Guidance on NJ/NYC Private Day School Admissions

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

So my 5th Grade daughter just received her ISEE test scores:
VR 89 %ile (26/30 correct), 8 Stanine
RC 65 %ile, (14/20 correct), 6 Stanine
QR 83 %ile, (30/35 correct), 7 Stanine
MA 86 %ile, (23/25 correct), 7 Stanine

She missed a couple of questions on RC due to a time crunch, I think she could normally have a gotten a 7. But I am not planning to have her take it again in Dec because it is a grueling test and I don’t see the point to get a 1 Stanine improvement in RC or MA.

We are applying to the following set of schools:
NJ Suburbs (3): Pingry, Newark Academy, Kent Place
NYC Metro (8): Horace Mann, Dalton, Riverdale, Rye Country Day and Brearley, Spence, Chapin, Nightingale-Bamford

Dalton and Chapin don’t seem to have a lot of openings in Grade 6 and I am considering dropping them, since I think her test scores are OK enough to keep her in running but not where they help her.

Any thoughts on whether certain schools might be too difficult a reach for her?

Her ECs are solid, she has significant competitive results at regional/national competitions in Sprinting and Piano.

Her interviewing I think depends on how she clicks with the interviewer. But if forced to say I would say she would be average to below average, not great. She like her parents is likely to be a late bloomer in terms of extroversion and public speaking. She is a very confident and strong kid, but she tends to be laconic when talking to adults or teachers.

Her essays will be above average but not great (we are being very careful not to intervene in the writing process).

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Would really appreciate some input here. My wife is not happy with these scores and wants my daughter to retake it. I think the scores are a fair reflection of where my daughter is and she should focus on essays and interviews.

I knew that given the number of openings Dalton, Brearley, Spence, Chapin were long shots anyway. Due to where we live in NJ the two Riverdale schools (Horace Mann and Riverdale) are preferred anyway among the NYC area schools. At Pingry and Newark Academy which are our top NJ choices I think these scores are competitive anyway.

Maybe at Horace Mann these scores would not be great, but I don’t see them as disqualifying.

Maybe she could improve her 6 to a 7 in RC (she never scored more than a 7 in practice tests) and if lucky an 8 but I just don’t see the value of an additional 1-2 stanines here. She could also easily slip a stanine in the two math sections if she gets 1-2 questions wrong.

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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your NYC list. I wouldn’t think those scores are disqualifying but tbh I don’t know exactly what they are looking for with the MS ISEE. Personally, I think the interview is a pretty key part in MS and HS admissions.

I’d be more concerned about fit at HM and Dalton since you say she’s not an extrovert. IMO, ofc. Not just in terms of the interview. They definitely have their own vibes.

Were you not interested in Fieldston? Since you like girls schools, you might think about adding Sacred Heart and Marymount to the list if you are OK with a Catholic setting.

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Thanks @PetraMC no particular reason for ruling out Fieldston other than it seems much more far out liberal than Horace Mann and Riverdale and their college placements are slightly below those peers. My daughters currently attend a progressive private school in NJ and that is probably right at the breaking point for us and Fieldston from the newspaper reports seems even to the left of that

Regarding my daughter’s personality she tends to be quieter around adults than kids. With her friends she can be quite extroverted and has a sly sense of humor. She is a very strong-willed kid and very resilient so I am sure she will get better with that with age. But just being realistic about how well she will do in interviews.

We are avoiding the Catholic schools because both parents are not religious (and our backgrounds are not even Christian). Even the current list is overwhelming in fact and I am looking to cut some schools.

5

@jcparent you struck a chord with me when you said that you “think the scores are a fair reflection of where [your] daughter is.”

The comment reminds me that it’s a balance. You want the overall presentation of your DD to be authentic - for many reasons obviously - but sometimes not “too authentic” if you follow me. I mean if, somehow, another X% on the scores would tip the scales and get her into a “better” school (doubtful but not impossible) I guess, but she wound up in over her head, that might be a disservice to her. OTOH, “everybody is doing it” on some level, with ‘it’ being test prep, etc.

I think you’re wise to have her focus on “the rest” - the essays, interviews, etc. Good luck!

