<p>Good friend of mine started in community college, transferred to a small, off the map university for his last two years (this was due to both not-so-hot HS performance but also cost: both schools were drivable from his family’s house so he lived at home). Graduated but then only found work in retail. Was a store manager in the local mall. But gradually he earned his MBA part time at night school. </p>
<p>In his late 20s, he decided to apply to Phd programs </p>
<p>My buddy from high school smoked a lot of pot and spent his days mostly listening to heavy metal in his room. Not the least bit academic. He had a pretty sad home life.</p>
<p>A few years ago, about 15 years after high school, I found out what happened to him after graduation. He got a bachelor’s degree at the local, open-admissions branch campus of the state university and did well enough to get into a master’s program at Michigan. He is now an assistant professor of history at a small public college.</p>
<p>It appears to me that his turnaround resulted from a combination of getting away from an unhappy home and finally finding a subject he loves (military history). It makes me very happy.</p>
<p>I graduated high school with a 2.8, went to a community college and got a 3.7, transferred to Umich and am doing really well here. My first semester I got all A-/B+, I got an internship in my field, was a finalist in a hugely competitive competition, and started a student organization. Going to law school someday.</p>
<p>For me, it was a combination of a change in environment (at home and socially at school), and being able to have more control over what I studied. I hated how structured high school was and only did the bare minimum of work (and failed math every year due to undiagnosed disability), and to get to follow my own interests in college is a breath of fresh air. Plus I did some serious growing up early in my college life that has helped my academics a whole lot.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>This is from a PBS series called This Emotional Life. They interviewed a man who as a child did drugs and got into lots of trouble in teen years. Arrested for theft, dealing drugs etc. Had a job delivering furniture (or maybe kitchen stuff, I can’t remember, but a complex delivery involving several visits). He made a series of deliveries to a doctor, who took an interest in the boy and encouraged him to finish school and mentored him in HS and college. He is now a respected surgeon and professor of medicine. I’m not sure he has all the details right, but I’d say he did pretty badly in HS and then turned out OK.</p></li>
<li><p>Persi Diaconis traveled as a magician as a teenager. He has been a professor at Harvard and is now at Stanford and has won 2 MacArthur awards. I know him but never knew the story: </p></li>
</ol>
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<p>He was at Harvard for a while and then went back to Stanford, where I think he has stayed aside from various leaves.</p>
<p>Way to go, TwistedxKiss and 2plus2! Congrats to Hanna - you are an inspiration!</p>
<p>I have several family members who have gone the community college route. Several read CC, so I can’t post their stories. But they follow the common pattern of mediocre HS students who flunked out of college and were told that they would never amount to much, worked a bunch of dead end jobs, got their acts together and sailed through college the second time, got scholarships and went on to grad schools for advanced degrees. Both are senior executives at national corporations; one is an adjunct professor at a top university. </p>
<p>I think the common denominators in all these success stories are maturity, discovering one’s passion, and the desire to succeed. Some people take a little longer to develop these traits.</p>
<p>My sister had a classmate at Yale Law with a story similar to mine. He’d hated high school, doing extremely well on tests but refusing to cooperate with homework. After working for a while, he wrote and SAT-scored his way into Hampshire College, did extremely well there, and made it to Yale Law.</p>
<p>There was a poster on CC who had an abusive family situation (don’t know the nature of it), dropped out of HS, lived on the streets, started a small business, went to community college (I don’t recall how she finished high school), transferred to Stanford, and was when I last had contact with her choosing between business school at MIT or Stanford (can’t remember which) and a program at Oxford. Very impressive.</p>
