<p>Title says it all. I'm really hoping for some perspective from other parents & alums.</p>
<p>DD chose her schools wisely, with attention to the programs she is interested in, balanced by what she was looking for in an overall college experience. Yale was the only Ivy that made her list, and she was SO excited when she was accepted.</p>
<p>DH accompanied her to BDD, and he could not have been more impressed by the professionalism of the administration, the friendliness of the students, the beauty of the facilities, the comprehensiveness of the programs, and the obvious dedication of Yale to the success of its undergraduate students. He came home ready to write the (full freight) check.</p>
<p>DD says she started out excited, but that she felt kind of flat about the whole thing by Wednesday. She is a very mature kid, and as she reflects on her experience, she is trying to factor out anything that she thinks might have irrationally skewed her reaction to Yale (e.g. the weather, her perhaps too high expectations, too much time with people she already knew, etc.). But right now she is saying that while she knows that Yale is perfect on paper, she just couldn't see herself there in the same way that she could at every other school that made her final list.</p>
<p>Admissions fatigue? PMS? Is she the only kid who went to BDD that didn't come home walking on air? I don't know what to think!</p>
<p>The weather def affects people’s moods, so that made me wonder whether it might sway some ppl’s opinions. Moreover, I think it is very difficult to experience the school when: a) your parent is there, and b) you hang out with ppl you already know as opposed to meet random new ppl. I also hope she stayed on campus… b/c if she didn’t, she also missed out on a huge part of the experience…</p>
<p>I can’t speak for your daughter and she should be able to make up her own mind (maybe she’s just a little overwhelmed right now). Either way, don’t force Yale just because your husband liked it.</p>
<p>I think accompanying your daughter was not a wise decision. If she spent most of her time with you or friends that she already knew, it makes sense that she didn’t like it.</p>
<p>BDD, is very similar to the college experience in that its all what you make it. There were numerous events and classes, some boring, some amazing, so what she chose to do may have had a huge effect. For example, if she chose the Purple Crayon over the hilarious Viola Question (improv) or the Enlightenment Master Class over the Biology: Evolution and Sex, she had a different experience that I did.</p>
<p>I’d try and point out what I noticed, that the overwhelming majority of Yale students are extremely happy and welcoming. I can’t tell you how many random people stopped to show me where a certain building was, sparked a conversation about Yale, or showed me around their college. If she goes to Yale, I think she’d be making a really good choice but if she fits better at another college, then maybe she should attend somewhere else.</p>
<p>Wherever she attends, I doubt she will regret her decision. And to refer to what you said about PMS, I highly doubt that’s a reason why she wouldn’t like a college. She seems like an intelligent girl who knows what she wants. If financial aid isn’t an issue (I know Yale is the cheapest for many) let her make her own decision. I’m sure she has many amazing options.</p>
<p>I don’t know about your daughter, but when mine was at this stage senior year, she was just plain tired. She was still in the midst of AP classes and each time she went for admitted students’ days, she came home a little overwhelmed.</p>
<p>I don’t think Yale is for everybody. You mentioned that your daughter is mature and sometimes in their enthusiasm for everything, Yalies can seem a little silly. So much is over the top - but it is really all in good fun and, I think, a way to keep their egos in check and not get too full of themselves. </p>
<p>There is an intensity at Yale. I think kids are remarkably generous with each other, but nothing is done in a half-hearted way. Usually my DD is very happy there, although there are times when her ambitions exceed her time and then she can get temporarily stressed out. So, maybe your daughter senses the environment is just too much for her. I would say that sleeping on it for a night or two would help - but if it doesn’t seem to feel right, then walk away. Take care & PM me if you want to chat with another mom.</p>
<p>Lonestarmom,
I accompanied my son…he stayed on campus…took a few showers back at my hotel and even took one nap there as he wasn’t getting much sleep at all in the college…</p>
<p>Yale has soooo much to offer…it is hard for us parents who understand the value of what Yale offers when our kids hesitate…</p>
<p>give your daughter time to chill…and have faith that you will have a chance to discuss her requirements and desires before she makes final choices…</p>
<p>the weather was a drag, in that it was gray and rainy and a bit cold… maybe you can tell her that is as bad as it gets??? </p>
<p>I so love Yale…and all it has to offer…I almost think it is wasted on the young… would that I could live in a college and study from these professors…</p>
<p>my son’s primary comment in the car on the way home, “I am looking forward to going to school with so many smart kids…they will make me smarter” which is a great step forward in his own understanding of what is going to happen to him over the next 4 years. </p>
<p>Best wishes…feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions as I have had one graduate and another teed up as Class of 2013…</p>