6

Thanks @DroidsLookingFor for your reply. Unfortunately I lost the battle in a single day as my wife is insistent that the “stain” of that 6 in RC be removed from my daughter’s ISEE score. I told my daughter that I did not think she needed to take the test but Mom prevailed and I think my daughter wants to take it again herself, it is not just my wife’s pressure, so I caved. We are already signed up for another go on Dec 17th. I told my daughter that this likely means she will be pretty busy for a month, even more so than usual but she seems game for it. I just hope she doesn’t end up improving her RC to a 7 or 8 but then have a Math section slip to a 6.

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I don’t think it is crazy to take it again, as some schools on your list are score focused, particularly Horace Mann which has a huge incoming 6th grade class and a lot more spots than any other NYC private at that grade entry. Brearley, Spence and Chapin have far fewer spots and generally take higher scores for those unless there is something else that pushes you in a yes column.
If I were you, I would closely look at your list and consider the commutes though, assuming you live in NJ the commute all the way to East River for Brearley and Chapin would be rather grueling especially as the traffic returns. A few kids do it in HS but pretty rare in MS and it is very hard, particularly if you are involved in extracurriculars that go quite late in the evening. Even if you have someone drives her it is a lot of time, and if she is to take public transport it will be a major time suck. Dalton and Spence are not much better in that regard. The hill schools have a lot more kids commuting from NJ, it is near the bridge and I believe there are some private buses as well as carpools. Even so, I would not do it before 9th grade unless current school really does not work for her. Also, I am not sure any of the girls’ schools on your list make a cut from the political standpoint as their curriculums have become quite liberal with huge social emotional learning component. All of my friends with somewhat conservative leanings (not pro-Trump at all but middle of the road) have huge issues with it, so I would definitely explore it more, at the very least by reading their IG and other social media pages over the last year.

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Hi @417WHB I think the most likely outcome is 1 more stanine point or maybe 2. I just don’t think that would matter much (I already considered schools like Dalton, Brearley, Spence to be low probability give low open spots). But wife wants to cleanse the test score of a 6 and I can grudgingly see her point for Horace Mann. Since daughter seemed OK with a retake we are locked into a mid-Dec retake.

Regarding the commute we are flexible, will evaluate where to live after we see where kids get in (I have a younger one applying for Grade 4, but she is only applying to RCDS, NBS, Pingry, Kent Place as other schools don’t really have it as an entry point. Where we live is not sustainable for us long-term anyway and a suburban move is in the offing for next year one way or another. But yeah, we don’t want our kids spending a crazy time in a commute, will move to avoid that.

I know all schools are with the program on progressive rhetoric and their current school is as well. But I think Fieldston had a reputation for being even more so before the events of this summer, I was just explaining why we skipped applying there. I did not get the feeling that the girls schools were pushing the rebirth and rebranding as Diversity & Inclusion Nirvana more, in general I would say NYC schools pushed it more than NJ. Maybe NJ administrators feeling less guilty since their schools were already more diverse? Or maybe Bridge & Tunnel folks a bit slow to match the cadence of the elite NYC prep schools and will get caught up later? Sorry for being cynical there :smile: . Dalton I felt pushed it the most of all NYC virtual school events it did to the point it became annoying because it was the centerpiece of an event meant to primarily convey information about the school. Although I do note that Brearley has an essay I have to write on what anti-racism means to my family personally.

9

Making a big leap here, but would a top-rated Jewish day school in the New York area be appropriate for your family? Many of them are likely to stress more conservative values and to avoid the rest.

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Hi @ameridad it is not a huge deal for me because they need to deal with this in college and in the workplace anyway. I don’t mind the progressive spin as long as they allow independence of thought without adverse consequences.

For example in their current school they made race based affinity groups and my daughter drifted into “non-Black POC” group. I told the D&I head that I did not want my daughter to identify as a POC and thought these groups were a bad idea in Grade 5. To their credit they heard me out and suggested she join the “General” racial affinity group.

So not looking for extreme measures such as going to a religious/parochial private school particularly since we are pretty much a non-religious family. Let us see where they get in first (if anywhere) and then I can research the culture of the schools more.