<p>I am wondering-- how do the parents of late bloomers survive their late bloomer’s rough patch? My S (HS soph) may well be a late bloomer (he won’t make a 3.0 this semester), and I am doing everything possible to help him do well enough to get into a 4-yr school. (He also has ADHD-Inattentive Type.) If he ends up not getting accepted anywhere and having to go to jr college while living at home, I think I will go off the deep end. I say this because I have visions of him doing the same thing then as he’s doing now-- not immersing himself in the academics and wanting to hang out with his former HS friends (who are not high achievers, btw). I just want to fast forward and see that he’s one of the success stories!</p>
<p>" am wondering-- how do the parents of late bloomers survive their late bloomer’s rough patch? My S (HS soph) may well be a late bloomer (he won’t make a 3.0 this semester), and I am doing everything possible to help him do well enough to get into a 4-yr school. "</p>
<p>You stop living his life for him. It’s fine to support him and encourage him, but if you’re doing far more to get him into college, than face it – he’s just not interested now. Even if he’s saying he wants to go to college, if he’s not taking the actions to support that, he’s not serious. He may need to fail or flunk in order to wake up. </p>
<p>If he has to go to summer school or repeat a class, that’s a painful, but relatively easy lesson in terms of the consequences. If he has to take summer school and that costs money, make him pay for it in some way.</p>
<p>The more he is affected by his negative choices, the sooner it’s likely that he’ll straighten up, and the better the chances that you won’t put yourself into an early grave.</p>
<p>BfloGal, your S will certainly have options other than a community college even with a sub-3.0 don’t you think? Plus, he is young and there is time to improve. My D is also a sophomore and didn’t start off high school strong but not terrible either. I told her, “now you’ve put pressure on yourself to make sure these next three semesters are really good” (2nd semester soph, and 1st and second semester junior year). She gets it and knows she better push harder if she wants more options for colleges. She tends to start the semester off strong, slack off and then try and recover toward the end. She is very busy with two sports but that is a choice and no excuse for not putting effort into her schoolwork.</p>
<p>So realize your sophomore has time to improve his GPA and be encouraging and steadfast. I have started working with my D on some organizational things each night to help her. She is receptive and it seems to be working although it’s new. Little things like making sure she’s writing her assignments down in her planner each day and having them organized in a “To Turn In” folder in her backpack for the next day. </p>
<p>Hang in there…he sounds like he will be fine with his mom in his corner believing in him. My H was a late bloomer (2.9 high school GPA) and now has a career that he loves, went to good colleges for both undergrad and grad. There is hope!</p>
<p>“I am wondering-- how do the parents of late bloomers survive their late bloomer’s rough patch? My S (HS soph) may well be a late bloomer (he won’t make a 3.0 this semester), and I am doing everything possible to help him do well enough to get into a 4-yr school. (He also has ADHD-Inattentive Type.) If he ends up not getting accepted anywhere and having to go to jr college while living at home, I think I will go off the deep end. I say this because I have visions of him doing the same thing then as he’s doing now-- not immersing himself in the academics and wanting to hang out with his former HS friends (who are not high achievers, btw). I just want to fast forward and see that he’s one of the success stories!”</p>
<p>This was me. I have ADHD (inattentive type) as well, didn’t do well in high school as I explained. Didn’t do very well my first semester of community college, either. I got a 2.7 my first semester. But that was a huge wake up call, because now I am paying for it and my opportunities are DIRECTLY related to my successes (even more so than in high school), and that was the wake up call. I retook a failed class and got a 3.0 in it, and got almost all 4.0’s from then on out until I transferred to umich. You may have to keep after him even when he gets to college, as best as you can with an 18 year old, but it may still work out in the end. Kids do make complete 180s sometimes. I wish my mom would have taken a more proactive approach in high school and made me get a job or volunteer (or both) or something to motivate me to learn a bit more about responsibility while she still had the authority to do so, so maybe my first semester would have been better, but she really didn’t have any expectations for me. I think the best thing you can do is never let go of your expectations. Be accepting if your child needs to take a different route toward those expectations, and the expectations must be reasonable, but don’t ever give up on him entirely. It’s easy to say you’d never do that, but parents do it all the time-- especially when something like ADHD comes into play. Every single day there is a parent of an ADHD kid who gives in to the idea that maybe their child is just too limited to do the big things you had in mind. Do not succumb to that and get after that kid!</p>
