Having A Purpose

College Confidential Community
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<p>Nearing the end of my recently completed freshman year of college, I came to a bleak realization that I have absolutely no ambition or drive in life. I wonder if I'm clinically depressed, but I don't have many of the symptoms that point to depression, and as sad and pathetic as it may be, I wish I did so that I could at least be prescribed some Zoloft and ease the utter emptiness I feel.</p>

<p>I have no desire to return to college because I can't fathom a future with any happiness and fulfillment in it. I know I am not stupid and capable of studying and earning passable, even excellent grades in subjects I don't care for...and what is the point of that? I feel like a petty spoiled rich kid for wasting my time and my parents' money on what is not a good investment (that being me).</p>

<p>I'm also pressuring myself (no pressure from anyone else) to do something 'impressive' and lucrative at least to pay back my parents, live comfortably, and donate a good chunk of what's left over to charity so that I don't feel as if my life is so pointless.</p>

<p>After my freshman year, I realized that I cannot continue with my current major (i am in the media school of my university) because I realized, after a year of classes, that there is no way I can fulfill my former ambition of becoming a news reporter for the NY Times or whatever. My professors repeatedly emphasized the type of personality needed for that career: tough, dogged, determined, hard-working, punctual...most of these I lack, especially hard-working. I'll admit before anyone else that my dream job is doing little work and making a lot of money (I know it doesn't exist), but now I know that having the latter won't make me happy.</p>

<p>What bothers me further is that everyone around me knows what direction they're going in, have it all mapped out, and are achieving it. Of course I wish them the best and am happy for them, but they are so lucky in that they have a passion, which fuels life for them. They have a purpose. For example, one friend wants to pursue medecine because she wants to cure cancer patients and is quite good at chemistry and biology, and another is passionate about children and wants to be a social worker. She knows social workers aren't rich, but that doesn't matter to her because helping kids is her reward. </p>

<p>I'm not a concert pianist, a science whiz, or particularly passionate about kids. I know there is so much more out there, but what scares me is that I don't have a passion for ANYTHING. I draw a blank. All I know is that I need to switch out of my major, but I have no idea what classes to register for instead, and I don't want to do it haphazardly and waste more time/money. </p>

<p>I experienced some social problems that really shook me from head to toe (betrayed by my best college friend who also turned my roommate against me), and that is a part of why I wish summer would last so I don't have to go back. Mostly, I feel as if i have nothing to go back TO. </p>

<p>I made a feeble attempt at telling my mother some of the turmoil I'm feeling, since I could tell she knew that my freshman year ended on a sour note. However, she looked terrified at the prospect of me not returning to school in the fall, so I stopped before I revealed everything. </p>

<p>You might wonder why I even post this, but you guys are intelligent and purposeful people, so I'm hoping you can tell me the secret of what drives you in life or tell me if I AM just completely dark and depressed and an anomaly who doesn't appreciate life and that there's no solution. Just please keep in mind that i wholeheartedly want to appreciate it, but I don't know how.</p>

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<p>Wow,</p>

<p>I don't think your problem is unique to you, your simply in the stage of life where you are searching for your niche. Different people find there purpose sat different times in their live's, don't worry, just relax and contemplate where you want to be a few years down the road. For ever one person who has that "focus" you speak of there are maybe 2 or 3 that are in the same boat as you. Take a deep breath, count backwards from 10 and enjoy not having your life seem predestined!</p>

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<p>You seem to be describing classic signs of depression: apathy, low self confidence, inability to imagine the future, and difficulty making decisions. These symptoms also could be due to a medical problem such as having a thyroid problem or anemia.</p>

<p>Get a physical, and tell your doctor what symptoms you've been having. </p>

<p>If no medical reason is found for your symptoms, see a licensed therapist and get assessed for for problems like depression.</p>

<p>According to some research, the best treatment for depression is medication plus therapy, so if you are diagnosed as depressed, it also may be helpful for you to also go on medication.</p>

<p>If so, I recommend that you get it prescribed by a psychiatrist, not by a family physician since psychiatrists are the specialists trained to know how to diagnose drugs for problems like depression.</p>

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<p>uva joe- yes, my problem certainly isn't unique, but i'm more disturbed by it than others with the same problem. a lot of times i look at other people who switch majors or haven't decided all the time and wonder how they remain so confident and assured that no matter what happens their future will be great. perhaps they have more 'faith' than i do...?
northstarmom- i appreciate the concern, as i do certainly sound depressed as i read over the original post. however, to make certain for myself, i checked several articles about depression and i truly believe i don't fit the conditions to be officially depressed. I do not feel exhaustion, anxiety, difficulty in thinking, trouble falling asleep, irritable or angry, physical aches, or that social activity is impossible. i'm not apathetic either...i care about a lot of things. i read the newspaper daily, i exercise, i have a summer job and i do go out with my friends or just hang around at their houses occasionally, but in the back of my mind i feel directionless.
it's as if i'm not working towards anything, just basically goal-less. i'm not in HS anymore, where it was enough to get good grades and some extra-curriculars. i feel like i'm out in the real world where i should be planning out my career or something, but i have no idea what.
i don't think a psychiatrist or physician can conjure an occupation/passion for me as easily as a bottle of pills.</p>