11

What do you mean by this? HM/Dalton are nonsecular. They are also pretty diverse in Middle and Upper School, for the record. Are you a NY parent?

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Petra, I wasn’t referring to Horace Mann, Dalton or any other nonsecular day school. I was making a general point that a Jewish day school in the New York might be something the OP would want to consider.

13

You know you don’t get to decide how your daughter identifies, right? That’s literally the meaning of “identification,” deciding who you are.

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Also, the surest way to get a child to do one thing is to tell them to do another.

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Not sure why you are ticked off that I might want my family’s values to take precedence over my school. My daughter is in Grade 5 and till the school started ramming her over the head with this highly racialized view of American society she couldn’t even tell you what races her friends were. Now she goes around making remarks that make me sad like “Oh there are a lot of Asian kids in my painting class”.

I had a conversation with my daughter about why she chose to go to the non-Black PoC racial affinity group meeting instead of the “General” group and she said a friend of hers was going and she was neither Black nor White so thought it was the only option. I encouraged her to not follow the crowd and explained to her why her dad and her mom despite being first generation immigrants did not take on this label and why we would be disappointed if our American born daughter would adopt a label we don’t find empowering.

I encouraged her to go to the “General” group next time and maybe other students would follow her lead, and even if she was the only one I would be proud of her for her courage in doing so. Her mom gave her the same message and I am confident she will think critical before accepting any identity that White progressives have created for her.

16

She is not a teenager, she is a ten year old. And I didn’t “tell” her I explained our views and that of my wife. We have never tried to ram anything down her since she was a kid and always provided an explanation and room for her to ask questions. She has had a beautiful life in America and this label literally means zilch to her, it is just being crammed down by the D&I administrators.

17

I do not understand the commuting dynamics here, especially with the Manhattan schools, if you are contemplating purchasing a home in the suburbs next year. Once having lived in NYC for a long time, we know so many kids who were miserable spending their time in traffic or navigating tough mass transit treks. Plus, the after-school activity logistics become super complicated and add a tremendous stress to the lives of parents - basically, parents have no lives unless they have nannies and/or drivers.

The NYC schools are fine if the commute is easy, but in terms of suburban living, Newark Academy/Pingry/Kent or schools in Westchester/Bronx etc. are fantastic and so much easier on the family daily schedule. There’s nothing magical about Dalton/Brearley/Spence compared to other well-known privates, other than that many of the kids and families are hyper-driven.

Anyway, all the best of luck in your journey.

18

Hi @UltimaCroix we are in NJ but but not tied to our present location. We are renting an apartment and moving is friction free, our lease expires in summer next year. We would move to a location that keeps the commute manageable. Right now we don’t have strong opinions on any school and just focusing on getting through the application process. If both daughters could get into Pingry it is probably preferred as it probably the most selective school they could both attend together (Grade 4 daughter is only applying to Pingry, Kent Place, RCDS and NBS).

19

I think it maybe worthwhile to do one more time ISEE if your daughter is up for it since you are applying for so many schools.

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20

I have one child that went through the high school process for private schools, it’s a little different but here are my thoughts (these are based on my experience, so please take it with a grain of salt):

  • I would suggest your daughter to take the ISEE again (if possible). The current score is “good”, but not great. It does not help her stand out (esp at schools like Dalton, Brearly, HM)

  • I find private schools like athletic kids. If your daughter has awards in sports, def make sure to highlight that in the application somewhere

  • If your heart is set on private school, I suggest to apply widely. The entire process is very competitive and results vary wildly. You never know which school is looking for what applicant. However, each additional school is definitely more work

  • Definitely consider commuting hassle, esp for a 6th grader. Not so bad for a high schooler but I can see it can be tedious for younger kids, esp someone who also does sport and music.

  • I know you’re not interested in religious schools. However, in case you change your mind, Dominican Academy on the UES is very good, and is only about $22K per year. And they have Merit scholarships too.

Good luck to your and your daughter - please keep us posted! I’ll be doing this again next year with my younger DC, and not looking forward to it!!!

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