I thought our empty nest would be pretty hard to bear after raising three, noisy, busy kids, but now whenever S1 (and DIL and Granddaughter) and D1 (and fiance) go back home and D2 returns to school after a break/holiday, H and I close our eyes and sigh and smile in the blissful quiet. Ahhh…
I can’t even think about it!!! 
I’m with @gmfl71. Throughout D’s senior year, I would think, “This is one of the last times we will___.” Inside, and sometimes to my H, I mourned the inevitable. My H would laugh about it, thinking I was being dramatic. Fast forward to Good-bye Moment, after a couple day family orientation… I hugged my D tightly a couple times, smiled, and, with a tight throat but no tears, basically told her how much I adore her and am proud of her. It was easier for me than I thought. Not fun, but easier. H did the same, but with tears in his eyes. We quietly walked back to our hotel. (It’s unusual for my H to be quiet!) Finally, he choked out, “That was harder than I thought it would be.” I told him I know; that’s why I had been silently mourning for a year, and I think that prepared me. It was hard to see his reaction. It made it more final, and it was sad.
Actually, another reason it turned out to be easier for me than I thought it would was because I felt thrilled about everything I had heard and the people we’d met at orientation.
It was hard to see my D say good-bye to her siblings. All of them, including my D, cried–red faces and everything-- and didn’t want to be the first to turn away.
Then, when we got home, my D’s cat greeted us all, but kept looking everywhere for D. She did that for days, sometimes meowing at the door, and didn’t return to her normal affectionate self for months. She also did nasty things on D’s bed so that we have to leave that bedroom door closed now. Yuck! What a way to show you miss someone! This cat treats D aloofly the first days she’s home, as if she doesn’t want her heart to be broken again.
Me? I miss D greatly. When we see each other for the first time, we hold on tightly with big smiles and, sometimes, teary eyes. (This last time, D actually cried, and so did I, but she had been going through a hard personal experience.) However, D is absolutely thriving and loving her experience there (besides the aforementioned hard episode), and she is exactly where she wants to be and should be. She’s also wonderful about keeping in touch. That all makes it much easier for me, and I try to concentrate on that.
I still sometimes get confused about how many are with us when we go to a restaurant, etc.
I’d make it pretty clear that you intend to help her set up her room, do any errands needing a car, and attending any activities scheduled for parents/families. Let them know they can wait in a local coffee shop if they don’t want to do those things. No kidding. Stand your ground.
And @Barbalot – a tattoo!! Wow…
I, too, think this may be harder for my husband in a weird way. He was a dad a little later in life, and a wonderful dad and very attached though he always encourages my sons to try their wings.
We just moved out of our home of many years, and I’m actually (privately) glad that H and I don’t have to walk back through those doors without our son. It was bad enough when oldest left this last year.
It’s just hit me that all these applications, and planning, and never-ending checklists - ummm, this means that my last baby is actually going to fly the nest. 
He made his move-in appointment today.
I don’t think I want it to be easy. I don’t think the good-byes will ever be easy,
@eh1234, Since you are the only one that thinks it should take any time, why not just leave the rest of them at the cabin and go with D yourself? If they can’t stand to be left out of things, then I would go with @intparent 's advice and park them in a coffee shop and do whatever you and D thinks makes sense.
Don’t take all those people. If you live close enough to drive…go visit another time with the others who are not the parents. Really…move in time is not a social hour. I also with the others…drop off…and maybe help make the bed…then offer to take the kid to lunch…and leave.
We didn’t even take the sibling to move in day. It would have been a long and boring day for her…and a headache for us.
So far, the hardest part has been deciding how long to stay. There are parent programs until 4pm on move in day and then we are asked to leave campus. Attending one last event the next morning is optional. I think we should head for home at 4pm on move in day. DS has not yet expressed a preference though I have explained the options to him.
At DS’s very large school, there were NO parent programs on move in weekend. In fact, students were assigned a time to move in…by alpha order of last names. The window was about 3 hours. Of course if you were not able to make that time, you could come at another…but they had to do this to make the dorms accessible to students moving in.
We took this as a hint that we should not linger around.
At DD’s smaller school, there were no assigned times…but there were also NO parent events.
This is totally a personal family preference…but we felt that this was a special time for the college student and parents (us) only.
It was easy to get the kid’s stuff in his room, and make the bed, and take the kid to lunch…or dinner (one kid had a late afternoon drop off) and then leave.
If there are parent move in activities, I think you should go (not necessarily “optional ones” the next day), but on move in day, yes. I got a lot out of the ones I went to for my kids. Agree at a school without them that lingering too long isn’t good. But if the school has the day set up with some parent activities, then I’d make every effort to attend them.
My experience is that dorms are hot, sticky and un-air conditioned. And everyone is running up and down stairs carrying big boxes. It’s a workout for me and H and we are in good health and work out. I have hearty 70-something parents in good health and I wouldn’t want them doing it - it’s a young person’s game. Is grandma hearty or frail? It could be particularly concerning if grandma is frail or could easily get overheated or get knocked over. Perhaps you can arrange it such that everyone meets grandma for dinner that night to say goodbye?
