HELP!!! my D is in serious trouble at her college

<ol>
<li>Definitely try and get an attorney/lawyer…the system in America is innocent until proven guilty, and I think schools have to follow that too.</li>
<li>Which school is it? You don’t have to answer, but if you can tell which school it is, then I might have friends there whom I can ask more about how the legal issues are over there</li>
<li>I know its a very stressful and uncomfortable situation, but it would be really helpful if you gave more details about the nature of the situation (like what happened). I’m not trying to pressure you to reveal more information. However you can send a private message to me (or someone else on here that you trust more) about the details of what happened. No matter what it was that she was blamed for, I promise I won’t think lowly of you or your daughter, and I won’t make any judgements at all. Even if you don’t want to give the complete story, a slightly more specific story might help us think of a plan of action. Also, a good friend of mine is in law school right now, and he might be a little familiar with some of the protocol/ways of dealing with this stuff at schools. Obviously an actual attorney or lawyer is a better source, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to ask my friend.</li>
<li>Being out for a year isn’t THAT bad. The biggest problem is that the student is less likely to come back to school (thats why many people I know discourage the year off between high school and college), but since your D is a senior, this shouldn’t be a problem. Community service is probably the best way to compensate for the suspension being on her record.</li>
</ol>

<p>I don’t think this is a prank, but I do think we need more info…</p>

<p>If she doesn’t want to give details, then can she give a similar-but-different scenario example so we can get an idea of the level of severity and how it can be managed.</p>

<p>For instance…is this a case where they are certain that your D is “guilty” of this action?</p>

<p>Has your D “confessed”?</p>

<p>Did it happen in a dorm or classroom? did it involve another specific student or was it just a general “could have been dangerous” to any person situation.</p>

<p>Was it some kind of bullying?</p>

<p>1. Definitely try and get an attorney/lawyer…the system in America is innocent until proven guilty, and I think schools have to follow that too.</p>

<p>I don’t think so…and I don’t think a private would have to at all. The system in America involves the gov’t accusing and proving guilt. She isn’t being charged with a criminal act by the gov’t.</p>

<p>If she does need to take the time off, how about a study abroad on her own, many students take a study abroad through a university not their own; if she is not allowed to take any US university affiliated courses, take a self created study abroad.</p>

<p>Either work six month and study six months, either at a university or just some place that offers language institutes, or get a job abroad, like being an au pair or working at hostels</p>

<p>It’s not truly college, but it could be very educational and also saves face if that is important, DD could tell people she did a year abroad and many people do take longer to graduate after studying abroad, as even if the classes do transfer, they don’t usually fulfill grad requirements.</p>

<p>Hi somemom, are you saying to do a study abroad even though the credits would not apply here? Because of how little she has left to complete, her remaining credits unfortunately MUST be from this school.</p>

<p>In any case, I cannot imagine any Study Abroad programs for the Spring that did not already pass their application deadlines. And who would take a suspended student abroad?</p>

<p>Sorry for guessing, but it sounds like it could be a hazing incident. </p>

<p>Is D employable in her field at some level now? An internship of some kind for a year would give her resume a boost later, even if it doesn’t pay all that well.</p>

<p>gap year</p>

<p>[Harvard</a> College Admissions § Applying: Taking Time Off](<a href=“http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/apply/time_off/index.html]Harvard”>http://www.admissions.college.harvard.edu/apply/time_off/index.html)</p>

<p>not only is it common, it’s recommended.</p>

<p>Probably alcohol related- perhaps providing for minors. Sorry- but there IS going to be guessing and speculation and I offer no apologies for doing so. I understand the need for some privacy, but it is pretty useless to try to help without knowing the real nature of the charge.</p>

<p>I would agree with others that either an internship or community service work or both would be the best way to make something good out of the suspension, if it happens.</p>

<p>Does she have any fluency in Spanish? If so, there are programs in Latin America that do very good work and take long term volunteers. One that I know well is Safe Passage in Guatemala. They have long term college-age volunteers from all over the world, partially because it can be used to fulfill the community service requirements in some European countries. It is NOT one of those things where you pay a fee to have your kid travel around and do semi-bogus “work.” It is the real deal, and a wonderful organization.</p>

<p>I understand your desire for privacy, but it really is hard for those who are familiar with college disciplinary procedures to make constructive comments without more information. (I am not one of them, I hasten to add.)</p>

<p>I’m with sylvan8798. My gut says it’s a hazing incident, but then I work for national Greek organization so hazing (and it prevention) is top of mind for me all the time.</p>

<p>Bystander behavior–watching hazing happen and doing nothing to prevent it–is still an offense.</p>

<p>Part of the reason that knowning what happened is important is because we may not want to help you if she did something that we don’t agree with.</p>

<p>A guy who lived on my floor freshman year made the front page of the paper when he was arrested for distributing child pornography from his dorm room. Needless to say, few people were interested in helping him. Now, that wouldn’t fit the definition of “no crime occured” but it’s just an example of something that happened where I wasn’t interested in helping the student. </p>

<p>Without knowing what happened, I think it’s in my best interest to say “let the University follow their procedures as they have knowledge of the situation and they will handle it in accordance with their policies.”</p>

<p>I can think of a number of possibilities but it really doesn’t matter. Let’s throw out some suggestions here.</p>

