Most colleges have some sort of common area with a lounge outside the dorm room. Does yours? The ones I see also have a microwave. Maybe he can go watch TV and eat his microwave food there as a compromise? FYI.
@prinhavator It is okay for you to state that you don’t want him eating any of your food…that is not something you need to compromise on.
I encourage you to use “I” words as you speak up in your meeting. “I can’t sleep through loud television” and “I buy special foods due to my allergies, and go hungry when it gets eaten by my roommate” As opposed to “my roommate is loud and obnoxious and steals my food.” This statement is probably true, but the focus is on attacking roommate instead of your needs.
It will Not be easy to come to a compromise, but your RA will be more supportive if you can speak rationally and have a detailed list of grievances.
Be as calm as you can, even if your roommate does not handle this Intervention with RA well. It will give your RA more reasons to side with you in this conflict.
And even if RA sides with you, any changes may take time. Your roommate may still need gentle reminders.
Good that you will meet with the RA. I do suggest that you research Assertiveness Skills. Work on direct communication. This will help you in situations in the future. Sometimes reciting phrases in the mirror can help you to be prepared in the moment. Good luck!
So we had our meeting, and the problems but not much has changed. The RA said as long as my roomate doesn’t use the microwave he could eat anything he wants… so now he eats super loud cheesy chips literally all night long, even though I TOLD HIM it bothers me. 3 nights ago, he was binge watching some reality TV show from 12am till 9am and was laughing at the top of his lungs like a caveman. I constantly reminded him (politely) that I was trying to sleep but he always forgot 10 mins later and started laughing again (while eating all night of course too). He saw that he kept me up all night too.
However, my RA said my roommate has to keep it down while I’m trying to study, but he still blasts MY TV super loud. I ask him nicely to turn it down but he always seems to forget 10 min later and asking him is getting very tiresome. I’ve casually suggested that I’m going to take my TV away but he says he will just buy his own.
Last thing is while he is a smart guy, my roomate never studies and I wish I had a roommate who cared more about academics. Most others on my floor (not including me) are either #1 in their class, a musical genius, an exceptional athlete, or did something amazing like published research. They are super hard working and it would be nice to live with someone with a stronger work ethic. And it’s not like I’m a grumpy old man who dislikes having fun. I party a good amount (mostly outside of our room) on the weekend but I know how to separate my work from my play.
My roomate and I seem to be a bad match for several reasons. Am I at the point where I should try to switch rooms or should I keep trying to work it out? Thanks.
See what you need to do to change roommates. Get your parents involved if necessary.
He’s awake all night watching television and then sleeping half the day… this problem will resolve itself when he fails his classes and has to leave school (but that may not happen fast enough for your liking). Sorry you are having these issues!
This is so disheartening to read. I just want to say I hope things work out for you and you’re able to enjoy the rest of the semester. I don’t have kids in college yet and personally never lived in a dorm so I don’t know what the protocol is, but if this isn’t grounds for switching rooms I don’t know what is.
Good luck and keep us posted.
I would try to move out. In the meantime, have you tried noise-cancelling headphones? Also, if you are unable to move I’d get the TV out of there.
Go above your RA. Not a good solution. Talk to housing directly. It’s early and sometimes you can switch rooms or get a left over private one. You should be able to sleep in your dorm room. Being kept up all night is not acceptable. Disconnect the TV. Let him buy one then but keep it on his side of the room. If your able to talk to his parents.
Your roommate is a jerk. He doesn’t “forget” after 10mn. He considers that 10mn is sufficient then his wants come first. He’s also clearly upoif rhe ante and expecting you to fold.
Disturbing one’s roommate’s sleep is a big no no. It’s dangerous to your health.
Document the problem. (If it’s allowed, record sounds; if not, write it down into your phone).
Go see your RA, explain that his saying the roommate could eat whenever has resulted in the roommate eating chips as loudly as possible throughout the night and blasting thr tv all night long, so you’re sleep deprived, at the end of your rope, and need immediate action. Perhaps record the conversation if it’s allowed, after telling your RA you are doing so.
If a change didn’t happen within 24 hours, go higher in Housing and DO NOT minimize rhe problem. If necessary, talk it through with your parents first.
Remove the tv. See if he buys a new one.
- Get rid of the TV. Take it home, stash it in your car, lend it to a friend you can trust. Just get it out of there. If the microwave is yours get rid of that too. Use the dorm kitchenette until this is resolved.
- Talk to the RA again. Tell him what you've told us. Be very specific about what's happening. "My roommate was gaming loudly with the lights on until 4 am three nights ago, 9 am two nights ago ago, and 2 am last night. I can't sleep and it's affecting my ability to function in my classes." The RA has no way of knowing his talk with you two didn't work unless you tell him. Otherwise he'll assume the problem's been solved.