Move in day for D15 went differently than I had expected. Her school didn’t do any parent activities other than one address to parents in the midafternoon. We discussed and formed our plan ahead of time and based on D’s desires. We agreed we would help her get her stuff up to her room and then make ourselves scarce. H and I would hang around town doing whatever until the afternoon address. D would be free to text us if she wanted us to run to the store for anything. Then we would drop by to pick up the empty suitcases and boxes and anything else she wanted to send home. A quick hug and goodbye. That was the plan.
We unloaded the car quickly and volunteers helped us bring it up to the room. Roommate was already moved in (without family) and the initial meeting was very awkward. H had to move the car immediately so I was ready to walk back out of the room but D looked so lost standing there that I asked her if she wanted me to make the bed (something she had said emphatically beforehand that she did not want me to do). “That would be great, Thank you,” she said. After the bed she found other jobs for me. H texted me to come meet him and I told him to come back up to the room. D found jobs for him too. Meanwhile she was arranging her stuff and chatting with the roommate.
Then the roommate looked at the clock and said, “It’s about lunchtime. Shall we all go over to the dining hall together?” We looked at D who indicated yes so we all headed to the dining hall. It was the walk to the dining hall that made me know D was going to be perfectly fine. She and roommate walked ahead of us and as they talked it became clear they would likely get along just fine.
We left from the dining hall to go to the parent address. After that we texted to ask if she needed anything from the store. She said, no just come back to pick up the extra suitcases. We did. We hugged. We walked away and i made it to the car before crying.
Sorry for the long story. My best advice from all of this is to talk ahead of time about expectations, make a plan, and then be prepared to totally abandon that plan and follow the lead of your kid with whatever they need it the moment. The time at the college drop off is all about your kid’s emotional needs not your own.
Our son’s entering his senior year at a college 1,800 miles away from home. All trips have been by air. The college has about 5,000 undergraduates. Freshmen move-in was on a Sunday and it was divided into a morning assignment or an afternoon one, depending on your last name.
His freshmen orientation lasted a week before classes started. Orientation included registering for classes.
The university had a two-day parents’ orientation Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday we were able to take our son to dinner. The college encouraged parents to leave Tuesday and we did after dinner.
So true! ^^
H was talking so much, reliving his glory days, he missed the turn off to S’s school, so we missed his move-in time slot to park in front of the building and have student helpers. So we dumped everything on the curb nearby, and I watched everything while he and H lugged it all upstairs. Our S wanted us to stay and help set up his room - turned out his roommate wasn’t coming that day at all. We helped put everything away and even put up posters. His school had a separation event where kids walked one way and parents split off to walk another way, so we left after that, mid-afternoon.
D, walked in her room, turned around and glared and said, “You can’t make me stay here.” That move in was not a fun experience. The roommate’s mom had already lofted D’s bed and put in in front of the window! Yes! So she could roll out of bed into the window, and presumably through it and down the dozen floors to the sidewalk!
We left the room and we discussed the room arrangement and D did NOT want a lofted bed by the window, but was frozen and wouldn’t say a word. So I did the mom dance, and was jovial and cordial and said D needed to be by a wall and down lower and the roommate shrugged and was fine. D was shooting daggers all morning until we left. Not even a hug goodbye.
We were staying nearby overnight in case she needed anything before we left for the long drive home. Next morning we were browsing in Target and sent her a picture of some chairs we thought she might like for her room. She said yes, get those and bring them over. She was in a better mood and said a normal goodbye and said not to worry, she was fine and would be fine.
It is definitely about seeing what your kid needs at that moment. They’ve never moved away before, so they don’t even know what they want until they are there.
The hardest part of dropping our kids off at school, aside from the physical ache of carrying way too much stuff up way too many stairs, was seeing them walk one way across campus and us driving off in the other direction. The car ride was very quiet while everyone got their emotions under control.
Also, keep in mind that if your new college student is not calling you all the time, it’s probably a good thing. They may just be busy doing activities, making friends, studying, or just doing “college stuff.”
Having to bring all the stuff up to the second floor with no elevator.
Also the panic when she realized she ran out of prescriptions in the middle of freshman orientation and had to get that worked out herself.
I think the hard part is going from seeing/talking to them everyday to not.
Consider bringing a folding hand truck if you don’t have armies of students helping.
At D2’s college, there was an army of students helping with move in. It was great! One of the best things about the process.
This is the most endearing thread I’ve read on CC. I’ve loved every comment; thank you.
We flew across country, just with 2 large suitcases & carry ones. We knew would be in temporary housing for a week. There are 7 regular Houses, and the kids rotate time at each one. At the end of the week, the young person makes his/her preferences, as does the House. Orientation activities take place during the days, including small groups doing different things. Once in the designated House, you pick your roommate.
So, there was little unpacking to do. I made the bed and took out toiletries. His temporary room looked like something a engineer in magic had built. The beds floated, as did the dressers and couch. His permanent room already had beds lofted on each side (not on the window wall).
Although I gave my son permission to use our joint credit card for anything more that he needed, he waited for Parents weekend. We bought a bike, a good desk chair, a large monitor, a small sofa to go under the window. No need for a fridge, as a kitchen nearby. Winter jacket. I don’t recall what else.