I originally posted this elsewhere but felt that the good folks of CC would probably be able to weigh in. And for what it’s worth…this isn’t my first rodeo on here (insert winky face?)
I was planning on taking a leave of absence next semester to intern in a major city and now I really don’t know if I want to anymore. It’s with a federal agency that will be significantly impacted by the incoming administration, but it’s not even about that…I just really want to stay on campus next semester.
I finally feel like I’ve made a good group of friends and have really enjoyed my classes this semester as well as the activities I’ve been involved in. Last year I was new to the school and honestly didn’t know if going here was the right decision. My classes were too big, my floormates weren’t great, I didn’t click with anyone in my orientation group or in the majority of the clubs I went to, and I felt really lost. I told myself to do a study abroad program in the spring so that I’d only be on campus for a semester my junior year, which at the time felt less stressful, but now I finally feel like college is a second home instead of somewhere to “do my time”, which is literally how I used to describe it to friends back home some Friday nights.
I’m just so conflicted. The gig will be great for my resume but I’ll only be an undergrad once, and the dynamic that I’ve really enjoyed these past few months will be completely different next fall when I’m a senior and wrapping up my collegiate experience…which still feels crazy to write. A senior since when?!
Part of me wants to email the agency right now and apologize for wasting their time but that I won’t be going in the spring. And then I’d email housing and beg them to renew my housing contract that I cancelled. And then I’d scurry through the course catalog and pick out classes that I wanted to take and be extremely excited because I loved my classes this semester too. And even just writing this out feels really good, even though I know it’s not practical, probably really impulsive, and admittedly a lot more expensive.
Gah…I’m not sure what to do. I’d give anything to extend the semester by another two months. I don’t know if it’s just me but the vibe just feels so different the first and last two weeks of classes. It’s like time goes by slower, people are more open to conversation, all these cool opportunities abound. I just don’t know.
I thought about pushing the internship back until the summer too, but literally a few hours after I wrote this post the agency emailed me informing me that all my paperwork had gone through, and I guess this far into the on-boarding process the proverbial ship has sailed (as much as I’m vacillating on swimming back to shore)
It’s weird. I went home for Thanksgiving feeling completely fine, but now that classes have wrapped up for the semester (we are heading into the study period) I am feeling absolutely horrible. I need more time. It’s funny because if I’d felt relatively comfortable on campus in August then I don’t think I would’ve ever applied to take time off. But then again, if I’d started the school year thinking I’d have to get through two semesters in a row, then I would’ve probably been too anxious to have as positive of a time as I did.
I was up almost all night thinking about what to do, and ultimately I think I might try returning to my college after my internship is complete in mid-April. I was already planning on coming back in the summer to do a research project, but this would be even better because it would be two months of relatively unstructured free time where I could continue being involved in my extracurriculars, get a little more time to see everyone and just be * there*. I have a job on campus so I would try to see if I could work full time during then…does this sound like a good idea?
So you will do the internship, and come back to campus just to hang out and do classes? That seems odd, and can you even do that? Wouldn’t your campus job be filled by another student?
What do your parents think? How special is the internship? If it’s a once in a lifetime thing, you should take it. If not, then go to the housing office immediately, ask if it’s too late, and email the organization you would be interning for and tell them circumstances have changed and you are unable to do it. But you do need some input from your parents and an academic advisor on this. Not sure how it would be more expensive doing the interhsip, but if your parents pay your tuition, they need to be involved.
When you say you felt horrible, what do you mean? Horrible about leaving home, or horrible about the idea that the semester is nearly over? Or horrible about the internship? If you are dreading the internship, think about all,the reasons you wanted to do it, then what is holding you back on it. If there are legitimate reasons, you might need to listen to them. Good luck figuring it out.
Talk to your parents about this.
Work out the pros and cons.
Try to understand why you are feeling the way you do.
Think of you, senior year. What would you wish you would do?
My son’s friend got the elusive internship with Apple during spring junior year and it went into the summer. So he had to miss spring semester junior year, which I believe is what you are doing if I read it correctly. He did not want to miss that opportunity and chance for future employment, so he did it no question. He didn’t miss a beat. He met new people and made friends at the internship and made new connections. Visited the college gang on some weekends and hung out doing things together over the summer in his cool Apple-funded apartment. He was always included in plans for senior housing and is living with the ol’ gang again for their final year. It can be scary, but it could also bring you things you aren’t considering. But if it is pure dread for you, figure out why and if they are good reasons then bail. You are young, you have time and don’t have to stay on a specified plan yet. That time comes when you are married with kids!
Just another factor to add into the mix… at a lot of schools, especially LACs, huge numbers of juniors go abroad spring semester. Which is all to say that what you’re imagining spring to be might not be. Is that possible?
It’s a tough decision. I could argue for going or staying.
Thank you so much for all your responses. I really appreciate everything that’s been posted because they’ve helped as I juggle my thoughts and figure out what next steps to take.
I’ve spent the last few days mulling over my decision and have decided to take the internship opportunity. If I weren’t scared that my framework of friendships would be gone in the fall…that going away meant having two semesters left of college…that doing so meant living in an apartment on my own next year because taking time off means losing on-campus housing…if I weren’t scared of the great unknown, I would go.
It’s occurred to me too how what I imagined spring to be might not be the case at all. Like you said, a good number of people I know are going abroad next semester, and I imagine my graduating friends will be mentally checking out or too busy preparing for what comes next to really hang out. The weather would also be a factor—it has been incredibly, surprisingly nice for late fall but I know that when the snow comes and the sun continues to set mid-afternoon, campus would take on an entirely different feeling.
I guess I’m still nervous though. As I mentioned earlier, my internship is slated to end sometime in the middle of April and I would have around a month and a half of free time to do whatever, essentially. Part of me wants to come back to campus and sublease a room for a month to catch the tail end of the semester. I wouldn’t be taking classes, I would just be there (in the same way that December graduates sometimes hang around campus until commencement in the spring) but it sounds kind of stupid writing it out now…intangibles are hard to quantify.
Would this be a good idea? Or should I go all in instead of trying to have a foot in each door and take the time to travel or even just be home?
So… Might you be able to “work” at school during senior week and commencement (and then maybe through reunions if that’s what your school does)? You’d be back at school but not entirely at loose ends. There may be on campus jobs that are temporary through the festivities.
You could take advantage of all your internship offers that way. Also, don’t discount the fact that you may end up wanting to hang out in the internship city! Maybe part of what has made this year great so far is you, so wherever you are will be where you want to be.