<p>wow…what a timely thread. my daughter went to half of bdd – she had an obligatory event scheduled at home on Tuesday evening so she had to leave after breakfast on Tuesday. she did spend the weekend before bdd at Yale. She stayed with friends, had a good time, and came home almost in tears. she met with professors, musicians, old friends, sat in on 4-5 classes, went to concerts, a master’s tea, etc. etc. She seems to be further from being able to make a decision than ever. We’ll see what the next 6 days bring.</p>
<p>Thank you, parents, for your reassuring responses. </p>
<p>I should clarify that even though H was in New Haven Monday & part of Tuesday, he never saw D again once they arrived at Yale. She did stay on campus the entire time, through Wednesday. </p>
<p>I do think her experience would have been more positive had she followed her own interests more and hung with friends from school & summer ECs less. (This is my kid who has no qualms about traveling to Europe, South America, and China by herself, so I don’t think it was a matter of timidity; maybe just not the best decision re:how to get the most from BDD.)</p>
<p>I would bet the weather had a lot to do with it. Lots of people were just running from place to place, and current students were holed up in their dorms.</p>
<p>i was kind of like the OP’s daughter: enthusiastic at first, but burnt out by wednesday. personally, i think the whole schedule of events and the whole meeting 1000+ of your possible future classmates were overwhelming. i hung out with a friend i knew from school most of the time, but i wish i had met more people. maybe i would have felt better about my whole experience.</p>
<p>i was talking with my host’s suitemate and it turns out that she didn’t have that great of a time at BDD last year. like me, she’s naturally introverted, and meeting so many new people was draining. however, she knew that BDD wasn’t wholly representative of the yale experience, so that’s why she’s there at yale today. i feel the same way and that’s why i matriculated yesterday.</p>
<p>please tell your daughter that’s she’s not the only one who was “blown away” by BDD. i wasn’t particularly either, but i still believe that yale is the place for me and that i’ll enjoy myself a lot more in the fall.</p>
<p>As much as she could try to factor out the weather…</p>
<p>You can’t.</p>
<p>I can honestly say the weather had a HUGE impact on my mood and impression of BDD. It sucks, but it’s true. That dreary, cold, constant downpour can make the most fun things into a cold, tired, wet drag.</p>
<p>D has read your posts (and chided me a little for my pms joke). She feels so much better knowing that she was not completely alone in experiencing a little BDD letdown. She really does understand that spending a few less-than-euphoric days on campus does not mean that Yale is not the right school for her.</p>
<p>Ironically, I think it has also helped that she is receiving those last minute calls from scholarship committees, department heads and coaches at other schools urging her to attend their institutions. The calls add some “noise,” but they also provide assurance that she has several very good choices, and if she decides on Yale, it will be for solid reasons.</p>
<p>I think she is in the right frame of mind now to consider her options over the weekend, and I am confident she will make a good decision.</p>
<p>Thank you again, parents & students, for your honest & thoughtful replies.</p>
<p>D loved BDD a year ago, and is now a Freshman.</p>
<p>I, however, was underwhelmed with my first impression of Yale. From the west, we visited on a whirlwind March tour of New England, never having been to the area. In retrospect, I think I had constructed some very specific images and impressions of each school, based on websites and stereotypes derived from books, movies, and so on. </p>
<p>I’m the type of person who is usually disappointed in the most exotic vacation for the first few days while the reality of the place supplants what I imagined it to be. Then I’m fine. </p>
<p>If your daughter has built an image of Yale, and the real Yale turned out to be somewhat different than what she imagined, this could be part of her confusion. Once she lets go of what she thought Yale would be and thinks about what she actually felt during her visit, she may be better able to decide if she likes it well enough to attend.</p>
<p>I may be completely off the mark with this. I offer it up, FWIW. And by the way, Yale has not disappointed us in any way. Well, except that it’s too far from home. I miss her.</p>
<p>OP, my daughter is also an athlete- PM me if you have any questions about how that works for her.</p>
<p>The rainy, windy, cold and dreary weather most certainly had an impact on BDD for everyone. I’m sure it affected your daughter, too. You can’t possibly fully enjoy yourself while running from building to building with an umbrella and winter coat. That being said, my son had the most amazing time and met so many wonderful people. He was absolutely blown away by how NICE and friendly the students were and how happy everyone was. My husband & I felt it, too. (We stayed at a hotel and never saw our son till we left with him on Wed). The deans, masters, staff were so helpful and approachable and were eager to answer any/all questions.</p>
<p>I thought I’d add that I’m a pretty introverted person too and I felt the same way as mangoho by the end. Sooo many people and so little time alone! I imagine it’ll be really different when we have our own dorm to go back to and everybody isn’t in a frenzy to meet and befriend people.</p>
<p>OP,
DD attended BDD, and raved about it, but also called me with a couple of concerns along the way.</p>
