Help! Parent running out of steam

College Majors Music Major
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We’re right in the middle of audition season and I really feel like I’m running on fumes. When I look back over the past year — starting with college visits junior year, decision to do a BM, return/new visits for lessons, developing the list with S, prescreens (what fresh hell is THAT?), shadow days, and now six auditions over a five week period — and that’s not even counting summer and weekend programs — I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

As of today, two of the six auditions are done, and we’re gearing up for long drives (did I mention I’m the only driver?) through what appears to be snow and polar temperatures on Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday for two more. But frankly, all I want to do is pour myself a large bourbon and say “eff it kid, I’m done here.”

I know I’m in the darkness before the dawn, since after this weekend, the remaining two auditions are local (his dad may even handle one or both). And we’ve had a couple of admits to buoy our spirits. But right now it all seems endless, and after this, there’s still the waiting and the financial pieces to be arranged. And did I mention the costs? Travel, lessons, video production, application fees?

And did I mention I have a full-time job?

S is frustrated too, especially when he realized last night that he had to learn several new pieces in addition to all the work he has done so far. But right now he’s hanging tougher than I am.

Whew! Thanks for listening! @tripletmama asked in another thread what parents do to destress, but all the long walks, spa days, wine, and cat-petting in the world isn’t doing the trick for me right now.

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I’m with you @akapiratequeen! I’m writing this on the train to the airport (and yes it’s 5:29 AM) for a work conference where I’m presenting! Kid gets almost two weeks off from traveling, but no rest for me.

I can’t even think about the costs - I let his dad pay the bills or else I’d freak out. But at the end of the day - the great feedback and confidence building my S has received from playing and auditioning is worth it many times over.

Next auditions aren’t until late next week which will be the killer weather wise - Boston and Cleveland. I keep checking my weather app with dread.

Oh did I mention that I have the second cold in as many months?

So glad to have this community as none of his friends are going through this…

And my de-stresser is my twice weekly kickboxing class that I’ll unfortunately be missing this week. ?

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Hang in there, y’all! Just a couple more weeks to go of auditions. It will all be worth it when you see how happy your child is studying music a year from now!

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@akapiratequeen, my suggestion would be to try to break the process down into component pieces, and take each component one at a time. Focusing on everything at once can be overwhelming. Your son has two auditions coming up. Put everything that has happened before and everything that will happen after to the side and just focus on the two auditions. You’ll have a road trip with your son, giving you a nice block of quality time. How often do you get an opportunity like that? Try to have some fun. Break up the drive with a lunch stop. Bring some music to listen to, or just use the drive as a chance to talk. As of now, Rochester and Syracuse are forecasting frigid temperatures but no snow, so hopefully that will hold. And maybe to add a little context for the trip (i.e., it could always be worse), my son’s trio is embarking soon on a road trip that will take them from NYC to Key West and back with 16 shows in 15 cities over a span of 17 days. And then a late night show in NYC the day they get back.

Good luck to all! I know it’s stressful, but it can also be exciting and fun. At least a little. :slight_smile:

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Thank you, @vistajay and @jazzpianodad for your wise advice. It’s true that I don’t get to see S as much as I’d like, and this may be our last long road trip together. Will try to focus on that rather than the thousand things that need to be done between now and then…

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I don’t have great suggestions but so relatable! I keep reminding myself I will be much less in the trenches 6 months from now and it will work out one way or another.

I have had to just step back and completely ignore it for weeks at a time and he hasn’t started auditioning yet. Crazy days here are Feb 2 to March 1. I am super grateful to have him invited to Frost in the middle of winter. That Miami trip (we’re going for 5 days) is going to be enjoyable. Forced tourism and relaxing! I am really trying to focus on the bonding time and the travel. I am lucky enough to just be doing some part time contract work at the moment which helps.

Sending out virtual relaxation tools to all!

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@MusakParent Thank you! I’ll be done halfway through Feb and can offer moral support! Oh, WHY did S refuse to apply to Frost? Or USC for that matter or UCLA? It’s snow and sub-zero temps all the way over here. Thank goodness for four-wheel drive.

And bourbon.

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Well…you just hit the wall…mile 20. You’re exhausted…and there are many more miles to go. Time to dig deep. And you’re not in the race alone.

1.) As said above, focus on one mile at a time (not the 6+). What do you need to do to get through the next week only. Focus solely on that. It’s just one week. It takes mental discipline.