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<p>College Counseling centers, however, do career counseling as well as assess and help people with psychological problems and concerns.</p>

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<p>Fairytoes - there is intense pressure in our society to follow this very linear, confining path from high school to college to grad school (or whatever) to career, when it reality that paradigm works well for only a small majority. In our generation adolescence has been extended nearly a decade, and a surprising number of people don't really have a clear idea of what they're going to do with their lives until they are in their late twenties or after. IT'S OK! You don't need to conform to the life plan that anyone has set out for you. If you're really no longer feeling like your school or your major or anything else is a good fit, change it. Take some time off if that's what you need to do, and explore different areas. You're young--not even 20 yet, I'm guessing--and there's still time to change your mind several times if you want to.</p>

<p>After high school I felt a lot like you did, just very disillusioned with the career path,etc. that I'd had in mind for myself. I didn't enjoy anything I used to, and I felt like while everyone else had all these grand plans for themselves for the rest of their lives, I barely knew what I was going to be doing for the next few days! It was especially shocking because before that I'd always been super-driven and directed. I took some time off--a decision that my friends and family constantly tried to tell me would ruin my life--and it turned out to be the best thing I ever did for myself. I didn't even do anything that spectacular with my time--I worked retail and took CC classes, but it still just put a lot in perspective.</p>

<p>I'm not even saying that you have to take time off from school, just that you have to realize that you have sooooooooooooo many options. If what you're doing now isn't working out for you any longer, do something else. If after a few weeks or months that's not working out, change again. You don't have to feel forced into ANYTHING right now in your life. In fact, I guarantee you that many of the people who seem oh-so-sure of their lives right now are going to become TOTALLY disillusioned with EVERYTHING they're doing at some point down the road. Consider yourself lucky that you figured it out sooner rather than later.</p>

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<p>"I care about a lot of things."</p>

<p>What are the things that you care about?</p>

<p>Can you take courses, get a part-time job, volunteer, or otherwise address or partially address some of those things, to explore them further?</p>

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<p>Dude I am a year and a half shy of 30, and I still don't truly know what I want to do with my life. Just hang in there and try to finish what you started (college) If you feel like dropping out because you just don't see the purpose or really don't feel like doing it, by all means take a semester or two off to get your head straight. You don't sound like one of those touchy feely type people who needs to go to a counseling (maybe job counseling, but I am even skeptical of that) you just need a slight push or a kick in the ass.:)</p>

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<p>First, before you read this take a deep breath....its not bad or anything. I just think that it's important that you relax. </p>

<p>Like uvajoe mentioned earlier, I think that you are going through a phase where you are trying to find a niche. Most people if not everybody go through something like this when they are unsure of what it is that they want to do in life. Even now (I mean...I'm not in college or anything so that might change the circumstance a bit) but even I have doubts about what I want to do with my life. Nobody is ever 100% sure of what they want to do. Everybody has their doubts...and I know I'm about to sound cliche....but everybody has some bumps in the road that they have to face "on the road of life" (sorry, I didn't know how else to put it).</p>

<p>One of my teachers had this poster in her classroom that said "life is a journey and not a destination." And on it this guy was rock climbing....life isn't easy, and whoever says that is lying. Everybody has some kind of passion although it takes some people longer than others to find it. For one thing...why do you think that you can't be a news reporter? If somebody told you that, don't believe it. If it's your ambition, it's just that....yours. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't make your dreams come true. I know people say that a lot, but it's true. Many people know the story of Michael Jordan and how he was cut from his high school basketball team. If he followed what his coach told him then...then he wouldn't be who he is today: one of the best...if not the best basketball player of all time.</p>

<p>Nothing is ever an open and shut book and its okay to have doubts, its normal. But if you feel that it is interfering with your quality of life then you should talk to your doctor. I don't really know much about depression, but if it's not that...then I'm sure that there is something that can be done. If what you want is a break from college...then go ahead and take a semester off. But it also seems like one of the main reasons you don't want to go back is because of your two friends. </p>

<p>If it's because of your friends that adds to the pain, then maybe study abroad for a semester of two, just to get a new experience, perspective, a break....etc. People say this a lot too, but you should talk to them and try to find out if there is anything that you could do to make it better or just try to reason something out. There was a girl that I was really good friends with in middle school, but then in high school she just slowly changed. And in the past two months things had been pretty tense between us until we both just got so angry that we basically stopped talking for a while. And she would say stuff about me and so I started talking about her (and that is in no way a good way to handle anything). But slowly things are starting to cool off. We've both apologized and are in no way as good friends as before, but it's a start. And something is better than nothing. The best thing to do is to give them space and then try to talk things out later after a lot of the emotional factors are gone, or at least cooled off.</p>

<p>I really hope this helps. And just try to remember to relax. People don't only remember the obstacles that they face, but also how they handled them.</p>

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<p>I feel the same way. A little more light was shed when I started volunteering and exploring what I like and do not like. You will find that you don't really care about a lot of things as much as you do others. You and I are looking for exactly, specifically what it is we were born to do.</p>