- Put your food in a place that will make it hard for him to get to it, e.g., under your bed.
- Apply for a room change. Regardless of the sleep situation your roommate sounds like a total jerk. The housing office won't want to switch roommates this early in the year because most roommates can eventually work their problems out, but push for it, and see if you can get your RA on your side.
5… Stop making it easy for him to sleep during the day. Keep a normal college schedule. Set your alarm in the morning and let it go a little longer than you need to. Open the curtains and turn on all the lights and leave them on when you leave for class. Bring friends back to the room. If he wants to nap in the afternoons he’ll have to compromise with you on the nights. Play music when you don’t need quiet to study. Don’t do it at hours most people would consider cruel (e.g., 6 am) but don’t let him sleep all day so he can stay up all night.
- Document, document, document. You may need to prove to the housing office or Dean of Students that this situation is untenable.
Good luck. Let us know how all this works out.
Your roommate is passive aggressive. He acts like he “remembers” for only 10 minutes at a time. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He probably wants a double room all to himself - Mammy and Daddy didn’t pay for a single. He would be happy if YOU go sleep in the common area every night, so he gets the room to himself.
As others have said, the TV has to go. If he doesn’t have the TV, he won’t have something to do all night - that alone might solve the problem. Fine someone else willing to keep it in their room, if you honestly need it available. Do report back to the RA - he won’t know his solutions didn’t work unless you say something. If he acts like you’re being unreasonable, take it to the next level - the head RA, or the housing
Another thing you could do is whenever your roommate violates the agreement so it is more of an issue for the RA…but also go to the housing office.
I’m starting to think that my roomate is inconsiderate because he’s absolutely socially clueless. He’s an academic genius who never has to work, but he seems to have major social problems. He’s always sorry when I ask him to stop doing things but he always forgets the next that I asked him not to do something m. I’ve told him no less than 20 times that I can’t sleep when he eats smelly food in the room. And it’s only gotten worse. I’ve got NOTHING against Korean culture and I really hope I don’t come off as a racist, but as a Korean-American (he’s lived in Korea for over 1/2 of his life), my roommate has fully broken in to his Korean diet and some of his food makes me want to puke. His seafood soup in particular is super pungent and when he loudly swishes it in his mouth at 3am, I feel like I’m being tortured by the Bush administration. I love a lot of Korean food but the stuff he eats is extremely unpleasant-smelling to most non-Koreans. The horrible thing is he knows it wakes me every time but he still does it. My RA basically said I’m being ridiculous and that there’s nothing I can really do except sleep in the lounge. I feel helpless. I’m struggling to stay awake in my classes and think my academic performance is declining due to fatigue. I’m not a genius like him so I truly need all the energy I can get to succeed in school.
School has been in session for two weeks. I know that it my daughter’s school, the freeze on changing roommates has lifted.
Take steps to change roommates. Ask about it today.
Your parents are paying a lot of money for room and board. You deserve the ability to sleep at night and to be able to buy food and not have it stolen.
You’ve tried to go through the proper channels. Now it’s time to go above his head tot he housing office, and if necessary, the Dean of Students.
You have tried the RA meeting. Did your roommmate come with you to this meeting?
I would document in writing what happened at the meeting, and the results since then. Disable or remove the tv and the microwave.
Find out who your RA reports to. The Residential Housing Dirrctir (or some similar title.) email and call this person. If they do not respond go to their office in person.
Your complaint should be short and succinct. Roommate is awake literally all night, watching tv without headphones, laughing out loud, eating crunchy chips and smelly foods. Ignores my requests to be quiet and so I have not slept for two weeks. RA says my situation is ridiculous and I should find somewhere else to sleep. Please help me.
If Residential Director does not help, please get your parents involved. I know you are supposed to be learning to advocate for yourself, but at this point you are at your breaking point.
If nothing else works go knock on the RA’s door at 2am when there is a problem. And again at 3am. And again at 5am. I think the time for polite has passed. You may need to make it “our” problem instead of “your” problem.
Also, lights and loud TV on at 7:00 when you get up, and they stay on when you go to class. “Forget” to turn off your new obnoxiously loud alarm clock that goes off at 8:00 after you have left for class. Find a supportive friend to make your room the social hang out during daylight hours. You’ve probably lived with him long enough to know what gets under his skin. Start doing it, multiple times a day. Make him start begging the RA for a change
I’m a nice guy to a point, but I can also be a jerk with the best of them. Right now this only affects you. When the problem spreads to others, it may get resolved more quickly