear to him that he will have to do his part in financing that choice even if it means taking on very large student debt. Your responsibility is to lay the costs and benefits to him objectively so that he cannot claim that he did not know the consequences of his choice in the future.</p>
<p>For your younger children begin laying the groundwork for them early in their hs years. There are literally hundreds of great colleges which they may be able to attend at a huge discount as a result of merit aid. They need to know that these are colleges which are "dream schools" for thousands of hs seniors and will offer them the same opportunities as more highly selective colleges.</p>
<p>Our efc was such that we were looking at a $180000 college bill if our son chose to attend a private university with no finaid. He adjusted his dream and saved us and him a cool $100,000. And his adjusted dream college in fact has been a dream experince with graduation now less than a month away.</p>
<p>We have two girls who will overlap. We told them a dollar figure that we could pay in cash each year and agreed to a small loan for D1. D1 chose an expensive private school, so she will end up with about $18K-ish in loans. D2 is still in high school so we don't know, but she could look at much higher-tier schools which would mean no merit money either. HOwever, she is frugal (cheap, actually) and I would be somewhat surprised if she chose that path. She's toying with some less expensive options and we told her that if she chose to go cheap, we'd give the amount we paid each year for her sister's college toward a car, travel or investment. The only caveat being that it couldn't be wasted. we have budgeted/saved X dollars for each and if high school is successfully completed, each girl will get that amount with our love and blessing to spend responsibly. We've told both girls that things will be different for their much younger brother. They got our youth/poverty and he will get our old age/financial security. They understand.</p>
<p>zoosermom, this is exactly what I was suggesting. Letting our kids know what we are able and willing to pay for college lets them know up front what they need to consider while researching college choices. Some may choose to take on significant student loans to make college work for them and, while not a choice I would recommend, it is fine because they knew the deal going in. Others may do what our son did and choose a college where they get a big sticker price discount and graduate debt free.</p>
<p>There is just too much uncertainty about what will happen with each younger kid to try to plan it all out now. And keep in mind that each of your kids no doubt has a different view of "fair" anyway, so your best laid plans for fairness are unlikely to be seen as fair by your kids!</p>
<p>In other words, there is no way to be fair to all of them. Worse, there is no way to appear to be fair to all of them.</p>
<p>I should relate my own tale as the middle of three. Oldest got most of the funding for college. Did I resent it? Not at all. I got my freedom.... To this day, we both think we each got the best deal.</p>
<p>Wow - a bunch of great advice and things to consider in this thread, but I think you hit the nail in the head - there's no way to make it fair since each person has a different interpretation.</p>
<p>This was one of the few times having twins worked out for me financially :)</p>
<p>I like the idea of just paying the same for each. I did that for my boys but they do benefit by both being in college at the same time. Sometimes it is the luck of the draw frankly, or birth order in your case. Life just isn't always fair</p>
<p>"Wow - a bunch of great advice and things to consider in this thread, but I think you hit the nail in the head - there's no way to make it fair since each person has a different interpretation."</p>
<p>What's important, though, is that you and your H figure out how to do things in a way that you think is fair. Your money, your decision. :)</p>
<p>What works best for us is that making a spread sheet on money available (529, savings and scholarship etc). We even included the amount available from not paying for the after school care, and not paying for music classes etc for siblings. When they see the numbers they will understand. Then you could come up with a plan that works for you family.
In a way having four kids is good... by the time the last one goes to college the older ones who are out of college can pitch in.</p>
<p>For my kids, we offered to cover up to the amount of the state flagship. Two kids chose that route, the last one chose a private with merit aid and did community college the first two years which allows her plan to meet the same budget with no loans</p>
<p>Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.</p>
<p>We told our oldest son that he will have to borrow the difference between his grant and college expenses (about 10k a year). This sum should go down his Junior and Senior years as his sisters start college. His expected debt after graduation being around 28k or so. He is ok with this and understood.</p>
<p>We told our HS sophomore that we could afford to help her in the form of a 1/2 tuition discount at the local university where her mother works. If she chooses to attend somewhere else, she'd have to work, borrow, or find grants and scholarships - athletic or otherwise. She wasn't too pleased "I'm not going to _____!" However, now she knows and can plan accordingly. Fortunately for her, her share of the EC should only be about 17,000 or so.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that all four will more than likely make a lot more than we make and will be in a better position to pay off their education debt than we will. This will also allow us to continue to save for retirement, pay down our current debts, and save money for those ocassions where we might need or want to gift our children with some money.</p>