<p>It’s also worth mentioning that when I was a sophomore I just didn’t have college on my radar at all. I had intended to go but it wasn’t something I ever thought about, I took the opportunity for granted and then was REALLY UPSET when I found out I couldn’t go, since I hadn’t earned any scholarships and we couldn’t afford it. I don’t have any ideas, but I wish someone had gotten through to me that you can’t take that sort of thing for granted.</p>
<p>Just remembered another friend of mine. So-so highschool grades…so went to community college the first year, then transferred to big school. And get this…wait for it…spent TEN YEARS doing his undergrad! I’m not kidding. Not part time, but full time! This was at a Canadian uni, $700 bucks a year in tuition. He blew a lot of courses (brilliant guy but loved to party…he was called the ‘old man’ in his fraternity…still there at 24). He also changed majors many times. At some point I think they were expelling him, after 7 or 8 years, so he took stock of the credits he had gathered and realized that if he transferred yet again, to another local university, he could join a coop degree program in computer science for his final year of college. </p>
<p>Funny thing is he had never really thought much about computer science and sort of did it just as a pragmatic solution to his problem, a way out of the mess he created by partying too much in college. Somehow he managed to get his undergrad degree, in comp science…after a total of ten years! :)</p>
<p>This was in the mid 80s and needless to say, he got into the industry at the very right time, and never looked back. Extremely well off now and extremely hard working and successful. He would tell you he had a blast in college and it all worked out for him. I’m sure his parents had several heart failures along the way though.</p>
<p>I guess everyone has their own definition of not doing well in HS. Several have said…my child ONLY has a 2.7 or 2.8…I would be thrilled if my kid had a 2.0. I am not even going to mention the SAT to this kid or make any comment about applying to college as it would be a waste of money at this point in time. We are already looking at repeating a course this summer due to failure first semester and as Northstarmom says, I will make him pay for the class.</p>
<p>Busyparent, you don’t mention what grade in HS your son is in, but I made my daughter take summer school two years (after freshman year and after sophomore year), in order to keep up with her class because she was failing required classes like English. She ended up graduating HS with a 2.9 GPA. Sometimes those summer school classes are better because they only have to focus on one class. </p>
<p>Fast forward to today…she’s a sophomore at a college that she LOVES and is doing well. Don’t give up! </p>
<p>She was a kid who never wanted to go to college but I stayed on her. One day when she was a HS senior, she was talking to a family friend on the phone who had been in the Air Force and he asked her why she was planning to go to college. Her response was “If you don’t think I’m going to college, you don’t know my mom very well.” At this point, I did a great big mental high-five to myself and a silent ‘Hell YEAH!’"</p>
<p>When she got into the college she wanted, we both cried and cheered. When she heard from HS friends who didn’t go to college that they were bored and unhappy staying at home, she knew college was the right decision and she’s thanked me many times since then. And my favorite moment so far: two weeks after starting college she called me up and told me she wants to go to graduate school and gave me her plan for achieving that goal. Hang in there…I know there is heartache and heartbreak, but it will work out.</p>
<p>To the person who asked how you get through the rough patches…I got sooooo tired of nagging and punishing my DD in HS to do her work, that by the middle of junior year I told her this: “I’ve tried every kind of negative motivation on you, so I will try positive motivation. If you graduate on time, I will take you on a trip anywhere you want to go in the world. This is a one-time offer, I will not nag you, I will not remind you and I will not help you.” She picked Hawaii. Even up to a week before graduation, we were not sure she was going to pass Senior English, but I told her if she didn’t pass, her going on the trip was off and I’d take her brother instead. Somehow, she actually ended up with a B in that class and we had a great time in Hawaii, just her and I. Not sure this would work for everyone, but it was a crazy idea that worked for us.</p>
