<p>Time to start owning your life. This is how: Write your Dad an email that says</p>
<p>“I may have blown something important. I missed an exam in the first semester and did not realize how important it was. The results were . . . and now my GPA is at … I want you to know that I am terribly sorry for my mistake. I realize that my choice will cost our family more money. I feel terrible about this. I am working to explore how I can keep my scholarship but I don’t know the results just yet. I would appreciate your support as I work through the options. Believe me, I will not be missing another exam in the future. Your loving D”</p>
<p>Quit quaking in the corner. Own your choices. Your Dad, otherwise, will be furious because 1) you blew it and 2) you were not honest about the situation. At least fix 2) right away. Good luck.</p>
<p>I screwed up pretty bad but lesson learnt. Good news is that I got a good job working at a hotel over the summer and part time next year so I’ll be able to help my dad out with the money thing. I am going to tell my dad as soon as I can. I will also be contacting the fin aid office to see what my options are. Thank you all for replying and helping me out. and @olymom: I’m a guy so that means I’m his S not D!</p>
<p>If it is any comfort (probably not), this happens to many good students when they are negotiating the change from HS to college. I think many students do not appreciate how different it is going to be and stretch themselves a little to much that first year. Especially good students for whom high school perhaps came easy.</p>
<p>A lesson learned but a tough one non the less. Best of luck to you. Let us know how it turns out. I’m crossing my fingers for you that they may have some sort of redemption opportunity.</p>
<p>Congrats on the job (in this economy that is no small accomplishment) – but, being a male, it is even MORE important that you own your life and put your elbows out a bit (by that I mean you own your past choices and feel pain where you screwed up but you don’t let ANYONE make you feel like a five year old with wet pants). </p>
<p>My Dad was a fierce Army sarge. Wow, could he be dominating. One day we were in the car as a family and my 16 year old brother was driving. We came to a four way stop and my Dad yelled “GO… IT’S YOUR TURN FOR GOD’S SAKE” – my brother calmly waved the other driver through and said “Dad, I’m the driver today.”</p>
<p>I cowered in the back, waiting for the next giant explosion. But my Dad just smiled and said “OK”. My brother went on to make many choices that were not my Dad’s – and he owned his choices. They had a good relationship, based on mutual respect. That doesn’t happen until the young male “owns” his choices. </p>
<p>@Olymom: Kayf is right. Being a male or female really does not make any difference, in the end you will always have to own your own life. Those who don’t are the ones that get left behind, whether they be male or female. I go to college on a fully covered aid package(used to anyway) and I try to be as independent as I can be. Not that I don’t like my family or anything but my dad has always been urging me to be my own self and that is why it is especially hard for me to ask him to support my education next year. Don’t think being a girl or guy will make any difference.</p>
<p>When talking to the finaid office, you might ask if you can retake one of the courses over the summer to replace the D or another low grade and up your GPA by fall.</p>
<p>I’ll stand my ground here. As a wildlife biologist (female) married to another wildlife biologist (male) and parent of two (males) with a lot of teens of a spectrum of genders, there are differences in Father/Daughter and Father/Son dominance patterns. </p>
<p>You’ll please note that I drafted a message to the Dad for OP where the OP identifies and is responsible for the situation. That is valid for either gender. </p>
<p>It is corrosive when a parent (of either gender) doesn’t respect an offspring. But sons who cannot get the respect of their father are in a special hell. I have seen this – a loving mother always helps – but somehow a supportive mother “bucks up” a daughter while the son has a core of fury and pain that is indescribable (I’ll allow that daughters can also suffer this pain). </p>
<p>There are gender differences. Even more interesting, there are differences in family structure that go with birth order. A son with an older sister tends to interact differently than a son who is the eldest or a son with an older brother. </p>
<p>The biggest gift DH has ever given is his constant acceptance of his sons. We go for “Worthwhile”, not “perfect” — </p>
<p>For the OP, there is larger game afoot than the scholarship. His transition from “guy” to “man” has arrived. Fair winds be with you.</p>
<p>Olymom, you can cite deterministic wildlife gender patterns all you want – I don’t actually disagree with your observations on that front. But I think the point being made that it is NOT MORE important for a male to “own” his mistakes than it is for a female to “own” her mistakes. Period.</p>
<p>Some would consider it a completely sexist viewpoint to think that one gender should have more personal integrity than the other gender. All humans, who’ve spent thousands of years evolving their consciousness, should absolutely 100% own their lives. And that is an act of personal integrity, which I think and hope was your point ;)</p>
<p>The authors of many mother/daughter books will absolutely say that there is a difference between mother/daughter and father/son dynamics. Among other things, father/son dynamics tend to be less verbal and with more physical dominance of space (if you think that guy in algebra class has his legs in the aisle just because he’s tall, think again. He is making a chunk of the classroom “his” space). </p>
<p>Again, if you will please read what I wrote, I DID say that the OP needed to take responsibility for the situation (no matter the gender). But as it became clear that this was a son who afraid to mention a shortcoming to a father, then (IMHO) it deepened to a bigger issue: being a man worthy of respect, despite some imperfections. </p>
<p>I, in NO way, wrote or implied that one gender has or should have more personal integrity than the other. Gads, I am intrigued that some pond organisms have Seven sexes (pathways to exchange gametes), so who am I to say that one way is better than another???</p>
<p>Generalizations are generally incorrect. I was reading the details of this one particular student and writing, from the heart, on what I felt would be a strong step forward for this particular student in this particular situation. Suddenly readers want to cast me into the “must hate strong women” camp, which is silly in the extreme. </p>
<p>Nationwide, our young men are struggling. (See college admission rates and four year graduation rates). Now, more than ever, we need them to find the path off the sofa and on to successful, if always imperfect, lives. Moving from “guy” to “man” is huge – and we need more of it, not less.</p>