<p>First, she had already made up her mind to attend Yale when she went, so she was full of committed excitement for her future alma mater. She was a little disappointed to discover that most of the other attendees were still considering other schools, so their attitudes were a bit skeptical, which put a little damper on her experience, and I think DD felt hesitant to forge friendships with students she might not see again.</p>
<p>Also, she said her dorm-mates were “not like her.” Her high school is pretty non-diverse, with the students sharing similar interests, backgrounds and even appearances. By Wednesday evening, however, she had found a group of students that she really enjoyed, and hung out with them the rest of the event.</p>
<p>Overall, she is thrilled with Yale and her decision.</p>
<p>I went to BDD…I’m currently at Stanford’s admit weekend…</p>
<p>Yeah, the weather really hurt my impression of Yale. But in retrospect, the weather was the only negative I have of the entire college. My first night I met up with my host (from Obama’s high school alma mater) and my roommate (a guy from Vienna…recruited to play an instrument by HYPSC…he’s undecided…I hope he chooses Yale!). I was impressed by how outgoing everyone was (both the roomie and host). </p>
<p>We finally go to the room and I was a little surprised when I opened the door and there was about 50 empty hard alcohol bottles on a bookcase and a fridge 95% full of beer. Although on the inside I did feel a little intimidated (I don’t plan on drinking until im 21), beer certainly wasn’t forced on me. </p>
<p>The first night I followed my host and roomie as the host took us to the SAE frat party to find a friend he needed to talk to. We get to the house and its full of upperclassmen guys from wall to wall. Pretty much everyone is drinking, and we get stared at as we try and make our way to the back of the house. The host sees a couple guys he knows from class and after 5 minutes we leave (on the way out I overheard a guy talking about a couple naked strippers…dunno if that was at the frat party…i didn’t care to find out). My host complained as we walked back to Old Campus about how that was the worst frat party he’s ever crashed. </p>
<p>We enter another dorm in Old Campus with a bunch of his a capella groups’ profros. They were all meeting up to give a small performance for one of the groups’ girlfriends in town. Before the performance, I just sat there listening to the upperclassmen talk and joke around about class, people, and just life in general. I really felt like, “wow. These are the kinds of people I want to be around when I go to college.” When the girl finally arrives, the group gives an amazingggg performance for the girlfriend and about us 6 profros. (The group travels internationally and has been around for over 50 years…its very competitive to get on…after I learned that I was pretty amazed that I got to see them perform…especially before such a small group of profros.) After the performance someone asks “Why should I go to Yale over Harvard?” and a couple kids from the group answer in such an outgoing and enthusiastic manner that at first I thought they were sarcastic, but they were truly that in love with their school. Later around 15 other profros showed up and the upperclassmen spent literally almost 2 hours just talking to us about life at Yale, academics, and why we should choose Yale over other colleges. Even though many of them had big tests to study for the next day, they all stayed with us profros and enthusiastically raved about their school. </p>
<p>That first night was easily the highlight of BDD, and is probably going to be the deciding factor for me between Yale and Stanford.</p>
<p>llpitch: alcohol is a part of the social scene at Y (and practically everywhere else). However, what Yale has to offer BESIDES alcohol is what sets it apart. As a freshman and sophomore, my group of friends and I really partied a good amount. By the time we were Juniors and Seniors, we had really ramped it down. But regardless, the diversions and activities every weekend that weren’t part of the “party” scene were great. Often, we’d see performances by groups, go to great plays/musicals, see our friends do recitals, visit exciting art exhibits, etc. And no one feels “lesser” because of it. It wouldn’t be weird for us to host some huge keg party on Friday and with the same gang of guys, go the next night to cheer a friend singing in a play or playing a recital.</p>
<p>Without a doubt, it was the culturally most rich time of my entire life.</p>
<p>^^^Couldn’t agree more wth T26E4. Drinking exists at Yale – like it would at any college for those who seek it – but the thing that makes Yale “Yale:heart:” is that there is so much going on besides partying. On any given weekend, there are TONS of concerts, lectures, recitals, art showings, plays, debates, etc. Fraternities exist, but, as you probably saw with SAE, they are pushed off campus so the heart of campus is much more intellectual.</p>
<p>It is also worth mentioning that Yale also does a fantastic job making sure that you end up with suitemates who share your style. You likely ended up being hosted in a “party suite,” but based on your housing form and application Yale will almost certainly not put you in a suite like that (unless you seek it). I drink on a rare occasion and never in excess, but I am still SOOO HAPPY here and don’t feel any pressure to drink or party on the weekends.</p>
<p>To cut through everything else: Come to YALE!!! BEST CHOICE I’VE EVER MADE!</p>
<p>booyashka’s experience is like my D’s. She’s a light drinker, and has never felt pressured to do more than that. You don’t have to participate in hard partying (or any partying at all) to have a wonderful social life at Yale.</p>