2.) Remember…there’s a medal at the end…that you only get it if you finish. It comes in the form of your son getting offers from the right fit school. His happiness next year will be your medal.

No one said it would be easy…but it will be rewarding.

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Haha - I’m with you @akapiratequeen ! Cheers! I imagine parental flask usage on audition days may be frowned upon!? Hmmmm …

I’m crossing my fingers for our other destinations and travel! Glad we have one fun destination in the mix anyway.

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@bridgenail Exactly right, thank you. This is when all that “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” talk gets real. I’m at mile 20 and that is just how it feels.

I reached out to S’s teacher and booked a lesson for tomorrow specifically to look over the weekend material and make sure S has everything he needs. I have total faith in his teacher so if he says he’s ready, I will relax (a bit). Plus, his teacher knows far better than I where he needs support and where he is good to go.

Thank you, coaches, companions in the trenches, and friends!

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How are your kids fairing?

My D just told me she is tired of playing the same stuff over and over. I politely told her that if she already feels that way maybe she is choosing the wrong career path… I certainly see how tiring it is for her to be in this pre-audition hold pattern, kind of like the ground hog day movie and I can appreciate the building frustration but its just not an option at this point to say eh, I’m tired of these pieces let me work on other stuff etc.

I’m close to freaking out. Am I the only one?

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@HereWeGoAgain2018 - One thing S’ teacher did w&as give him other pieces to work on slowly so he wouldn’t get tired of the same ones. Also playing in 3+ Orchestra’s helps keep the monotony at bay.

I, too, am focusing on trying to enjoy the road trips with S as he will be gone soon. ?

The other thing is to add extra time whenever possible to minimize the stress - and have some fun. In Cleveland we have an extra day AND the symphony is playing the night before the audition so we are looking forward to seeing some of the CIM’s percussion faculty in action. It’s really the little things that help out.

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@HereWeGoAgain2018 Tell your D to be grateful that her pieces are so proficient that she doesn’t need to improve upon them! Some kids are still trying to get them right, days away from the audition!

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@Lendlees thanks for the suggestions. That’s what my D and her teacher are doing as well. Starting to work on graduation recital program along with some other planned performances sprinkled along the same period.

@Music2023 That’s the thing. I am just afraid her story might end up like the Tortiose and the Hare fable… She ran too fast too early and now she seems to be getting tired of the race. I don’t think anyone can be comfortable enough till they receive the admit email/letter etc.

Oh well, maybe its just me overthinking this. She’s also been recovering from a nasty cold/flu so there is a bit of that in the mix as well. Will try to chill and see how next couple days pan out.

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@akapiratequeen and everyone else that’s going through this : A day at a time. That’s all you have to take. It’s too overwhelming if you do anything else. At least, for me it was.

Having said that, my wife and I have something akin to PTSD when thinking back a year ago, every time we remember the trip to Bloomington / Cleveland / Boston / LA, and every time we pass the S’s high school, we remember having to call in and let them know he’d be gone for a few days. Or, that my son was too freaked out to wake up in the morning to get to school. We got past that.

And, as they say, the night is darkest before the dawn. And the dawn will surely come. Just wait for it.

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Cull the list? Most likely to be affordable, program, location?

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@HereWeGoAgain2018 right there with you! And I am so jealous of people whose kids are sick of their pieces! S has different pieces to learn for virtually each jazz audition, a total of 12 so far in all. Some places have him play with a band, others want a cappella or play along tracks — Eastman just dropped that they need lead sheets for the five pieces he’s playing! Another place wants him to sing each piece as well as playing it, while still another wants to hear his piano skills (he’s a sax player). Some want classical pieces as well as jazz and others want a transcription of a well-known solo. With each request, his stress level rises. He’s kept up with it so far, and I think has been well-prepared, but at the same time I’m waiting for the day when he says absolutely-effing not, I’m done here.

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@mommdc this IS the culled list. That said, after this weekend if he wants to drop one of the remaining ones, I’m open to it.

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@akapiratequeen I can relate as well. My son told me last night it was exactly three months and 20something days till his high school graduation (he had the exact number). All I could think of was what has to happen between now and then——several more auditions, many concerts, regional and state honor ensembles, school work, and he has the lead in the school musical. He’s handling it amazingly well so far. I hope I can do the same! It’s a fun ride, but a little intense at times.
It’s also going to be strangely silent when this is all done and he heads off to college.

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@akapiratequeen that is insane! I was not aware how complicated it is in the Jazz world. Wishing your son much luck and success and you serenity and patience.