<p>To the person who asked how you get through it:</p>
<p>There is nothing I feel worse than than what I put my parents through in high school. I <em>know</em> it damaged their relationship as a couple and my mom’s psyche in general and the fact that screwing up in high school, which happened years ago, still comes up when they’re together lets me know that they still aren’t past it, even though I am. I feel more guilty for that than anything.</p>
<p>The only thing I think my parents could have done to help me (and mind you, they tried lots of things including blaming themselves: and they were NEVER EVER the problem) is to back off and let me fall flat on my face. Don’t intervene for me, don’t make me do things, and I will learn from the mistakes I make.</p>
<p>And once your child does change, and does grow up? Forgive them and try to move past whatever hurt they’ve inflicted as they’ve lashed out at you growing up. Believe me… they’re sorry.</p>
<p>“I am wondering-- how do the parents of late bloomers survive their late bloomer’s rough patch?”</p>
<p>BfloGal, my son is going through a very painful late blooming period now - a very smart and likeable kid who just didn’t pull weight in highschool, even though he’s been talking about getting into a top college since middle school. He’s tried turning things around a bunch of times, but always procrastinated and didn’t turn work in. He’s been dragging his feet on college apps, and already missed one deadline. A couple more are due today, and we haven’t seen any essays yet. He’s now talking about a gap year, which we are very supportive of, because it seems like he needs the time to mature and grow. We wanted him to apply and defer a year, but I don’t know now if that’s even going to happen. I’m seeing Ds and Fs now in AP classes from him, and we are worried about him. We keep trying to talk, give hugs when he emerges from his room, and just keep letting him know we’re on his team. I’m sure he’ll get through this, but he’s in a rock bottom place right now, which is where I guess he needs to be in order to turn things around. Good luck from someone else in the trenches!</p>
<p>“If he ends up not getting accepted anywhere and having to go to jr college while living at home, I think I will go off the deep end.”</p>
<p>Why? My parents went off the deep end during the high school phase. It didn’t help anyone. Once senior year ended and I got a job, they finally realized that while college is a big deal, the timeline for college is NOT a big deal. Who cares whether you go at age 18 or age 20? Seriously, what’s the difference?</p>
<p>My father has a saying now: “As long as no one is pregnant, the problem can always be fixed.” And it can. Tell him that to live at home, he has to be occupied full time, whether with work or school or a combination of both. Then let him decide what to do with that. Any kind of paid work and any kind of school (on his dime) qualifies. If he doesn’t comply, put his stuff on the lawn. He’ll get in line. And when the times comes that he will benefit from college, he’ll get in.
** If he isn’t doing what it takes to get into a 4 year college without a lot of prodding, then he isn’t ready for a 4 year college.** I have lost clients over this because parents didn’t want to hear it. If you leave them alone, kids will naturally get into the type of college they are ready for. Sometimes that’s no college this year. And so what? Really ask yourself, so what?</p>
<p>“My father has a saying now: “As long as no one is pregnant, the problem can always be fixed.” And it can”</p>
<p>Even if someone gets pregnant while young, they still can get their education. I have a friend who had her first child at age 15, and in midlife she has a masters and is working on her doctorate. The former social work department head at a local university has a DSW, and had two kids when she was single and very young.</p>
<p>I had a student who got pregnant while she was a college soph. She stayed in college even though she was a single parent. She graduated from college, and ended up being an assistant press secretary to our governor. She now has a successful PR biz.</p>
<p>“If he isn’t doing what it takes to get into a 4 year college without a lot of prodding, then he isn’t ready for a 4 year college. I have lost clients over this because parents didn’t want to hear it. If you leave them alone, kids will naturally get into the type of college they are ready for. Sometimes that’s no college this year. And so what? Really ask yourself, so what?”</p>
<p>I agree. One doesn’t have to go to college right after high school to have a successful life. In fact, one doesn’t have to go to college to have a successful life.</p>