<p>It is advantageous to take the suspension, take a year off, and go back to graduate from that college. Other colleges are going to want you to have 1.5 to 2 years of college (20 to 30 credits) “in residence.” Check graduation requirements of the schools you are thinking of and I think you will see this.</p>

<p>If student and family really cannot bear to have student graduate from that college and really want student to graduate in one year, there are accredited colleges that are mostly on line that would work - student would end up with a bachelor’s degree from an accredited, though not prestigious, school. Check the Online Degrees of this forum. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/online-degrees/[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/online-degrees/&lt;/a&gt; (This is a fairly common option for a young woman who left college after three years but wanted to go back to finish her degree after her children were older.)</p>

<p>Or, bite the bullet on the two-year requirement and transfer to somewhere in state, where student could get in state tuition.</p>

<p>If it were one of my kids, I would suggest that they take the suspension, take a year off, and go back to graduate from that college. During the year off, I would suggest that my S or D live at home, get a local part time job, and go to our local community college and work on a certification program that interested them - learn how to network computers or cook or something like that - there are a lot of non-degree options that would be useful even if the student didn’t finish the certificate program. The classes wouldn’t transfer to a four-year college but then again, they would not be expensive and the student would learn some skill that might actually put them at a competitive advantage in the job market - or just be useful for their lives.</p>

<p>Yes, without knowing any details and assuming this is a suspension of some period of time, I would if it were one of mine to a) tell them to take the suspension, find a job - check to see what happens with any loans and health insurance, b) try to get the college to remove the suspension upon completion of the degree and c) ensure that the child does complete the degree from the original college so that the year is simply a gap and there aren’t additional financial implications from other colleges, more classes etc. d) make sure there aren’t any other legal implications outside of the college. If not, then there is no neceessary reason to share that gap year with any future employers, etc.</p>

<p>A good friend in college was suspended for a year because of a prank that went terribly wrong. He was the instigator, so he took most of the blame, although it was pretty clear he had never intended the bad turn things took.</p>

<p>Anyway he took his suspension, as they say, “like a man,” apologized sincerely, and graduated a year late. Since then, he has been a speechwriter for one President, held a high position at the Justice Department, and served as general counsel of a cabinet agency under another President. The suspension – which seemed like the end of the world at the time – has had no visible effect on his life. Actually, I think he and his friends know it had a positive effect on his life, teaching him that a little self-restraint and caution can avoid a lot of trouble.</p>

<p>Noticed that a student with three years of college from somewhere else could do a fourth year at BYU in Provo, Utah, and graduate. An unusual option for a student who is not LDS, but it might be a possibility. Don’t let the Ecclesiastical Endorsement requirement bother you - the non-denominatioal BYU chaplain can sign the form.</p>

<p>I didn’t catch if the student and family still feel loyalty to the original school and like the idea of a degree from the original school, or whether student and family really want to get away from the original school.</p>

<p>Another possibility for a gap year is a language immersion program.</p>

<p>I think an internship is a good idea. There are companies that are still accepting applications for fall internships.
I know someone who is currently taking a year off to work, so she can boost up her resume. </p>

<p>Try your best not to turn what happened as an “end of the world”. It’s not.
Take care and stay positive.</p>

<p>Most schools have an appeal process as part of their judicial process … your daughter might want to check to see if there is an appeals process.</p>

<p>If you are at least a half-time student somewhere, you’re considered a student for the purposed of financial aid and health insurance continuance. Another reason why you might want her to do that as well as working. She could become certified in anything - EMT, lifeguard, master gardener, etc. - that she is interested in and finds useful.</p>

<p>The good news is that it is not an expulsion.</p>

<p>A problem with an internship, at least in our area is they would have to explain why they are leaving this one yr. Many of the good internships here in the VA area are tied to the colleges, and they must show enrollment at the college.</p>

<p>I would agree with greenwitch…have her take at least some courses at the CC so she can stay on health insurance. I know our policy states, until 23 with proof college enrollment. We are required to submit every October his enrollment papers.</p>

<p>Also, by getting certified in something that can be attached to her career field she may have a stronger resume. I read somewhere that the avg college kid now graduates in 5 yrs, so in that essence she is still on track with her peers.</p>

<p>Finally, companies next yr maybe fine with this. They understand how bureaucracies work and to them it might be an asset, that she took her lumps, but didn’t let it break her. She used the time wisely to make her a better asset for the company.</p>

<p>For example, let’s say she is majoring in interior design…have her go and get an RE license to give that edge of understanding the housing market from real life experience. There is also a national certification program for Staging homes.</p>

<p>She is majoring in nursing, get an EMT certification.</p>

<p>She is majoring in Finance, have her try to get a job as a substitute teacher for Math classes. Have her take classes for teaching and see if they will allow her to transfer in those credits in as a minor degree.</p>

<p>The fact is you can hand wring all day long, but now is the time to be proactive in the next step.</p>

<p>Hope for the best, but expect the worst has always been my motto in times like this.</p>

<p>I do agree this is very hard to give advice because you are holding the facts close to the vest, which limits the amount of advice anyone can give. However, I hope even the limited amount of advice you have received has made you think outside of the box on how to rectify the problem she is dealing with.</p>

<p>My best thoughts and hopes to you and your child. Nothing is worse in this world for a parent than to sit hopelessly on the side lines waiting for that phone to ring.</p>