I really don’t mean to come off as a jerk but since I’ve moved into my dorm almost 2 weeks ago, I’ve had a really hard time dealing with some of my roommate’s habits.
First of all, he eats all of my food. Normally I don’t mind, but I bought some high end organic meals that weren’t cheap and he legit has had more than half of them without asking. He also ate more than half of the expensive cheese sticks I bought. If it were chips or something, I wouldn’t care but meals are a little different. This isn’t a huge problem but it gets worse.
I typically go to bed on weeknights between 11:00pm and 12:00am which is early by college standards but reasonable in my opinion given I have 8am classes most days. When I go to bed, he blasts the TV or his laptop super loudly until 3:30am to 4:30am every morning while loudly munching on smelly chips or candy. This makes it really hard for me to fall asleep. Usually I’ll eventually drift off though. But around 4am, he puts really smelly food in the microwave, which wakes me up every time and I can’t fall back to sleep because I feel sick from the odor (and he knows it wakes me). Not to mention he’s a really loud chewer which drives me insane. When he finally does fall asleep, he snores pretty loud, but I solved this with a combination of noise canceling headphones and earplugs. Most of what bothers me is the smell though as I dislike eating and sleeping in the same tiny space.
Since he’s up all night, he’s asleep for a good half of the day, which makes it really hard to hang out in the room (especially with friends) since I don’t want to wake him up.
He also leaves his side of the room a complete mess which drives me insane and I trip over his stuff at night on the way to the bathroom. Not as big a problem but it definitely bothers me.
Lastly, he constantly moves my 50” TV to the edge of the stand so he can see it better from his bed which puts it at a huge risk of falling and breaking, and I ask him not to but he still does.
Overall, he’s a super nice guy though so I don’t want to make enemies with him in my 3rd week of college, but any advice for how to deal with this? It’s distracting me from my academics. Thanks and sorry for the rant.
Edit: Notice how I posted this at 5am :(, I can’t sleep.
So you gotta talk to him, not to us. You don’t say other than moving the TV that you’ve asked him not to do any of these things. You might get yourself some soft earplugs to help with noise. And it is one year — you can room with someone else next year.
Does your college do roommate contracts? Some of these could be settled with that. Maybe wait til he complains about something you do. Then really nicely say, “Hey, maybe it would be a good idea to do on of those. I’ve seen them online. It is hard to adjust to living with another person — it might help us get along better all year.”
Talk to your RA about this. Hopefully your RA will have good suggestions, but even if he doesn’t, you need to start letting the school know you are having problems in case it gets to the point where you need to switch rooms. Most important is you need your sleep. If he wants to eat in the middle of the night, isn’t there a kitchen somewhere in the dorm where he can heat and eat his meals?
The food and sleep are the top issues. Are you buying special food due to allergies? Are you able to eat in dining hall?
Speak up in the moment when you see him eating your food. The longer you allow him to do something without pushing back, the more he will assume it is okay.
You need to set up a roommate agreement with him. It’s totally unreasonable for your roommate to be blasting the TV while you are sleeping. There is an invention, headphones! If after you speak to him about your boundaries he continues to disregard them, get the RA involved.
So the conversation goes “dude, we need to talk”. Then just set up some rules. You buy your stuff and he buys his. Set a shelf with a line and keep your stuff on one side of it or your stuff on your side of the room. He probably doesn’t even realize what’s happening. But nobody should be taking your stuff or using any of your stuff without asking. Maybe have an area in the room where you put stuff to share? My son had a 24 inch monitor hooked to his ps4 and computer. He wore headphones most times anyway but also made sure he just used his laptop at night if he had homework etc. So not to bother his roommate. If he had stuff in the fridge or shelf he offered it to his roommate… But his was not like yours. He probably is an only child or older brother that just gets his way. If not fixed this will lead to other problems that will be more severe. You have an RA for a reason. Approach them today. This is an easy fix but you have to be the adult here.
I assume he is not food insecure and has a meal plan?
Also sorry no major “requires” a 50 inch TV!! Or maybe I am just getting to old… Lol.
Also right about now people do move rooms. There are actually internet boards up at college for this. If it was me I would personally move. I don’t do inconsiderate people well.
First, I wouldn’t blame him, I’d blame his parents. :))
Roommate contracts are a nice thought and all, but they’re probably not unenforceable.
I’d have a nice heart-to-heart talk with him. Whether that works or not, I’d lock my food up, in a locker and get a lockable dorm fridge. And password the TV screen, if he can’t control himself.
I would have a talk with him. And if he is not letting you sleep at night I would not let him sleep during the day. Your roommate is being selfish. My child had some roommates who stole her food and felt as though it was their right. The fridge was moved to her room and if necessary the next step was a padlock. They constantly took other things. So if necessary start locking it down, disconnecting the power cord and the like. You are not his banker and you deserve some sleep no matter how nice he is.
Think about the reasonableness of your request. Not having the noise until 3:00am is reasonable. Not being able to keep the light on all day because your roommate never gets out of bed isn’t.
Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. Would earplugs work? Can you lock up your food?
Discuss issue with Roommate. You need to say: “I want to talk to you about a couple of things. When I said (if you said) you have have some of my food, I didn’t mean for you to eat this much. At this point I would like you not to touch my food. Also, I have an 8:00am class…I need for you to be quiet after 12:00 (whatever your dorms quiet hours are). I can use earplugs and you can use headphones. Lastly, I need you not to touch my TV. It costs $XXX and if it gets broken because it got knocked into, you will have to pay for it.”
See if roommate is compromising…No, he is still noisy/touching your stuff.
5)Think about what you want to the end result to be…that works for both of you. For example: Overhead Lights out at 12:00, and after that, he goes elsewhere or uses desk lamp.
Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps (like eyemasks) and ask for help in resolving the situation. “RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. .”
Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.
Follow the contract…and if your roommate doesn’t, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.
If RA doesn’t follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the “chain of command”…that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from sleeping.
I wish I could personally reply to all of you but thanks so much for your advice. I’m meeting with my RA today and we’re going to make a contract regarding food and sleep that we can both can agree to. Plus, I’m going to try to move next semester. But still, it sucks to be up at 3:30am due to the microwave and smelly food several mornings a week.