<p>I can't be a news reporter because I don't care about reporting news.
I can't be a chef becuase I don't care about cooking food day in and day out.
I can't be a nurse because its just gross.</p>

<p>I am pressured by family to be a doctor, but I don't care. If I don't want to be a doctor, I'm not going to be a doctor. The problem is I don't know what I want to do. Perhaps a vague idea of what I like and dislike. But I certainly cannot tell you a profession and I'm stuck between majors.</p>

<p>For now, I'm going with the idea that the more experience I get, the more I'll know what it is I want to do.</p>

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<p>I know exactly how the OP feels... I've been in college for 3 years already. Most of that time in a major I hated. I came to realise as a mathematical physics major that computer science was what I was really interested in. But because I was really stubborn, and stuck out my old major for about 3 semesters longer than I should have, it's gonna take me 6 years total to get my degree. I was supposed to be class of 2006... I have 3 years to go. Meh... life's about the journey and not just about the destination. I'm enjoying myself more now...</p>

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<p>fairytoes- try and realize that if it's truly your dream to be a newsreporter, you will derive the motivation from within to do whatever it takes....there will always be periods of time where you discourage yourself or don't think it's possible. alot of what you're saying happened during my first year of school too, this past year. so many people at my school came into college saying, "I want to President." After a few months of college, people met quite a bit of other people with the same ambitions and got quite discouraged. suddenly you're no longer a big fish in a small sea, but a small fish in a big sea with people who are smarter than you. don't let it bother you; let it motivate you because like they say it's better to be the tail of a lion than the head of cat. and as far as your friends go, do your best to not to let it bother you. in our first year of college we become friends with so many people, so fast, and get so close and attatched to certain people. you can't let it bother you. just know you have family and high school friends (and plenty of college friends) but you can't expect your friends in college to be as close as your h.s. friends within the first year (and alot of people expect that and try for that). take your summer break to relax and set goals for your upcoming year...write them down. there are people i know so much worse off after finishing their first year, don't discourage yourself. it's these kinds of times that'll make you stronger and more ambitious for what you do want in life.</p>

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<p>You need to find a passion and get in the game. Parochial as it may be, this is your answer. A human can't be happy unless he has purpose, period (this is how God created us). If you want to get deep into things I STRONGLY SUGGEST looking into Judeo-Christian philosophy, not because I am trying to proselytize you, but ONLY because I'm trying to help you (don't misunderstand). You'll find that deep within the Christian roots is the philosophy that every single one of us exists in some way to advance the purpose of glorifying God in the reciprocal love relationship that exists between us and him. </p>

<p>Without trying to make you think I'm going into a mode... </p>

<p>As far as career pursuits go, there is so much opportunity out there in America's (near) free market you truly it is impossible for anyone to EVER be stuck at a dead end! You say you want to make as much money as you can while doing as little work as possible, but this is something that a large part of humanity has been driven by for centuries! (The whole idea of a white collar job versus a blue collar job embodies this fact.) </p>

<p>If you want my opinion, it sounds like you have (or at least HAD) a passion for participation in our media. Whatever drove you to where you're at in the first place, DON'T GIVE IT UP! Drive hard to become a reporter for the NYT, drive hard to compete with the friends who betrayed you, drive hard to find the purpose of your life on earth, drive hard to achieve for achievement's sake! </p>

<p>As Ayn Rand said, "Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values." Although I am a Christian and she was an atheist, the simple truth is undeniable: since purpose is the only way to happiness, you're going to have to dig into yourself to find a purpose and exploit it to the last shred. Whatever the case, I hope nothing but good fortune upon you and will try to stay posted on this thread.</p>

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<p>Couple of things...</p>

<p>Try taking a year off. Spend that year doing things like volunteering in a soup kitchen and working at some form of interesting job (or at an interesting company).</p>

<p>I have some phenomenally interesting friends who don't know what they are doing with their lives and having a lot more fun doing it than I am. I'm in law school, working way too hard all the time, while one of my best friends is teaching English in Spain because she thought it would be fun to live in a foreign country and teaching English is a good way to pay the bills. My stepmom is phenomenally successful - but had the attitude during college of just being there to get the degree and take some interesting classes while she was there. That's my feel-good speech for the day. </p>

<p>Oh yeah - me. I swore that I would do the PH.D. in engin and took insane science courses - thought I had everything planned out. Then I decided that engineering just wasn't my thing, so I left the field (had a lot of people really in turmoil) and decided to do somehting else. It's easy to change careers - even when you are 30. Those people who have things figured out are just more strident about their current plan - they don't know any better than you do.</p>

<p>Think about going to a psychologist, who might be able to prescribe something. </p>

<p>Consider the "natural" alternatives - yoga, exercise, walking the dog, taking up a sport - esp. the sport. If you have some idea of what you have to accomplish in a day, you'll feel better about yourself. Double for volunteering for people who are less fortunate - not because it makes you realize how good you have it, but because (at least for me) there's nothing better than helping another person out.</p>

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<p>Just go join the military..that straightens out plenty of things..including perspective..lol</p>