Help Me with My Essay Pleasssssseeee!!!!!!

Its my first draft and it neeeds a lot of help

The essay topic I chose to write is about lessons I learned from obstacles that can be fundamental to my later success. It would make sense for me to talk about how I persevered through the past years dealing with my mental health challenges and that although you couldn’t see it, the pain and the hurt was there. Going through each day was difficult. I pretended that things were okay until they weren’t. I suffer from Clinical Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder which became pronounced in my first year of high school. I began seeing my psychologist in April of my freshman year and my psychiatrist that June. Over the next three years, I was hospitalized and in intensive outpatient programs three times. I worked on my coping skills and communications and without the help of the health care provider that supported me through these difficult times, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today. My mental health would be preventing me from even applying to college which I want to attend. I appreciate everything my therapist, psychiatrist, clinician, nurses, and doctors have done for me and my family. I’ve missed many opportunities that I would have liked to experience because of my diagnoses and I would like to resist and encounter this new initiative. I want to make a new name for myself and see a new version of myself in my own mirror. I have a tremendous amount of appreciation, gratitude and admiration for my team of supporters. But that’s not what I want to focus on. What I am writing about about the challenges that I want to face in the future. For all four years of high school, mental health has been the focus and I absolutely resent it. Everyones faces challenges in life whether they are your choice or not. I would rather choose my challenges. Dealing with mental health was not my choice. Going to therapeutic school for my senior year was a choice I had to make in order to better prepare myself for college. I had to deal with these challenges because I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t. I understand that college is difficult and challenging but this is one that I am choosing. I want the cramming for the test and pulling all nighters. I want to focus my stress into something productive and healthy, not to say that focusing on mental health is unhealthy. By doing this I will get to reach my goal of entering the medical field. I am extremely interested in the medical field because I find it important to give back. The medical field is competitive and rigorous which I am excited to get into because I want to give back because of the medical professionals that assisted and continue to assist me sustained in order to be able to aid those in need.

Is this your essay? Because you really shouldn’t post a full copy of your essay online. Anyone could copy it and if a college ran it through a plagiarism checker it would show up as 100% plagiarized

@collegeready574, congratulations on persevering through such serious difficulties. I would discourage you, however, from using this essay. You want to give colleges a reason to accept you. They will be reluctant to take on someone with so many challenges, I’m afraid. You need to find another topic.

(I have a vague idea as to what you’re going through, because my three kids have mental health diagnoses ranging from mild to debilitating.)

Hi! This is Lillian from Prompt.

Talking about sensitive topics like this can be challenging in personal essays. You could use this topic, but you’ll want to emphasize what you learned as you overcame these challenges and how they have helped you grow.

It’d be great if you could give some specific examples of how you learned something and then used that lesson to overcome a challenge or problem academically, socially, or in an extracurricular.

I also recommend not spending too much time in your essay talking about your past struggles. Instead, focus on the positive changes you’ve made and how those will help you succeed in college and beyond.

The college essay is NOT meant to be a soul-baring exercise. It is an opportunity to sell yourself and describe what you can bring to the college. The purpose of a college essay should be: 1)to tell the college something positive about yourself that can’t be found elsewhere in the application and 2) to give admission officers a reason to want you on campus.

It is great that you have persevered through your problems, but IMO an essay about depression/mental health issues will not accomplish the above goals. In fact this topic could make admissions officers nervous about admitting you to the college (may cause concerns about you having a relapse while at school etc.). I agree with @MaineLonghorn and I’d find another topic.

Also I’d suggest that you not post essays on CC.

not my full essay, just my first draft and i have a lot to change about it

Drop this topic and start again. Read the advice above. Please do NOT post any essays here because they will be marked for plagiarism.