<p>Thanks again for all the advice. D seems to have gotten over it, and is now just waiting to find out her roommate assignment. I agree with some of the above posts, I think she is getting nervous about going to school cross country, knowing no one, as any intellegent person would. She knows that she can request a room change if she finds it unbearable when she gets there. The dorm is very conveniently located on campus - with other dorms right around it. Oh, and someone had asked if she is a party planner or party goer - she is definately not a party planner, but a sometime party goer.</p>
<p>My DD started her freshman year with a wonderful roommate. They were not bosom buddies, but they got along nicely and enjoyed each other's company...and LIVED well together. At the beginning of Oct, however, a room opened up in the dorm that the roomies boyfriend lived in, and she chose to move closer to him. DD was disappointed, but had already made friends with other folks on her floor so was actually happy for the roomie. The rest of the year was really something. She didn't get a new roommate until January term began. The girl lived locally and came to the room to study and sleep ONLY on M, T, W and TH nights (studying until the wee hours too). She left on Fri for classes and didn't return until Monday after classes ended. That happened until DD asked her politely if she could study in the study lounge between midnight and 6 a.m. (honestly). The spring term, DD never saw the girl in her room...not once. In fact at the end of the term she had to call her to get her stuff out of the room so she could check out with the RA. It was very unsettling for DD to have a roommate and not know when she was coming and going. The girl never really spoke, although she was pleasant enough (DD said). This girl didn't have anything in the room but her bed linens and a few changes of clothes. She brought her toiletries back and forth. It was sort of dreary for DD who wanted a "cheerful" room. But this girl had paid for housing, and she also was entitled to a space. DD had the opening.</p>
<p>My point here is that my daughter got her first choice dorm, and a terrific first roommate at the start of her freshman year. That changed quickly. Stuff happens. Things change. There is no way to predict whether a good living situation will last, or whether a bad living situation will last. We were across the country and couldn't really do much at all except listen. DD weathered it fine, and had a great roommate the next year.</p>
<p>dbwes- I'm afraid I'm misrepresenting myself a bit. I don't step in on every problem. My older daughter signed 2 leases for this year (don't even get me started) and she dealt with it, long distance, when it was almost a situation where a lawyer would be helpful.</p>
<p>I'm talking about 18 year olds moving away from home for the first time. Having done several moves, I'm of the opinion that it is a day that can present disasters that you didn't even think of, so why ask for one?</p>
<p>I'm picturing this poor kid introducing herself. </p>
<p>"Hi, I'm Amy. I live in the sub free dorm, but I didn't sign the contract. There are 10 of us that were forced to live there. I'm really not like the other people that live there. Don't judge me. "</p>
<p>Kids in their freshman year of college are only a step away from being in the "cool" group in high school, or not being in the "cool" group and trying to start over socially.</p>
<p>No need for extra pressure or labels if you can avoid it.</p>
<p>And I sure hope that when I am older, my kids will occasionally step in for me like I did for them. Maybe if I don't like my roomate in the nursing home. :-)</p>
<p>Vderon -- LOL about the nursing home roommate!</p>
<p>I'm picturing a different intro. </p>
<p>"Hi I'm Amy!"
followed by...</p>
<p>"Boy the food is terrible here isn't it?"
or
"Don't you think this prof is dreamy?"
or
"Are you going to the game this weekend?"</p>
<p>followed eventually by</p>
<p>"Where are you living?"</p>
<p>to which Amy can reply:</p>
<p>"X dorm" or "X dorm, but only because I lost the lottery!"</p>
<p>You don't need to be defined by your dorm.</p>
<p>'rentof2,</p>
<p>It's likely your son's best friend lived in Bobb Hall. It has notorious reputation on campus. It is also the 2nd largest on campus so it makes its presence felt. Other dorms are significantly more tame.</p>
<p>There is a strong possibility that "this too shall pass". My D was placed in substance free unrequested her first year. The dorm met all her other "requirements" though, and she very early on took the attitude that she was going to be happy about all those other things and in the long run it might be a good thing to be in substance free after all. She had a fabulous first year and loved her dorm experience and all her new BFFs! (She and roommate are sticking together for next year.)</p>
<p>Other freshmen dorms at your D's school are a bit of a ways from the main campus. That is where my oldest child was placed his first year and was quite concerned about it when the housing assignment showed up. (It was a long painful summer before college around our house with that oldest child anyway - so there you go.) Once he was moved in though, he soon found the many things to appreciate about his more remote quarters (though he and the roomie never hit it off). Turned out just fine in the end and some of his best friends going into senior year were met in that dorm. Loves the school, by the way.</p>
<p>Don't spend too much time fretting - it could all be for naught. And encourage your D to handle the process if any changes do need to be made.</p>
<p>Vderon,
If that had been my kid I would have had her start pitching stuff out of the second closet the minute she moved in. All with a big cheerful smile, and a loud "Oh, let me move this stuff for you :) "</p>
<p>Bringing this back up just to vent ... seems the drama never ends ...</p>
<p>D is a sophomore transfer student. She had a "yuck" roommate situation last year, and she was thrilled to be able to request a roommate this year. A friend from her previous school is also transferring, so they requested to room together. She just found out that they are on the same hall, a couple rooms apart, with different roommates! She emailed housing & was told no changes ... maybe in September. That just makes no sense. The room assignments haven't even been officially sent out. They are in process at this time.</p>
<p>Fortunately, my D is following up on this, as is her friend/hopefully roommate. Hopefully, it will end well.</p>
<p>Kids in their freshman year are so vulnerable, particularly at the beginning of the year. So being placed where you did not expect to be and being worried about it is natural, and as a parent I would help the student to communicate with the school by insuring that when she called, she knew what to ask and understood her choices. And I would be close by when the student called. I think by the time they are 18 they can make the call, but maybe some guidance on how to handle it would be helpful.<br>
You can't fight their battles for them but you can be behind them every step of the way. And at the end of the day it will be their choice whether to pursue moving.
For freshman year my kid had a terrible roommate (a lot of "borrowing" w/o permission, hooking up, ignoring, meangirl stuff )but a great room. Neither one of them moved. My child felt there was no guarantee it would better elsewhere, substance free or not, stuff happens, so try to bloom where you're planted. Not what you had dreamed of, but maybe a chance to learn a little about life.</p>
<p>I would tell her not to worry about something that she did not have a chance to experience yet. As of now, the problem is imaginary. It can become real if there is a total mismatch between her personality and the rest of the people in this dorm. I bet, that you can find positive and negative info about any dorm. She might get very lucky and get a nice roommate. Roommate will make much more difference than dorm.</p>
<p>Hello,</p>
<p>My son who will be a freshmen has been assigned to a suite with three students who seem to be in to partying and alcohol. He is studious, but also quite social and is not happy about this assignment. They also stay up until wee hours of the morning on week nights. I did not know about the substance free dorm and think he would like this. </p>
<p>I’m wondering if students can switch assignments. I hear Harvard has a no tolerance to switching policy. I wonder if there is another student (male) who might be interested in the switch. </p>
<p>Kelsmom, if your child were not female, perhaps we’d have a possible switch.</p>
<p>This thread is two years old. Reactivating old threads often causes other posters to respond to the OP as they don’t look at the date. Please start a new thread to ask your question.</p>