Help! Mom of Freshman with bad grades

Parents Forum
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<p>I think shoot4moon has some really great tips. Especially about the library. It’s very difficult to study in your dorm room, even if you have a single, for most students. Too much non-study activity goes on there. The bed, TV, fridge, your friends’ rooms are just too close. </p>

<p>I think pulling away and doing tough love is probably not a good call right now, though maybe him studying abroad really isn’t either. He’s unlikely to get much studying done, though if his grades don’t carry over, that might not be the worst thing in the world. However, if he’s just overseas having a good time, he’s also not going to be working on his study habits, so when he gets back to school, he’ll be just as worse off if not having even more problems. </p>

<p>This is a good time to sit down with him and try to figure out how you can help. Ask if he can walk you through a typical day. What time does he put aside for studying and where? If it’s in his room, he needs to move it to the library. If he doesn’t have a regular time, he needs to establish one (this shouldn’t be that hard, just pick the biggest chunk of free time in the day). </p>

<p>Also, does he have a job at college? Is he involved in any activities? Sometimes kids who have too much free time really struggle with managing it. It’s like if you have a project with no deadline, you’re less likely to tackle it. </p>

<p>Make a contract before he goes back to school. Tell him you want to see 3.0 grades and you feel he can do it. Offer an incentive (normally I’m against bribery, but it can be good to offer some encouragement for developing good habits. Once those are established, he won’t need the bribe), maybe a car or a new computer? Check in from time to time. Have him spend the summer researching assistance he can get and reaching out to tutoring centers etc. so he knows what’s available on campus. And check in with him regularly at school, specifically to ask about his grades, not the rest of his stuff. </p>

<p>The first year can be really hard, wtih so many adjustments and the sudden drop off in supervision (especially if he was used to you being there in high school to keep him on his work). It sounds like he wants to make progress, so try to help him do that.</p>

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<p>If OP’s son’s abroad class is only 4 weeks and it’s already paid for, then he probably should go. Just make sure you’ve laid down the rules about continuing to pay for his education. </p>

<p>

Good memory, psych. I made her come home to live and attend a local college. I thought I could monitor her. Didn’t do too good, did I? </p>

<p>

No. Schools don’t do this. Or at least not the two schools she’s attended (one private, one public). It’s up to the parents to do this job. Schools seem to be content with just collecting the tuition checks.</p>

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<p>I think the biggest problem for me while I was in college was independence. I’ve dropped out three times and have a very bad GPA and I think the reason has mostly to do with the difference between high school and college. High school is more of a daycare where they tell you what you have to do with exact schedules and very little wiggle room. College is more carrot on a stick, only you have to put the carrot there yourself, because believe me the colleges won’t put it there. They’ll take your money before you see the next prospective student tour and set you aside as an example of what not to do.</p>

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<p>I’m running out of sticky’s with all these good tips! My son has always responded better to positive reinforcement, he has definitely had a rough 4 days, and is very grateful he is still going abroad. I really hope it is his time to mature.</p>

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<p>If you have a Microsoft Office license on your computer, store the tips in One-Note. It is a wonderful organizational tool for students and parents alike.</p>

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<p>Try the book “More Attention, Less Deficit” by Ari Tuckerman (I think?) and “That crumpled paper was due last week” by . . . Ana Hounyaun (or something like that). </p>

<p>With our S2 we have said:</p>

<p>1) your butt must be in the seat during class – no exceptions except significant illness
2) it’s better to drop a class than to earn an F – so don’t wait to realize you are sinking. </p>

<p>It is also helpful to frame the failures as a Crime Scene Investigation (OK, what happened here? When did things begin to fall apart? What clues were there that things were about to fall off a cliff?) rather than a “failure to be a worthwhile human being.”</p>

<p>Every campus has a tutoring center. Most also have a counseling center and a career center. A student that is struggling should take time to visit each to know what services are available. </p>

<p>Some students can do well to enroll in a bunch of classes and then attend the first day or so of each and then drop a couple classes – this lets the student weed out the mumbling professor and the class with a killer pace. Sometimes a student doesn’t know if he/she is a a match for a class until they get their toes in the water. </p>

<p>If the summer abroad trip goes well, ladle out compliments. Many students do absorb and can process and TALK about material but stumble on the essay, documentation stuff. If your guy is of that sort, then maybe he needs more field courses than theory courses.
Good luck!</p>

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<p>My heart goes out to Toledo. One of my cousins got “busy” and didn’t make a car payment for . . . a few months. She was stunned when she walked out of work and found that her car was gone – it had been repossessed. She said “I didn’t know that could happen.”</p>

<p>She’s not a dumb bunny – but can be happy to be . . . happy and not worry too much about things she doesn’t want to worry about. Sometimes you have to live the misery before you learn the lesson.</p>