Help me fix my sat essay? THANKS!

<p>Topic (Oct SAT): Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Identity is not merely one's physical exterior; it is a reflection of one's self based on their choices and experiences through life. The classic Romantic novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter , features Hester Pyrnne who creates an identity separate from her New England Puritan village. Similarly, in F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel, The Great Gatsby , Jay Gatz creates an entire new identity for himself. Both novels elucidate that identity is created rather than inherent.
In The Scarlet Letter , Hester is born into an extremely straitlaced Puritan community in which each member must be as holy as possible. Hester, however, chooses to have an adulterous affair with Reverend Dimmesdale and creates her own identity as an individual who won't be constrained and a questioner. Hester rebelled from the life she was supposed to have and chose her own identity and life to lead.
In the same way that Hester chose her own identity, Jay Gatz also decides his identity. Born as a poor man who clammed, Jay Gatz always wished for something more than the poor, hard life he had. After he meets a millionaire and a debutante named Daisy Buchanan, Jay decides to change his identity to a wealthy criminal. Jay completely prevaricates the beginning of his life and tells stories about a college he never went to. He completely changed the identity he had been born with; becoming a rich famous smuggler instead of a poor, struggling clammer.
Both works demonstrate that one's circumstances do not determine one's identity. A person produces their own identity (whether other people believe it or not) and can change their circumstances just as Hester Pyrnne did in Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter and Jay Gatz did in The Great Gatsby . The works highlight that an identity is unique to each person's decisions during life, and not what they are born with or given.</p>

<p>My analysis: While it's obviously not a 12, I was sort of surprised I got an 8 on this essay. I know I have a hanging preposition and I repeat a bit in the conclusion, but I thought I had okay vocab. It fills the two pages-so it's not that. The biggest oroblem I could probably see is my handwriting-its sort of big and a lot of teachers have commented that it's horrendous (I'm definitely going to work on that before my next SAT, but I was wondering if anyone had done that and actually experienced a score increase). So, basically, I need your help CC to tell me how bad my essay is! Don't spare any criticism-I want to get better! Thanks in advance for reading.</p>

<p>Try to come up with 3 examples...not 2 and be very DETAILED. I didn't even get to the conclusion on my November SAT essay but used 3 examples and recieved an 11. I had gotten 8's on my previous two SAT's with 2 examples...</p>

<p>Anyone else have any ideas?</p>

<p>Well, I only had 2 examples, but got a 12 on my essay... I think it's all about how well the examples connect to the question. I didn't have any particularly outstanding vocab, but I thought my connections were solid.</p>