To answer your original question, YES, I do have one who is essentially paying for college on his own (although we have at times paid him back for successfully completed community college semesters, and we will pay off his minimal amount of subsidized student loans for him if/when he is graduated). The child in question is very bright, understands the need for a bachelor’s degree, but has a very hard time making himself do the school work. He works full time, lives independently, has worked his way through a community college degree and now is working his way through a bachelor’s degree at his flagship state U, mostly 2 classes a semester, year round, so mostly 6 classes a year. I’d say that the tuition for his 2 yr degree was a total of about 10K. His job probably reimbursed him about 5K, and we usually paid him back his portion after each semester, which he used towards his tuition for the next semester. The tuition for the flagship state U is much higher, probably $4500/semester for 2 classes. He’s paying it through small subsidized fed loan, and earnings. We could have afforded to send him to any school full time, fully-subsidized by us, although it would have been a financial stretch for us, but we knew he would have flunked out. What we’ve seen is that even when he is paying for it with his own earnings or his own borrowed funds, he often just won’t do the work, barely scrapes by with the lowest grades possible.
Another child, we paid for public college. We were not willing to pay for private college for that one, who had a very uneven record. As it turned out, the best academic fit happened to be a neighboring flagship state U which gave child the maximum OOS merit, bringing it down to about 5K/semester higher than our in-state flagship.
Third kid works incredibly hard, very reliable. That one is getting tippy-top private college fully paid for by us. It hurts, but kid deserved it.
Assuming that we had the money, I would have never told my kid, “You’re on your own.” It’s very, very difficult for a kid to even manage 2 yrs community college plus 2 yrs state U, on their own while living at home. The absolute cheapest route to a degree is getting as much dual credit/AP credit in high school (theoretically possible to get as much as 2 yrs worth), plus if necessary as few semesters in community college to finish associate’s and qualify for transfer to state’s public college, then finish there in four more semesters. If possible, do it while living at home, and working part time. Even with that cheapest route, it’s unlikely for a kid to be able to do it on their own while borrowing the max the feds will lend them and working a part time job.
In your child’s situation, where your EFC is 30K/yr, I assume, it sounds as if she’s applying to private schools which you/she are not going to want to pay for. She really should be looking at the places where her stats can get her a full ride, or at least a full tuition scholarship. You need to be very honest with her and tell her this, so that she plans accordingly. I was very straightforward with the kids about what I would and wouldn’t pay for, and college applications were made accordingly. You should not feel bad about not being willing to pay 120K total or more for her degree! It’s wonderful that she’s a high achieving student, and can win full rides to excellent institutions. She needs to take advantage of that.
Due to my D’s interest in med school, we considered the need to fund 8 years of school and discussed in detail with her. She wanted to avoid loans for med school so adjusted her undergrad applications to in-state, less selective privates known to be generous with merit, and more selective schools with competitive merit (knowing she’d only attend if awarded).