Help! Is my appeal to UCLA any good?

Applying to College
1

<p>I recently applied as a freshman for UCLA and I was denied. My G.P.A. is 3.8, SAT score is 1520 and I have tons of extra curricular activities. Is my appeal letter any good? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? What would make my appeal stronger?</p>

<p>Mr. Gary A. Clark, Jr
Director of Admissions</p>

<p>UCLA Undergraduate Admissions
and Relations with Schools (UARS)
1147 Murphy Hall, Box 951436
Los Angeles, CA 90095-1436</p>

<p>Dear Mr. Clark,</p>

<p>Although I was not surprised when I received a rejection letter from University of California Los Angeles, I was extremely disappointed. I knew when I applied that my SAT scores from the November and December exams were below average for UCLA. I also knew at the time of the SAT exam that my scores did not represent my true ability. </p>

<p>After my father’s death, my family was afflicted with severe financial burden that my mother, with her disability, could not handle. As a result, my mother gave complete responsibility to me. I, a 17 year old coping with the death of his father, was now the head of my household. The responsibility I now had was equitable to a full time job; I would come home everyday and spend countless hours on my family’s finances. From budgeting and bill paying to settling my father’s accounts and claiming his life insurance, I did it all. </p>

<p>However, despite the overwhelming stress and responsibility, I still soared and defeated the African American achievement gap that is ever present at my school. Academically, I maintained a high grade point average and improved my overall class-wide rank, as well as make my school’s semester honor roll. </p>

<p>I also excelled in my extra-curricular activities. I reached the level of distinction with the National Forensics League, and became a State Tournament Alternate for Impromptu speaking style. I Was awarded the position of Treasure in my school’s UNICEF club and, due to my hard work and diligence, raised several hundred dollars to donate to the UNICEF organization. I was also chosen by my school’s principal to be a member of the School Site Council, for the last two years; where P******* V****** High School has seen two of its best fiscal years. </p>

<p>Again, I fully understand and respect your decision to deny me admission, but I do hope you will reopen my file to consider this new information. I was tremendously impressed by UCLA when I visited last fall, and it remains the school I would most like to attend. Thank you for taking the time to read this.</p>

2

<p>Seems good, based on information and advice that my college counselor has given me and I’m sorry about your dad. What might help you would be to give a little of your relationship with your father such as, we’re close to him, have you a lot of guidance, was your role model,etc.</p>

3

<p>I think it would be helpful for a third party (guidance counselor, pastor, etc.) to submit a letter confirming that the information about your family situation is true. (Of course, it would have been most helpful if your guidance counselor had referenced your family issues in his original recommendation.) And it’s unclear to me if the achievements you mention all came about after your application was submitted–if they did, they are truly “new” information, and you should be explicit about that.</p>

<p>Re the wording of the letter, you need to use the word “equivalent”, not “equitable” in the second paragraph.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

4

<p>im sorry about your father. but i don’t think that they have the time to reopen your files and consider u again. bottom line, your gpa and SAT scores weren’t even close to UCLA standards. i know people with higher stats that get rejected form UCI and UCSD</p>

5

<p>i am very sorry about your father.<br>
by the way, is your SAT score of 1520 out of 1600 or out of 2400. it does seem low if it is out of 2400. regardless, i wish you luck.</p>

6

<p>I am sorry about your father. I wish you the best with your appeal.</p>

7

<p>A good start but you need another three or four rewrites. BTW I vote to delete the first paragraph. Agreeing that you should be denied admission seems counter productive.</p>